The Argonauts
by LittleShadow1
Summary: A tribe that has been living in the woods for three years takes shelter in a city for the winter... Why did I put this up here? I don't know! Warnings for a whole buncha stuff that'll happen later on....
1. Looking for a good future

Disclaimer: Me no own The Tribe, or anything related. Expect for the S1-DVD- box, that is.  
  
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PART 1 LOOKING FOR A GOOD FUTURE  
  
Green eyes looked down on the allegory of concrete and asphalt, cradled between the brown cliffs, the green hills and the blue ocean. Grey seemed to be a natural colour for what lay in between.  
  
The young man, tall and with a closely-shaved head, felt nostalgia take over and a smile crept upon his face as he thought about the good times he used to have in this city. His friends, his family, highschool. Would anyone down there still remember him? The little brothers and sisters maybe, that he had send to other tribes, hoping they would be taken good care of.  
  
Would anyone remember his face? Three years had passed since he had left this place. Three years since he decided it would was better for him to stay in the forest. He was still young, but pretty much a grown-up when the virus broke out; he was scared to get infected.  
  
So he left, an old friend that he considered a little brother by his side. They moved around, and took people with them. A lost boy with no family or friends at all. A young woman, not much more than a child, who had just found out she was pregnant. And eventually they had stumbled on a pathetic excuse for a tribe. Those kids had gathered in the forest, and they had been looking for a leader. And he was the perfect leader.  
  
"Zion."  
  
The young man looked up when he heard a low female voice call his name.  
  
Kera, the only other person in the tribe with some leader-capacities, stood right behind him, her face decorated with a cheery smile. There was a golden sparkle in her hazelcoloured eyes and her long brown curly hair with orange highlights bounced as she walked towards him, dancing along with her mood.  
  
She looked down on the city, and smiled. "You know, I've actually been here before. For the kickboxing-championship. I was only like eight years old and I pretty much ended last. Never thought I'd ever get back here,"Kera said. The young woman didn't seem the slightest bit nervous about what was to come. But that was just in her nature. Always easy-going.  
  
Zion smiled. "Never thought I'd get back here either,"he said.  
  
"You think the virus has passed over?"Kera asked.  
  
"Pretty sure. I wouldn't be coming back here if I could still get sick,"Zion said.  
  
"What are we waiting for then?"Kera asked enthusiastic. "Let's go get the others, and introduce this city to the Argonauts."  
  
*  
  
A seventeen year old girl sat on a rock, clearly bored out of her skull. Thick black hair with blue stripes framed her porcelain-coloured face. She wore black leather pants, a grey top and a brown denim jacket, and military boots were on the feet she wiggled a bit out of boredom.  
  
She looked at the world before her (endless hills turned into a brightgreen, waving ocean by the wind, she was beginning to get enough of that) with icey blue eyes, shadowed with black eyeliner and a pearlish silverblue. Ruby lipgloss drew attention to her full lips.  
  
She was a pretty girl.  
  
As she lifted her hand, that felt like it was asleep, her bracelets hit her special wristcuff, her most beloved possession, with the sound of keys in a dungeon. God, was she bored. She had been sitting here forever, waiting for their fearless leader Zion and his sidekick Kera to return.  
  
They had sat op camp here. There was a ring of small tents right behind Isabella (for that was the girl's name, but it was advised to call her by her nickname 'Iz'), and in those tents the other members of the tribe known as the Argonauts had took shelter. It was cold, windy and misty, and there was a bit of drizzly rain.  
  
This nasty weather didn't affect Iz, however, in fact, she was growing quite fond of it. Sitting out there in the cold for a while, was like becoming friends with the weather. You just had to get to know it.  
  
Iz' ice-coloured eyes flashed over the hills again, and her mind wondered (for the nineteenth time this morning) when Fearless Leader and Co-leader Kera (or Kai, as Iz always called her -she had nicknames for everyone) would return from their little journey to the city.  
  
Her eyes flashed to her side, automatically, and she got a bit of a shock when she noticed someone standing next to her. For just one fraction of a second she got scared, but then she recognized the guy. Hair that seemed to be colourless (although you could call it blond, if you wanted to), tall and muscular, clothed in five shades of gray, blue lightningbolts on the frozen face, vèèèèry dangerously looking sword strapped on his back.  
  
Iz rolled her eyes in exasperation. Dart, their fabulous head of security (samurai-guy would be better, Iz thought). The guy that could sneak up on you, even if you had super-hearing or something. To the annoyance of the other tribemembers he never made any noise when he walked -he moved around like a predator- and it could give you quite a scare, when he all of the sudden seemed to appear out of nowhere.  
  
"Dartmeister,"Iz said. She had a nickname for everyone in her tribe, including this guy.  
  
"My name is Dart,"Dart said.  
  
Iz grinned. She knew Dart couldn't stand the nickname she had made up for him. She knew he couldn't stand her talking to him at all. That's why she kept doing it, to get at least some response... Mostly, when you talked to Dart, he didn't say anything back, and you had to check if he hadn't gone deaf or something.  
  
A cute giggle was heard and Iz saw a chubby toddler with blonde hair in cute little spikes walk towards her. The kid had just learned how to walk, and now he was unstoppable. His mother could hardly keep track of him anymore. Walking gave the one-year-old access to a whole new world he could discover.  
  
"Hey there, kiddo,"Iz said to the toddler who was still giggling and calling her "Izzzze." A very interesting sound indeed, and he decided to say it again: "Izze, Izzze." The baby giggled again; always happy, that little guy.  
  
"Aaron! I told you not to run off anymore,"a bright voice said. A young woman, about Iz' age, appeared.  
  
She had pretty darkbrown eyes, with a bit of golden glow in it, forming the contrast with her babyson's green eyes. She wore baggy tanpants and a yellow spaghettistraptop. She had a daisy painted on her cheek, and that, combined with her seize, made her look cute. Her darkblonde hair, with a white feather in it, was tied in a simple messy bun.  
  
She looked busy. The baby had been a handfull lately. Yet the young mother, who went by the name of Raja, never lost her patience or her good mood.  
  
She picked her babyboy Aaron of the muddy ground and got back to her tent. She didn't want her son to get a cold.  
  
Aaron didn't agree with this plan and started crying. Raja didn't have to do much to cheer him up again, she simply used her well-trained, bright voice to sing one of the little songs she knew her son liked. It soothed the little guy right away.  
  
Iz kept looking at the hills, and she thought she saw two dark silhouets appear at the top of one. Familiar shadows... Was she getting delirious, from sitting out here for such a long time?  
  
No, she wasn't! Hey, Fearless Leader and Kera had actually come back. Well, was about time too.  
  
"Hey, you guys,"Iz yelled, "they're back."  
  
*  
  
Kita graced the opening to her tent. Good, no more rain, although it was still cold and misty. Kita didn't really like this type of weather, she adored the sun. And looking at her made you think of a country were the sun reigned. Of warm sand and olive-arbours, of white houses glowing in the sunshine like diamonds.  
  
Kita was slim, but curvy. She was an olive-coloured beauty, with an ocean of black hair that had a trace of golden brown in it; the colour of warm caramel. She had large brown eyes, to complete the image of the Princess from the Middle-East.  
  
She was dressed cool, but with style. Low rise black jeans on her legs. Tight baige vest top with a see-through brown shirt with flared sleeves and blue flowers on it. She was now wearing shoes that were suitable for a long journey, but normally, she loved to wear elegant sandels. As said before, a girl with style.  
  
Her aura and the overall feel this girl gave you, lived up to her looks. Mysterious in a way that fitted those dark eyes, and you could see she was confident and totally at peace with herself. There was something of fire in this girl as well.  
  
She liked to keep up her attitude. Be mysterious, be like a shadow in an orchard of diamonds. While Kita was good at dissecting people's minds without them even knowing it, and thus getting to know everything about them, she wouldn't let anyone get close enough to get familiar with her. The Queen of Mystery.  
  
She would only allow one person to get close to her. She had noticed him around. She could see the young man walking around the camp and secretly she watched him. You would never notice when Kita was secretly spying on you a bit.  
  
He liked to dress his thin, but fit body in black. Black, baggy trousers with chains hanging from them. Black netter top with black T-shirt. The markings on his pale, nearly white face were black too: thin lines going from the left of his forehead through his left eye, like a scar, and eyeliner. Black hair too, shoulderlenght. And ofcourse, how else could it be, black eyes. The colour of coal, not a trace of brown in them.  
  
All of this had led Iz to name him 'Dani Filth' after the singer of a death- metal/gothic-band from pre-virus-days. Goth-guy she called him too.  
  
He didn't like it, he rather just be called: Jax.  
  
A simple name.  
  
Kita watched him as he walked through the camp. He had this special way of walking, she would never really be able to explain it. She found it attractive. Another thing she wouldn't be able to explain; why did she find this guy attractive? She even found all the scars on his arms attractive, strangely enough. Due to her 'I can see you when you don't even realise it'- qualities, she was one of the few that had actually seen these scars, that were usually covered up by Jax's shirt.  
  
Why did she like him? God knows why. Most people thought Jax was weird. Zion had brought him to their tribe. Zion was like a best friend, an older brother (a carer), yeah, that's it: a carer to Jax. The Argonauts had been a bit anxious at first, but Zion had convinced them. They knew now that they could trust Zion, the young man that had appeared out of nowhere, had become their leader and made their tribe into what it was.  
  
Scott walked by. Tall, nicely built, brown eyes and brown shaggy hair with blue in it. He wore baggy jeans and a black T-shirt, and had a red zigzag- line on his face. When you saw Scott, you could say that his appearance was somewhat... comforting.  
  
So was his personality. Friendly and funny, but a bit shy too. No threat in any possible way. Just a cute guy.  
  
Scott had seen Kita come out of her tent, and then she had seemed fascinated limitlessly by something. Now it was hard to tell what exactly that could be, as always in Kita's case, because when she was looking at something and she didn't want you to know, she'd make sure you wouldn't know.  
  
Scott himself was fascinated by the Arabian Princess. The Pearl of the Middle-East. In his own mind he had thousands of beautiful, poetic nicknames for this magnificent girl. Ofcourse he would never be able to tell her that. The thought alone. He could only walked past her and say "Hi", like he did now.  
  
"Uh, you're blocking my view,"Kita merely said, and Scott walked on again quickly -he would never want to get her angry. Better luck next time.  
  
Kita kept watching Jax, as he walked through the camp. For some reason she identified with him. For some reason she liked him, but she didn't know why.  
  
Jax had walked past Kita, not even noticing she had been looking at him. That had been her intention ofcourse.  
  
Jax walked past Justine and Randy, who were together as always. Raja was always wondering if they were a couple, or just good friends. They certainly weren't very alike.  
  
Justine was a skinny, tall girl with brown hair in a simple ponytail, dressed in a just as simple outfit -tight faded jeans and a white backless top. No markings, but she did have a nose- and a tonguepiercing. She had always seemed a bit nasty to the other tribemembers, a demanding, tough girl that doesn't like to be messed around with, a bit mean even.  
  
Randy, who was called 'Rand' by everybody was very much alike her in appearance: tall and slim, just like Justine, with brown hair that he had spiked up. You could've mistaken the two for brother and sister.  
  
In personality, however, there was a world of difference between the two teenagers. Randy was kind and friendly, maybe even a little too nice. A coolheaded guy that could perfectly keep his temper, and hardly ever got angry.  
  
Jax walked past the two, who were just talking about something that was undoubtly very interesting... Then Jax spotted the last member of the Argonaut-tribe.  
  
Trojan. Iz called him Tro sometimes, or Trowa Barton. He was a tough guy, with a worked out body, darkbrown hair and eyes that seemed to be silver. Not that you got to see his eyes very often, he usually hid them underneath these totally cool sunglasses. Even today, when the sun wasn't even shining. Go figure.  
  
If there was one person in the tribe that could fight, it was Trojan. He wanted to become head of security, but instead Dart was given the job, due to his great self-control. Trojan was just too uptight, too easily angered, and when he really got frustrated he took it out on the first punching-bag he spotted... that that punching-bag might be a humanbeing, didn't really matter at the moment.  
  
So Zion gave the security-job to Dart, and Trojan still held a grudge against the Fearless Leader for this. But at least he had learned how to behave a little.  
  
Jax had been looking for this guy. He had been kinda lost for a second, not knowing where Trojan had went to. Jax watched the guy from behind a tent. Then, all of the sudden, Iz's loud voice startled him: "Hey everybody! They're back!"  
  
*  
  
Zion and Kera returned to the camp. Kera was in deep thought on their way back through the hills. With the wind blowing through the tall grass, this landscape looked like an ocean. An ocean which you surfed with your feet, following the high waves and...  
  
Hey, how funny, tents in the middle of the ocean.  
  
Kera felt the urge to hold her hands to her ears when she heard Iz's surprisingly loud voice: "Hey everybody! They're back!" Kera reckoned Iz would do well as an operasinger. When she started singing at full volume, the entire worldpopulation would probably hear it...  
  
Zion didn't say a word, he waited with words until he had entered the semi- perfect ring of tents, imbedded between the emerald hills. His whole tribe was waiting for him. Was the city safe? Could the Argonauts live there?  
  
They had been over this plenty of times. Life on the countryside wasn't good enough for them, they couldn't find enough food to support an entire tribe. And it was autumn now, but winter would come soon. And they only had tents to protect themselves against the cold, and the clothes they wore weren't fit for the weather.  
  
So, there had been only one option left: they had to leave to the city, and find a new home there. They would have to stay there, build in between concrete and iron, at least until the winter had passed.  
  
When spring returned to the land and everything started to blossom again, they would be more than happy to return to their outdoor-life. Because it hadn't been all bad. They would be free, they could eat natural food, walk around in the countryside, play with animals... stuff like that. A city was so cold and material. A typical place to spend the winter.  
  
Aaron came walking towards the leaderpair on his chubby little legs. Finally, some action around here. His mind couldn't figure what was up -he was only a year and a half- but he already knew that something important was going on.  
  
The tribies came out of their tents and gathered around Kera and Zion. All the Argonauts had gathered, dying to know the news.  
  
"So, what's up, Fearless Leader?" Iz was the first to ask.  
  
"The city is safe, or so it appears,"Zion said simply.  
  
"Good. So we can spent the winter there?"Raja asked, picking her babyboy of that cold, muddy floor again.  
  
"We'll have to find a place to stay; a warehouse, an officebuilding, a factory, a hospital... there must be plenty of those in the city, and probably all empty,"Kera said.  
  
"Thanks for pointing out the obvious,"Iz muttered.  
  
Kera didn't hear her, or pretented that she didn't. "I say: we just pack our stuff and leave,"she stated.  
  
"And the tents?"  
  
"Leave them here. We won't need those in the city."  
  
They have went through this little procedure hundreds of time, seeing how they were a tribe of nomads. Pack your things, and get ready to leave. They all knew exactly what their task was, so in no time everyone was standing by Zions side, heavy packs on their backs, ready to leave for the city.  
  
They would have to find a safe place there, a warm building that they could defend in case of emergency. Hopefully there would still be some durable food stored in the city. Eitherways, come what may, they just had to make the best of it.  
  
It wasn't like they had much choice. The winter had already begun. 


	2. New kids on the block

PART 2: NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK  
  
The entire Argonaut-tribe was gathered on the high cliff from which Zion had been looking down on the city a few hours ago, Now the whole tribe could share this moment. They had been living on the countryside for a long time now, and it felt so strange to see a city again.  
  
There was tension in the air too, ofcourse. Who knew what dangers could still be there, hidding in that seemingly peaceful city, crouching in the shadows, ready to strike.  
  
You could start thinking of a lot of doom-scenario's when you were just standing there in the drizzling rain, looking at those grey buildings. It had been a home to thousands, a home of concrete, glass, steel and barbed wire... a home to the pre-virus-mentality. Stackable people had lived in those large building that seemed to want to pierce the sky.  
  
Had they really been away for this long? It was like they were cavemen, that first lay eyes on a modern city. But they had only been living in the comfort of nature for a few years. What a strange experience it was, to come back home.  
  
Iz was sitting on the edge of the cliff, legs dangling, looking at the city as if that was a new berry, one of which you couldn't tell whether it was poisonous or not.  
  
Jax looked nervous, but so did the others.  
  
"Come on, guys. You're looking like a bunch of people from the Middle-Ages. Let's just climb down and find a place to stay,"Zion said firmly. He was their Fearless Leader and they would follow him. Sometimes it was so much easier to be led... most people were just sheep afterall, not able to really make their own decisions. It wasn't their fault, most people just aren't stimulated enough to think for themselves, to be leaders.  
  
Zion took the lead on the way to the city, and the others followed.  
  
*  
  
If it had been the strangest sensation to look down on the city; actually walking between those high, massive buildings was even more bizarre. Those large shadows closing you in, those deserted ashpalt roads. When you've gotten used to being closed in by nothing but trees, the city might seem like a place to get claustrophobic.  
  
It was scary too. Everything was so silent. Deserted buildings with broken windows, deserted streets with some cars parked right in the middle of them, deserted sidewalks where junk lay scattered. And that eerie silence... The tribe had felt like they had gotten parts in a horrormovie, a reallife horrormovie.  
  
Zion noticed the anxiousness in his group. It sort of got to him too; this overwhelming place, that used to be buzzing with activity, so totally abondoned. A ghostcity. Maybe there was really no living thing left here.  
  
Zion got over it. Come on, you're not seriously gonna let this scare you, right? What's to be scared about anyway, it's just an empty city, full of junk, death has chased every creature away, except for the rats, maybe.  
  
Death. It was an almost inaudible whisper in the streets. The wind carried the rotten, sickening flavour of it, the buildings had soaked up the emotions of dying people like spunges, and they were trying to tell you something. Secrets. About death still reigning in this city.  
  
God, Zion thought, don't get so carried away. There is no more virus, it's exstinct. Now, come on, get over it.  
  
"Okay,"Zion said, "guess it's time to find a place to stay.  
  
It wouldn't be hard to find a place to stay at all. They didn't have to walk the streets, in which the air was thick with silence, for long. They walked past a hospital, and Raja came up with the idea of staying there. Plenty of beds, maybe medication if necessary...  
  
Zion was hesitant at first. All the people that died there... He could just imagine walking through the empty corridors of the hospital one night, hearing their cries of pain, their struggle to breathe, their -there are no such things as ghosts, Fearless Leader!  
  
Right. There were no such things as ghosts, and he was the Argonauts Fearless Leader. He didn't know why he got so worked up about this. Raja was right, a hospital was a good place to stay. At least for the winter. When spring brought the green and the warm wind back to the land, Zion would be more than happy to trade the cold, hard city for pleasant nature again, with its wild, precious fragrance and gentle curves.  
  
He wasn't the only one.  
  
Zion looked up at the high, greyish white building, that used to be a home to the sick and the weak. Now it was home to whispers of a horrible past -don't get dramatic, Zion thought, it is now home to the Argonaut-tribe.  
  
"Well then. Guess we've found our place to stay,"Zion said. The other tribemembers looked a bit anxious, it was clear they had been thinking the same as Zion. Nevertheless they followed, they would need some sort of home afterall, and the hospital was a good place to stay.  
  
They entered the great hall of the hospital, painted in dirty white and sickly green. Why were hospitals never painted in nice, happy colours? Colours that would cheer the patients up, so they might heal faster or something? Another great question of life, and one that probably would never be answered now.  
  
On the first floor there were a lot of rooms for revalidation-therapy, there was something that looked like a gym, a barbershop even, a lab, offices for some doctors that had undoubtly been important when this hospital was still used, rooms for echoscopy and stuff like that. Very interesting, but not of much use.  
  
On the second floor they found rooms with beds, and operationrooms.  
  
"Oh sweet!"Iz said as she rushed into an intensive care-room, in which there was only one bed. She threw her backpack in a corner and fell down on the bed. "My own room,"she said.  
  
She stretched her hand out to Zion, who was standing in the dooropening. "Oh Fearless Leader. Cough, cough. How nice of you to visit me while I'm sick. I'll never forget it,"she said, making her voice sound hoarse and weak.  
  
Zion rolled his eyes and walked on.  
  
*  
  
Hospitals weren't as bad as they seemed. Plenty of beds and a lot of space, that was for sure. The hospital had remained relatively untouched, it had become somewhat of a portal to Hell to most kids, after seeing their parents die in it. Besides, there wasn't much food to be find there. Something the Argonauts also discovered.  
  
"Well, no problem. We still got some good old naturefood. We'll try to find some tomorrow,"Kera said.  
  
With those words, the Argonauts put a stop to their worries, at least for today. They had found a new home.  
  
*  
  
"Hey, Raja. Whatchu doing?"  
  
Raja looked up from the book she had been reading and saw Iz standing in the doorway of the small office.  
  
"Oh, just reading. This must've been the office of some important doctors. There are a lot of interesting books here. About medication, and surgery, and stuff like that. Man, once you've read all these books, you're almost a doctor yourself,"Raja said with a smile.  
  
"Nayaya,"Aaron said, who was playing on the floor.  
  
"So you wanna become a doctor, then?"Iz asked.  
  
"Well, I can never become a real one, ofcourse. But if I study this long along, who knows, maybe I might be able to help people. These books tell you something about stitching wounds, staunching a bloodflow, applying bandages. And this hospital still has supplies. If I learn how to do all those things, I might be able to help people. I would like that,"Raja said.  
  
"Man, school's finally over for good, and you're still trying to learn something,"Iz said.  
  
"I liked school actually,"Raja said innocently. "Especially mathematics."  
  
"What were you, the teacher's pet?! Mathematics, yuk. If there was one thing I hated about school, it was math. The people at school tried to force it upon me, the narrowminded fiends!"  
  
"Well... it was a schoolsubject,"Raja said, the innocent look never leaving her face.  
  
"No, no, no, you shouldn't look at it like that. The way I looked at it: math is a religion."  
  
"A religion?"  
  
"Yeah, you have to believe in it. I mean, who can say that's it's really true, that when you put 1 and 1 together you get another number, a whole different thing? And why should 'a' and 'b' become 'c' all of the sudden? Does that make sense? Only if you believe in it, and that's why math is a religion. And Pythagoras is like the highpriest or something."  
  
"Well, I... never looked at it like that,"Raja said, a bit confused.  
  
"So I told my math-teacher that I was a math-atheist, and that he shouldn't force his religion on to me, and that if he would, I would complain about it to the government. Well, needless to say my teacher didn't listen and neither did the government. I hated school. Glad it's over. Well, I'll be on my way again. Sorry for bothering you,"Iz said.  
  
Raja looked at Iz amazed. The words had came flowing out of the blackhaired girl's mouth like a waterfall. "Eh, it's okay. What were you doing anyway?"Raja asked, just out of interest.  
  
"Is it any of your business? Just checking out the hospital, is all,"Iz said and she left again.  
  
Raja shrugged her shoulders, gave her babyboy a smile and got back to her studies.  
  
*  
  
Jax was sitting on the edge of his hospitalbed. Exactly one hour ago Zion had declared this hospital their new home, and Jax had picked this intensive care-room for himself, with only one bed in it. The lovely sickly green curtains were still shut, and it was dark in the room.  
  
The door was shut and the room was captured in some sort of bubble of silence. Nothing penetrated. Jax sat there, alone on his bed, not moving. He didn't like the small room. But why did he choose it then?  
  
He had to open that door, part the curtains, open the windows, find a bigger room, or else he just might suffocate here. He didn't like small spaces. But then why didn't he get up to open the door?  
  
Jax didn't move. He didn't like being here. Not in this room, not in this hospital, not in the city. This place of concrete, with its lack of oxygen and walls that closed you in forced the breath out of his lungs, paralyzed him and made dizzy spots dance in front of his eyes.  
  
Open the door, step outside, his subconscious told him. But he couldn't. This whole city closed him in, there would be nowhere where he could breathe properly. It would take a few more months before they would return to nature, just a few more months... but in situations like this you could only think in terms of eternity.  
  
Jax couldn't tell the whole tribe to go back into nature, and he didn't want to be alone either. His carer, their fearless leader had made a decision, and he had no other choice but to obey, and hope those months would pass quickly.  
  
*  
  
Iz wandered around the hospital. She was bored (she was a girl that liked a bit of action, this Iz, and she got bored easily) and desperately needed something to do. When she got bored, she could act a bit weird or let her imagination carry her away to make something interesting of a situation.  
  
She already made discovery-journey's over four floors of this big hospital. She now entered the next floor (she had to take the stairs, the elevators didn't work ofcourse) and she saw a very interesting blue sign that said 'Psychiatric Ward.'  
  
It looked more interesting that all the other blue signs beneath it, pointing into different directions, so she decided to go check out the Psych-ward. Hehe, then she would know what that looked like too.  
  
Iz pushed open a few doors and there she was: Psycho-Hall.  
  
She walked around and spotted a recreationroom with a tv (that wouldn't work ofcourse, what a shame), a livingroom without tv, a diningroom, lots of rooms for the patients. Most of them looking pretty normal, decorated and stuff.  
  
And -oh cool, an isolationchamber. Iz looked through the small window in the heavy door and saw a small, empty space. There was a heavy lock on the door. Huh, cool.  
  
Her next discovery was the small office of the nurses, and after that another small room that was nearly empty except for a bed with straps attached to it. Hey, that's one of those beds to which they tie the psycho's.  
  
Iz entered the room and let herself fall on the bed. "Gggh. Mind you, I am Napoleon! The most powerful man that ever lived. Oh, I came in a rocketcar,"Iz said in a weird voice, playing crazy. She had always loved acting in the sanctuary and silence of her own room before the Virus.  
  
Iz jumped up and down with her tongue out of her mouth and made it look like she was auditioning for a part in 'The Exorcist.'  
  
"Ahhh, stay away from me,"she said through giggles. "I have devilish powers beyond your understanding!!"  
  
"Hm, Iz? What are you doing?"  
  
Iz startled when she heard the voice and looked up to see Randy standing in the dooropening.  
  
"Hm, eh... nothing,"Iz said quickly.  
  
"Riiiight. Come on, it's time for dinner,"Randy said. "I had to walk up all those stairs to find you,"he added, a little bit annoyed.  
  
"Wouldn't want to miss the first dinner in our new home,"Iz said cheerily and followed Randy to the first floor.  
  
*  
  
Iz walked into the 'diningroom', which was really the hospital's cafetaria. "I like it here,"she said as she seated herself at a table, next to the fearless leader.  
  
Randy sat next to Justine ofcourse, and shot her a sweet smile. If anyone else would do that, Justine would simply roll her eyes in disgust, but in Randy's case she responded with a smile herself.  
  
Raja walked in, holding her babyboy Aaron. She moved with a grace that didn't quite seem to fit her, the short young mother in her pretty careless clothes. A very normal person. And still there was something special about it, so thought Dart at least. Oh wait, he couldn't think that.  
  
Dart shook his head, as to get rid of his strange admiration for this young girl, who was so obviously a weakling. A complete contrast with himself ofcourse, the cold warrior who was in complete control of himself.  
  
Kita appeared, in full glory. Heads turned. She had been determined to make an appearance on this first dinner. She had changed her black jeans for a long flowing skirt in a tropical blue colour, and instead of her sporty footwear she now wore those elegant sandels she adored. Attention was drawn to her eyes, smoked with eyeliner and surrounded with small crystals.  
  
Scott looked at her in complete admiration, worshipping her as if she was a goddess, not even knowing the look of his face was that of a starving dog that saw a nice, juicy steak.  
  
Kita walked past him, not even noticing him. Instead, she asked: "Where is Jax?"  
  
"Who cares, the little twat will come down when he's hungry. Now, is it time for dinner?"Trojan asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'm hungry. Jax has been called for dinner, if he doesn't wanna come down, that's too bad for him,"Iz said.  
  
Zion was hesistant, but the others all looked hungry, so Kera just served the dinner she made, of the last of the supplies. Kera was a fantastic cook, and she had really done her best. She was a bit superstitious, and she believed the first meal that was served in a new home, had to be an exceptionally good meal.  
  
The whole tribe enjoyed the food Kera had made so much, they pretty much forgot about Jax.  
  
*  
  
The whole group -save Jax- was sitting in the cafetaria, laughing, talking and enjoying the meal Kera made. They didn't worry about the fact that the food they were now consuming was the last they had, those were tomorrow's worries, Zion had told them.  
  
"Hey Dart, can I have your samurai-sword?"Iz asked the blonde warrior.  
  
"It's not a samurai-sword, it's a 15th century English handcrafted broadsword. What do you want it for?"Dart asked coldly.  
  
"Why, to pare my fruit with ofcourse! Here, these apples. And these strawberries. And the raspberries. I'm used to paring raspberries. with a samurai-sword. Oh, and this Mars-bar; I always slice those, until I have only caramel left,"Iz said.  
  
"Mars-bar? Where did you find that?"Raja asked.  
  
"Behind the counter. There's a lot of candy there. Oh, and I will also need the samurai-sword to slice this salt. Maybe you should do that, coz that's such hard work. Afterwards you're beat. But then you do know what real salt tastes like! And that's important too,"Iz stated.  
  
Dart mumbled "idiotic woman" underneath his breath, and Iz showed him a grin, before turning to Randy and Justine. "Does he know what real salt tastes like?"she asked, pointing to Randy. "No? Well, then you gotta buy a samurai-sword, and some salt for his birthday. Okay? I mean, I don't wanna interfer with your relationship, but I think it'll do good."  
  
Justine and Randy exchanged funny glances.  
  
Dinner was closed off with some candy behind the counter as dessert. There was so much sugar in all of it, that it couldn't really go bad, although some of it tasted a bit old.  
  
Zion wondered where Jax had been all night. He didn't even come down for dinner, even though it had been a long, exhausting day, the kid had to be starving. So why hadn't Jax come down to get something to eat? Maybe he just wanted to be alone.  
  
Zion was a bit dubious. In the case of Jax wanting to be alone, he had better not disturb the boy, because it was always hard to tell how he would react. Zion shrugged his shoulders a little uneasy and left some food on the table, so that Jax could eat if he came down, feeling hungry.  
  
Raja carried a sleepy Aaron of the ground. He didn't eat much of the meal, but he didn't need to. Raja let him drink. Even though the child was a year and a half, his mother still nursed him; mothermilk was nutricious and gave a child immunity against diseases, which they needed in this world.  
  
After Aaron had enough milk, Raja carried the little boy, who was hardly awake, to bed. Once again, Dart watched her. His eyes were cold as always, but inside he could feel something different than the bitter cold, just for a second. No icewater in his veins for a fraction of time; how weird.  
  
This girl that dressed herself in peace and love, this Raja, she fascinated him limitlessly. The air of serenity that surrounded her, made her shimmer despite of her simple, messed-up appearance. He would never admit it; goes without saying. A warrior is without emotions, emotions will merely destroy him.  
  
Then why did he have this strange experience when thinking about or looking at this girl, that seemed to be as perfect as an angel? Innocent, sweet, caring, cheery, a young mother. A vision of weakness, really. Then it had to be true about opposites attracting. Like a magnet, he felt drawn to this girl...  
  
Stop it! Don't think about it, he told himself. Don't let a simple weakling mess up your head, make you lose your selfcontrol-  
  
"Hey, Dartmeister! Penny for your thoughts?"  
  
Dart was sort of startled by Iz's loud voice, although he didn't let her know it. For sure, that foolish girl would annoy him to death and remind him every day if she had this knowledge.  
  
Dart shook his head and left the cafeteria, not responding when Raja gave him a shiny, happy "goodnight", with a voice covered in honey.  
  
He didn't know what happened to him all of the sudden, but he would just have to forget about that girl.  
  
*  
  
Jax felt like a prisoner in the dark, silent, claustophobic room. At times he could heard Iz's loud, cheery laughter coming from downstairs. They were enjoying their meal there... all happy, together, celebrating they had found a new home. Jax wondered if anyone had even noticed he wasn't there.  
  
Well, duh, ofcourse, not, he told himself. Do you think when they call you for dinner and you don't appear at the dinnertable, they would want to come and check on you? Talk about being self-centered, they're hungry and they wanna eat. They already called you for dinner... it's your fault you can't go downstairs.  
  
Jax was getting hungry. He hadn't eaten all day. But somehow, the thought of going downstairs, to the cafeteria, scared him so much that his knees started to shake. That small cafeteria, he would be there locked in by loud walls, surrounded and closed in by their laughter and talking that bounced from the walls and seemed ten times louder to him than to anyone.  
  
At the same time... why did everything feel so distant? He felt like he was about to lose consciousness, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. He wondered what he could do to make that scary feeling, that his body disconnected his mind, go away.  
  
Why was everything so weird for him? Why was this world such a cold and alienating place for him? It puzzled him and scared him to know limit. Did the others ever feel like this?  
  
Probably not, they aren't the weirdo's here, Jax thought.  
  
What reason did he really have to feel so miserable? They found a new home, nothing went wrong, downstairs they were having a celebrationmeal... What reason? What reason to just pathetically lay in your room and ruin the atmosphere.  
  
Jax thought about this. He knew he was selfish. He was always being selfish, ruining it for other people.  
  
Sitting here on the edge of his bed, wondering why his friendly fellow- tribemembers didn't come to check on him right away, wondering why he wasn't the first thing that came to their mind, when all they wanted to do was have some fun... Bloody self-centered and childish, really, Jax told himself.  
  
On one side he wanted someone to check up on him. He wanted someone here, but didn't know how to call someone, make it so that a person was drawn to his room. So all he could do was think why they didn't come, while they didn't even know something was wrong. 'God, how pathetic am I?'Jax thought.  
  
He suddenly realised it fully. He was pathetic. And what good had he ever done for this tribe, that took him in despite of him being the psycho, the reason why all the other tribes didn't want him.  
  
Jax could remember that perfectly. Zion and he had travelled around and all the tribes had refused them, saying Jax was a weirdo and that he belonged in a mental asylum. Zion had some really good qualities, he could've just joined one of those tribes and leave Jax behind. Instead, he sticked with him, travelling through the wilderness looking for a tribe that would accept the both of them. Zion had to suffer because of him.  
  
Guess that's always the case, Jax thought.  
  
Why did he always feel so weird like this? Why did he have to act this weird? He couldn't help it... but it was horrible and unfair, and it caused everyone trouble. Really, this tribe was better of rid of him, he realised that a long time ago.  
  
'So pathetic. Thinking they care about you, while all you've done is causing them trouble, hurting them, and you've probably also annoyed them to death with all your weird moods. But hey, it's not their fault, you know that. They've tried. They took you in, gave you clothes and food. All in vain, and they found out who you really are. You can't possibly blame them for hating you,'a small voice said to Jax.  
  
Jax knew that voice. It was always with him, inside his head, going everywhere he went. The voice never had anything nice to say. Just cruel words. Words that stong, that bite, that paralyze. But also, the voice always told to the truth.  
  
"Zion cares. He said we'd be like brothers,"Jax protested weakly, out loud.  
  
'Zion has had enough of you, you retard. Yeah, he tried, sacrificed himself and his own needs for you a million times, couldn't join any tribe before he had found one that would also accept you, and still you're bugging him. Still you won't leave him alone, with all your small, stupid, insignificant problems. Poor Zion, really. Having to put up with you.'  
  
Jax nodded, knowing that the voice always told the truth. And he had to accept it. Who was he to bother all the others? Was he an important person? On the contrary! No, he was no-one, no-one, just an insignificant little person, just pathetic, sitting in his room, rocking back and forth, wondering why none of his fellow-tribemembers come to check up on him and God he's so PATHETIC!!  
  
The voice again. Back in his head. It was always there, munching on his brains, throwing a dark veil over his mind.  
  
'Would you just finish yourself off already? Do everyone else a huge favour. Every other person as weak as you would've already killed himself off ages ago, to make the world a better place!'  
  
Jax covered his ears, as if that could make the voice stop. He felt how his eyes went wet, and his sight went blurry.  
  
'What? You're... you're gonna cry now?! Oh, that's REALLY the bloody limit! Aw, look at that, he's crying... Weakling. You know, you make people puke. Disgusting.'  
  
Jax winced. Why couldn't he think as empty as he felt?  
  
'Because you know I'm right,'the voice said. 'And hey, someone has to remind you. Has to make sure you're doing the right thing. But come on, I'm not all bad. Hey, you know what, I bet I can even help you. Take you to a nice place..."  
  
"Go away,"Jax whispered in a hoarse voice.  
  
'I just wanna help. Nothing to be scared of, remember, we're doing the world a favour here. So that if you die, people at least have SOMETHING good to remember you by.'  
  
"Go away,"Jax said, a little louder.  
  
'Just wanna help.'  
  
"I don't want your help, go away!"Jax said out loud.  
  
'Oh, but yes you do want me help. Hospital here. Lots of nice, sharp objects. Undoubtly still around. Do you remember what it felt like last time? You do, don't you. A sharp blade, watching the bleeding, in brute vermillion parts. There can be beauty in that. And for a while, pain on the outside killed the pain on the inside. Though this time, I don't think pain alone will be good enough. It'll just take a little more courage and then... game over, and everyone that stays behind will be happy. Very much including Trojan, coz it's really working on his nerves, you following him around the entire time. He hates you the most.'  
  
That was the final blow. Jax got of his bed and left the room, dazed and confused. He didn't even know where to go, didn't know the way, but he knew what he had to find. Now. It was getting too his mind so much, he thought that in a second he would be gone completely. Tiny red sharp things were feeding on his brain, sending sharp pain and thoughts that were too chaotic for words through it.  
  
He entered a room, didn't even know which one. As if in trance, he pulled open drawers violently, until he found what he looked for. Something sharp. He held up the blade, watched it shimmer in the moonlight that fell through the window... Pretty. And death could also be beautiful, so the voice told him.  
  
"Jax? What are you doing?"  
  
Jax was startled by the loud voice. That was Zion. Suddenly he was thrown back into reality. He quickly put the scalpel away. Zion couldn't see it. Even though the leader would undoubtly be happy to be rid of him, it wouldn't be a pretty sight to non-weirdo's, the voices had told Jax that.  
  
"What were you doing?" Zion repeated his question.  
  
Jax turned to his carer. Luckily it was dark, so Zion couldn't have possibly seen anything. The chaotic thoughts and the nasty voice stayed in Jax's mind, but when someone was around, it was bearable... to a certain limit. For Zion he controlled himself.  
  
"Nothing,"Jax said.  
  
Zion nodded, a little uneasy. "Why weren't you at dinner?"he asked.  
  
"Not hungry. Nauseous and stuff. Maybe I'm sick,"Jax said.  
  
"Really?" Zion looked concerned.  
  
'Great, now you're also making him feel like he has the responsibility to worry about you,'the voice said with a sigh. Jax heard it. He had heard everything. And he knew all of it was true, and far beyond enough.  
  
He just had to wait for his chance.  
  
*  
  
Zion walked past Jax's bedroom. The door to the room was wide open, as well as the window's, and the curtains were pulled off. Jax was laying in bed like a London Museum-mummy.  
  
"Are ya really okay?"Zion asked one more time to make sure. He didn't know why, but he started to get this strange feeling about Jax. That feeling you can get in your stomach when you're riding a rollercauster or looking at a really nasty wound.  
  
"Yeah. Just trying to sleep,"Jax said coldly.  
  
"Okay. G'night then,"Zion said and he walked on.  
  
Jax was really trying to sleep, but he didn't have much luck. He wished they would just leave this city and return to nature. But those were just selfish thoughts and were supposed to be ignored.  
  
*  
  
It must've been coincidence, that Dart had chosen the room next to Raja's as his own. He could hear her breathing through the thin wall that seperated them.  
  
It was cold here. The winter was coming with its icey breath, and the hospital had no heating. The sheets were thin, as hospitalsheets usually are. The members of the Argonaut-tribe were freezing in their beds. For some reason it seemed colder here than on the countryside.  
  
Dart was a warrior and wasn't affected by such simple torments as the weather, although he wasn't able to fall asleep either. So that's why he was still awake when the door to his room opened and a slender, small silhouet appeared in the dooropening.  
  
The girl was clearly only half-awake; if not, she wouldn't have even thought of trying this. Raja was holding her baby, shivering and shaking in the cold air and she looked sleepy and innocent.  
  
She crawled in bed next to him. "It's cold,"she said in a childish voice and rolled up like a kittykat, right next to him, her babyboy sleeping in the hole of her arms.  
  
Dart was amazed, but didn't make any protests. He looked at the miraculous creature next to him, at the ocean of blonde hair that was, for a change, not tied up. He reached out with his hand to touch that hair... but then came to his senses again.  
  
He ignored the warmth next to him, rolled onto his other side and fell asleep. 


	3. The break of a new day

PART 3: THE BREAK OF A NEW DAY  
  
Dart awoke in a serene atmosphere that could've been mistaken for a dream. Everything around him was white, cool and engulfed in the beauty of silence. The window was open and the thin, colourless curtains moved in the soft breeze, forming small oceans in a real-life painting within the windowframe.  
  
Dart still felt Raja, laying next to him. He looked at her; she was like a child in her sleep; warm breath and shy, sweet dreams. An innocent and peaceful look on her face, but that was always the case. She was all cuddled up, forming a shell of protective warmth around her little son, and pressing her body against that of Dart to get some warmth for herself. Her hair was a silky waterfall, that flowed over her shoulders and his chest.  
  
Angelic. She looked angelic, this strange girl, who had been old enough to get a child of her own, but so undone by the world and the need to grow up she could crawl into someone's bed in the middle of the night, merely because it was so cold in her room. She amazed Dart.  
  
This girl, this this girl that had been too weak to resist the man that had made her pregnant, this girl that acted like a child at times, someone that was limited and weakened by her innocence and overall kindness, how could she possibly amaze him? What was so special about her?  
  
Nothing. She couldn't amaze him. He couldn't love her. It would merely destroy him; a warrior is without emotion.  
  
Dart grabbed Raja's shoulder and pinched it hard, so that the girl woke from her peaceful slumber with a gasp.  
  
"It's morning. Get out, go do something useful,"Dart told her in a cold voice.  
  
Raja looked around, a bit bewildered. For a second she didn't remember how exactly she ended up here. She was laying next to Dart, in his bed, and her baby was laying in her arms. Oh yeah, she remembered now, it had been cold. Nothing happened.  
  
She spotted Darts extremely cold glance, that made her cheeks turn hotred with shame. She jumped of the bed, holding little Aaron and left the room quickly, without a word.  
  
Somehow Dart couldn't help feeling disappointed when she did.  
  
*  
  
"Breakfast?"Iz asked Kera, who was standing in the cafeteria.  
  
"Not much... We pretty much used up everything last night. We're going to have to gather some food today,"Kera said with a sigh. She looked at the pitiful amount of food that was still left, and started to regret last night's party. Where would they be able to find some food here? She had seen supermarts and groceryshops on the way to the hospital, but they had all seemed pretty empty to her.  
  
Iz looked at the plate Zion had left on the table, in case Jax would decide to come down after the crowd had left. That plate was untouched, still carried last night's food. It was now cold, but still looked good.  
  
"Yum,"Iz said, and she ate some of it.  
  
Zion just entered and saw Iz eating. "That's Jax's food,"he said.  
  
"Hey, I saw it first!"Iz defended herself.  
  
"I left it for him last night,"Zion explained with a sigh. So Jax hadn't come down to eat something.  
  
"Well, he didn't eat it, so obviously he doesn't want it. Ah, don't worry, I'll share it with the others,"Iz said with a careless gesture of her hand. She ate on and didn't really seem intending on sharing anything, at least not to Zion.  
  
He wondered if Jax would at least come down for breakfast.  
  
*  
  
Jax lay in his room. He was so tired. More dizzy-spots dancing in front of his eyes. He hadn't slept all night. He couldn't sleep in this place. He had been afraid that as soon as he would fall asleep, as soon as he would lose guard, the walls would close in on him, would trap him and leave him no space to move and breathe at all.  
  
He hated it here. He had hated living in the city back in the old days, before the virus. And because of all the time he had spent in nature, he hated it even more now. God, all he wanted was to leave again. To be surrounded by the sweet incense of trees. to have the tall grass dancing around his legs in the fragrant breeze, to look at the sky and somehow figure that it was higher than it had ever seemed.  
  
He hated it here.  
  
*  
  
Jax wasn't the only one. Raja didn't really like this place either. In some ways, Raja and Jax were alike. Raja had loved to walk around the countryside with her son, have fun all day, have so much time and freedom that she could go back to herself. To she could let herself be amazed by a seemingly insignificant flower, by the way a fly washed itself. If you watched a fly wash itself for long enough, she figured, you'd never be able to squash one again.  
  
Wouldn't she lose that ability here?  
  
Besides, this place had been disappointing for her. Raja's face turned red as she thought of how Dart basically kicked her out of his bed, while she was still wondering how exactly she got there... She wondered how she could ever make that right again, and make sure Dart wouldn't look down on her. Because she knew he did.  
  
Raja, in her sweet, loving nature, had always been kind, and loved every creature on this planet. She saw the good in every humanbeing and helped them. She didn't expect anything in return for her love. But what would she have to do, when the time had come she did want something in return?  
  
*  
  
"Okay, and now: the food-problem,"Kera said. The whole Argonaut-tribe (still save Jax, Zion started to worry) sat in the cafeteria, even though they had already finished their pitiful breakfast.  
  
"There isn't any food,"Iz said, interrupting Kera in her co-leader-speech.  
  
"Right,"Kera said with an exasperated sigh. "And that's why we gotta go search some, in the city. We'll split up in three groups. Zion will go with Kita, Jax and Raja. I will go with Scott, Justine and Randy. And Dart will go with Trojan and Iz. Try looking in conveniencestores, warehouses-"  
  
"We know where they used to sell and store food, Kera, we're not completely retarded,"Iz interrupted the co-leader. Kera looked at her, indignated.  
  
"Now can we leave, I can't stand sitting still for this long,"Iz said.  
  
"You guys leave already. I'll see about Jax,"Zion said and he left the cafeteria.  
  
Iz put her arm around Dart. "Well Dartmeister, looks like it's just you, me and Tro over there. Seeing we're a team now, can I borrow you're samurai- sword in case we get in any trouble?"Iz asked enthusiastically.  
  
"No, you may not,"Dart said.  
  
"Fine, fine. I'll get my own then. I'm sure there are places in the city where they used to sell stuff like that. Oh, while we're at it, can't we go on a little shoppingtrip, coz I desperately need some new clothes,"Iz said.  
  
"Idiot,"Dart whispered and he left the hospital.  
  
*  
  
Zion knocked on Jax's door. No response, so he just went in.  
  
Jax was sitting on his bed, fully dressed. He looked pale, worse than ever, like he had just heard some horrible news.  
  
"Are you okay, man?"Zion asked. "Why weren't you at breakfast?"  
  
"Oh, nothing... Just nauseous again. I don't even wanna think about food,"Jax said and that last thing was definitely true. He was too nervous to eat. He doubted if he could even chew properly.  
  
"You look pale. Are you sick?"Zion asked.  
  
Jax wondered what he could answer to that. He didn't want to feel like he had to go down to the cafeteria to eat, but he also didn't want to give Zion the feeling that it was his duty to worry about him... so Jax just shrugged his shoulders.  
  
Zion was a little confused. "We're going to see if we can find some food. But you know, you can stay here if you want too. We don't really need entire groups. I was gonna tell Raja that she could also stay home, you know, else she'd have to drag little Aaron all across the city. So she'll be here too then, if you need anything,"Zion said.  
  
Jax nodded, and Zion wondered if the boy had even listened to what he said.  
  
"Well, I'll be leaving then. Good luck,"Zion said, and with these words, he left Jax alone in his room again.  
  
*  
  
The streets of the city were an endless, grey maze. A labyrint that didn't share any simularities with nature's cool, green labyrint, the scene the Argonauts were used to. The sky was dangerously close above those high buildings that towered out above them, throwing shadows over them. Like incredible giants that were looking down, standing still, until all of the sudden they would strike.  
  
Streets were boring, pitchblack wounds on the face of the earth, with thin white lines in the middle. Iz, Dart and Trojan followed the path these roads created for them, and it all seemed like a terrible dream, the one in which you picture yourself lost by everyone. They wouldn't have to be afraid that cars would drive over them, and that was the scariest thing.  
  
Does a forest seem empty when you find so humanbeing in it? No, only natural. But these dark streets and high buildings, that made you feel uunbelievably small, had been made for people to inhabit, and the sight of all of that, an entire city that had once been buzzing with activity, now totally abondoned, was just downright scary.  
  
Iz shivered, even though it wasn't cold at all. She had heard of ghosttowns, but never of ghostcities. Something this massive and large, built halfway into heaven, gives you a weird feeling, like the feeling you get when a rollercoaster all of the sudden takes a dive down the rails.  
  
None of them, not even Dart, would really like to stay out here for a long time. There was too much of a wrong feel to this entire place. Like when watching a horrormovie: with pounding heart and big eyes you see the tension building up before your eyes, before it comes to a gruesome climax in the finale. But comparing this city to something from a horrormovie didn't really do more well.  
  
It got on everybody's nerves, especially because (at least) this particular group hadn't succeeded at what they had been sent out to do yet. They were supposed to collect food, but found every conveniencestore, groceryshop and warehouse empty. Ofcourse people had raided those for food as soon as the virus had broke out. Some people had believed that it was the Apocolypse, the end of everything, that it was God punishing mankind for their sins.  
  
The virus was very symbolic ofcourse. Vanity had always been one of man's greatest sins. Caring to much about the exterior, only interested in prolonging their life, to a point that they would think they were above God. So the virus made you age rapidly.  
  
Other people merely thought it would be the downfall of civilization. Whether it was just that last thing -which had definitely happened- or the will of God -God had given the earth to the innocent children to make something better of it, so many had said- the people had undoubtly gathered food like hamsters, and now there was nothing left.  
  
"This sucks,"said Iz in a tough, irritated voice, not showing the others that she was really both scared and disappointed. This would mean they would have to leave the city to gather some good old naturefood -hey, not such a bad thought afterall. Iz cheered up immediately.  
  
"What's that?"Trojan asked, nothing his head towards something.  
  
"Waz wha?"Iz said uninterested.  
  
"Phoenix Mall,"Trojan said, making another nod towards the big building.  
  
"Mall?" This changed matters for Iz. "Oh great! Let's check it out, I haven't been to the Mall in ages. Maybe they've got some new clothes there, I could really settle for those. These clothes are... starting to smell a bit funny,"Iz said, pulling up her nose.  
  
"They might have food,"Trojan said.  
  
Dart didn't say anything -typical- but just walked towards the building, the two members of his party following him.  
  
*  
  
They entered the Mall, and Iz was delighted right away. "Yeah, I remember this place. I used to have a cousin in this city, and I came to visit once, and we went shopping here,"Iz said. En passant she posed in front of the big fountain like a model.  
  
"Yippy,"Trojan said unenthusiasticly.  
  
"There was this great shop here. And this place where they sold these funny little cookies... Aw man,"Iz said, sparkles in her eyes.  
  
"Uh, Iz, we didn't come here for funny cookies or something... or actually we did, seeing it's technically food. Well, we came her for food,"Trojan stated the obvious.  
  
Iz nodded in agreement, although her excitement created a smile that beared all her teeth and split her face, and made her look quite scary actually, at least according to Trojan.  
  
"Who the hell are you and what do you think you're doing here?"a loud voice said. The group looked around confused, and Trojan was the first to discover the source of this voice, standing at the top of the stairs: a young woman with dark skin and an enormous amount of braids, dressed fully in red leather. She had a red flame on her forehead and a lot of dark around her eyes.  
  
"A freak!! Oh... wait, it's a humanbeing. Oh! A humanbeing, there are still people in this city! What luck...,"Iz said.  
  
"What luck indeed. I like,"Trojan said, eying the pretty girl.  
  
"You better have a damn good explanation for trespassing in our mall,"the strong young woman said in a harsh voice.  
  
"A mall is public property, sweetie,"Iz said, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"Not anymore it isn't,"a lower voice with a heavy accent said.  
  
The group saw a guy dressed in full black, with long black hair, appearing next to Red Leather-girl.  
  
"Ah, SM-queen and Jax-look-a-like. And they claim they own the Mall. Weirdo's,"Iz sighed.  
  
Dart pushed her aside. "Who are you and what gives you the right to claim this place?"he asked, cold and casual as usual.  
  
It appeared that the dangerously looking girl in red leather, went by the name of Ebony, and the guy with black hair was called Lex, the sheriff of the city, so he said himself.  
  
"Oh, the mallcop. Hey, watch it, robbery at the donutshop there,"Iz mocked.  
  
"I said sheriff, you dumb cow,"Lex shouted to her from the top of the stairs.  
  
"What? What?! Did he just call me a dumb cow!? Oh, he did not just call me a dumb cow. Dart, hand me your samurai-sword, I'm gonna chop him to bits!"Iz yelled, enfuriated.  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you, you idiot, this is not a samurai- sword,"Dart said coldly.  
  
"Well, whatever, just hand me the sword,"Iz said, eyes rolling.  
  
"Er... It is okay for him to call you an idiot, but it's not okay for me to call you a dumb cow?"Lex asked, a little confused.  
  
"He called me a dumb cow again!"Iz screamed.  
  
"People!" A clear voice pierced through the arguement all of the sudden. A nice-looking young woman with blonde hair tied up in a lot of knots appeared all of the sudden.  
  
"We have guests,"she said in a calm voice. "Maybe they would like to join us for dinner."  
  
*  
  
Dart, Iz and Trojan all looked at the beautiful woman that had appeared at the stairs in anxious amazement. She had darkblonde hair, tied up in a chaotic, yet stylish group of knots, and she wore simple, yet fashionable clothes. Her face was very natural, and so was the expression. She walked with a grace that was influenced by some sort of deserved pride, she had clear eyes that gave away her ability to think everything through properly and she had a kind of motherly warmth over her.  
  
"Who's Miss My-Hairdo-Exploded?"Iz asked, in a whisper that the people on top of the stairs couldn't possibly hear. But the woman with the knots in her hair must've known what the small group of people downstairs were thinking, because she introduced herself: "Amber. I'm leader of the Mallrats, the tribe that lives here."  
  
"A tribe lives here?! Ah, nips. Well, guess we're gonna have to find food somewhere else then. Come on, guys, let's clear out,"Iz said, disappointed and annoyed again.  
  
"You came here to look for food?"Amber asked.  
  
"No, we came here to ask you if you would join us when we go down the streets with tambourine's, dressed in pink robes, singing: 'Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna...' Yes ofcourse we came here to look for food! Why do you think we look so damn hungry!"Iz said irritated. She had to take this out on someone.  
  
"Well, I think I already said that you could join us for dinner,"the young woman called Amber said a bit confused.  
  
"A generous offer that we cannot accept. We were send out not to find food for only ourselves, but for the entire tribe,"Dart said right away.  
  
"What? Shut up, Dart! You can starve to death if you want to, but I'm going to get something to eat. I haven't eaten all day, we hardly had any breakfast, I burnt all the calories in my body by walking through that stupid city... I want food,"Iz said clearly.  
  
"We don't give to mendicants,"Ebony said, treating the charitable Amber on a cold glance.  
  
"We're not mendicants,"Iz said insulted. "What's a mendicant?"  
  
"It means that if all you came here to do is beg for food, we got just one answer for you: get lost!"Lex said.  
  
"And don't come back,"Ebony added.  
  
"Or what? You're gonna chain us and hit us with your whip?"Iz mocked.  
  
"As I was saying,"Amber said all of the sudden, in a very clear and loud voice, "I wouldn't mind giving you something. We don't have too much ourselves, but enough for everybody. Seeing how you don't have anything at all, you-"  
  
"Could get a job,"Lex interrupted her.  
  
Amber shot Lex an annoyed look.  
  
"Hey, err... You know, we could trade! Trade for food. Iz has this really beautiful wristcuff, and er... Dart has a fantastic samurai-sword, which you can use to cut basically everything!"Trojan said.  
  
"Shut up!"Iz and Dart said in unison.  
  
"We get a lot of our food from a farm just outside of town, and from the markers too. Maybe you could try getting some there as well. In meantime, you can have some of ours,"Amber said.  
  
"We thank you for this. We shall return the favour one day,"Dart said, remembering honour and promises, and all the value's he held high. They received their gifts from their newfound friends the Mallrats- the first tribe they met. The mall's inhabitants had some food to spare. Not much, but it would do for tonight. Tomorrow they would just have to see for that farm, or this market that the Mallrat's leader had talked about.  
  
*  
  
"Well, I say that was pretty succesful,"Iz said on the way to the hospital, inspecting today's harvest. "We got something to eat, at least tonight we do. Let's go back, I think the guys will really enjoy our surprise." 


	4. My mind's purgatory

PART 4: MY MIND'S PURGATORY  
  
Jax lay in his bed, watching the ceiling. White was the real colour, but ofcourse it just looked grey with the curtains closed. Everything looked grey in the shadows. Not even the darkness can turn something pure completely dark. But everything black became a hostile silhouet in the dark. Something to be afraid of, something that you could think of as a monster, standing in front of your door, blocking the way.  
  
Black hair, black clothes, black eyes. All as dark during the night of during the day. Did that say something about Jax? Was he a monster, something that disturbed others in their sleep?  
  
A weird thought, really, but not completely unfitting. He did feel like a monster, at times. When the others gave him weird looks, despite of the polite niceness of some of them, like Raja and Scott. Very kind people, but they gave him looks afterall. Jax wasn't very talented when it came to figuring out what emotions were written on people's faces, but he was sure of the fact that even the nicest people of the Argonaut-tribe looked at him with disgust in their eyes.  
  
Even Raja, Scott, ... Zion? Ofcourse, that would be the first person to get tired of him, after all those years he had taken care of Jax. Those were nice people, but Jax made them encounter hate. Behaving in such a way, being such a freak, such a "weirdo", that it was all they could possibly do. They had been pure, until Jax forced hate upon them.  
  
And so Jax mind went on and on, tumblings in traps and dark dungeons, getting caught in hotred wire, struggling to break loose, but at the same time feeling like he deserved that mental torture.  
  
Whatfor?  
  
Well, do you need a reason? his mind told him. Just the mere fact that you were born, is awful enough. You make people sick. Your parents didn't want you, and not even those fosterparents that thought they had raised enough problemkids to deal with everything, could handle you. They all gave up you. Everybody loathed you; you made them sick. Zion will follow soon. He's a nice guy, you can't blame him for anything. It's just your fault. You're not good for anything. I mean, look at you, laying in your room, feeling sorry for yourself. You don't even have the right to feel sorry for yourself.  
  
"Leave me alone,"Jax whispered in a hoarse voice, one that he hadn't used for nearly two days.  
  
The voice spoke to him again, as clear as if a real living person was standing on the other side of the room: Ah, come on, Jax... It's just me, your old pal. Basically I am you, but ofcourse you're not ready to admit that yet. Not ready to admit that you make up voices that seem to have a will of your own. But face it buddy you're just a psycho, like the docs said. And right now I'm the only one that tells you the truth... Because, Christ, the others are still too nice to do it, despite of the fact that you're horrific.  
  
Jax shook his head. This couldn't be happening. Not again. He wouldn't listen to the voices again. Instead, he tried to concentrate on the cracks in the ceiling, but the voice was not so easy to get rid of.  
  
Hey! Listen to me, you bastard! You can deny the truth all you want, but someone has to tell you: you're worthless. So I'm telling you, over and over, until you get it. And no, you're not gonna get rid of me. Well... there is one way ofcourse. You fail to understand that this little voice inside your head is merely your helper. You can do one last good thing, ONE good thing in all your life, right now... That's: ridding the world of your existence. That's the only good thing you'll ever be able to do, the only way you'll ever make everybody happy.  
  
Jax felt his eyes going wet. Why did that have to be so right? He never did a good thing...  
  
Hey, the voice said in a sibilant, almost kind voice. Now we're getting somewhere; now you're starting to realise things. It's easy, you see: people are like math-equasions. Some turn out right, do good. Those people are Zion, Raja, Dart, well, basically everyone of this tribe, except for you... Then there are the wrong math-equasions. Hey, even God is like a student, he has to learn now and then. But mistakes aren't nice to look at. What do you do with a wrong equasion on a chalkboard?  
  
"You... erase it?"Jax said hesitant, afraid the voice would go mean again.  
  
Well, you can think of those equasions as people, we already figured out that much, and you actually understood it, despite of you being such an incredible retard... Now, students don't like to look at wrong equasions, God doesn't like to look at the people that turned out to be wrong. And let's be fair, neither do all the other poor people on this planet. So what are we going to do?  
  
"Erase me,"Jax whispered.  
  
*  
  
Kera looked at what she, Randy and Justine had gathered with an extremely proud smile. Powdered milk. Powdered mashed potatoes. Cereal, cookies, oatmeal, pudding. A lot of stuff in the shape of powder, thus durable. And they found all of this in the storage room of a supermarket in the bad part of town. Although, there wasn't really any good part left in the city.  
  
The supermarket had been raided, robbed of all its treasures -food, the most precious things in times of emergency- but the storage room had been left untouched. Apparently no child had the energy or strength to break it open, but Kera and her group did; and look what they found.  
  
"Fabulous,"Kera said, her chest swelling with proud happiness. "Well, I'd say we did our share. Let's go back to the hospital, it's getting late."  
  
*  
  
A knock on the door. A soft, polite, cheery knock. The sweetest knock Jax had ever heard. That could only mean one thing: Raja was standing on the other side of the door.  
  
"Jax?" Clear, bright voice. Raja had the voice of seraphim, especially when she sang. Jax had always liked her songs, they were full of sweetness. If he ever had a mother that was good to him, he would compare Raja to a mother, that could be a bit distant, but was sweet nonetheless.  
  
"Jax?" Again, that voice. It seemed to come from far away, a whisper in the dark. Like when the dolls come to live at night, and start talking to you. Jax blinked, trying to concentrate on those cracks in the ceiling. He felt like the whole world was a chaos, spinning around him violently. Was it his physical or his mental state that caused this?  
  
"I'm coming in," Raja's polite warning, with no agression to make the voice vibrate, through the cheap firwood door. She just didn't want to scare him. She wasn't angry. Jax didn't know why he thought about Raja like that. It seemed that his whole head was a chaos, and he could only think of everything in four essential colours: black, black, black, and black. Weird mists seemed to rise up from the bottom of his mind, throwing night over his brain and rotting his heart, like someone injected him with some poisonous fluid.  
  
Why was this happening to him? He felt like he was dying, but on the other side he longed for the peace of death. Nothing made sense anymore. What did he do to deserve this mental torment?  
  
"You know very well."  
  
Oh, there you go, that voice again. Only now it had become one with his own voice. It had taken over his mind, crawling in with spiderlegs, biting and spitting poison on every last thought of his, slittering through the hairline cracks of his sanity, convincing Jax of his own evil and uselessness. And Jax had come to believe it, he took over the voice and turned it to himself. He was destroying himself, punishing himself for something, something he did. He didn't know what it was yet, but it was BAD, really bad; the voice had told him that. Jax would love to die before he figured out what it was... take the offer the voice had displayed for him.  
  
"Do it then. If you want to die, what's stopping you?"  
  
A reasonable question. What was stopping him? Nothing, except for... what was Raja doing at his bed?  
  
"Jax,"she said in a soft, sweet voice. That voice fit her so well. She was so real, she didn't have to hide anything. Her voice was a perfect reflection of her personality, and that is a rare thing in a world that's realed by fake.  
  
"How are you doing? Are you okay?"she asked, with an undertone of care and worries in her voice. She placed her hand against his forehead. Those hands were special. Warm, because her heart that had the power to heal made a golden glow race to it as soon as she touched someone. And at the same time nice and cool. The hands of the perfect mother, of a guardian angel.  
  
Her voice was a guide in the dark, her eyes were shining and Jax held on to them, so that he wouldn't completely lose himself in the chaos that was his mind at the moment. It was terrifying, that big black hole that he called his soul... at the same time he wanted to find peace in the darkness. But not yet.  
  
"Coward,"his inner voice hissed.  
  
"You don't have a fever. You should eat something. Here, I brought you some. The healthiest snack I could find in the candy-counter... But it has these cereals and nuts and dried fruit in it too. Eh, well anyway,"Raja said and she gave him the cereal-bar.  
  
Jax took it and looked at it, as if it was part of an alien spaceship.  
  
He looked at Raja then. Could she care about him? Could she really be so sweet, so immensely forgiving and non-judgemental, that she even had the feeling she had to care about him?  
  
He didn't know if he could trust her, and her presance made him a bit nervous, it made him feel like he had to do something. But at the same time it was comforting, because it didn't make him fall in the traps in his mind, so he would end up in that big, black oblivion... that place were the voice was luring him too. Jax didn't want to be called a coward, he would listen to the voice eventually. Just... not now, okay?  
  
Jax saw her smiling eyes and looked at the cereal-bar in his hands. He didn't want to disappoint that terribly nice girl, that would be the heigth of sin, so even though it made him nauseous, he ate the food she brought him... for as far as you could consider it food.  
  
A great, big smile broke through on Raja's face, making her glow like gold. Her face was a direct link to her heart, she would never hide or supress her emotions, lie about something, or follow the narrow ways of her mind. It was always the heart she followed.  
  
Raja had been worrying about Jax a lot. He hadn't been downstairs ever since they arrived here, and he hadn't eaten since either. He looked so hopeless and lost, like a little child that just woke up from a nightmare. She wanted to follow her instinct, take him into her arms and comfort him, use her pretty voice to sing one of her soothing lullaby's; she didn't care about what was wrong with him, she just felt his hurt, like she could always feel the negative emotions of other people.  
  
But Jax was unpredictable, and she didn't know how he would respond if she would do that. So she held back. The only thing she could offer him for now was her company, and she hoped that that would comfort him at least a little bit.  
  
*  
  
Kera, Randy and Justine were on their way back to the hospital, wandering the empty streets. Justine took the lead for once. Her memory was amazing, and she could lead the small group of people right back to their new home.  
  
But it hadn't come that far yet. Out of nowhere, a young man with a wild black hairdo and heavy face-paint, appeared. "Hey there,"he said in a low voice, smirking.  
  
Other people appeared too. Like ghosts they seemed to crawl out of the shadows of the streets. All wore the same paint on their face as the guy with the wild hair, who had the attitude of a leader.  
  
"Where do you think your going?"the leader said, the smirk never leaving his face.  
  
"Is it any of your business?"Justine said in a cold voice.  
  
"Drpends on what you've got with you. I see food. And we want that food,"the leader said.  
  
"And what if we don't give you the food?"Justine said, reflecting the smirk back to him, her voice confident, with not a trace of fear in it.  
  
The leader drew a knife. "Well,"he said, "then I'm afraid we can't just stick to asking nicely."  
  
*  
  
Raja sat on the edge of Jax's bed, with nothing but sweetness on her face. She didn't look exactly uncomfortable, just like she hadn't figured out what to do yet. She fidgeted with the blanket a little, then moved her fingers on her lap in nearly impossible curves, and made little rabbits with her hands.  
  
Jax rather enjoyed it. Raja didn't say much, but was good for company at least. Company he could actually enjoy, not someone who would ask him tricky, annoying questions, or call him a freak, or any other name, or do something else he wouldn't appreciate. Ofcourse it was safe to say that everything others did to him, he brought upon himself.  
  
Raja didn't seem uncomfortable with the silence at all. She just sat there, her eyes closed, her face bright and a peaceful smile creeping upon her lips. She looked like she was dreaming, or meditating or something. Jax admired her, without words. She was a younger, female, less honoured version of the Dalai Lama at times. She could supress her hate so much that she could even stand being in the same room as him. Or maybe she truly didn't feel any hate at all... not even for him. A rather uncanny thought, and seemingly impossible.  
  
"I'm glad you ate,"the buddhist-angel on his bedside finally said. She kept her eyes closed while she was talking. There was a smile in her voice. That strange, but beautiful voice. She didn't seem very special or confident (just nice) when she was talking, but when she sang... The power of an opera-diva lay in her vocal chords, she sang gold that made you shiver in a nice way. It was a true pleasure to hear her sing. Jax thought about it that way, at least.  
  
Right now, her presence was the golden thread in the chaotic labyrint his mind was at the moment. Her voice might just be the sword that could keep the Minotaur-monster at distance.  
  
"Could you... sing for me?"Jax asked shily. He was rather surprised at how hoarse his voice sounded. He hadn't used it a lot lately. Well, he never used his voice a lot, ofcourse. He wasn't a great fan of talking. This resulted in the fact that the other Argonauts still thought of him as a stranger, and they found strangers suspicious. Raja had some problems with trusting people. Jax wondered what she of all people was doing here then, getting so close to the 'freak' that might even be dangerous.  
  
"Hm, what?" Raja's meditation was disturbed, but she looked just as peaceful and her big eyes still had that sweet, ever-wonderful, fantasizing stare. A perpetuous dreamer.  
  
"Sing something for me?"Jax asked like a child, begging for candy.  
  
Raja's face started glowing. She loved to sing, singing used to be what she lived for. Somehow she knew she was good at it. But still, she was insecure, and she needed the confirmation of other people. And if someone would ask her to sing, the clearest sign of appreciaton a person could give her, she nearly exploded with happiness.  
  
"Ka'daru mi-atsha,  
  
Milulu nubsasha,  
  
Bunili-te ba'ahn,  
  
Rassfu te'kahn,  
  
Shulsham nutu,  
  
Sudu metti leyludu..."  
  
Her voice was a warm ocean, the waves of it carried Jax away. To a far away land, maybe to the mystical place where the people spoke those weirds Raja used in her song; a lullaby Jax had heard her sing to Aaron. Maybe Raja was from another country, or maybe she had just been very good at languages, back when she was still a schoolgirl. Maybe it was French... Jax wouldn't know, he'd hardly ever been to school.  
  
Most of the time he skipped school. He couldn't stand all the noise there, the voices seemed ten times louder to him. The eyes of all those students and teachers, their cold, sharp eyes, were burning into his soul. Those picture-perfect people there, the ones that told him he was a freak. Those insignificant words made him feel so small, so useless; like dirt. It hit him so hard, those sharp words, daggers with paralizing poison, and it seemed so unnatural to him, that he could feel so bad about little things. The others laughed at him, calling him a coward, a weakling, a crybaby. And he was.  
  
"Maybe you're just hyper-sensitive,"Raja said.  
  
Jax looked at her. Had he been talking all that time, instead of just thinking? Oh god, he couldn't even make out the difference between talking and thinking anymore? What if he would go back to the way he was...? That state of mind, that caused him to see things that weren't there, hear voices, fall away in a total dark chaos, wandering around like he couldn't tell the difference between dream and reality anymore. "Psychotic," the 'doctors' had called it. And shipped him off to psycho-hall.  
  
"I know,"Raja said.  
  
Ooooh, Jax, there you go again. You thought you were thinking it, but really you were saying it. Either that or Raja is telepathic. Wouldn't even be that surprising. Or... you're just imagining everything she's saying now. Maybe Raja isn't even in this room. Once again, entirely possible.  
  
"I am over-sensitive,"Raja said. "Everything bad people said about me, made me cry. I heard every noise on the street so loud that I would cover my ears with my hands. Then people would look at me as if I were crazy. When my parents got angry or yelled at me, I'd feel like starving myself. And when someone was sad or angry, I'd feel that; my stomach would hurt. My stepdad took me to a shrink to dissect my mind, and he said I had emotional problematics, and was depressed. But my stepmom wasn't that much of a 'everything has to be logical, explainable and scientific'-person. She let me meet this psychic, and he said that I was just hypersensitive. He said I had a very open mind and heart, and supposedly, there's a lot of healingpower in my hands. Anyway, he thought me how to handle this... 'gift', so I became sort of at peace with myself. He said I was a helping and healing person, and that it wouldn't surprise him if I could learn to see aura's. Well, I'm very, very over-sensitive. But you know, I think you're sensitive too. Although I don't know if you have any psychic gifts,"Raja said with a shy, playful smile.  
  
"It helped?"Jax asked.  
  
"The psychic? Yeah, sorta. I learned to meditate, which was cool, and I guess I became more at peace with myself. But it didn't solve all my problems, ofcourse. But it certainly did a lot more good than that shrink,"Raja said.  
  
"I hate them. Shrinks,"Jax said bitter.  
  
Raja just nodded, didn't ask. "Another thing we have in common, then,"she said.  
  
That felt good, somehow. To have something in common with someone. It was unbelievable, that there was someone as nice as Raja on this planet. Someone that was só kind, she couldn't even stand to leave a thing like him starving in his room.  
  
"That song... What language was that?"Jax asked.  
  
"Oh, no language. I just make all those words up. It's sort of a fantasy- language,"Raja said with a childish smile.  
  
Jax imagined a small kingdom underneath a rock with a magical marking, and underneath that rock there would be people that spoke Raja's fairytale- language.  
  
A high-pierced cry echo-ed through the hallway and crept underneath the door of Jax's room.  
  
"Oh, Aaron is crying. Well, I gotta go. Are you really okay?"she asked, concerned.  
  
Jax nodded, slam-jawed. Concerned? She was genuinely concerned about what would happen to him?  
  
Raja left the room, with a strange grace, that of a good spirit. A peaceful spirit of the earth, like the ones native Americans believed in. Jax watched her leave. Don't go yet, I need you...  
  
But he didn't have any voice left, couldn't eve remember if he ever had a voice. He only had eyes for her, and the minute her healing glow had left the room, he felt the darkness take over his mind again. 


	5. The last supper

PART 5: THE LAST SUPPER  
  
Zion, Kita and Scott entered the hospital. They were totally out of breath and their feet were numb, but they had gotten their hands on fresh foods. Some clever guy had started a supermarket again, in a relatively quiet corner of the city. He got his fresh goods from a farm.  
  
Kita had to give him two golden bracelets for enough fruit and vegetables for the entire tribe. She always loved to wear gold, and it suited her skin, that had the colour of dark gold, and her black-caramel hair very well. Her family had been pretty rich (Kita claimed that she was a descendant of a sheik), and Kita had gathered a lot of golden jewellery over the years. But it wasn't worth that much to her anymore, the jewels from her past were only painful reminders of her memory, so she was willing to trade them to feed her tribe.  
  
The small group went to the cafeteria, where Raja was just nursing her son. "How's Jax?"Zion asked her.  
  
Raja took this question in and let it roll through her mind a second before she answered. "Well... Okay, I guess. He ate... well, not much, but something, and there wasn't much to eat anyway. I talked to him for a few minutes. He wasn't sick, not in the meaning of having a flu... He just looked really unhappy and scared. I really don't think he likes it here, Zion. Ofcourse, there's not much to do about it, we have to stay here until the winter's over. I suppose he'll get used to it,"Raja said.  
  
Zion nodded. He didn't really know why Jax didn't like the city, but he had been pretty concerned over the teenage boy he considered his little brother. Well, at least Jax ate something. Maybe it was because of Raja. Maybe he could Raja to bring Jax dinner again tonight.  
  
"Greetings, you horrible lot!"Iz called out when she and her group entered the hospital. "We've got food from a mall. There were these people there that called themselves the Mallrats, and they give to beggars. To nice for their own good -well, except for this fetish-girl and some guy that looked just like Jax,"Iz said and she threw her backpack on a table, startling little Aaron.  
  
"It was a most productive search,"Dart concluded.  
  
"Man, talk normal,"Iz said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Well, our search was... 'productive' too. We found some supermarket some guy got up and running again. We have a lot of fresh food,"Kita said.  
  
Her voice was low and warm, felt like the Arabian wind, and she ran her fingers through her silky hair while she talked. Scott looked at her, in full admiration. How could a girl be so beautiful, so amazing? Scott could just drown in drool looking at her... oh, but Kita surely wouldn't find that appealing.  
  
"Hey, Scotty B,"a voice said. Scott knew Iz had made up that nickname for him. He looked next to him and indeed, he saw Iz's pale face, a twinkle of conspiracy and amusement in her eyes.  
  
"I saw how you were looking at her. Every single time. With little stars in your eyes. So cute,"Iz said, smirking.  
  
"Aw, come on Iz, just leave me alone,"Scott sighed.  
  
"Hey, hey, hey. Not so quick. Look, you like her, but that doesn't mean much to her. She's beautiful, she knows every man would like her. She can get every guy. That's the thing about pretty girls, they don't come to you, you go to them. You have to do something special, so that she notices you. Right now, I doubt if she even knows your name... But you know what always works: cook her dinner. A fabulous, romantic dinner. Oh, and be honest and sincere, girls like that. Tell them how you really feel about them, not covered with all that macho-stuff. Just tell your true, deep feelings, that's what make us gals swoon,"Iz said.  
  
"Really?"Scott said, a bit insecure.  
  
"Oh yeah. A bit of poetry, maybe. You know, we like guys that are in touch with their feelings. But eh, you gotta fix your looks, coz girls don't like a guy that looks like he fell outta bed, right into his clothes. So put on something nice, and dear god, would you brush your hair for a change!"Iz said.  
  
"And that'll work?"Scott asked, hopeful.  
  
"Guaranteed. See, I'm not all bad,"Iz said with a wink and left again.  
  
Ask Kita for dinner... Scott thought about the idea. Would he have the nerve to go and ask her? Kita was so beautiful... If he would wait, some other guy would get her! No way! He was going to ask her to dinner, and it would be the most perfect dinner ever!  
  
*  
  
Kera, Justine and Randy stood in the streets, that were drowing in the golden-red light of the setting sun. Faced by a gang, that consisted of five people, of which one was armed. They stood there, on the abondoned, silent streets, like characters from an old western-movie. They were outnumbered. They were going to have to give up their food.  
  
"Hey, I already said: I'm done asking nicely. Hand over the food, kiddie's,"the leader of the gang sat, pressing his fingertip against the sharp point of his knife. A little blood welled up on his finger.  
  
"Go. To. Hell. We worked hard for this food, and it will be used to feed our tribe. If you want food, go find your own. But this is ours,"Justine said in a cold, determined voice. Completely relaxed, like people are when they're enfuriated.  
  
"What did you say?"the leader asked, amazed and indignated. He didn't get to hear the word 'no' often enough, and wasn't used to being denied something.  
  
"I said: go to hell! Our food, okay? This ain't the travelling supermarket, you lazy bitch! Now would you let me pass already, or do you wanna see me getting really pissed off?!"Justine asked, as if there was nothing to be afraid of.  
  
"Er, J-Jus... Maybe we should give him what he wants, coz you know... knife?"Randy said, intimidated.  
  
"You should listen to your buddy,"the leader now said.  
  
"Our tribe is hungry. Justine is right, we're not giving up our food,"Kera said. "Come on, guys, let's just go." Kera already started walking, but the leader grabbed her and put his knife against her pale, soft troath.  
  
"What do you got to say now?"he asked.  
  
But Kera wasn't that easily taken care off. Her power lay in her anger, but it was hard to get this girl angry. But if there was something in the world she couldn't stand, it was too be dominated and threatened by some guy who thought he was it all.  
  
Kera's whole face turned into a mask of fury. She hadn't been kickboxing- champion five years in a row for nothing... she kicked the leader between the legs, which caused him to fall to his knees with a pathetic, high- pierced yell. She then started beating him with her bare fists, and it turned out the leader was too much of a sissy to fight back. He even let the knife fall out of his hand.  
  
An almost scary grin twisted Justine's face. She wasn't going to sit still, and especially not during a fight.  
  
All the other members of the little tribes of thieves stood nailed to the ground, totally stunned, not able to help their leader or pay attention to Justine and Randy. Justine took advantage of this situation by picking up a piece of wood, and knocking one of the thieves, a girl with filthy blond hair, against the head violently. The girl was knocked out and hit the asphalt unconsciously.  
  
Justine tried to knock someone else in the head with her improvised caveman- club, but by now the thieves had noticed her and started to defend themselves.  
  
One took the oppurtinity to go to Randy, to try and steal his food with force. "Wait, wait! Er, if you want to fight, either the kickboxer or the cavegirl will soon be available, I'm sure,"Randy said, laughing nervously.  
  
The guy tried to hit him, but Justine knocked him out with the piece of wood. "You okay, Rand?"she asked. Randy nodded slowly in utter awe. "Good, we gotta make a run for it,"Justine said. She grabbed his hand and dragged him with her, and together with Kera, they started to run back to the hospital.  
  
But the tribe of thieves wasn't a very ambitous one, and they weren't hungry enough to pursue Kera, Justine and Randy for more than one block.  
  
So, after their "little kungfu-fight", as Justine had already named it, they returned to the hospital in the black of the night, tired and much later than expected, to find the others already sitting at the dinnertable.  
  
*  
  
Jax set foot on the stairs. Come on, he told himself harshly, it can't be that bad. Raja held his arm, and she smiled at him. It was that sweet smile again, that of a buddhist angel. If all guys would ever go through the trouble of getting to know a girl before they jump into the sack with her, Raja would have thousand lovers.  
  
"Zion got food from a supermarket. And Iz and her gang went to some sort of mall apparently. Anyway, they've gotten a lot of great food, so we're gonna have a nice meal,"Raja babbled away. Her voice was extremely nice to listen to.  
  
Dinner. Something so easy and trivial, something that took place at the end of everyday, yet now it seemed to be an impossible task for Jax. He hadn't enjoyed dinner in a group when he was still living in nature, he didn't enjoy being in groups of any sorts, but now it was ten times worse.  
  
Raja seemed to understand what it was like. "Jax, I know you can do this, even though it's hard,"Raja said. She didn't say "stop being such a coward" or "what are you fussing about, it's just a normal thing to do", she was just very suppotive, and this gave Jax a little confidence. With her by his side, he walked down the stairs and into the cafeteria, where half of the tribe already took place.  
  
Dart glared quite coldly at Raja walking next to Jax, even holding his hand. Raja obviously didn't realise what that was about at all, and gave him a hard look to warn him, as she guided Jax to a quiet corner of the cafeteria.  
  
Trojan watched the two. So, the freak had finally decided to come down. Well, good, at least that won't cause the tribe anymore trouble. Trojan looked at Jax and felt sorry for the guy. He looked so pitiful and uncomfortable, downright scared in this place full of noisy people.  
  
Trojan all of the sudden saw Jax's dark look fixed on him, and something that could be called a smile, if you would want to call it anything, appeared on Jax's face. For a second, Trojans mind was completely blank, and he felt dizzy for a second. Then for some reason disgust turned his stomach and he gave Jax the most hateful look in his repertory. The expression on Jax's face collapsed, and his black eyes turned to the ground, unrestorably sad. Trojan was sorry right away, but he couldn't let himself think that. He had to think of something else; think of something else!  
  
Why?  
  
Don't know, but just do it!  
  
Trojan thought about something else. His gaze abondoned Jax and turned to another person in the cafeteria: Kita. The most beautiful girl in the tribe. All the guys adored her, and so did Trojan, ofcourse.  
  
An inner voice asked him if this was really true. Trojan was puzzled by his own question, and in the silence of his own mind he claimed that it was. All the guys love a sexy chick, right? If they don't, they can't really be called men, right?! Trojan reasoned inside himself: then they would just be like... Jax.  
  
That was the final straw (what does that mean? Trojans mind asked him), Trojan walked to Kita, firmly. Scott also approached Kita, a stupid-happy look on his face, as the great plan Iz had told him about boiled in his head, his eyes enjoying the fabulous sight of the Arabian Princess.  
  
But the Arabian Princess was reached by Trojan first.  
  
"Hey, Kita,"he said in a seductive, sly voice. Kita's attention was caught right away. As Kita knew all men liked her, so Trojan knew all girls found him attractive. Even a beauty-queen like Kita could hardly resist him. And he was right; a pearlwhite smile broke through on Kita's face when the tribe's pretty boy gave her his attention.  
  
"Hey, Trojan,"she said, in a simular voice.  
  
"You know, I was just wondering... Now that we have so much food, I'm sure a nice, little dinner could be organised. You know, in my room. We could talk by a little,"Trojan said, smiling.  
  
Scott froze to the floor. Trojan. Trojan of all people, goddamn Trojan. Not even Kita could resist him. But... it had been his plan (okay, Iz's plan, but that didn't matter!), he had been... should have been first. Scott knew his chances completely lost for the moment, and shuffled back to his table.  
  
At the same time, Kita was thinking this offer over. She knew exactly what guys meant when they said 'nice little dinner... in my room.' Well heck, Kita didn't have any fun in a long time, even though she was a fun-loving- girl. And Trojan was definitely hot.  
  
She looked at Jax from the corners of her eyes, and noticed that he was watching this whole scene. Trojan was handsome, there was no doubt about that, but Jax just had this something... something special. She could really go for that. But she had experience with guys, and she knew that when you held the grapes out of reach, they'd suddenly realise they're hungry. When a girl's hard to get, she becomes more attractive. Going out with Trojan... would that be the little push Jax needed?  
  
Maybe. And if it didn't work, who cares? At least she would have a nice dinner, maybe some action. No strings attached, and if Trojan would think so, Kita would dump him again right away, and think of another way to get Jax.  
  
"Sure, I'll join you for dinner,"Kita said in a warm voice.  
  
"Cool,"Trojan said. For some reason unknown to even himself, Trojan kept an eye on Jax while receiving Kita's answer. He didn't know why, but he wanted to know Jax's reaction to all of this. Jax looked to the ground with a sad look in his dark eyes. Good, Trojan thought.  
  
Just then, Justine, Randy and Kera entered the hospital, accompanied by an unnecessary amount of noise. "We're back,"Kera said, "with a whole bunch of food. And you'll never guess what happened to us on the way back!"  
  
*  
  
Kita shut the door to her room. Nine o'clock, Trojan had said. A dinnerdate with a guy that was worthy of Kita; that was, needless to say, reason enough to appear at your very best.  
  
Kita threw the few clothes she had with her out of her formica closet (one of the few pieces of furniture in the hospitalroom -that reminded Kita to decorate it sometime) and scattered them all across her room.  
  
She went through them quickly. No, that one was no good. No, thos two things didn't match. How come it always seemed the amount of clothes you had was cut in half whenever you went out with a guy.  
  
"Do I really have such bad taste?"Kita asked herself, holding up her embroidered jeans. She threw the piece of clothing against the wall, and made a nervous, squeaky noise. Kita wasn't a shallow person that was only interested in looks, hell no, she just wanted to look good when she went on a date.  
  
Kita held up a short, white dress with silk sleeves. White fitted her darkgolden skin well, she knew that. Oh, but she didn't like the model of the dress; not interesting enough, and white was so... innocent and virgin- like. Kita had no intention of looking like a little angel. Oh man, she only had an hour left.  
  
*  
  
In meantime Trojan was downstairs in the cafeteria, playing a cardgame with himself. Raja was cleaning the dishes from the meal Kita and Trojan hadn't enjoyed. Besides those two there was no-one in the kitchen. Raja had escorted the ovely nervous, silent Jax back to his room right after dinner.  
  
"Say, Raja? You're a pretty good cook, right?"Trojan asked the young mother.  
  
"I guess. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Can you cook a meal for two? A fancy meal."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I've got a date with Kita, that's why I wasn't at dinner tonight. Make it something romantic, and bring it to my room when you're done, allright? Kita will be there at nine o'clock,"Trojan simply said and he left the cafeteria.  
  
Raja opened her mouth to protest, but Trojan had already left her sight. And even if he would've stayed, Raja doubted if she would've actually made any protest. A less nicer person, with more confidence, would've just told Trojan to cook his own damn meal. As far Raja, she just started wondering what kind of food would be fit for a romantic dinner.  
  
*  
  
Jax lay in his room. Back to his usual pattern. He hadn't liked it in the cafeteria, not at all. The feeling he would suffocate or would be closed in by the walls was less in the relatively spacious cafeteria, but all the hard noise... And all those people looking at him. Especially Trojan. Why did Trojan hated him so much, when he didn't hate Trojan at all? Everything but that.  
  
Jax tossed and turned, trying to fall asleep, even do it was still early. But sleep would give him a little release. From his weird mind, that dark whirlwind. Why did his thoughts have to be like that; did other people ever feel that way? Did other people ever hear voices echo against the wall, even though they were alone in their room? Did they ever see shadows creeping from the corners of their eyes? Secretly, but not too secretly, because they wanted you to see, they wanted you to ask yourself if he was going crazy...  
  
And Jax had the feeling he was going crazy. And it wasn't a pleasant state of mind at all.  
  
Why did this happen to him, all of the sudden? Because he could really see no visible reason why he had turned into this, why everything seemed terribly threatening all of the sudden. Or just more threatening then before. Maybe he was being punished for something.  
  
Jax stuffed his head into his pillow and just wished he had some sleepingpills.  
  
*  
  
Kita finally found what she wanted: a long, sleeveless dress. Tight, to give Trojan a clear look on her perfect, voluptuous figure. It was made of a light, slightly transparent material, and it was blue -one of Kita's favorite colours. It had an interesting print on it, of tropical stuff and boats, and it was covered in golden and silver glitter. Cleavage: low. Perfect.  
  
Kita combined it with some silver-coloured sandals. A lot of silverblue eyeshade, eyepencil for a smokey effect, to put an emphasis on her beautiful eyes. Natural-coloured lipgloss to make her full lips irresistible. Every man would beg on his knees to kiss those lips.  
  
Kita let her full, wavy hair hang loose over her shoulders; why would she tie up such pretty hair in any way? Kita looked at herself in the mirror in the bathroom that was connected to her bedroom.  
  
She found herself immortally beautiful and very desirable. And that wasn't vanity, Kita knew that, it was merely a fact. There's nothing wrong or arrogant about finding yourself beautiful when you truly are. That was what Kita thought, at least.  
  
She smiled at her reflection, that smiled back to her. She gave Self in the mirror a wink and left her room. She didn't even like Trojan, she was after Jax. But despite of that, Kita was sure tonight was going to be one good night.  
  
*  
  
Trojan made sure once again that everything was properly placed on the little, low table. It was like of those tables Japanese people sit at when they drink tea. Trojan found it somewhere downstairs and stole a pretty veil from Iz's room to use it as table-cover. The food Raja made was served on the best two plates that could've beem found in the kitchen, and Trojan had even found some candles. Perfect.  
  
This was the best thing you could get in a world like this. Not even a girl like Kita would be undone when she saw this. Trojan knew this plan (don't you mean 'date'? his mind viciously asked him) had to work. Whatfor? Well, he didn't know that. Why did he invite Kita anyway? He had never been interested in her before. The thought only hit him when he saw Jax in the café, and started to feel sorry for the guy.  
  
"I don't feel sorry for Jax,"Trojan told himself again. "I don't feel anything for Jax." Trojan thought about this line he had spoken out loud, and slapped himself mentally because it didn't seem right at all. "I like Kita,"he quickly corrected himself. Well, duh, all guys do. Why did he tell himself that? Why... why was he talking to himself?!  
  
That wasn't quite sane, was it? What was he doing anyway?  
  
There was a knock on the door. A slow, confident, styleful knock. Trojan never even knew there was such a thing as a styleful knock on a door, and this one didn't just sound styleful, there was also something seductive about it. How strange.  
  
"Can I come in?" A low, warm voice, with an undertone that suggested thin patience. Kita had arrived.  
  
"Come in,"Trojan said.  
  
The door was opened and made a sqeaky noise. Kita stood there, ready to enter his room. The dooropening was like a frame of a painting, presenting her as a piece of art. Her face and skin glowed pleasantly in the soft light of the candles. Her hair was full and wavy, her eyes shimmered and her lips were moist. Any guy that would lay eyes on her, would start barking like a dog with his tongue out of his mouth; that was usually the effect this girl had on the opposite of sex. Trojan simply thought: that is a very nice dress.  
  
Kita took place at the table, her lips slightly opened and curled into a smile, her eyes on sexy. Kita had started practising this in front of the mirror the minute she hit puberty -way before the virus. She had perfected this skill, and learned exactly how to wrap the guys around her finger with just one look, one smile. In meantime, she kept a close eye on Trojans reaction. No effect...? Man, this guy really was frosty. Usually the girls were the ones playing hard to get, but alright, Kita was prepared to play along, to put some effort in it.  
  
Trojan smiled at her, the way he would smiled to a friend. That sort of gave Kita the creeps. He held up a bottle of wine, one of today's winnings. Zion had allowed him to take it from the kitchen for his date, as long as he wouldn't waste all of it.  
  
"Champagne, madame?"he asked, and poured some into the not all to fancy glass in front of her. This freaked Kita out even more. She supposed it was meant as a joke, acting like a waiter, but he really did sound like a waiter that simply offered a customer something to drink. Not like a guy that poured his date some wine.  
  
After he poured her a drink, a movement of his hand indicated the plate in front of her.Again, that friendly (too friendly) smile. "I hope you'll enjoy it,"he said.  
  
Kita was quite hungry actually, because she hadn't eaten yet tonight, she had been waiting for Trojans dinner. Kita fixed a one-second-look on Trojans face, and the truly scary expression on it. A salesman to a customer.  
  
She picked up her fork and started to eat. Pretty nice, actually. She guessed Trojan wasn't the one to cook it. That sort of scared her too. Pasta, mushrooms, vegetables, all combined into a pleasant mixture: that was Raja's style. Raja was a girl too nice for her own good, she let everyone walk over her without a single word of protest.  
  
Trojan probably got Raja to cook this dinner. Or ordered her to cook this dinner, more like. How did she guess? She didn't know, she just had the feeling. She had been on dates, and some guys, madly in love with her, had really put effort into making a meal. Most of the time it came out horrible, but Kita had always thought that was sort of cute; at least they tried!  
  
This was... more like a carefully organized plan than a dinnerdate.  
  
Kita ate on. She didn't like the fact that it was so quiet at the table. "It tastes nice,"she just said, to break the silence. Trojan nodded and shot her another one of those fake smiles. "I am glad you're enjoying it,"he said.  
  
Another 'waiter-in-a-restaurant'-comment. For some reason Kita shivered, but she ate on.  
  
*  
  
Jax got out of bed. He couldn't stand it anymore. He had been trying to go to sleep for hours, but all that happened was that he was bothered by his thoughts and inner voices, scared by the shadows on the walls that seemed to move, and the walls itself that seemed to keep coming closer.  
  
He left his room and stepped onto the corridor. Good, there was a lot more space there. But he still didn't feel good. Like a child that woke up from a bad dream, he considered to seek comfort from someone that would surely give it, no questions asked. He decided to look for Raja's room.  
  
*  
  
A knock at Darts door. He lay flat on his bed, hands behind his head, frozen like a robot. He wasn't sleeping. There was a second knock at the door, and in a cold voice Dart invited whoever was on the other side to come in.  
  
Raja opened the door, to his surprise. Her hair was loose, a waterfall of gold, she wore a white, short nightgown and she was without her babyboy.  
  
"Can I come in?"she asked in a gentle, whisperish voice.  
  
Dart nodded, trying not to look interested, and sat up so he could face her properly. With small, graceful steps she moved to his bed and sat on the edge, like she had sat on Jax's bed earlier this day. This time too, she fidgeted around with the blanket in silence.  
  
"Any particular reason why you disturbed me?"Dart asked. He watched her, her closed eyes and the peaceful look on her face, and somehow... she still fascinated him. She was like an alien sometimes, unknown to this world and a stranger to what Earth-people considered normal social activities.  
  
"About last night... I didn't mean to bother you,"she said in a soft voice. Dart got a little closer, pretending that he just couldn't hear what she was saying; why did that woman had to whisper anyway?  
  
She fidgeted with the blanket a bit and smiled again. Dart didn't like it when people smiled for reasons unknown to him, so he asked: "What's so funny?"  
  
"The way you lay in bed. Like a mummie. I bet when you crawl out of it in the morning, it still looks like the chambermaid just came by. You never really let yourself go. That's a shame, because if you let yourself go, you can experience the most beautiful things. Things that make you feel like your hart caves in,"she said.  
  
"A warrior must be in control of his emotions,"Dart simply said.  
  
"But you have something special. I can see it in your eyes. I could just draw your eyes. There's a light in it that doesn't want to be restrained by anything. Warriors shouldn't know fear, right? You're afraid to lose control, to let anyone come near,"she said.  
  
"I'm not afraid of anything. You just don't know what you're talking about,"Dart mumbled indignated.  
  
"There's a lot of difference between you and me. I want to free my mind, you want to tie it down to earth. I believe that beauty, bliss and true love all form some sort of good power, and that that power is the origin of everything; something you can depend on. You probably think strength is the only thing a person can depend on. I know that if people live their lives right, everything they do becomes a work of art -their moves, their clothes, even the way they make their bed. That's my greatest fascination. Yours is probably your warriormoves,"she said with a slight smirk.  
  
"What's your point?"Dart asked, trying to hide is interest.  
  
"Maybe it's our differences I like. Or maybe it's the fact that somehow we're alike as well. I don't know, but you're spectucular for some reason. You make me wanna feel like glass. I've never wanted to give myself to someone with the choice to destroy me. You're putting me in... overdrive. And I hope-"  
  
Raja was cut short when Dart kissed her. He drew her closer, next to him in bed.  
  
*  
  
Jax had been looking for Raja's room. She was such a nice girl... Undoubtly she would know a way to comfort him. She was the mother of the tribe that couldn't control her children, in fact, let them control her. But she was always there when you needed her.  
  
But then Jax's attention was caught by something interesting. He heard voices coming from some room. He recognised... Kita's voice... and Trojans! Suddenly, Jax had forgot all about his plan to go to Raja. He went to find the source of those voice, hoping to get a glimpse of Trojan, and hoping that he would be in a better mood.  
  
*  
  
"So Iz called the girl and SM-queen and that guy a Jax-look-a-like. He did look like Jax a lot, actually,"Trojan said.  
  
Kita had first been very pleased when Trojan finally started a conversation, but then got freaked again as it seemed Trojan wasn't really interested in her as a partner for a conversation. It was like he was talking to himself, or an audience. But that scary smile still didn't leave his face.  
  
Kita put down her fork. "Trojan... you don't like me, do you?"she asked with a blank face.  
  
"What? Ofcourse I do, don't be crazy...,"Trojan said with a fake laugh, and tried to list reasons in his head, reasons for Kita thinking he didn't like her. Did she all of the sudden lose her well-known confidence. Did she think she was fat? Ugly?  
  
"Trojan, this is... this won't bring you anywhere. You know, I can tell a whole lot about people by just looking at them. I've been observing you sice you came to our tribe. I do that with everybody, when they're not looking. To get to know if they can, you know, be trusted. I was never quite sure about you. And see, I now know for sure that you don't like me. I know you're doing this because... Look Trojan, you don't have to pretend, okay? That'll only make you feel bad in the end. You, you have to face up to what you really are. You don't have to be ashamed, I have no problem with it, and I'm sure the others won't either. We're not that narrowminded,"Kita said carefully, not really getting to a point.  
  
"I have no idea what you're talking about,"Trojan said coldly.  
  
"I... think you have to do some thinking of your own. It's getting late, I guess I'll head back to my own room. But it was a very lovely dinner, thank you for that,"Kita said. She got up and left. She just left.  
  
Trojan was stunned. How could she? Who did she think she was? Saying those things to him... What did she think about him? What would she tell the others, when they asked her how her date was? The girls would talk about it, ofcourse. Would she tell them the same as what she told him, or more? Would she tell them exactly what happened, her thoughts about everything?  
  
Trojans blood started to boil. How could he have been so stupid? How could he invite Kita of all people, Kita, who could look through anybody? Well, the answer was simple: all real men were attracted to Kita. So Trojan told himself he should be to, and he would earn the respect and credit of the guys if he would ask her on a date. He would be one of them. He wouldn't be cast-out, the guys wouldn't turn from him in disgust because of him... not liking girls.  
  
That was the nicest way of combining what Trojan thought was his disease in words. A secret. And Kita, that bitch, was likely to bring it all out. And all because Trojan had thought of that plan, that stupid plan in such a hurry.  
  
He threw the plates and glasses of the table in a rage. He wanted to go after Kita, slap her in the face for not making his plan work, for making it fail completely as a matter of fact. Why did she have to have sch great psychological insight?  
  
But she wasn't the real reason. The source of the problem, the reason for him thinking of this plan was... Jax. Trojan grit his teeth as he thought about Jax, mostly because he also felt something beside anger when thinking about Jax. He was the cause of all his problems. Why wouldn't Jax just die, why didn't that idiot really starve himself to death, or at least never leave his room again? Why did Jax have to be so... fascinating and wonderful -don't!, he screamed inside his head.  
  
Trojan clawed his hand, until the fingernails pierced the flesh of his palm and blood started to swell up in small, vermillion dots.  
  
Trojan got out of his room, maybe planning to go after Kita, but then he saw Jax standing in the hallway. That sneak had been listening to their little dinnertalk the whole time! Trojan had enough of it. Right now all he wanted was to project his anger at something, destroy something, and what better person to aim this rage at than the cause of all his problems: Jax? 


	6. Nightcolours

PART 6: NIGHTCOLOURS  
  
Kita strolled down the stairs, slowly. There was no need to hurry, no need to do anything. She thought about the disaster-dinner, and what she just said to Trojan. She wondered if he was angry. He certainly looked that way.  
  
Kita wasn't bothered by it all. Not nervous, or ashamed, or sad, or anything. She just felt at peace; it was a lovely night. The full moon was a nearly orange circle placed in the clear, star-covered sky. It was nice and warm, but not too warm. It would've been a perfect night for a romantic dinner. Oh well. Kita didn't had any reason to feel bad, she guessed it was Trojan who was feeling bad right now. But Kita merely told him what was on her mind.  
  
She walked into the cafeteria, her long dress flowing around her legs in an ocean of darkblue. Randy and Justine were both still up and awake, sitting at a table in the corner of the café, talking to eachother, as usual. Kita picked up the word 'kung-fu-moves' and guessed they were still talking about their fight against the gang of thieves. That story had already been told about a million times tonight.  
  
Iz was also still sitting in the café. She had no one to talk to, but didn't seem all too eager to talk either. She had rested her head on her hands, and with a slight smile she watched Aaron, sitting at the other end of a table, drinking milk from a cup.  
  
The milk had been brought from the new supermarket, the one Kita had been to with Zion and Scott, and the guy that had claimed the supermarket had gotten it from a farm. There seemed to be a lot of trading going on with farms outside of town around here.  
  
The milk would probably already start to go bad tomorrow, so they had to use it all up now. Aaron was more than happy to do that, it was a nice replacement for the mothermilk Raja usually gave him. Kita wondered where Raja was anyway, she was never further than ten foot away from her kid.  
  
Aaron looked up at her, not the least bit tired, even though it was already late. He curled his lips -with cute milk-moustache- into a smile for her. That kid was always smiling, no matter what.  
  
Kita took place at the table. "Where's Raja?"she asked Iz.  
  
"Oh, Raja had to take care of... something. Wouldn't know what she meant by that. Anyway, she asked me to watch Aaron in meantime. Say Kita... would you like to have children?"Iz asked, out of the blue.  
  
Kita pulled up her upperlip in an automatic sign of disgust. Sure, kids were fun, when all you had to do was look at how cute they were and play with them now and then. But to have one of your own brats, who you had to feed, who would wake you up in the middle of the night, who would wet his bed, who would scream and cry, who would cause trouble and make a mess of everything, whose diapers you had to changed? No, kids were only fun when they weren't yours.  
  
"Would you?"Kita asked Iz amazed.  
  
Iz looked at Aaron again, who had gone back to sipping his milk, and a dreamy mist took over her eyes. "Maybe,"she said.  
  
This came as a surprise to Kita, who had known Iz since she was ten. Iz's favorite hobby at that time had been to throw her sisters Barbies of balcony's and to poke their eyes out with electric drills, to bang in the heads of babydolls and cut them open and so forth. She was like some sort of student in a torturechamber. At school she picked on the first-graders and Iz had a habit of scaring the living hell out of her little sister. She had never seemed to keen on caring and mothering. Why did Iz brought this up now anyway?  
  
Kita shrugged her shoulders under Iz's dreamy look, and started munching on an apple.  
  
*  
  
"What. The. Hell. Are. You. Doing. Here!?"Trojan asked Jax in a furious tone. The younger teen froze and his black eyes turned to the white floor in horror.  
  
"Hey! I asked you a question, retard!"Trojan snapped. Jax opened his mouth, but was too scared to say anything. He couldn't stand screaming. Every voice was ten times louder and more vicious to him. He couldn't stand it when people were angry. Trojan of all people. He liked Trojan.  
  
"You were spying on us, weren't you, freak?! What did you see? What did you hear? What, cat got your tongue? Say something!!"Trojan yelled. He felt rage take over his head, he didn't even know why. He was furious, it stabbed tiny needles of redhot anger in his mind, and Jax's silence got him even more annoyed, until he couldn't take it anymore.  
  
Trojan didn't even know why. He walked over to Jax, and Jax winced. Trojan swinged his fist and hit Jax against the eye. The black-haired boy fell to the ground.  
  
"Would you get lost, damn it!"Trojan yelled and he walked away, his angry, loud footsteps echoing through the hallway.  
  
Jax got up in a daze, the world spinning around him, holding a hand against his painful face. In total awe, he watched Trojan leave. Then he stumbled back to his room.  
  
*  
  
/Never near me enough, never enough in my arms  
  
I drink from you, oasis, lover, in the shadow of the palms  
  
I'll be burnt to ashes here, by the wind I'll be blown away  
  
Sweet rapture for eternity, forever I'll make you stay/  
  
Dart drew Raja closer, felt her smooth, creamy skin, her gentle curves. She was perfect in every way. She only stopped kissing him long enough to sigh: "I love you."  
  
*  
  
Iz patted Aaron on the head. "Had enough to drink, kiddo?"she asked. Aaron nodded happily. Iz wiped off his milk-moustache and said: "It's getting late. You should be getting to bed, mister."  
  
The word 'bed' seemed to make the toddler realise how tired he was all of the sudden, because his eyes started to fall shut and he yawned. Iz lifted him off his chair and carried him upstairs in her arms. Aaron was so adorable. It felt so nice to take care of such a warm, little creature that was not independant, that needed you. If she had a kid, she would want it to be like Aaron...  
  
What was she thinking? What was all this baby-stuff all of the sudden? She never wanted a baby before... Hm, the lack of sleep was probably doing strange things to her head.  
  
Iz walked past Zion and greeted him. Zion nodded to her with a smile, and Iz giggled like a schoolgirl (only mentally, ofcourse) when she realised how cute he really was. Cute...? The last time she used that word was to refer to a member of a boyband, when she was eleven! 'Cute' was nearly as bad as 'dreamy'. What in the world is wrong with my head? Iz asked herself.  
  
Iz walked past Darts room and froze to the floor in utter amazement for a second, when she heard the noises from that room. It wasn't hard to guess what was going on in there... And she recognized Raja's voice. Raja and Dart?!  
  
"Guess Dart and Raja are throwing a private party,"she mumbled underneath her breath, trying not to laugh.  
  
Aaron suddenly woke up with the words: "I wan' uh party!"  
  
This caused Iz to laugh out loud and she rushed to Aarons room, to put him to bed, hoping no one heard her.  
  
*  
  
Jax sat in his room. A pounding of pain, like slow waves of an ocean, kept flooding through the leftside of his face. But he didn't pay attention to it, he hardly even noticed it. He was sitting, frozen in movement, thinking about what just happened.  
  
Trojan. His mind put a picture together, and Jax could swear Trojan was standing in the corner of his room, hidden in the shadows. Right there, over by the chair... What definitely made Jax believe this delusion, was that he could aslo hear Trojans voice, spitting venom at him.  
  
"The world hates you,"Trojan said. Jax simply nodded in agreement; that was true. He started to rock back and forth a little, comforting himself. He let the voice flow over him, taking in its word and destroying himself.  
  
"The world spits on you and everything you stand for,"Trojans voice continued. "Why don't you do us all a favour, do something good for a change... You know, make the world a better place... And finish yourself off. That's what I would've done ages ago if I were as pathetic as you are. Are you so selfish you can't see how you totally disgust other people? Weak son of a bitch. Everything would be better if you placed a knife on your wrist, there where the skin is thin and you can see those fragile blue veins and..."  
  
It just kept going on and on and on. Jax slowly covered his ears, but that didn't help; the voice was everywhere. Part of him. And it would keep talking. Talking until Jax finally gave in.  
  
*  
  
Iz lay little Aaron, who was already half-asleep, in his bed. His tiny bed had been moved into Raja's room from the child's ward of the hospital. Iz pulled the spotless blanket over the toddler with his thumb in his mouth, his blonde hair a mess. He was so cute, she couldn't resist temptation. She sang a lullaby until the big green eyes fell shut completely, then placed a goodnight-kiss on his soft forehead, under which his innocent baby-dreams were dancing.  
  
Iz felt strange when she left the room. What got her into mothering all of the sudden? That was really not her style. Taking in the rest of tonight's event, she came to the conclusion that she had gone insane. Before you know it, she would want a child of her own.  
  
Yeah, maybe with Zion.  
  
Iz was totally stunned by her own thought. Zion?! What did he had to do with any of this? She hardly even knew the guy -well, for as far as you can not know a person when you're members of the same tribe. She never wanted a baby at all, and now all of the sudden she wanted one from Zion of all people?!  
  
No. Just crazy thoughts. I need to get some sleep, Iz thought.  
  
It was indeed late already. It surprised Iz that Aaron had managed to stay awake for this long. The moon had already completed half of her silver journey through the dark sky.  
  
Iz imagined a silverwhite wagon in front of her eyes, pulled by pale horses, with a moongoddess in it... Iz loved to let her imagination get the best of her. She was short on concentration. Whenever she saw something interesting (something that might seem insignificant to the next best person) she couldn't help but fantasizing away about it, now matter how little it had to with what she was doing at that time. She had a tree in her head, fed by the world and all its amazing wonders, and every now and then a story or a myth would grow from it.  
  
Iz imagined on about this moongoddess in her silver wagon, and gave her a name, she made up herself: Nayala. Maybe she would tell that story to Aaron. Or to her own child, someday.  
  
Iz shook her head, again amazed and slightly disgusted. Get real, she told herself and closed the door to Raja's room, losing her view on the sleeping Aaron. Time for herself to get some shut-eye.  
  
*  
  
Trojan set in a corner of his room. He felt like he was hollow on the inside, and he couldn't recall to ever feeling this... empty. Emotions were terribly numb, and it's like the world, his room, was miles away from it, even though he was just sitting in it.  
  
He thought about tonight's events, in complete silence. Just what exactly happened?  
  
Kita's words, and how she left. She left with such an awfully nice look on her face, like she understood something Trojan didn't even know about himself. And god, was that ever damn annoying.  
  
She left, without further ado, only leaving him one bit of advice: do some thinking of yourself. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Why couldn't she just spit out what she had to say, clearly, that would've been better than that idiotic babbling.  
  
And gone she was again. Trojan wanted to go after her, because he had the feeling she would tell her friends something. Something bad about him. Something that had do with those things she had told him tonight. Trojan had already forgot what Kita had said exactly, and that made everything seem worse.  
  
He had been so angry, then saw Jax on the hallway, and the sight of Jax especially nearly made his eyes roll back with rage. When Jax didn't say anything, it had made Trojan so angry he had punched him directly in the face, and then he had stormed off.  
  
Five minutes later Trojan had already forgotten what it had all been about, and he was death-ashamed of himself. He promised himself never to lose control again, never again, not after that... incident at his last school.  
  
'Incident'? his mind yelled in disbelief. You nearly killed somebody!  
  
Trojan recalled to the last month at his school, and he couldn't remember exactly what had gotten him so angry -he NEVER seemed to be able to remember what got him angry- but he flew at another student in a rage, punching him. Even when the boy was already unconscious, he wouldn't stop. Luckily, there were others to make Trojan stop. The unfortunate boy was in a coma for nearly three weeks, and Trojan would've been shipped off either to jail or the mental institution... but then the virus broke out.  
  
Trojan now realized perfectly well why Zion gave Dart the job of chief of security. Dart was in perfect, absolute control of his emotions. Trojan secretly envied him. If he wouldn't left to cool down somewhere, could he have killed Jax? Well, he could've at least made his injuries a lot worse.  
  
Trojan tried to remember why he hated Jax so much at that moment, that he punched him down. Why did his memory always fail him at times like this?  
  
He should go apologize to Jax. But something just stopped him, some fierce, violent, nameless hate, that laid hidden somewhere in his mind -buried in his mind, quickly covered with as much soil as could possibly be found. And know Trojan didn't know how to dig it up again, even though he wasn't sure if he wanted to.  
  
What was buried there, brought forth a ghost, that, as ghosts do, only came at dark times, mumbling unclear messages, and never showing itself clearly. If Trojan would dig up what lay hidden, would the ghost find peace? But how was Trojan supposed to know what was buried anyway?  
  
Why did his memory fail him at times like these?  
  
*  
  
/A Queen of Snow  
  
Far beyond compare  
  
Lips attuned to symmetry  
  
Sought her everywhere  
  
Dark liquored eyes  
  
An Arabian nightmare...  
  
~ Cradle of Filth- Her Ghost in the Fog/  
  
Kita strolled out of the hospital, through the opened automatic sliding doors, that would never work again. She lingered in front of the hospital, letting the slight breeze that was carried from the sea run through her ebony, golden-striped hair.  
  
A beautiful, clear night. A full moon and a velvet sky over which the sky's fires were spreaded. Kita's dark eyes locked with one of those stars, shining brightly like Christ was reborn.  
  
A falling star would be nice. If you saw a falling star, you could make a wish. Kita would wish that the world wasn't such a strange, cold and awfully complicated place. Maybe she would wish to be a little child forever. Innocent, blessed with ignorance -like Aaron. Aaron would soon have to grow up, forced to mature at an unnatural age, to face the horrors of this world.  
  
Kita remembered how uncomplicated everything had seemed when she was five, and didn't know of anything. And now that she was grown-up -a tottering senior citizen of eighteen, she thought, and this made her snicker- it all seemed so... weird.  
  
Like she was really just living a dream. A dream in which everything seemed distant, unreal, not the slightest bit realistic. Like you could just leave your body any second and fly to a the Mount Everest, where you would throw a teaparty and be joined by some celebrities. Weird.  
  
She remembered a Chinese philosopher who once said: "I dreamt I was a butterfly, doing exactly what a butterfly did. Then I woke up, and I was a man once again. Now I don't know if I'm a man that dreamt he was a butterfly, or a butterfly that's still dreaming he's a man."  
  
Interesting, really. Kita's life felt much like a dream, and she was wondering if someone, a girl in the real universe, was now laying in her bed, sleeping soundlessly, dreaming how her parents died, along with all the other adults, from an awful virus, and how the children started to form tribes, and how she lived in nature. Maybe the real her was laying in a coma now, for three years maybe, and all those years she had been dreaming about this world. Or maybe she was insane, she was now really in a isolationchamber, babbling about viruses and tribes, and it would all go over as soon as they gave her some Thorazine...  
  
Where did she get crazy thoughts like this? God knows. She was definitely not a shallow person, just because she was beautiful. No, she loved to think about things. And sometimes she would come up with the strangest, but somehow logical things. She wouldn't have done bad as a philosopher.  
  
*  
  
A young man watched the perfect silhouette from the shadows, gasping in amazement. The flawless face. The dark, mysterious eyes. The black hair with hints of flaming brass. He had seen her before, and had delighted in spying upon her whenever he had the chance. Today she had been with a group, looking for food, and he followed her throughout the whole city.  
  
Surrounded by her tribe... She had always been surrounded by her tribe... But not now. Now she was all on her own. Now he could do whatever he wanted. Tear the veil of grace, like he loved to do to those picture- perfect girls that would normally tell him to get lost; he could make her cry, her harlot mouth opened in a scream of pain. He loved it when they screamed. And she would undoubtly be the most beautiful one. He could imagine her face, an avalanche of pearl, of ruby wine.  
  
She was alone now. The whore he hated and loved, since he had seen her entering the city. She was his.  
  
*  
  
Nightcolours. The night wasn't just black, it had plenty of colours. To Kita, philosophizing the stars, it was frostblue. To Iz, looking at her ceiling while slowly falling alseep it was mystwhite. To Raja, laying drowsily and unimaginably happy in the arms of the sleeping Dart, it was gold. To the dreaming Aaron it was a whole variety of happy shades of yellow, red and blue, in a candyparadise.  
  
To Jax it was crimsonred. The violent understream, rapidly flowing through his mind, wildly, accompanied by thunder, dragging away everything on the sides and destroying what had been carefully build up, had gone from the passive grey and black to an active shade.  
  
Jax took up the scalpel. The blade flashed in the light of moon, throwing sparks of silver reflection through the room. Jax had left his body. He sat, crawled up like a foetus, in a tiny shaded corner of his mind, and let the violence take over.  
  
Jax could never really explain why he did this. Maybe because to him the world was so confusing, his whole mind became a chaos, a river that flowed over, thus destroying everything, causing pain. And Jax had to do something to get rid of that pain. He wasn't like Trojan, he couldn't just throw his anger and confusion into the world outside and punch someone a black eye.  
  
Trojan... Jax looked into the pale mirror above the tiny sink in his room. Jax through the looking glass scowled at him, just as pale as he was, with the strange purple and brown colours around one eye. Trojan had every reason to hit him; Jax had been overhearing their conversation. Spying on them. It was a bad thing of him, but then again, he couldn't do anything right. It was in his nature to always do the wrong thing, displease others. Destined to fail.  
  
The pain on the inside whirled around, flowing through his head until there was no reasonable thought, no real thought left. Until his movements where like that of a robot, until all life and presence had left his eyes and they went scarily matte, until he appeared perfectly, eerily calm, like people are when they're losing it.  
  
Jax never liked in, when his mind just seemed to leave his body. He needed it back, he needed to feel again, cause pain on the outside to smother the strange pain on the inside, the pain that seemed to come out of nowhere with absolutely no reason and started spreading like a virus, like fungus, until his mind was insanely empty.  
  
Jax had done this before. He had already discovered this in... what, sixth grade? And even before that he already had ways of hurting himself when things got too complicated. It wasn't like he got a kick from it, like he enjoyed it. He needed it, because he feared that if he wouldn't, he would lose himself completely. That mind, thaughts and memory would be like a computerfile deleted. That he would finally be lured into the dark void.  
  
Jax didn't like the idea of non-existing. That's why he was terrified of death, because, just imagine that there was really nothing after death, and that Jax as a person would disappear, forever...? But, on the other side he longed for it, because life, for some odd and unexplainable reason, was also unbearable. It had been unbearable from day one, problems that seemed tiny had stacked up, and now the slightest things drove him to the edge.  
  
The edge... He had been there before. That was also a thing he was scared of. He was scared of death, but the thought was also appealing. What if he would just lose control one day and kill himself? So for now, to keep control just a little bit, he needed the cutting. He had to preserve a bit of himself. He couldn't lose control completely.  
  
Totally calm, Jax brought the scalpel down. He wasn't freaking out. Screaming or crying. He just knew what had to be done. And after this, things would be okay again... for a short time. Zion, for as far as Jax knew, was the only person that knew of it (Jax wasn't aware of the fact that Kita once saw his scars). Zion had told him not to do it anymore. With the best of intentions ofcourse, he made sure not to let Jax come near anything sharp, but Zion didn't know what it was like... Zion believed Jax hadn't injured himself for a year, and believed he kicked the habit, but the leader that was usually aware of everything was totally wrong on this subject.  
  
Jax brought the sharp edge to the pale skin of one of his lowerarms, that was a map of pain. A battlefield really, every scar a landmark representing some event Jax had experienced as horrible and unbearable, like life was horrible and unbearable for him. Sometimes he told himself not to complain so much... but he couldn't help feeling how he felt.  
  
Jax let the scalpel balance there for a second. It hadn't been hard to find the blade. Entire examinationrooms and operationrooms full of it. A hospital; stuffed with sharp things. They had to stay at a hospital of all places. Jax smirked, it was actually kinda funny.  
  
Jax let the scalped slide over his arm slowly, nearly gracefully. He just had to let it slide, these things of surgeon steel were awfully sharp. At first there was just a thin, long gap in the skin. Then it slowly turned pink. Then slowly it turned red, and dark vermillion drops started to run down, very slowly. It always ran slowly, this dark blood.  
  
Jax remembered how Zion used to be interested in the ancient Egyptian knowledge, when he was much younger. He had read something to Jax, about how the Egyptians were great doctors. They thought that the clear-coloured, bright blood (that which came from artery's) was the blood of happy emtions. The darker, slower blood was that of the dark, bad emotions and hate.  
  
Man, those Egyptians really were smart, Jax thought as he watched the dark crimson run down slowly.  
  
Jax already felt he started to return a little. He felt a stinging pain from the cut, but it didn't feel like pain to him. At least, he didn't consider it to be, for him it just meant he came back. But it wasn't enough yet. Faster now, losing his patience, Jax attacked his arms, drawing more violent lines on a cruel artwork. And it worked. For him it did.  
  
*  
  
Kita sat on a little bench, right in front of the hospital. More than half of the tribe was already sleeping, but Kita didn't feel tired. She just couldn't tear her dark gaze from the sky, just as dark. The moon that graced it, a cold portrait. For some reason it made Kita think of all the men she had, and how none of them really pleased her. /So haunted is my silent heart... dreaming only of the Moon.../  
  
And then, all of the sudden, she heard it. A gasp and a sigh, definitely human. Kita looked over her shoulder quickly, but the source of this noise was nowhere to be seen.  
  
Kita shivered and suddenly noticed how cold it was, especially because she was sitting there in her thin, sleeveless dress. She decided, even though that gasp was probably just the wind, it was time to go back inside anyway.  
  
She got of the bench, and the sliding doors of the hospital (that didn't slide anymore) were a mere fifteen feet away. Yet she never made it to the door. Out of nowhere, something struck her down, sending a jolt of pain through her head and shutting off her view. She had already lost consciousness before she fell to the ground. 


	7. Morningbells

PART 7: MORNINGBELLS  
  
Kita groaned, she felt dizzy and waves of pain washed over her head, accompanied by a pounding noise like a drum. Kita already started to think she drank a little too much wine last night... no, impossible, it was like one glass.  
  
All of the sudden, she fully came to her senses, woke up completely. The moment she did, her hart missed a beat, literally, and the blood in her veins turned to ice. Her whole body shook with the shivers of fear that went through it, like an electric shock.  
  
She was awake, but she saw nothing but the blackest darkness. She had gone blind.  
  
It had always been Kita's greatest fear to go blind. To never see the world again, and to be so helpless. She tried to imagine what it could be like once, to look into pure darkness for the rest of your life, and she had shivered. One time she had gotten shampoo in her eye and she had gone totally hysteric, spending nearly an hour on trying to wash it out.  
  
Blind. She couldn't see anything. A squeal started in the bottom of her throat, rising up, in a loud, waving yell, that sounded much like the shriek of a mad woman, but she didn't care. She bursted into tears. She would never see again.  
  
Her sobbing stopped as abruptly as it started when she noticed other things. She felt... something on her face. On her eyes... a soft fabric. She let out a sigh of relief when she realized she wasn't blind after all, but there was something laying on her face, covering her eyes. Maybe one of the Argonauts thought it would have been a very funny joke to blindfold her.  
  
With a sigh of exasperation, Kita wanted to move her hand to her face to remove whatever it was that covered her eyes. But then she came to another eerie realization. She couldn't move her hands. She tried, but she could only lift them a little bit. They were restrained and... so were her feet.  
  
She tried to move, but couldn't. She was laying somewhere -yes, she now realized she was laying, on a bed, it seemed- and she had been tied down. God damn it, which of her tribe-members could've played such a stupid joke on her?! Kita growled annoyed, but sort of came to the conclusion that these type of jokes weren't really the style of any of her tribe-members.  
  
Kita lay there, perfectly silent and motionless for a few minutes, restrained to a bed with a covered face. "Er... guys, this isn't funny, let me go...,"she tried, a small spark of hope in her voice. Undoubtly someone would appear now, to untie her and take her blindfold away, and then Kita could slap that person in the face for playing such a stupid joke on her.  
  
Silence. Her ears registered nothing but silence.  
  
"Hey! Bastards! I said: this isn't funny, now untie me already!"Kita yelled, trying to sound as dangerous as she possibly could. Again, no one responded. "Oh God,"Kita muttered as she tried to recall last night's events. She had been sitting outside... then all of the sudden something had hit her in the head -that was the cause of her headache. None of her fellow tribe-members would ever do such a thing. Nor would they tie her up by means of a joke.  
  
She was laying somewhere, tied down, and nobody responded to her cries. Kita became so scared at that moment that she just seem to lose it for one second. One second, in which her hart sank to her feet, her mind disappeared, like an inner eye blinked to a bright light. Then she just fainted.  
  
*  
  
Dart watched the creature in his arms, the weight on his chest that he woke up with. A soft face, round nose, closed eyes with a decoration of thick, golden-brown eyelashes. An ocean of dark gold, silk from thousand spinning- mills, curled in strange plantlike forms on his chest. Her full, pink lips... with her thumb in between. Raja was actually sucking her thumb. Nobody had really tried to get her off that habit, but she stopped it herself. Only in her sleep, when she felt sad and alone, but also when she felt the opposite -happiness- she could fall back to her childlike ways.  
  
She looked so pure and touching and beautiful. Her breath was soft and warm, the scent of it made Dart recall... last night. His memory didn't went any further back then the moment that he joined the Argonauts, and he didn't care about his past either. So he simply recalled the best thing he could remember.  
  
Last night. Him. And Raja. And the sweet, innocent beauty laying next to him, untouched and undamaged by this terribly judgmental world. Dart wondered... then his mind threw a cover over his eyes, and he looked at her in a complete different way all of the sudden. The thumb in her mouth not touching, but a sign of weakness. Her closeness to him not enlightening but sickening. She slept with him, while she hardly knew him. The weakling. And he let her drag him along.  
  
She dragged him along in her despicable weakness. She was nothing more but a slag, and he was actually tempted by her, he wasn't able to resist her. He wasn't able to keep control. Not able to control his emotions, a simple thing every warrior, every man should be capable of. Now he was no better than her.  
  
He awoke her rudely, shaking her shoulders. Raja groaned a little, a very cute sound. She let the thumb slide from her mouth, a little embarrassed, and looked at Dart with a blissful smile. She was shocked to see him stare back with hatred and disgust burning in his eyes.  
  
"Get. Out." he hissed, and Raja nearly started to tremble because of the hate in his voice. She was so oversensitive, and she could perfectly feel how much she sickened him at the moment. She crawled back, and continued to face him. Her eyes began to glow and her cheeks tinted violent red. Her eyebrows twisted in a frown, refusing to understand.  
  
Dart was nearly touched, by it. One part of his mind was at least, but this made the other part of his mind hate her even more violently, and he wanted to shout it in her face. But he didn't have to. She already left the room with furious steps and her fists, those small, pretty hands clenched. Dart saw one last glimpse of her face before she slammed the door to his room shut -she was crying.  
  
Dart thought there was something fascinating about people becoming so upset that their eyes would leak... before he found out it was a sign of weakness, that is. And he couldn't repeat it to himself often enough: weakness was wrong. Emotions equal weakness. Don't get carried away, always stay in control. And make sure that little tramp doesn't get near you again.  
  
*  
  
Iz held a stuffed bunny with one button-eye dangling from a loose thread. It was a bit of a sooty, old thing. She had found it in the children's ward of the hospital. It might be old, but nothing ever was in perfect shape in this world, and Iz had the feeling that Aaron might still appreciate it.  
  
She was just walking up to the room that belonged to Raja and Aaron, when all of the sudden she saw Raja storming through the hallway, her fists trembling and her eyes dark and wet. Raja shot Iz one furious glare (if looks could kill, Iz would have to be buried the next morning) and then she entered her room, slamming the door shut behind her.  
  
Iz was utterly stunned. She had never seen Raja this angry. Come to think about it, she couldn't recall to ever seeing Raja getting angry. The cute girl with the daisy on her cheek and her big space heart and her endless patience, getting pissed of at anyone, no matter what that person had done?  
  
Not only that, the girl had looked hurt too. Iz could've gone in to ask her what wrong, but she wasn't that curious. She could've also gone in to comfort Raja, but she was definitely not the comforting type. She didn't like tears, upset, angry people and she having to make that all better again. She never knew what to say and usually ended up insulting them anyway.  
  
So Iz just shrugged her shoulders and decided she'd best give Aaron his present later. It was time for breakfast anyway.  
  
*  
  
Raja let her tears flow, her brown eyes islands in a salt ocean of hurt, her face striped with wet sadness. Raja had never let herself go this much. She usually held back her tears, trying to stay cheery for everyone else. She wasn't a big fan of crying. But she didn't care anymore.  
  
She thought she could trust Dart. It was stupid of her, but for some reason he just seemed like such a trustworthy, noble person to her. And he hadn't denied her last night. It had been fantastic, and Raja had felt so complete. She had never felt like that in all of her life.  
  
But she couldn't trust him. Just like the others. They can't be trusted. Use you, then they don't need you anymore. Raja could've known, but she kept hope, saying to herself that he just needed to be persuaded. That he was just a tough guy, that even he could give in. But it wasn't all of that, he just couldn't be trusted. He turned his back on her.  
  
Just like Aaron's father had done. Just like her foster-parents had done. When would she ever learn, that she couldn't trust anybody?  
  
*  
  
Jax made sure to cover up the gashes with the sleeves of his dark top. Red on white, criss-cross, forming a macabre pattern. The cuts had closed and gone brown-red. In a few weeks they would be scars, like the others. Right now they itched, like every healing wound does. Jax scratched the itch away. He opened some of the cuts, which started bleeding again, but he didn't pay attention to it. Or maybe he did, but it pleased him.  
  
He had gained control again, for a short while. He just hoped none of the others would find out, but they couldn't possibly, all the cuts were covered up. On the other side he did want them to find out... Ambivalent. He was ambivalent. Yeah, that's the word, and it really seemed to fit all his thoughts and actions.  
  
Jax sighed. Now he shouldn't raise any suspicions. He should just go downstairs and have breakfast, with the others.  
  
Jax had completely forgotten about the last time he sat in the cafeteria, which was only last night. He had panicked. A sleepless night, containing self-harm, followed. But he didn't think about that, and he completely underestimated the situation. Sure, he would just go down and have breakfast.  
  
Jax left his room. He never even thought about the black eye that disgraced his face.  
  
*  
  
Iz jumped off the stairs, taking three at the time, and she went through the hallway nearly hopping around like a schoolgirl. All that is missing are two pigtails and a tartan skirt, Iz thought with a touch of sarcasm.  
  
But she couldn't help it, she was in a good mood today. But her good mood was about to be crushed.  
  
*  
  
Scott had been standing in front of the door like ten minutes. He had been thoughtful enough to think about getting Kita for breakfast, but now he was afraid to knock... He loathed this day, even though it had just begun. Kita would undoubtly tell all the girls about her escapades with Trojan last night.  
  
Why can't I be like Trojan? Scott wondered.  
  
He sighed and knocked on Kita's door. "Kita? Are you already awake? It's time for breakfast,"he said in a gentle, soft voice. He got no reply from Kita. "Ahem... Kita, time for breakfast, get up!"he said a little louder, and accompanied his voice by a few more knocks on the door.  
  
Again, nothing.  
  
Scott frowned. "You don't want any breakfast?"he asked in a bit of a concerned voice. Again, he heard no answer and figured that Kita might be laying in bed, sick, or something. He slowly opened the door. "I'm coming in,"he warned, closing his eyes just in case she happened to be undressing.  
  
After hearing no answer he opened his eyes again and didn't saw Kita undressing, in fact, he didn't saw Kita at all. She wasn't in her room, and her bed hadn't been slept on.  
  
Scott tried to figure this out, and with a sting of jealousy he figured there was nothing to worry about. Ofcourse. She had spent the night with Trojan. Trojan that all the girl's like. She must've had a great time last night.  
  
With firm steps he walked away, to the cafeteria.  
  
*  
  
Iz, Zion, Randy, Justine, Kera, Dart ánd Trojan were already sitting at the small, round dinner-tables in the cafeteria. Raja came walking in too, holding her baby-boy. She walked right past Dart, not even paying the slightest bit of attention to him, and took place at the same table as Trojan. Dart seemed to be left careless, and kept his Siberian temper.  
  
"Hey, Raj, what's up?"Trojan asked. His voice missed every bit of cheeriness and activity, something that tended to be present in it.  
  
"Not up, down,"Raja said in the same kind of voice. "You too, judging by the look on your face."  
  
"Yeah well...,"Trojan said. "Have you ever hit someone, Raja?"he asked her, out of the blue.  
  
"Hm... no. No, I don't think so,"she said.  
  
"And... if you hit a person for basically no reason at all, that would be very wrong, right?"Trojan asked.  
  
"Well, ofcourse. Why do you ask?"Raja said, frowning and chuckling at the same time.  
  
"Oh, nothing,"Trojan said and he fell silent.  
  
Scott was the next one to enter the cafeteria, and he was a little surprised to see that Kita wasn't there, even though Trojan was. But he was too jealous at the moment to decide it was worth his attention, so he just took his seat.  
  
Kera served breakfast in little baskets and on dinner-plates, and as always, it looked delicious. They couldn't wait to attack, especially Iz. "When do we eat already? Hey, Fearless Leader, I'm getting hungry,"Iz said, discontent.  
  
"We eat when everyone is sitting at the table, alright Iz? You know that. Kita and Jax aren't here yet,"Zion said.  
  
Raja fell a sting of guilt when she thought that, with her whole emotional outburst because of Dart, she forgot to get Jax for breakfast. Last night he came down with her help. She really should go to him, now.  
  
"Well, I say we banish this rule. This ain't a foster-home, it's a tribe. And Kita and Jax are... probably just making out somewhere. I saw the way Kita was eying Jax,"Iz said with a smirk. Both Trojan and Scott gave her death-glares, but she didn't even notice.  
  
"Iz, it's not a rule, it's just polite to wait until every member of the tribe- Jax!"  
  
Heads turned when Zion exclaimed Jax's name. The boy himself was standing in the door-opening to the hospital-cafeteria. He had half of his hair hanging in front of his face and his arms wrapped around himself. He looked to the ground. "Hey. Am I too late?"he said in a barely audible voice.  
  
"Yes, you are!"Iz said in a cheery voice, but with a blank face.  
  
Jax nodded and quickly made his way to a table. He didn't like the way they were looking at them. Why did all of them had their eyes set on him of all people? Why? Well, because he was late, ofcourse. So, it all came back to him. Whatever happened, was his fault.  
  
Jax took place in back of the cafeteria.  
  
"Don't you wanna sit with us?"Zion asked.  
  
"No,"Jax simply said, sounding kind of rude to the others. Zion shrugged his shoulders uncomfortably. Apparently Jax wanted to be alone. The dark boy sat in the far corner of the café, hair covering his features. Iz got a glimpse through that hair and all of the sudden asked, with her loud voice: "Hey, what happened to your face?" pointing at the bruise that covered his cheekbone and formed a half ring around his eye.  
  
"I... I..." think of an excuse, quickly, anything, "I tripped and then my head hit the sink..." Oh God, can you think of anything lamer, he asked himself.  
  
"Your head hit the sink? How stupid can you be?"she said, chuckling.  
  
"Shut up, Iz!"Trojan snapped.  
  
"Jesus... Everyone is surely in a fantastic mood today. Looks like I'm the only one that got up on the right side of the bed... Even though you'll undoubtly spoil it for me throughout the day. Now, when are we going to eat already?"Iz asked.  
  
Zion grit his teeth. He knew he got annoyed too easily, but he couldn't help it. He could feel all the stress in this tribe, and Iz asking irritating questions which he had already answered three times for her, was one thing he didn't need. "We eat when everyone is seated at the table,"Zion said in a low, slow voice. His voice always became that way when he was getting angry.  
  
"Everyone? Does that mean every member of this tribe?"Iz asked innocently, feigning ignorance.  
  
"Iz...,"Zion growled.  
  
"Well, no one seems to want to eat anyway, except for me, so I might as well,"Iz said in a voice that made Zion expect she would also stick her tongue out to him. Instead, she just gave him an arrogant glare and already pricked her fork at the food.  
  
"We don't eat until everyone sits at the table!"Zion snapped.  
  
"Why?"Iz asked.  
  
"Because I say so!!"Zion yelled. This shut Iz, as well as the other tribemembers, up right away, and made Jax flee the cafeteria, his hands over his ears.  
  
"Oh way to upset the psycho,"Iz said, "and because you say so? What, and you word is the law or something? Just because you're leader? Well, what kind of leader are you anyway? You don't even know where your tribemembers are at. For all you know Kita is just laying in bed, catching some sleep, not thinking-"  
  
"Kita wasn't in her room,"Scott said. This silenced Iz once again. "Her bed hadn't been slept on. And I haven't seen her anywhere else. I... don't think she's in the hospital anymore."  
  
*  
  
Kita had regained consciousness, but wished she didn't. The ropes around her ankles and wrists were hurting her, the fact that she couldn't see made her so nervous that she nearly started hyperventilating -the situation as such caused her to hyperventilate. She was now well aware of the fact that something was awfully wrong. Someone had tied her down here, someone that wasn't a member of her tribe. And it hadn't been done for fun... or even worse, maybe it had.  
  
All of the sudden Kita's blindfold was removed and she could see once again. Not that there was much to see, because she was in a small, empty room were there was hardly any light, except for that which seeped through the boards that had been nailed in front of the window.  
  
Someone caressed her hair. Kita, slowly and with eyes nearly popping out of her head of fear, turned her head to the person that had touched her hair. Someone of who she could only see he had horribly pale eyes.  
  
"You woke up,"it said.  
  
Kita wanted to scream, but the sound didn't get any further than the bottom of her throat.  
  
"My beauty." 


	8. Human Behaviour

PART 8: HUMAN BEHAVIOUR   
  
Iz rolled up her sleeves for the dishes. It was a job she absolutely loathed. It was her task to do it for the rest of the week, with Kita's help. But Kita had been lucky enough to not show up at breakfast and not being in her room, so she escaped that task. Now Iz had to do the dishes with Trojan. 

  
"You know, those inconsiderate twats could at least take their plates from the tables to the sink. Small trouble, you know. But you think they do it? Noooooo,"Iz said annoyed.

   
"I think they have other things on their mind. Like finding Kita, for instance,"Trojan said calmly, but there was an undertone of growing exasperation in his voice. 

  
"Then why do I have to take care of the dishes? Why can't I go look for Kita, too?"she asked. 

  
Trojan sighed. "Everything has to be in order here as well. Besides, you're not doing the dishes on your own,"Trojan said, pointing to himself very clearly. 

  
"Blabla. Don't you know where Kita is, by the way? I mean, you had that dinner with her late last night,"Iz said. 

  
"She... left my room after the dinner. That's when I last saw her,"Trojan said, trying to keep a blank face. He couldn't tell Iz what caused Kita to leave the room. 

  
But Iz saw the look on his face. "Ooooh, date didn't go well then. Didn't get what you wanted? Well, that explains everything, then. Kita is such a sex-addict, if you couldn't please her, she probably just went into town to find someone else. Yeah, I bet she's laying on a table right now, being banged by some muscular, handsome guy," Iz put her hands in the air, "screaming: "Mmmmuch better than Trojan. Much better than Trojan! That's probably the case, and in meanwhile she has us all worried and she won't even come over to do the dishes. Inconsiderate, as always,"Iz said with a sigh. 

  
"You're the one that's inconsiderate!"Trojan snapped. "When will you shut the hell up?!"

   
Iz glared him coldly. "When I feel like it. Look pal, I've known Kita a lot longer than you have. She's a very free girl. She goes everywhere she wants, whenever she wants, and has the nasty habit of not bothering to tell anyone about it, and being too much of a lazy-ass the next morning to show up to do the dishes,"Iz said. 

  
"Something bad could've happened to her,"Trojan said, in a softer tone. 

  
"Like I said, you obviously don't know Kita that well. She's not stupid, she wouldn't get herself in danger. She's always a complete master of the situation, and I pity the poor person that would try to do... whatever to her,"Iz said, rolling her eyes, confident of the fact that Kita was okay. 

*  
  
Kita was whimpering into the darkness. The blindfold had been placed over her eyes once again. She couldn't see anything, she could hear the gasping of the man that had been in the room earlier. Her sight taken, she didn't have a clue as to what was going to happen. What that man that had total power over her, strapped to the bed, would do to her. 

  
She heard a sound -ripping of fabric, she realized- near her ears and felt something slide over her skin. The slightly pressing warmth she had felt, that which her dress had given her, had disappeared. 

  
Kita rolled her head in terror and screamed. She screamed, shredded her vocal chords for someone to help. "Please, help me!"she yelled in a voice so high and hoarse it didn't even sound human anymore. 

  
She bursted into tears and pulled at her restraints, struggling to escape. But her sobbing soon turned into a high-pierced cry of pain, and pain was the only thing she felt in the following hour.

*

Raja finally broke the silence between them, only to tell him: "I've got nothing to say to you," with a look of deserved arrogance on her face. 

  
Dart only looked at her for a second, uninterested, and kept walking. "I noticed that already, since you usually seem to have an unnatural lot to stay. I wasn't planning on starting a conversation, if that's what you were thinking." 

  
"Huh... You wouldn't even know how to start a conversation. You know, if it were up to me, I wouldn't even be looking at you, just to bad Zion teamed me up with you to look for Kita. And I can't argue with the leader, now can I?"she said indignant. 

  
"Hn,"Dart merely said and another silence fell, as they continued to explore the virtually deserted streets, looking out for a sign of Kita. 

  
"You know, girls tend to receive it as a great insult to get kicked out of someone's bed,"she said. 

  
"Apparently. Yet then they shouldn't be getting into that person's bed,"Dart said coldly.

   
"Oh!"Raja exclaimed stunned and indignated. "So it's all my fault?" 

  
"Unfortunately, no. Women lack self-control, it's in their nature. It is mainly my fault, I should've controlled myself. I shouldn't give in to temptations,"Dart said. 

  
"Women lack self-control? Where are you from, the 18th century or something? And I'm not a 'temptation', I'm a person. Besides, what's up with the controlfreak-act. God... you're hopeless. I mean, don't you have _any_ fun? And would you talk like a normal person already!"Raja snapped.

   
"Hn,"Dart simply said. 

  
"That means saying something other than 'hn' the whole time. I mean, in the least, you own me an apology,"she said with a smug look on her face. 

  
"I apologize for losing control. It wasn't honourable,"Dart said. 

  
"That isn't a proper apology!"Raja screamed like a banshee. 

  
Dart ignored her. "My group came past a Mall on our search for food the other day. A tribe lived there. They might have some information about Kita,"he said and lead the way. 

  
Raja froze a second, mumbled "hopeless..." again, before following him with firm, angry steps.

*

Iz waved the stuffed bunny around in front of Aarons face. The kid grabbed the sooty toy and looked at it amazed, like it was a miracle or something. Recognition sparkled in his eyes and he shouted: "Bunny! Is a bunny!" 

  
"Yep. He's for you,"Iz said, not all too enthusiastic. 

  
Aaron went to a corner of his room, to play with the bunny, having entire conversations with the toy-animal, and Iz watched him. 

  
"You know what the deal is, kid...?"Iz asked him. The one-year-old looked up at her with big, green eyes and open mouth. Surely the toddler didn't understand much of what Iz said, but Iz had to talk to someone. She got lonely at times. She didn't have a boyfriend, she didn't have any real friends. She could tell no one how she felt about things. 

  
"You know, Zion... Do you think he's a good or a bad leader?"Iz asked Aaron, who looked at her with a blank face for a second, then continued playing. 

  
"I don't know. I think, if you become leader, you should know yourself and your capacities well. You should be able to handle stress and responsibility really well. You should be able to think everything through, make the right decisions... Well, I guess that is a lot of responsibility. But you see, that's why they shouldn't just make somebody leader. A person really needs to be fit for the job. I have doubts about things sometimes, you know that, kid? I'm scared too, even though I don't look like the type. Nearly afternoon, and Kita hasn't returned yet. Me and Trojan checked the whole hospital; no sign of the girl. Now I know she's a bit like a cat -she wanders around and decides herself when she comes back. But I don't know, if there's one thing Kita absolutely can't stand it's that people worry about her. Honestly, she finds it the most annoying thing in the world. She could just die of exasperation when she came home a few hours late and the first thing her mom asked her: "Where in god's name have you been?" And she knew we were going to worry about her... It's a bit strange, but Kita's strange sometimes. I've known that girl since I was, like, twelve, or something. We could've gotten good friends, you know, shame it never really happened. Matching personalities, but different interests I guess,"Iz said. 

  
Aaron looked up at her with his big eyes, shining with both confusion and slight interest for his new-found babysitter. 

  
"You know... I'd like a friend sometimes. Strange coming out of my mouth, I'm a bit of a loner, I know... But daydreaming can only keep you occupied for so long, and I've been started to get a weird feeling lately... like being alone even though I'm sitting in the same room as my entire tribe. I guess you don't know the feeling, kiddo. You're always surrounded by people, people that love you. Sometimes I wish I could be little, lovable and ignorant again,"Iz sighed. 

  
Aaron just looked confused. He got up and left his corner, walking to her on his chubby little legs. He held up the bunny and it pressed it against her face. The soft fur-touch of the toy was nearly comforting, and it was kinda scary that Aaron seemed to have known what she had been talking about. Iz looked down on the boy, who was looking at her with a very serious look. 

  
"You know, this moving-into-the-city-thing, it has a curse on it, I'm telling ya. Look at all the stuff that happened here, all the tension in the tribe, and we've only been here for a few days. I liked nature better anyway. Zion... Zion brought us to the city, and that brouht us misery. And I doubt, with the way he's handling things, he's gonna find Kita. You know what, I don't think Zion's the responsible type,"Iz said. "Maybe it's about time someone took over." 

*  
  
Jax was laying on his bed. He had fled into his room after the screaming-incident at breakfast. God, how he hated screaming. He hated fights. Why couldn't every humanbeing on earth just figure: 'Everything you can't say in a normal tone, isn't worth saying.' Those had always been Jax's thoughts. All those noises seemed so much louder to him, all the stress affected him personally. It made his whole body ache, and he realised once again what a rampant chaos their reality was. And it affected his head, until it was full of strange, misty thoughts, that slipped away fast like a snake in the dark dark thoughts you could hardly comprehend, Jax only understood they were bad thoughts. 

  
Knock on the door. Well, who could it be...? 

  
"Yo, Jax... Can I come in?" 

  
Jax sat up straight in bed right away. He recognized that voice... it was Trojan's voice! The punching-incident of last night was totally forgotten, and Jax said: "Yeah come in." He was sort of surprised at how hoarse and powerless his voice sounded. Stupid voice. 

  
Trojan opened the door slowly and peeked his head into the room. He didn't really come in, he just stood there on the threshold, looking sort of uncertain, and all of the sudden it seemed that even Trojan could put up eyes as big, innocent and insecure as a little child who had to admit a mistake. 

  
Trojans hands were around the door, his shoulders high, his eyebrows in a strange frown Jax had never seen before. It made him look... nice. Nearly... cute. 

  
"Er... uh... that black eye. I... guess it must still hurt pretty bad, huh?"Trojan said, looking to the ground with his child-eyes. 

  
"No!"Jax quickly said, amazed at his own enthusiasm.

   
Trojan looked up, a little bit amazed. "Well, that's... that's good. Er... I'm sorry for doing that. It was a weird evening and I was incredibly stressed out -but, but that's no excuse ofcourse! But er... sorry for going all crazy on you and hitting you, really, I am,"Trojan said, guilt-conscious. 

  
If Jax had been a cartoon-character, his jaw would've dropped to the ground. That was the very first time he ever heard Trojan apologizing to anyone... 

  
"Are... you okay?"Trojan said, confused look. 

  
"Yeah,"Jax said. 

  
"Oh. Okay. Well, er... I am really sorry! And er... well, see you then,"Trojan said and shut the door quickly. Jax was left in his room, alone, in a daze. Trojan looked guilty. He blamed it on himself. 

  
He actually blames it on himself for hitting me, Jax thought. Great one, freak, someone had every right to go and punch you in the face, because you were spying on that person, and now he exactly feels guilty himself... Fantastic. See, how you're making everyone around you feel bad? Not surprising, I mean, the mere look of you is depressing. But you just have to keep it up, huh? Even if you're only purpose in life is to make others feel bad. Would you face up to things already? You're not happy, and they're not happy with you too. You call yourself miserable and useless and ugly and well... you are! But in meantime you're just living on! I mean, are you just prolonging things or something? To scared to take care of it yourself, so wait, like a crippled horse in the desert, for someone to shoot you out of your misery? How pathetic can you get?! 

  
Jax was made of ice. Laying on his bed, his eyes looking like they were focused on the ceiling. Really, they were focused on the inside. His body became a empty, unused vessel, while his mind drowned in the many voices that, like parasites, had made a comfy home in the filth that had always been swept into the dark corners.

*

Dart and Raja entered the Mall, Raja ofcourse still with an angry glare twisting her face -which ofcourse she was entitled to. Dart didn't seem to notice or care. They hadn't talked on the way to the Mall, Raja only gave him an angry look from time to time. Dart told himself that he did not care. He didn't want anything to do with the temptation anymore, besides, he already apologized didn't he? 

  
Dart walked up to the big fountain Iz posed in front of like a waternymph yesterday. "Mallrats!"he yelled. "Mallrats! We need to talk to you!" 

  
It didn't take long for someone to respond. At the top of the stairs a boy appeared, rather skinny and with redbrown hair, dressed in a filthy white shirt and baggy pants. Dart looked at him, and snorted. 

  
The boy was quickly accompanied by a pretty girl with a lot of blonde hair, dressed in a nightgown. Dart frowned disapprovingly. "It's in the middle of the day, Mallrats. Don't any of you get up in time?"he asked. 

  
"Don't you ever have anything nice to say?"Raja asked coldly. 

  
"Yeah. Who are you anyway?"the blonde girl asked. 

  
Dart rolled his eyes exasperated. "Forgive me for not introducing myself; my name is Dart, the woman's name is-" 

  
"Raja. I can keep speak for myself, you know,"Raja said, cutting Dart short. Darts frown became deeper. He didn't like it when people interrupted him. 

  
"Heh, looks like someone's having domestic problems,"Jack whispered to Ellie, who smiled. 

  
"We talked to your leader Amber the other day. She had been kind enough to give out tribe food. We need to ask her, and the other members of your tribe, something,"Dart said. 

  
"Well, I think the whole tribe is having lunch now, you can ask your questions. We'll take you to them,"Ellie said. 

*  
  
"Kita..." That voice in the dark. Kita rolled on the back, whimpered and cried. Why couldn't she see anything? Why could'n't she see anything?! 

  
Oh God, let someone take the blindfold off, please. Just the blindfold, that's all I ask. Just that fucking blindfold, so I can see something again! Oh God, it's so dark... Where the hell is he now? He's going to kill me. He's going to kill me!! 

  
Unable to see anything, under the fierce reign of pain the entire time, Kita's mind tumbled into dark gardens, and she thought off the worst possible scenario's. She didn't need much time with HIM... to know he loved to torture her, in every single way. What the hell did she ever do to him?! 

  
"What did I do?! What did I do?! _What did I DO_?!"she cried out in complete helplessness. A violent blow to her face stopped her continious screaming, that started to sound pretty insane in her ears... 

  
"Shhhhhhhh!"he said in a tormented voice. "Musn't scream. It musn't scream. It musn't be bad." 

  
"I'm not 'it', goddamnit, I'm a person! A PERSON! Please, I beg of you, just let me go... Please. Plea-ase! Let me go, I'll do anything...,"Kita said between sobs.   
But HE didn't listen to her pleas.


	9. One that puts salt in the sugarbowl

PART 9: ONE THAT PUTS SALT IN THE SUGARBOWL   
  
"So... this girl you lost, what does she look like?"the Mallrat that had been introduced to Raja and Dart as Bray asked. All the other Mallrats were gathered around him and Amber, who sat by his side. Most of them looked nearly concerned, even though they didn't know Kita. But they did know the streets were dangerous and anything could happen to a girl there... Most of the Mallrats looked more than willing to help. 

  
"She's 18 years old. Sort of small. She looks rather Arabian, a dark skin, but not that dark. She has very long, wavy black hair with caramel highlights and dark eyes. The last time we saw her, she was wearing a long blue dress. She's very beautiful, you would probably remember her if you saw her,"Dart tried to say as objective as possible. Raja rolled her eyes. 

  
Lex got up right away. "Hey, you know what: I'll lead the search for this girl!"he said enthusiastically. 

  
"Yeah, right. If you would, I bet she would get into greater danger than she already is. Sit down and shut up,"Ebony said. 

  
"Well, has any of you seen her?"Raja asked worried. 

  
The Mallrats tried to recall if any of them had seen a beautiful Arabian girl, but they all shook their head eventually. Amber looked to the floor. "Sorry. But we'll be on the look-out, and if we catch a trail of her, we'll tell you,"Amber said. 

  
Dart nodded his head. "Your help will be appreciated,"he said. 

  
"He talks funny,"a small girl that went by the name of Mouse said. 

  
"You better watch what you say, he could easily slice you in two with that sword on his back!"a young boy with orange/blue hair quickly said.   
Dart scowled at them, and both of the children took a few steps back. 

  
"We'll leave now,"said Dart. "Thanks for your help, once again." 

  
"I'm sorry. If she hasn't returned by tomorrow, maybe we could have our tribe to look for her,"Amber said.

   
"I should be doing that, being the sheriff and knowing the city and all of that,"Lex said, nodding confident.

   
"Close your mouth, you're attracting flies,"Ebony said. 

*  
  
Zion and Scott turned back to the hospital, with no information about Kita's wherabouts at all, even though they had questioned every kid they saw on the streets. Scott was getting more pissed off and stressed out the lower the sun sank, and when it was time to quit their search because it would be dark soon, the look on his face said 'Kill.' 

  
"Don't worry, man. We'll find her,"Zion said as the both of them entered the hospital. 

  
Trojan and Iz approached both of them right away. "Where's Kita?" "Did you find her?" 

  
"We didn't find shit,"Scott said and left for his room. They all stared at him in amazement. They had never seen Scott this angry, and they never heard him swear either. 

  
"Great. Well, she didn't return to the hospital either,"Iz said. 

  
"I guess it's safe to say that Kita's officially missing now,"Trojan said, letting his gaze wander over the floor. 

  
"Yeah,"Zion said defeated. 

  
"Well, let's hope the others did find something useful,"Iz said, venom dripping of her voice. "God. Kita's gone missing right away, the whole tribe including Scott is stressed out of their minds; we should've never come to the city! Great decision this was, Fearless Leader!"Iz said hateful, before she too left to her room.

*

"Time for dinner, precious." 

  
"No,"Kita said like a stubborn, sad child. The darkness was removed from her eyes and her gaze locked with the nearly ice-coloured eyes right in front of her. He was staring at her. His possession; he always loved to have a pet like this. It was feeding-time now. 

  
"Please,"Kita begged. "Why won't you just let me go? I want to back to my tribe... please! I-I promise I won't tell anyone about you, okay? Just please-" 

  
"Sssssh!"he hissed. He pressed his finger against his lips, then caressed her face. "It musn't make noise! I cooked dinner,"the young man said.   
He untied her feet, that had been restrained with ropes to the posts of the bed she was laying on. He then untied one of her hands, also tied to a post of the bed. Her thin wrist was like a twig in his grip; there was no doubt about the fact that he was strong. Really strong. There was no thinking about an escape. But Kita lost the courage to even think about an escape. He had her in his power, totally. She had never been so scared in all her life. Too scared to move. 

  
He helped her up and tied her hands behind her back. He left her feet untied. The room was shady, and even with the blindfold removed, Kita couldn't see mch of him. Only those eyes. Those horribly light eyes. He pierced and burned her soul with it. 

  
"Look, I don't know why you're doing this... But this can never end well. My tribe will come and look for me. I- You probably have a problem, but, but maybe I can help. Maybe you could tell me something about...,"Kita babbled away, sentences tumbling into the next so she was hardly understandable, in a futile attempt to start a conversation with her kidnapper. 

  
He didn't appreciate. He let out a sort of whimpering groan and hit her in the face, hard. "No talking. No talking. No talking,"he repeated over and over, pressing his hand in front of her mouth. "Time for dinner now." 

*  
  
"It's time for dinner,"Kera said in a flat voice. 

  
The Argonauts assembled in the cafeteria in silence. They ate Kera's food, who had put quite an effort in cooking -especially because of the situation- in total silence. Usually they were joking around, talking... but it wasn't the same without Kita. 

  
Iz dropped her spoon all of the sudden. "We should be looking for Kita instead of stuffing our face. It's still light outside,"she said in a very venomous face. 

  
"But soon it will be dark,"Zion said. 

  
"That's probably when you can spot the type of character that abducted Kita,"Iz said. 

  
"We don't know if she has been abducted,"Zion said calmly. 

  
"Well, what else could it be, huh? I mean... even Kita would've come back by now if everything was fine and perfect. Someone has done something to her. That's what you get when moving into the city. That's where all the freaks stay. It was so much better in nature, but no: we had to move into the city. We had to go back to Zions old home. If you would've ran the tribe better, instead of doing nothing, we could've build a proper shelter in the woods to spend the winter in. We could've gotten food-supplies. But no, those things didn't even come to your mind, and when it was too late, you all of the sudden ordered we had to leave for the city. And look what happened. How can you even call yourself a leader?"Iz snapped at him with a serpetine look in her eyes. 

  
Now Iz had entered the dangerzone. This was Zion's territory, HE was the leader, and if there was one thing he couldn't stand it was people that critisized him for his actions as leader. "I'm sure you could've done a better job?"he asked Iz in a low, dangerous voice, dripping with sarcasm. 

  
"Yes I could! I mean, obviously I've got better idea's than you do. You're not cut out to be a leader. I'd make a better leader, in fact, even Randy would make a better leader,"Iz said.

   
And if there was one thing that Zion definitely couldn't stand, it was when people tried to take over his territory. The tension in the cafeteria was now so thick you could cut it with a knife. All the other tribemembers watched the arguements in silence. Except for Scott, who suddenly got up.   
"You know, as a matter of fact, I bet Iz would make a better leader than you,"he said. Normally Scott was a nice guy, normally he wouldn't have said something like that... But these weren't normal circumstances. The girl he loved with all his heart -Kita- was gone, and he too blamed Zion.   
Other voices were heard now, and most didn't support Zion. 

  
"Please... don't fight,"Jax whispered in a nearly begging voice. He was ignored by everybody. The heat was now on. Iz had openly stood up to the leader. 

  
Zion was boiling with anger. "You think you can do a better job, Iz? You think you could do a better job?!"he asked her. 

  
Iz wasn't shocked by the tone in his voice, something that would've chased any person that valued his or her life away... "Yes. If I would've been the leader from the start, then we would now still be in the woods, in a shelter suitable for the winter, with foodsupplies, Kita would still be here, and everything would still be perfect! This tribe is falling apart because of you, Zion! But you don't wanna face that, do you? Would just be too much of a blow to your pride? You screwed up!"she yelled. 

  
Jax winced and covered his ears, Aaron started to whimper, and all the other tribemembers began to get quite nervous. 

  
Zion approached Iz slowly, his eyes on fire. His stance was so treathening and furious, that Iz backed up, scared afterall, thinking he would suddenly hit her or something. 

  
"You think you're so good? Fine! See if you can lead the tribe then, you fucking bitch!"he spat at her. Then he turned around and left the cafeteria, leaving the whole tribe in shock.

*

"Hm… see how he liked them apples,"Scott said with a smirk, watching Zion leave. "Applesauce, bitch,"Iz growled, narrowing her eyes at the sight of Zion. Scott tried to high-five her, but the dark-haired girl was obviously not in the mood for it.

Iz sat back at the table and ate on like nothing happened. "Well, what are you waiting for? Dinnertime's for eating, you know,"she said when no one did the same.

Kera scowled at her. "How could you do that? Zion is a good leader! He suffers from all of this too, you know! He's doing the very best he can… But no, you have to stir up trouble again, like you always do. You're the one that's always screwing things up!"Kera, who had been Zions co-leader for years, threw the words in Iz's face, sharp and stinging and then left the room, probably following Zion.

"Well, sorry if I insulted your boyfriend,"Iz called after her. Zion wasn't Kera's boyfriend, but Kera did have an eye on him, and everybody noticed this except for Zion. "Heh, whatever, all the more to eat for us." Iz looked at the untouched plates of Zion and Kera.

Dart looked at her grimly, even though he wasn't scowling. By God, he looked like he was about to nod his head in disappointment. Iz rolled her eyes and then noticed much of the Argonauts were looking at her in the same way, save Scott.

"What? A few minutes ago you were all with me, and now you're all against me? Come on, the guy had it coming. What do you want from me?"Iz asked annoyed.

"To lead the tribe, I suppose,"Dart said, shrugging shoulders. Normally Iz would've made some remark about how she never knew Dart had a sense of humour, but this time he was getting on her nerves, instead of she getting on his nerves.

"Ooooh, right. It's all my fault again. Just blame it on Iz. Admit that I just said what was on everybody's minds. But know, now that something unexpected happens, everyone changes his mind again and I'm the one that did it all wrong. Maybe I should put on a classical scary record and cackle maniacally too?"she asked, the sarcasm in her voice so thick you could stick a spoon on it.

"It wasn't honourable,"Dart said, in a sort of explaining tone.

"Nothing in life is honourable, kungfu-boy,"Iz said. "Now I don't know about you, but I am going to finish this meal."

*

Kita walked along with her kidnapper, her torturer, taking small steps like a blind woman that's 90 years old. The fear made her unable to struggle. Like a zombie she just lead him lead the way.

She was taken into the next room, just as shady as the first, and seated at a small table. Her hands were untied, and Kita breathed a sigh of relief, because the ropes were hurting her wrists terribly. But her luck didn't last long, because her hands were soon tied behind the chair again.

Kita looked around her, nervously. In front of her, on the table, stood a big bowl. It seemed lonely, the white porcelain cup on the shiny wooden table. That was, until he put a candle on the table as well and lit it. As if this was supposed to be some sort of romantic dinner.

The dim light of the candle made it possible for Kita to see what was in the bowl… sort of. It could either be very soft pudding, yoghurt or porridge. Suddenly a terrifying thought crossed her mind: what if it was poisoned.

Kita pressed her lips together right away, and looked up at him with big eyes. He took a spoon and set across her. "I hope you'll like it,"he said. Kita now noticed how weird that voice sounded. Androgynous, a bit like the voice of an alien.

He scooped a bit of what was inside the bowl out of it with the spoon, and moved the spoon towards Kita's mouth. Kita forced her head back as far as she possible could and pressed her lips together, afraid that the food on the spoon, yellow-white and soft, might be lethal.

"Eat,"he said in that weird voice of him, and pushed the spoon against her mouth. Kita shook her head violently. "Eat,"he said again, high and sad, nearly begging, trying to pry the mouth of his human pet open.

"Eat!"he yelled and stuffed the food between her lips, furious force in his hand. The food seeped down her chin between her lips, and Kita sobbed. Clear gasps in her terrified mind told her that it was indeed some kind of porridge.

She didn't want this. Oh God, she was so hungry… The last time she ate something was with Trojan and that was nearly 24 hours ago. But her fear of being poisoned was bigger. 

"Eat,"he said again in that high, begging voice, seemingly upset. "Hmmm,"Kita yelled behind closed lips, trying to keep the food away, even though he was pushing the spoon against her mouth.

But the lack of food had made her weak, and eventually she had to give in. He stuffed the porridge into her mouth, kept saying "Eat… Eat!" even though she was eating now. He stuffed the food in too fast, Kita never got time to swallow, and the porridge was dripping down her chin, onto her chest. It was all around her mouth.

Without words she tried to beg him for some time to eat, because he never gave her time to actually say something. He kept pressing the spoon between her lips, more food, more food, and kept saying: "Eat! Eat…!"

Kita whimpered, her mouth full of porridge, and she thought that she was going to choke. It seaped between the corners of her lips, dripping over her tear-stained face, and she tried to spit it out. She wondered when the big, over-full bowl would finally be empty… She couldn't take this much food.

And finally, it became to much for her. She turned her head and vomited on the floor. She looked at the sour, hardly digested meal on the carpet, and started to sob hysterically. She couldn't take this anymore. She couldn't.

He stood in front of her -almost seemed to appear out of nowhere. He slapped her in the face violently and she cried out in shock. Then right away he started to caress her red, sore cheek, as if he was sorry. "Filthy girl,"he said. "No more dinner for you."

*

Iz was doing the dishes, all on her own. She let the sponge slide over the plates slowly, almost as if she was a robot. Damn waste of food tonight. She put what was left in a few of those Tupperware-boxes and hoped it would stay good until tomorrow, even without a refrigerator.

Dinner hadn't been a success tonight, ofcourse. First the fight and then Zion left, after which Kera left with a few harsh words, probably to go and comfort her precious Fearless Leader Zion. Well, then Raja quickly left with Aaron, Raja mumbling something about having to change his diaper or whatever. Iz never realized that Raja could actually lie.

After that, Jax left right away, in the relative safety of following Raja. He had a hurt, scared look on his face. Well, after that, Randy and Justine left the table together, then Trojan and Dart followed… Scott, the only one who had really supported Iz openly, stayed for a while, but didn't like having dinner with the suddenly quiet, glum Iz, and was the last to leave.

So Iz finished her meal alone, trying to swallow the food past that weird chunk in her throat. And now she was doing the dishes alone. Alone again. Kita had been the closest thing Iz had ever had to a friend, and now the girl was missing. Probably killed out on the street, who could say. The city wad not to be trusted. Iz knew that, and she had been happy to live in nature… Why couldn't things have stayed that way. Why did they have to leave? Everything was wrong now…

That was her fault partially. She didn't know why she had to provoke Zion. She was just so angry and stressed-out, and had to blame someone. People had called her anti-social in the past. She had to admit that was true. She had only been declared leader less than an hour ago, and didn't have to do anything yet (except the dishes) and already she felt a strange, heavy responsibility and insecurity. Why did she have to be so impulse? She didn't want this at all. Not at all. And now she had gone and made herself even lonelier than she already was.

_In my field of paper flowers_…

Daydreaming and phantasizing like only Iz could, she had thought of perfect boyfriends, perfect friends. People that understood her and would never, EVER leave her. It was all so easy in her own mind. Sometimes she wished she could stay there forever.

_And candyclouds of lullaby_…

She had surrounded herself with an entire society that worshipped, adored her in every way. People that would never go away.

_I lie inside myself for hours_…

Her perfect world. Everything went right there. But why couldn't she do anything right in this world. In her mind it all started out right, she thought to far ahead and imagined how everything would work out well. Why couldn't she control reality like that?

_And watch my purple sky fly over me_… 

She hated this place. She preferred the sanctuary, the warm delight that was her great fantasy. Why couldn't she wake up there for once? Fall into a coma and spend the rest of her days there? 

_Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming_…

Why did everything that always worked out in her head, went totally wrong here? She always ended up alone. And she wished that once, just once, one of her fantasy's would happen in real life.

_The goddess of imaginary light_…

*

"Cloe? Where are you going?"Salene asked the dark-haired girl that was just about to leave the Mall.

"Hm? Oh, just going for an evening-walk. Why?"Cloe asked.

"Well… it's almost completely dark. Are you sure?"Salene asked.

The reckless young girl rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't be going if I wasn't sure. I need some fresh air. Goodnight, Salene,"she said and left.

Salene knew there was no stopping Cloe, no matter how hard she tried. She just hoped the girl stayed close to the Mall. Sure, it wasn't completely dark yet, but you never knew who was wandering the streets. And now that that girl of the new tribe in town had gone missing…

*

Cloe breathed in the fresh air. She had spend the entire day in the Mall, which wasn't like her. She was just going for a short walk around the Mall. She soon came to a stop when she saw someone, a big guy with dark hair and viciously light eyes, staring up at the sky. Cloe looked up too, slightly amazed. According to her there was nothing interesting to see. Her curiosity got the best of her and she walked over to the young man to ask him what he was looking at.

From the corners of his eyes he saw the girl approaching. Dark eyes, long dark hair, slender, pretty. That girl looked a lot like the precious pet he already had in his collection. Girls like that… Always girls like that. Ayanda. Sarah. Bethany. Padmé. He always found out their names, even though he never called them by it. The name of the girl that was approaching him, was Cloe. The name of the girl he already had… Kita.

Cloe stood next to him. "Excuse me but… what are you looking at?"she asked. And not one of them was afraid to speak. All of them had an attitude. And they all obeyed him in the end.

"Can you talk?"Cloe asked. He turned to smile at her. Then grabbed her and pushed the handkerchief soaked in ether to her mouth, forcing her to lose consciousness.


	10. Via dolorosa

PART 10: VIA DOLOROSA

This is beginning to get a pattern, Jax thought. Me here, laying on the bed like I'm dead in my coffin, looking at the ceiling… A whole lot of white, with all those interesting cracks in it. The only thing that can take my mind of everything.

Everything… Why did Iz have to start that fight? Why does she always have to start fights, and scream, and make people angry? I can't take that. She knows Zion is a good leader, he didn't mean for all this to happen. I don't like Iz, she talks too loud. She causes trouble. I don't like trouble. Trouble is painful.

Well, I guess everything is painful. Except for the cutting, that is. Isn't it absolutely bizarre, how I can find things normal people have no problem with painful, but when I do something to myself that's supposed to hurt… - at least, that's what most people ask: "Doesn't that hurt?"- then I don't feel pain at all. The pain feels like something good, like it frees me, but at the same time, doesn't make my mind get lost. Because that would be horrible.

"Horrible? What do you mean: 'horrible'? Nobody would have a problem with it if you ceased to excist. But you have to be the only one again. The only one that thinks about everything his way. The weirdo. The freak. So selfish. You're never ready to please others."

Oh, there you go, it's that voice again. You know, it was there too before, when I was still living in nature. But it was just a whisper, stripped of any real power, in the background of my head. Some sort of annoying streetmusician nobody pays attention to. It definitely got better for out in the woods. I felt nice and… free there. I can't tell why exactly. But the city has always closed me in. Tall, grey, cold, mean buildings, towering above you, looking down at you with their glass eyes.

No, I prefer the strong trees against which you can lean, that give you shade with their beautiful green leaves, that draw strength from the most reliable, purest force of all –the simple earth- and pass it onto everyone who touches them. I used to love to talk to trees, when I had no one to talk to. At times it truly seemed like they were listening to me, like the wind in their leaves was a comforting whisper, like they were sending me a bit of their natural, green energy.

Now who am I supposed to talk to? The buildings? The walls? They'll only reject me, cold and hard as they are. Made by humans, made to resemble humans. I don't like the work of humans. I like what nature made much better. So I guess I can understand Iz in one way… I understand why she doesn't like the city. 

I saw her talking to a tree once too, out loud. I only do that in my head, I don't want people to think I'm any more crazy then they already think I am. But Iz doesn't care whether people think she's crazy. She doesn't care what people think about her at all, she lives her life like she wants to. So careless and free. She talked to animals to at times. You didn't expect it, from such a hard, rude girl. Hmm… maybe there are really two different Iz's.

I wish I could be like Iz. I bet she's happy and free all the time.

*

Iz's hands were trembling and she accidently dropped the last plate, which she had just cleaned. She saw the plate fall in slow-motion, hit the hard ground. It cracked like the ground when it was hit by an earthquake, and it shattered into three neat pieces, shining in white.

Iz kneeled to the ground, eyes set on 'blank, mindless staring' and picked up the pieces of cheap porcelain. Suddenly she couldn't take it anymore. This was just the one last little thing that needed to happen. For the first time in years, Iz buried her face in her hands, let her hair hang in front of it like a dark curtain, and cried.

*

Jax was rather happy to be able to reach for the knife again. If Zion knew about it, he would freak out. People had blamed Jax for not having the self-control to tell someone about it before he wanted to do it, to just put the knife down and do something else to take his mind of things. 

But Jax really didn't want to tell anybody about it, because he was almost happy to have this, the last bit of control, the last bit of release. The only thing that could clear things up a little when his mind became a chaos, the only thing that could make him feel again when he was so… empty. The only help. The shrinks didn't know what it did for him, and didn't allow him to have any sharp objects in his room.

They just didn't know that everything was better for a while when he did this! But this time they were gonna leave him to it. This time no one was going to find out. In this claustrophobic chaos he would just hold on to this, so that he would keep control and wouldn't cut his wrists instead of his arms one day. This would be his life-saver until the horrible winter was over and he could go back to nature, where he would have plenty of delightful space, where he could talk to trees again…

Where everything would be alright again.

Damn it, Iz was right, Jax thought. We could've just made ourselves a winter-shelter, gather enough supplies. But no, Zion had to take it easy during the summer, couldn't afford being a good leader or working and now look where we end up.

"Are you blaming Zion for this?" The voice was back again. "It's not Zions fault you're a fruitcake that freaks out when he has to be in the city, is it? Is that Zions fault? No, it's your own. God… you could almost start to feel sorry for the guy. First his sense of responsibility caused him to take you, a great liability, everywhere he went, and he wasn't even able to join any tribe before they would accept you… even though you could be nearly sure of the fact that would never happen. And when he finally found the right tribe, finally had peace from you, you're still causing him problems. And you're blaming him for all that, while you're the one to blame. It's so easy to just accuse others, isn't it, instead of looking at what you've done yourself? It's pathetic."

Jax head nodded along like it was loose on a stick, along to the rhythm the voice spoke in. Because strange as it might've seemed… the voice did speak in a rhythm. A crazy rhythm, going faster and faster, building up to some climax. Jax knew exactly what that climax would be, and he was scared to death.

He had to get release. Just for a little while. Self-mutilation the shrinks called it, and they also thought he was suicidal. When he slipped a knife into his room, and they saw it covered in blood, they called that suicidal behaviour, shoved some shiny, happy pills in his throat and put him in this thing called the separationchamber, a horrible little greenwhite room, with round walls and totally empty, except for a mattress. That didn't help at all, it only made him feel worse. If they only would've let him cut, then it would've been okay, for a short while. Psychiatry didn't help anyway.

But this time, no one was going to stop him. 

Jax let the scalpel, its sharp silver blade, slide across his skin again and watch it in total fascination, as if it was someone elses arm. The familiar, stinging sensation told him that it wasn't. Criss-cross, over old scars. Blood was welling from the redpink lines, in a truly fascinating way. 

Jax looked at it like he was stoned. The blood had always been something amazing to look at. How it slowly rose up in some sort of bubble, in one corner of the cut. Then it seemed like the cut became raffly, but that was just because more blood was welling from it. If the cut was deep and long enough, the blood ran down slowly. And with the blood, the chaos from his mind slowly released.

Jax heard that in the old Victorian asylums doctors used bloodlettings to release the insane minds of their patients. Jax was thinking… maybe the Victorian doctors were smarter than the ones that had lived right before the violence, who only wanted to weaken you with 'anti-depressant' chemicals.

But this was the only thing that helped. It did help. It would until they would finally leave this horrible place, and go back to their old, good home.

*

Kita hadn't been brought back to bed after dinner. Instead, she had been put in a small, empty room. It had one small window, in front of which three wooden boards had been nailed without much expertice. If it would've been day, some light would have flowed through the openings between those boards. But it was night now, and because there was a new moon, there wasn't any moonlight either. Even that cold illumination would've been comforting.

Kita said in the dark, unable to see anything. She had cried the first hour, but eventually she just had no tears left, and her body had turned cold and feelingless. She just lay there without moving a muscle, her gaze that of a zombie. Anyone that would've seen her, would've believed that she was dead. 

But unfortunately, I'm not that lucky, Kita thought.

That was the first clear thought she had in hours. She had tried not to think of anything at all. Bad thoughts had taken over, the darkness had closed her in. She'd been afraid she would lose herself, go insane, so she just held on to one nice image.

She remembered an old oaktree, in the middle of the tiny village of huts they had created in the forest. A beautiful strong Grandfather Tree. One day in the summer, Kita had sat in front of it, and then she saw the cutest squirrel running up the tree, jumping from branch to branch, washing his face with his little paws from time to time.

That was the image Kita held on to for the sake of her sanity: the cute squirrel in the old oaktree.

*

Raja sang her baby to sleep with her honey-dripping voice.

"Ka'nahn di rahma,''she whispered to him, in a fantasy-language only the two of them could understand. Words of a pure creek, slowly flowing over white rocks, forming a blue line between trees metres-high, the language of small people that never grew old and lived underneath a magic rock. The language you could only understand if you wanted to, the language she had used to soothe Jax the other day.

Raja thought about Jax. That poor boy seemed pretty stressed-out tonight. Not very strange, with that big fight between Iz and Zion that had taken place. But… when she walked him back to his room, he seemed alright. Yeah, he was probably okay.

Raja looked at her baby-boy, who was sleeping peacefully, his thumb in his mouth. Raja moved the thumb out of the toddler's mouth, and placed the hand on the blanket carefully.

"Your fingers aren't lollypops, are they, sweetie?"she whispered a question Aaron could only answer in his dreams.

This reminded Raja of the fact that she still had the childish habit of sucking her thumb in her sleep sometimes. Like… last night with Dart. Raja's cheeks turned red with shame when she thought about that. She was such a naïve, immature little girl. She was still no more grown-up than her son, and she never took anything serious. How would she ever get to Dart, then? She really did love him.

Maybe… she really was a weakling. 

Raja took a look in the mirror that was hanging in her room. Her long, darkblonde hair tied in a messy bun, a white fluffy flower in her hair, a simple top in the colour of the sun, a daisy painted on her cheek, and innocent, ignorant look on her face. 

Urgh, Dart's right! she thought. I'm a little, weak girl. It's like I never grew past the age of ten… mentally, that is. Shy and naïve. 

Maybe, for Dart to like her, she had to toughen up a little!

In her enthusiasm, Raja grabbed scissors and was already about to cut off all her schoolgirl-long hair… but eh, she figured she didn't need to go that far. Instead she just ripped the feather out of her hair, washed the daisy of her cheek, and took off her golden charm-bracelet with the little harts attached to it.

She took off all her clothes and started to go through her closet, looking for something a little tougher. Less girlish, less childish, less… ugh… happy, happy.

But there wasn't much, which was to expected since she had traveled through an untamed landscape for nearly a month. And all that she did have, was colourful, and simple yet nice.

Raja rolled her eyes in pure exasperation, put on her robe (a pink one, she had had it since the virus hit, and it was getting sort of small). She ran across the silent hallway, through Iz's room. She wondered what would be needed to get Iz to lend some of her clothes.

But, as it appeared, Iz wasn't even in her room. Good.

Raja rummaged through Iz's closet instead, and found just what she needed. In five minutes she turned herself into an Iz-clone, with very tight, shiny, silverish pants with black lines going over it and a simple white top with black sleeves. Knee-high black lace-up boots for a finishing touch… and she didn't look like a weakling anymore!

Er, probably. Raja looked at herself in Iz's mirror, and wasn't completely satisfied with the result yet. She put her hair into a tight knot, so tight the skin near her eyes was pulled up, making her look a little Asian. 

No make-up. Dart would probably not like that female stuff. She just drew darkblue lines over her cheeks. Raja jumped around in utter happiness. Oh wait, now she was acting like a child again! She stopped right away, looking around for anyone. She tried to take more of a tough stance. Like a fightergirl. A person Dart would respect and admire, because if she didn't get those two things from him, she would surely never get close enough to him to let him love her either.

Raja walked back to her room. She could hardly pound on Darts door right now. Really… she should scream at him and tell him how rude he was… Yeah, wait a minute! Why was she having this whole dress-up-party for a guy that kicked her out of his bed and called her a weakling?

Why was she having dress-up-party's anyway? As if there weren't other things to worry about. Kita for instance.

*

Kita sat, crawled up in a corner of the dark room. Scared to move. Scared to make the slightest room. She didn't know what could make HIM come to this room, so best to do nothing. Nothing at all.

Her body still ached. She had a terribly sour taste in her mouth, because of the vomiting, but she had nothing to wash it away with. She didn't get a lot to drink what so ever.

Shuffles. Shuffling of feet. She heard it, she could swear she heard it, and it was getting closer. It was HIM, it had to be, who else could it be?! Oh God… what would he do? What would he do?!

No, Kita told herself, it's all in your mind.

But it wasn't. The shuffling of feet was real, someone was nearing the door to this dark room. Kita heard the metal sound of keys. A lock was opened, and the shield between the real world and this hell broken for a short time. Kita saw him standing on the hallway… He opened the door!

She whimpered, but what she expected didn't come. Instead, a half-unconscious girl, only a few years younger than Kita, but with features she couldn't distinguish in the non-existent light, was pushed in. The girl fell to her knees, and the door was locked right away again.

Kita looked at her… what would be the word for it…? Cellmate?

The girl started to come to.

"Hello?"Kita said.

*

Kita looked at the girl in full amazement. It was hard to see anything but a blurry silhouette, the velvet, frosty blanket of the night thrown over them both. Was it really what she thought it was? Was it… another girl?

Kita clenched her fists, pressing her nails into her flesh. She didn't even know the girl, and in situations like this people usually only have time to pity themselves. But the pain had nearly left her body, and darkness and loneliness always put Kita at ease –only when surrounded by both Kita could stay perfectly calm while thinking.

This day alone had caused her to think that she had really died the previous night and ended up in hell, for whatever sin that may be. Maybe for having to many boyfriends, to say in a euphemistic way, and the raping could be considered symbolic in a nearly hilarious way, if it hadn't had been to awful for words, and Kita still shuddered in absolute terror. 

She nearly started hyperventilating when she thought she heard footsteps, she would do anything to get out of this pace, some sort of madman's lair, but… she was still able to care about another living creature.

That girl, lying semi-conscious on the floor, she was even younger than Kita was. Kita didn't need the light of day to tell that. The poor kid probably just went out for a stroll or something and all of the sudden, you're seeped into decay, into a life that closely resembled hell, and there's no way to tell –_no way_ to tell- how long exactly life was going to last. If your friends would be able to find you alive, or dead.

Did he kill his victims? Kita recalled he had briefly talked about another girl, apparently talking to himself… a girl named Ayanda. There had been girls, and he had just captured a new one –fresh meat, Kita couldn't help but think.

But… only the two of them were here now. Then where could the other girl, this Ayanda, be? And maybe the other girls before her? Because if they weren't here… don't think, don't even think, don't think it, goddamnit!

Kita had to keep screaming it out inside her head, but that didn't help. She thought it eventually and knew it was true: this man –or monster, rather- had already killed. And he would do it again. Psychopaths. In the old world, before the virus, you saw them on the news all the time. And you felt sorry for those people who got killed, but you didn't pay too much attention to it, because you never thought it would happen to you. And then it suddenly did.

Out of the blue. And you came to the point you knew you would die.

Kita had realized that by now, but forced herself to believe that there was no need to panic. Always stay calm in situations like this. When everything seems to be getting out of hand and normal people would scream out in terror, always stay calm. Because becoming hysterical doesn't help you a single bit. Staying calm does; you might just come up with a great idea. No need to panic yet.

That's what Kita told herself. No need to panic. No need to panic. If the Argonauts don't arrive in time, I'll figure out a way to save myself. I can fight when necessary. And I got someone to help me.

Kita's look turned back to the motionless figure laying on the dirty floor. 

She crawled over towards the unfortunate girl and shook her shoulder, very carefully. She didn't want to scare Whoever-She-Is too badly… although that girl would already get the shock of her life anyway. Just like Kita when she woke up to find herself in this place.

Did that really happen just this morning? It was hard to believe. It had seemed so long to her. An eternity in hell. One day had been unbearable. Through all the pain and fear she had to hold on to the squirrel in the big oaktree to maintain her sanity. The dark isolation was actually a unimaginable relief, a bliss to her.

Whoever-She-Is started to wake up slowly. She groaned a bit in a confused way, and Kita tried to look very close and hard to trace the girl's features. She wish she had cat-eyes sometimes. She had compared herself to a cat often enough, but her eyes were still so bloody weak and human.

"Hey, come on, wake up!"Kita said. 

Cloe slowly got up. She felt so terribly dizzy. She rubbed her head; she felt like she had been hit by a truck or something. What in God's name happened. Was it time to sleep already? Everything was dark, it had to be night-

Wait. Stop. Wait. She had been talking to a man. A man with strange, light, nearly scary eyes. He had been looking at the sky as if the Holy Virgin Mary had appeared there. She had been walking there, and asked him what the matter was… Then he grabbed her and pushed that cloth against her mouth… She lost consciousness.

"Oh God,"Cloe said in an unnaturally high voice, more of a squeal.

"Sssh,"Kita said gently.

"Oh my God!" louder this time.

Kita grabbed her shoulder in an attempt to calm her down, but it had the opposite effect: she freaked out completely, screamed as if a python tried to crawl around her neck, and crawled to a corner of the room, where she cuddled up whimpering.

"Sssh. Don't panic. Whatever you do, don't panic. I know this must be a terrible shock for you, but just stay calm. Listen. We have been kidnapped,"Kita said.

"No! W-why would anyone try to do that I'm not worth any money nobody would pay anything for me that's not possible!" The words tumbled out of Cloe's mouth.

"I… think he keeps us for his personal amusement." Kita forced the words out of her mouth and shivered, nearly getting a mental breakdown herself. She knew full well that psycho kept girls for his personal amusement.

"I… I… This can't be happening to me,"Cloe said and her last words were mingled with sobs. She bursted into tears. Kita didn't provide a shoulder to cry on or any kind words, she just waited patiently until the girl was completely cried out.

When the girl's eyes finally seemed to have dried up, Kita crawled a little closer towards her and asked the girl for her name, finding out that it was "Cloe."

"What's yours?"Cloe asked in a voice that was hoarse and wet because of her tears.

"Mine is Kita,"Kita said. "And we're going to help eachother."

*

Iz was just sitting on a chair in the cafeteria, not doing anything but staring at the walls as if they were going to move any second. Her faces was red and streaked by dried up tears, her eyes had a burning colour and were still wet in the corner. She had never noticed what relief it would give to cry.

And with all her angry sadness and helplessness gone, there was nothing left. She had cried herself empty. Maybe now she was going to go through life like a zombie. An interesting thought really.

"Iz?"

A careful, tentative voice. Iz recognized the sound of it and kept staring at the walls, pretending not to know that Zion had just entered the cafeteria. If he would call her a fucking bitch for telling the truth, than she would do what she knew he found immensely annoying: pretend he wasn't there.

Zion didn't like to be ignored.

But Iz couldn't help but asking herself why he came here. Maybe to rub it in her face or something. Maybe to tell what a retard she was for breaking that plate. Maybe to tell what her responsibilities as leader were.

Iz realized she wasn't empty at all, when she gasped, nearly audible. She didn't want to become leader at all. When would she ever be able to daydream again? All she ever had to do was thinking of others. The thought alone… never to be free again, always faced with that horrible thing called 'responsibility'.

"I don't want to be the leader!"she snapped all of the sudden, then held her hand in front of her mouth as if she had just uttered a great amount of obscenities. Although that wouldn't be a problem with her, really.

Zion turned the chair on wheels, the one Iz was sitting on, around so that he could face her. His face was serious, with a bit of a guilty frown, and there was also something… soft and warm about it. Iz had never seen Zion look like that. She was so fascinated by this, that she nearly forget what he did.

"I hate you,"she quickly said, in case she would forget.

"I know. I deserve that. You were…," Zions gaze turned to the ceiling, he opened his mouth but nothing came out. With slight amusement curling the ends of her lips, Iz could tell this was extremely hard for him.

"You were…,"he started again.

Come on, say it, Iz thought, and almost couldn't hold in a laughing fit.

"Right. You were right. Those idea's of you were very good. I didn't think this through,"Zion said guilt-conscious.

That was good enough for Iz. She knew how hard it was for Zion to say sorry and admit to his mistakes. This had to be one of the hardest things he had ever done; his pride had to be torn to shreds! Iz nearly rolled of the chair laughing, but got a grip just in time to ask him about the only thing that really bothered her: "Do I have to be leader?"

"No. Even though… you could probably do a better job than me,"Zion said. And kablammo, the wall of dignity had broken down. Iz hardly knew what to do, seeing Iz like this, to laugh or to cry.

"You're doing okay, I guess,"Iz said, seemingly uninterested.

Zion took his place on another chair, right next to Iz. "Hopefully,"he said. "Hey, can you believe that: I'm insecure. Moving to the city… it wasn't the best idea I ever had, although that's an understatement. Kita's gone. The tribe's stressed out of their wits and one of these days it's all gonna fall apart. But I'm supposed to be leader, ya know? I'm supposed to prevent that. And really I'm just an ordinary guy that would've started going to college by now… in a normal world. A world without a virus."

"What did you want to become?"Iz said.

"Hm… don't know really. Lawyer. Something in the business-thing. Never really got the time to get to that,"Zion said.

"Lawyer? Business? Hm, I guess you're evil enough for it…"

"Mean it?"he asked, looking nearly insecure.

"It's called a joke,"Iz said, rolling her eyes, which caused Zion to grin. Then ofcourse Iz had to know what was so goddamn funny, and Zion said: "You. The way you are… it's just fun. Nice."

Iz raised an eyebrow. "So I'm nice? And I'm smart too, aren't I?"

"What am I supposed to answer to that?"Zion asked, feigning ignorance with a wicked grin.

Iz slapped him against the back of his head. "Bang! That's what you deserve! Now, I was right about some things, wasn't I?"Iz asked him.

Zion looked at her with nearly hurt puppydog-eyes, like he was about to ask her: "Do I have to…?" Iz made an impatient handgesture and with a lot of trouble Zion admitted it again: "You had good points. You were right too."

"You goddamn right I was right! Wait… that didn't sound right,"Iz said, pondering.

This caused Zion to fall off his chair laughing. It wasn't even that funny, but what better way to release all your stress –and as a leader he definitely was underneath a lot of stress- than to laugh?

"Don't you laugh at me!"Iz yelled indignated. She got on the floor next to him and hit him with the pillow of her chair.

"You're one of a kind, Iz,"Zion said and his frown had vanished.

"And what sort of kind?"she asked.

"The good kind. Your bad mood gone?"he asked.

"Bad mood? Bad mood? I was in an extraordinary good mood, until you magically appeared! Yeah, and now I'm getting a headache coz my eyes have to focus on that little peanut-head on you!"Iz stated.

"Peanuthead?"he said sniffling, his whole face one uncontrollable grin.

"But that doesn't matter, you know. It's still a pretty attractive head, so that basically makes up for it,"she said.

A short silence fell, and he looked at her in a warm way. "Thanks. I feel… better,"Zion said to her, completely honest.

"Coz I said you have a peanuthead?"Iz asked innocently.

Zion shook his head, grinning. He slowly pulled her into a warm, tight hug, which quickly turned into a real kiss.

From the dooropening to the cafeteria, Kera watched jealously.


	11. A rose

PART 11: A ROSE   
  
Kera watched from the dooropening, the expression on her face fell as she saw the last thing she had expected to see: Iz and Zion sharing a violently passionate kiss. 

  
Kera gasped and stuttered, unable to believe it. She had been looking for Zion, hoping to comfort him after that fight with Iz, that terrible bítch, who had dared to oppose Zion in public, hurting his feelings and actually blaming him for the fact that they couldn't find Kita. How could she? Kera had felt hotred needles of anger sting her mind when she heard the venomous words spat at Zion by… that woman. 

  
And now she was here… with him. 

  
Kera turned her head. This was not how it was supposed to happen? She was supposed to be with Zion, she was good for him. She was nice, calm and reasonable, and the unappointed co-leader. What more could he have asked for? What in God's name did he see in her? 

  
Kera clenched her fists as she fell something wet trickling down her cheeks. She couldn't remember the last time she cried. Just like Iz that same night. But it wouldn't make a difference if Kera would cry in front of Zion instead of Iz. 

  
She wasn't the type for him, although she couldn't accept that. All those months she had spend of co-leader, smiling at Zion, helping him and supporting him in everything, bringing his plans to action as fast as possible… she was preparing her big move. 

  
But all those things she did, just turned her into a nice and helpful person, and not the kind of girl Zion wanted. 

  
Kera threw one last glare at the two on the cafeteria-floor, who seemed to be strangers to every sort of worry. It made her feel like throwing up. She left the scene to seek the slight comfort of her room. 

  
Iz and Zion hadn't even noticed her at all, were deaf to her soft sobbing and fast, echoing footsteps in the hallway, and even if they had noticed it, they wouldn't have cared. 

*  
  
The girl was positively beautiful, in a way mathematical, shallow beauty-pageants couldn't have possibly explained. It was that light that surrounded her. A dim, warm light, like she was glowing from the inside. Dress in an air of serenity, she made everything around her fall completely silent. So silent, that it was just unnatural. 

  
She was seated with her legs crossed, like she was meditating. Her long, slender arms stretched out, her hands with the elegant fingers inviting him with soft, kind gestures. Her skin was whitegold like that of a hindu-goddess. She was surrounded by a halo of light, or a mandala would be more appropriate to say. 

  
She was dressed, decorated and jewelled with rubyred roses completely. A necklace of the flowers, covering her breasts, around her thighs, around her neck, leaving a lot of beautiful, flawless skin uncovered. Emeraldgreen ribbons, in the colour of the leaves that accompanied the flowers were wrapped around her body, and there were beautiful butterflies, white and red, sitting on her shoulders and belly, moving from time to time.   
Her hair was an ocean of gold, floating upwards and downwards, as if it was moved by a slight breeze. Unnaturally long threads of silk, glowing, and she had been crowned with a ring of roses. A vision of a goddess. 

  
It was raining sunbeams on the place where she was seated, forming a circle of light around her. A nearly blasphemous image, as if God had selected her and let a ray of light from heaven shine down on her. A more earthly Holy Mary, dressed in nature. 

  
Dart watched in total awe from his bed. He was in one of those strange conditions… hard to tell whether he was dreaming or not. He was sitting in his bed, and his room looked just like his room, but this vision was too surreal to be anything but a dream, unless that was what it really was: a vision. 

  
Dart shook his head slightly. The land between Dreams and Being Awake. A misty, confusing place, which you usually had better leave alone, but on the other side: there were amazing things to experience there… 

*  
  
Dart awoke all of the sudden. He looked around confused, amazed to see nothing but darkness in front of his eyes, instead of the pure, divine light he had just been encountered with. Gone was the serene atmosphere, and the unnatural silence. 

  
So it really was just a dream. 

  
Still confused and slightly disappointed, Dart automatically, for some reason, asked "Raja?" and felt besides him, but he just felt the mattress instead of her gentle curves. She wasn't there in real life either. 

  
Dart got up right away, and even if it was in the middle of the night, and got dressed. He understood what had to be done. Even if it would mean he had to be a complete weakling. Even if he would throw away all of his pride and self-respect. 

  
Dart sighed. This was going to be hard… He wasn't sure if it would work, but he had to do his best. For her.

*

Zion laid her on the bed. Her hair spread out over the pillow, like dark fluid. Thick, shiny and as black as can be, forming a contrast with her nearly white, clear skin, which in its turn formed a contrast with her bloodred lips. A fairytale disguised as a gothic beauty.

She just lay there, looking at him with something that could best be referred to as innocence. Iceblue eyes finally melted. She started to take of her grey top. Izabella undress.

She was divinity's creature that kissed in cold mirrors 

The top went off over her head and she looked at him with a rather insecure, shy look –again that spark of innocence in her eyes- like she didn't know what to do next. Zion shoved the long, thick hair, the dark veil that covered her body, away.

Her raven hair 

_Had flown to gown her beauty bared_

He let his fingers slide over the white silk of her body. 

She was Ersulie possessed of a milky white skin 

_My porcelain Yin_

_A graceful Angel_

He pulled her black pants of slowly, caressing her thighs. He soon discovered where her look of insecurity and innocence came from, as she said to his full astonishment: "It's my first time."

A virgin. He cupped her pretty face in his hands, and his touch chased away the slightly scared look on it. She didn't need that anxious gaze. He would rather die than hurt her or scare her or anything. He loved her. He loved Iz, the strangest girl in the tribe, the one with the big mouth, with a mind of her own, the one that claimed to be a neo-anarchist (whatever that might mean), the one that had nicknames for everyone, and had the rudest, cruelest sense of humour ever… and was still a virgin.

Strange creature. That was why he fell in love with her. Out of nowhere, like those things happen. Her body moved on the bed like that of a mermaid in the ocean, her bare skin gleaming beautifully in the light of the candle on the nightdrawer.

He kissed her body.

Iz looked at him. She knew he wasn't going to hurt her. Not anymore, not after the fight, no that he got that quick peek into her soul, to find out who she was, and it had been enough to fall in love with her. And Zions brief moment of 'being himself' had been enough to make her fall in love with him. He was beautiful. And it was strange how she never noticed that.

Randy woke up from the strange sounds in Zions room, next to his. He groaned and covered his head with his pillow. "Urgh, not again. What, does this tribe consists of bunnies or something? First Dart and Raja on that side, and now Zion and… huh, probably Kera. Who probably took comforting too serious,"Randy said to himself.

He thought for a second, then added: "Hm… I might go and see if Justine is still awake."

*

"Stop crying, Cloe. It's not going to help,"Kita told the younger girl quite harshly.

"Well, what did you expect me to do? Huh? I've been kidnapped by a psychopath, I've  got no idea what's going to happen… For all I know he might kill us. I might… I might die,"Cloe said tearful, close to hyperventilating.

"You don't know if he's going to kill us, and it doesn't help much to imagine what that would be like, now does it? Does thinking about what this guy could do to you get you any further? Does feeling sorry for yourself gets you any further? Does crying get you any further? No, I don't think so. The only thing that'll get you anywhere, is figuring how to escape from this place,"Kita said her, also talking some courage into herself.

"How could we escape…? He's not gonna let his go,"Cloe said. The girl was already devoid of all hope.

"No,"Kita said. Well, that went without saying. Kita tried to dissect this kidnapper's mind, like she always did with people. But it was harder this time… Maybe because she could only base things on the pain he caused her… Her and other girls. He had mentioned girls before, and Kita had already asked herself the question: where are they now?

Don't think about that! she told herself. It's not important.

Kita tried to figure what could bring a man to kidnapping women. Well, it couldn't possibly be about ransom or anything, because she herself wasn't worth much. And the other girl didn't look like a very important person either. So… the reason for him to kidnap girls (it pained her and made her shudder to think about this) was for his own personal pleasure, or because he wanted to control women. A trauma was undoubtly the cause of that… this man kidnapped women, because for him it was the only way to have power of them. Kita spat at how pathetic and disgusting that was, but she tried to keep her mind to the subject.

So… if he wanted power over women, maybe he was scared of them. Could only do something to them while they were unconscious or in restraints. But if a woman would yell at him, get angry at him (Kita remembered how he told her: "It musn't scream!") and try to overpower him verbally (because physically: no chance) he might just get so scared he would let them go.

Or maybe the opposite had to be done here. Act like a slave, like everything he says is right, like he is a god and you're just a doormat. Then he couldn't grow angry at you, you would do exactly what he wants, and maybe that would be a way to make him release you to. Or do the opposite.

Another thing: this… person thought of women as objects. If there was a way to change that… maybe they could introduce themselves to eachother (ridiculous thought really, but that didn't matter), start to talk, make sure he wouldn't think of the girls he kidnapped as mere things or pets with which he could do as he pleased… but you couldn't just clear up a trauma like this with a simple chat.

All plans could have varying results. It could make things better (although the chance was slight), or it could make things even worse (for as far as that was even possible). Maybe the best way was just to attack him, break out. But the door was locked and this man was strong. And he had done this before…

Stuck. Kita was stuck.

She glanced at Cloe, who was looking at her with a spark of hope on her face. Kita felt sorry for the girl, that didn't even know what she was facing yet. That didn't even know what this thing could do to girls.

"What can we do?"Cloe asked.

"I don't know,"Kita said truthfully.

*

You, me, everything… A chaos. Twirling around in the dark, a tornado in a black ocean, throwing up dirt wherever it goes. You know, it is a fact that the earth is spinning around, though you're not supposed to feel anything of it. But… then you find yourself, feet hardly secured to the ground, looking at the planet spinning. And you think it's cool, until you realise you're the only one that notices this… and that you're a freak. 

  
Oh God, Jax thought. I just want to sleep. I just want to sleep. All I'm asking for, alright, a little sleep. My body is tired… my eyes are falling shut… its dark and quiet outside but my mind won't shut up! 

  
On and on it goes. Why couldn't I have been born a complete retard. Braindead or something, instead of having to listen to them argue in my head the whole time. And argue they do… with me, eachother, they question everything every person says, critisize everything I do, and they never go to sleep. 

  
No, just when your eyes are tight and you're letting yourself fall into a dream, they jump out again, thinking they have something important to tell you. But all they do is ramble nonsense… hurtful nonsense… but nonsense still. They say such weird things, their voices are fast, shooting past you in a blur like a train. 

  
But you can always catch something of what they say, and it's never nice. 

  
Why does everything has to be like this? Why does my mind have to be so screwed, such a weird place strewn with booby-traps and landmines, why do I have to be such a freak? 

  
I want to sleep… I want that so much. Sleep might just make things better, if it were up to I'd sleep all the time. It's so nice… just laying in your warm, soft bed, not knowing anything, just covered in blessed ignorance and rest. I've been so damn tired lately, and if it were up to me I'd sleep all the time. 

  
But they find it weird when you sleep all throughout the day. And they don't like me already, for appearing in public so little, not helping with the chores often enough. And when it's finally night and I can sleep, then the voices come out, ofcourse. The dark makes them stronger, louder; they're like nocturnal predators. 

  
Now, what I could really use right now… God, is that the sun coming up? Yeah, it is, the sky is turning lighter. So, that late already. Morning. Then soon I'm gonna be expected at breakfast again, crowded there between those arguing and fighting people, the heavy atmosphere they cause pressing down on me. And all day I'd have to stay awake, and I couldn't stand it if they would talk me. I can't stand that at the moment, I think I would… I think I would attack them. 

  
I don't want be bothered right now. If I have to be in their company, at least let me sink away in my own mind, so I can be a little oblivious to their stupid breakfast-conversations, their loud voices, their strange moods, their fights, their trivial problems. If I bury myself in my own mind completely, it's less worse, a little less worse. Iz said I look like a zombie when I do that, and that it freaks her out, but I don't care what she says. She thinks I'm crazy already, to put a tiny emphasis on it won't be that bad. 

  
Ohh, I just wanna stop thinking. Stop thinking, okay? It's getting me so tired. And I'm already tired of everything. Tired of being here, tired of this world, tired of the people, tired of this life. It all makes me wanna sleep… for a very, very long time. Hm, maybe even forever. Yeah, that would be delightful, sleeping forever. 

  
Wait… but that would be nearly the same as death… Do I wanna die? 

  
Maybe. I don't know. Afraid I guess. Yep, that's me for ya. I wanna sleep forever, which equals dying, but when it really comes down to it, I always find I'm to much of a coward to actually go through with it. 

  
Huh… Nothing's keeping me here, really. Well, except for Trojan. Trojan's good, Trojan's beautiful. But he hates my guts. Ofcourse he has every reason to, I'm so goddamn sickening and pitiful. I deserve to die, really. 

  
"Yes! Well, come on, what are you waiting for then?"one of the voices said over-enthusiastically. 

  
"Don't you ever shut up?"Jax hissed, wincing and covering his ears. But covering his ears wasn't going to help. That was the annoying thing. The voices weren't on the outside, they were crawling around on the inside. Like maggots in a mind that had already died and started to decay, and was now merely waiting for the body. 

  
Jax shook his head. Sleepingpills. He could use sleepingpills, a lot of them. Then he could sleep throughout the day in peace and quiet –he wouldn't even have to go through any trouble for it. But… pills… hospital! They were in a hospital, which had to be stuffed with medication, even though they had been so full when the virus was rampaging. Sleepingpills: undoubtly! All he had to do was look for them. 

*  
  
Yellow highrise. Raja woke up the minute the weak morningsun parted with the horizon, shedding light on the city and throwing sunshine in Raja's sun. She opened her eyes slowly, with a bit of a groan. Morning already? Oh, and it was her turn to make breakfast, right, she had better get up now. 

  
Raja sat up straight in bed and the first thing that captured her gaze was the door to her room. Before the virus hit, Raja always had to shut her door tightly before she went to sleep, and now that they were in an environment where there actually were doors again, she had gone back to that habit. 

  
But strangely, the door to her room was open. Raja shook her head; maybe she didn't shut it tight enough and the wind blew it open? A less reasonable, more childish voice offered a second possibility: maybe it was a ghost! 

  
Raja shuddered; despite of her age, she was still scared of ghosts. And to think that this was a hospital, where so many people died. What if their ghosts were still- 

  
Oh, stop it, Raja thought, rolling eyes at herself. 

  
Then, all of the sudden, her eyes fell on another strange thing. And alright, the door had been up to there, but this was really bizarre. There was a red rose laying next to her pillow. A beautiful flower. Raja uttered and amazed squeal-gasp and thought: well, if it was a ghost, then certainly a very charming one! 

  
She picked up the rose and her heart jumped up. A present… she couldn't recall to ever getting something like this before. Something so beautiful… And seeing how there weren't any flowershops left, probably pretty hard to get as well. Who would go through all that trouble to give her something like this? 

  
It left Raja feeling puzzled, but very happy. What a beginning of a day. Excited she jumped out of bed, fully awake now and actually looking forward to making breakfast. She put the rose in a vase on the nightdrawer (it had been there when she took this room, a lot of sick people had probably put flowers in it) and looked at it in full awe. She could just dance around the room. 

  
Through the dooropening, she saw a tired Jax walk by all of the sudden. "Jax!"she yelled out to him. He startled, but she didn't even noticed that. She pointed to the flower with its silk, ruby-coloured leafs, jumping from one leg to another in excitement. "Look what I've gotten tonight,"she squealed. 

  
Jax looked at the flower and smiled a little for her. Yeah… Raja was a sweet girl, sweet people tend to get things like that. No chance he would ever receive a present of any sort. 

  
Raja got her babyboy out of his cradle. He was a little amazed, but immediately took over his mothers good mood. "Look at the present mommy got. Isn't it pretty?"she asked Aaron. The toddler looked at the brightly-coloured flower, which was very interesting indeed. He had never seen a rose before. 

  
Raja held Aaron with one arm, and took Jax arm with the other. She shot him a kind smile. "Sorry about not coming to see you last night. I mean, you obviously had some trouble with the fight. Are you feeling okay now?"she asked. He nodded automatically, because he never told people how he really felt. 

  
"Good,"she said excited, "let's go get some breakfast," and she took him along. 

  
"But…,"Jax protested hardly audible. So far his plan of getting pills and just spending the rest of the day sleeping. 

*  
  
Iz opened her eyes. Her chin was resting on Zions chest, and she couldn't remember ever feeling so great, warm and… loved in her life. Loved. That word seemed nearly foreign to her. She always thought she didn't need it. 

  
She noticed Zion was awake too. 

  
"Should we go get breakfast?"she asked and yawned. 

  
"Naw,"he said, kissing her. "I'd rather stay in bed for a little longer." 

*  
  
Raja skipped through the hallway like a little schoolgirl, dragging Jax along. Aaron giggled happily. 

  
Raja's mood was a bit dampened when she entered the cafeteria and she saw Dart sitting at a table, like he had been up all night. The minute he saw her enter, he got up and made way to leave the cafeteria. 

  
"Don't go away on my account,"Raja muttered, scowling. 

  
"Rather not. I just have some things to take care off,"he said. 

  
"Whatever,"Raja said, pretending not to be interested. 

  
"You do like roses, don't you?"he asked with a blank face. 

  
Raja looked up amazed, but before she could ask Dart any questions, he had already left.


	12. Turkish Delight

PART 12: TURKISH DELIGHT

Raja hummed a tune, while setting the table. She was so careless with the plates, hopping through the cafeteria and nearly juggling with them, that the others were afraid she could break something any second.

The others would be the whole tribe save Dart, Iz, Zion, Kita and Kera.

"Hey er, Raja, don't break anything, will ya? What are you so happy about this morning, anyway? I don't see plenty of reason to be happy. Did you forget that a member of our tribe has been kidnapped and we don't know where she is?"Scott reminded her with a slightly disgusted glare.

Raja's whole face fell, and her excitement was gone right away. Right, how could she forget that? Kita had disappeared, kidnapped, maybe even –no, don't think it!- …dead, and her she was, The Happy Queen of Fairyland.

She tried to take on a more stoic attitude while setting the rest of the table. But is was hard for her. She just couldn't help it, she WAS happy. The others weren't, obviously, and they didn't know where Kita was… they probably expected her to feel guilty about being happy at a time like this.

Raja hated to admit it (so she only admitted it to herself) that worries about Kita didn't overweigh her good mood. Raja had been one of the last people to join the tribe of the Argonauts, and she hadn't known Kita for so long… She didn't know the mysterious girl whatsoever. Kita always kept her distance, but she was always staring at people, trying to figure them out.

Who knows where she could be now, Raja told herself. You should be feeling guilty about being happy now! But… I just can't help the fact that I don't seem to miss Kita all that much. It's horrible of me, I know…

Kera entered the cafeteria with a scowl that said: "Back off, or you're dead meat."

"Hey, Kera. Had a fun night?"Randy, who still assumed Kera instead of Iz was the girl that Zion had gotten into his bed, asked. She gave him a glare –if looks could kill, he would've burned to ashes instantly- and just told him coldly: "Shut. Up," before taking her seat.

Jax let his head sink lower between his shoulders. It was the same situation as last night. That same terrible atmosphere, that told him there was going to be a fight again. He didn't like the looks on their faces, their voices. They could all be so hateful, so cold, and he hated it. Made him feel so awkward and… not at home.

"Well, anyway… Is it time for breakfast yet! I'm starving. Hm, where's the rest of the gang?"Randy asked.

"Dart had to take care of something,"Raja said. Randy was amazed by the fact that her smile didn't split her face in two.

"Zion and Iz probably wouldn't wanna see eachother, hm?"Justine asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Wouldn't be to sure about that,"Kera muttered.

Randy, who was sitting next to hear, was the only one that could hear what she said. It made him think. Last night, in Zions room… If not Kera… "Wouldn't be to sure about that"? Naw… that couldn't be… Er, right?

"Well, then maybe we should just start eating,"Justine said, shrugging her shoulders.

"You know, it astonishes me how you can pretend like nothing happened. How can you all be so cheerful, when a member of our tribe is missing?! God, it's like no one cares!"Scott yelled suddenly. He got of his chair, nearly knocking it over, and left the room.

"Er… are we gonna repeat last night's scenario?"Justine asked frowning.

"Hopefully not,"Kera growled, and she too got up and left the cafeteria.

This was what Jax had been afraid of. All those people; their hate was just hanging in the air, so thick, it could be cut with a knife. Cut with a knife… this made Jax think of other things again.

He shook his head. That was going to have to wait. Right now, all he could in this chaotic place was to flee into a quiet corner of his mind, pretending to be a braindead zombie, pretending he didn't hear or see anything but his imaginations… while the pressure of social life was building up. When did something as simple and trivial as 'breakfast' became so hard.

*

At the Mall, breakfast didn't go very smooth either.

"I can't believe it… This is all my fault; I should've never let her go out on her own. I should've known better, it was nearly dark,"Salene said, close to tears.

"Salene, it's not your fault. Cloe would've gone out anyway, with or without your permission,"Amber said gently.

"I know… But what if something happens to her?"Salene asked.

Ebony shrugged her shoulders. "Girls her age start to like going to parties at night. What is everyone getting so worked up about?"she said careless.

"She said she was going for a walk! Walks don't take all night!"Salene snapped, wondering how Ebony could remain so careless.

"I'm sure she'll come back… when she's hungry,"Lex said.

"How can you pretend like nothing happened? Those people who were here the other day… The Argonauts –a member of their tribe disappeared as well, right? What if they got kidnapped? Both those girls. What if they've been taken by some psychopath…,"Salene said.

"Maybe we should contact that tribe. The Argonauts,"Amber said. "We might be able to help eachother."

*

As soon as everybody had stopped eating, Raja started humming again. There was no one to stop her this time. The only ones left in the cafeteria were herself, her little boy and Jax, who had a weird zombie-look in his eyes. Daydreaming again. He could be distant like that some times, in his own little world, Raja had noticed. She had also noticed that he didn't like it when you disturbed him at a time like that.

So she just did the dishes, not asking Jax what his plans for today were or why he did't leave the cafeteria, even though he had finished eating. Well… for as far as he had eaten, because he had hardly touched the food on his plate. He had pricked it with his fork a few times, then went back to sitting silent with that weird glassy look in his eyes.

Raja was worried about him, but she didn't want to risk getting him annoyed by disturbing him. 

When she finished the washing-up, she took her son of the chair. He started to struggle, saying: "Wa-we walk self!" giving her that 'and that's the final word'-look only little children can give you.

Raja laughed and put him on the floor. "I'd say it's time for a bath, mister,"she told him. Aaron took benefit of walking by himself by running from his mother as soon as she said this. "Hey, you…,"Raja said, chasing the toddler in his own speed as he tried to run on his crooked, chubby legs. It was turned into a game, with Raja following him around in circles, until Aaron walked out of the cafeteria, and Raja chased him down the hallway.

And Jax was alone in the cafeteria again.

That was nice. No one around, peace and quiet. Then why did he have to do it now? Why did he find himself getting up, walking to a kitchendrawer and getting a potatoe-peeling knife out? 

He could control himself. If he really honestly tried, maybe. But, then he would have to feel like this all day. So empty, so feelingless, so weird, like he just wanted to scream. Loud. It was always such a strange feeling, and he didn't know if he would ever be able to explain it to someone who hadn't experienced it. It felt like he was losing himself, but not in that nice way, like when he was daydreaming. All he knew was that for some strange reason, inflicting pain on himself actually helped.

He could do as Zion told him ages ago, put the knife down and go to someone who he could talk to. Raja could still be heard in the hallway, playing with her son, laughing and being happy. But… did he want that? Did he actually wanted to kick this habit, and then feel like this all day? No, not really.

Jax sank down to the floor, pulling up his sleeve. Lots of fresh cuts. It had gotten worse since he came here. Well, no surprise, everything had gotten worse since they came here. They should've just stayed where they were.

Jax put the knife against his pale skin, pushed the sharp edge into the flesh and let it slide down. Blood formed small bubbles at the corners of the cut. Little, tiny bubbles and streams. Jax started to wonder for some reason, what a fountain of blood would look like. That's what you got when you hit an artery, right? Like those right underneath the thin skin of your wrists.

The door swinged open. Quickly, Jax pulled his sleeve down and put the knife his pocket.

He got up, glad that the counter of the cafeteria had hidden him from whoever opened the door.

"Jax? What ya doing there?"a surprised voice asked.

Jax saw a big-eyed Trojan standing in the dooropening. 

"Nothing. What are you doing here?"Jax asked right away.

Trojan rolled his eyes and picked a stuffed bunny of a chair. "Aaron forgot this and so Raja send me to get it… You okay, dude?"Trojan asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?"Jax asked, shrugging his shoulders, trying to imitate Trojans cool, tough, careless attitude. He left the cafeteria as soon as possible, before Trojan could ask him any more questions. He hated to be asked if he was okay.

Trojan watched him go slightly puzzled, then rememberd his promise about giving Aaron that stupid, stuffed bunny. He was about to leave the cafeteria, when he saw something on the floor by the counter. He pulled up an eyebrow, and looked a little closer. A small gathering of crimsonred, wet dots on the floor. Blood. 

*

Raja let out a sigh and let her hands go through the water.   
'Everyone is in a foul mood today, Aaron,'she said, while washing the little boy. Aaron hit the surface of the water with one of his little hands, as always amazed and baffled by the sound and the fun splash it caused. His thin, blonde, wet hair was standing up straight, making him look like a baby-punker. He looked up at his young mother with wondering, green eyes.   
'But nothing ever gets you down, huh my little man?'Raja said, rubbing her nose against that of her babyboy. Aaron giggled. 'I love you so much, Aaron. If I ever lost my little baby, I wouldn't know what to do.' 

*  
  
Trojan was slightly -well okay, very- freaked out by his discovery. The blood on the floor looked so... fresh. Maybe Raja had accidently cut herself in the fingers while preparing breakfast. But her hands had looked fine and surely, cutting yourself in the fingers didn't leave all that blood.   
An incoherent circle of big red dots. Not _that_ much, but enough to make you think some strange things.   
Like what, Trojan? his mind asked him.   
Like- I don't know.   
Trojan took a cloth and cleaned it off the floor, because... Blood starts drying up within fifteem minutes, right? He had learned that little fact in biology class, long before the virus. Heh, strange, he never learned anything about viruses in biology class...   
But to get back to the subject: this blood hadn't by long dried up, so... so why was he paying so much attention to this?   
Because! Because it was strange... Right? Automatically Trojan thought of who had been here in the past fifteen minutes, and his brain filtered out a name immediately: Jax. 

*  
  
The dark dream, the sea of onyx silk that was Iz's hair, was spread out over Zions chest like a protective blanket. One of her little, white hands with the slender fingers was laying on one of his shoulders limply. Her sweet breath in a rhytm that told him she was sleeping. He wondered what she would be dreaming about.   
Then Zion noticed that the sunlight had floated over the entire city, and that it would probably be late. Maybe breakfast had already been served. The Argonauts must've been pretty nervous, after last night's fight, that looked like it would make the tribe fall apart. Instead Iz and Zion ended up in bed together. Rather strange... and it was rather unfair to leave the others out in the blue like this.   
Oh well. Later.   
Zion kissed Iz's head, and this touch was enough to make the girl wake up with a groan that made her reluctantness to do so clear.   
'Is it morning already?'she asked in her morning-voice.   
'Er... sorta passed morning, I think,'Zion said relaxed, looking out of the window. Yeah, way past morning, and he really should be doing better things right now. But everything seemed so small and insignificant, things of another dreamworld. He didn't think he had ever feeled as relaxed as now.   
Iz flew of his chest with a gasp and looked outside. 'Oh, we probably missed breakfast. And I'm hungry... And- Kita! We have to look for Kita!'she said.   
This made Zion sit up straight in bed as well. Oh my God, did he just... did he just forget about Kita? How could he have been so irresponsible? He jumped out of bed and into his clothes, determined to organize a searchparty right away-   
'Fearless Leader, you're wearing your shirt inside-out,'Iz calmly pointed out the fact. Zion looked at it, thought about correcting it, but then shrugged his shoulders with an exasperated groan and left the room.   
Iz was left alone in the room. She looked at the dooropening Zion had just walked through with big eyes. Zion was now probably rallying the Argonauts and getting ready to turn the whole city upside down in an attempt to find Kita.   
Iz nodded. Good. She realised again that she would never want to have the job of leader, and all the stress involved. She was a basically stressless person, and on this morning, she too had never felt more relaxed in her life... hard to imagine a humanbeing like that.   
Iz didn't even worry about Kita. Sure, the disappeared girl was in her throughts, but now she had that funny feeling that, for some reason, everything would be okay. Saying that helped, and in a way made sense too: Everything would be okay. 

*  
  
The blood: it made Trojan suspicious. It was fresh, and to the best of his knowledge the only one that had been in the cafeteria the past fifteen minutes had been Jax. Everyone would have to admit something was not right about that.   
Could've been an accident, but... What had Jax been doing there anyway? I mean, didn't the guy hate to be in the cafeteria? He had went straight to his room right after every meal, and he didn't come down for any other reason. The first day he hadn't even come down for food.   
And when Trojan had walked into the cafeteria, Jax been sitting behind the counter, all alone. Then he had looked up, startled, and all of the sudden he was very fast to leave. It was all sort of strange.   
Trojan lingered in the doorway on the first floor, where they all had their bedrooms. He looked at the doors, not knowing what to do yet. But in the end he figured... maybe people like Jax need someone to talk to as well? 

*

Kera and Justine, formed into a team by Zion, had gone out to 'investigate' what appeared to be known in this city as Sector 10.

Justine let out an exasperated sigh. "Just wandering around the city doesn't work, you know,"she said to her teammate. "We should go to the kind of places where all the low-lives hang out, and ask there. I'm sure they would know something about the psycho that kidnapped Kita."

Kera pulled up an eyebrow. "How do you know for sure that she's been kidnapped?"she asked Justine.

"Well, let's face it: it's either that or she's gotten killed,"Justine said with a rather careless tone in her voice. "Cats like to be on their own. But even for Kita, staying away this long without leaving any message, is sort of weird. So I'm figuring: someone did something to her."

"Maybe she just wanted to leave the tribe, this place,"Kera said, staring ahead. "I would."

"Damn, what's your problem this morning? The whole time you've been so… Oh wait, is this about Zion boinking Iz?"Justine asked, again in that cheery, careless voice.

Kera turned her look to Justine with a snap. "He didn't do that,"she growled. The girl that was usually so relaxed, looked like she was about to punch Justine in the face.

"Well… Randy says differently, judging from what he heard last night. And the two of them weren't at breakfast this morning. Rather weird couple… but in a way, they do fit together-" Kera grit her teeth "-heh, and those two have been needing to get some for ages. And now you're depressed because it wasn't you that spent the night in the room of the great Zion… Ohoohoohoohoo, sucks to be you,"Justine sang.

"Shut up,"Kera growled, shooting Justine a particularly dangerous glare that the other girl didn't seem to notice.

"Honey, don't feel too bad about it,"Justine said. "In complete contrast with what you've believed for the past, er, years, Zion's not the only guy on the planet. So Iz just grabbed her chance a little sooner –there's more to life, ya know."

That was the final straw. Kera looked like she was ready to start a fight and test all her kickboxing-skills on Justine, when all of the sudden their attention was drawn to something different.

A girl with a head full of bleached knots seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"What's up with people appearing out of nowhere here the entire time?"Justine sighed annoyed, and she was going to ignore this person, if it hadn't been for knot-girl saying: "I heard you talking about Kita. Are you Argonauts?"

"Yeah. Who the hell wants to know?"Justine said in the inpolite, nasty tone that just seemed to fit her.

"My name's Amber, of the Mallrats, and I need your help."

*

Trojan was about to knock on Jax's door, but for some reason he just kept pulling his hand back. This was stupid. What was he supposed to say? "Hey Jax, I found blood on the floor and I think it's yours"? Ridiculous. He could just imagine Jax saying: "Oh, thanks for telling me, I had been looking for that for a while."

So maybe Jax had a nosebleed, or tripped over something, or whatever. No big deal, right? What was so important about this? Why did he have to go to Jax's room because of this?

Because… Because.

What, that's everything, just because? No, not just because, you know why, don't ya Trojan? I'm your mind, I know your secrets. Poor Jax, nothing should ever happen to him, he's so… beautiful. Well, apart from that black eye you gave him.

Trojan fully remembered that night all of the sudden, and why he had been so angry at Jax. Not just because Jax had been spying on him and Kita.

Trojan shook his head, as if he was trying to shake something out. Then he clenched his hands into fists and walked away from Jax's door. Jax, sitting in his room, and looking at his cuts with a sort of pleased regret and morbid fascination, had never even noticed he had been there.

*

Kita screamed. She didn't stop screaming, not anymore. She didn't care what it would cause. The screaming was the only thing that gave her a bit of control, that made her real. So much pain, her whole body ached and burned and hurt. He loved her, loved to hurt her that was, in whatever way possible.

"Oh, little pet, little… little bítch!"he hissed at her from out of the dark, like snakes crawling in her bed at night. She screamed again, even though she knew he didn't like it and would get angry at her again. But there was never anything specific necessary for him to get angry, to cause her pain.

Screaming gave Kita control; the guy that held her needed control too. Sociopathic as he was, he believed to be above these creatures. They were just objects –mere pets or dolls to him. The girls. The girls he had never been able to control were now his objects and he could do whatever he liked to them.

Kita had been made blind again. And she wasn't able to hear the only kind voice here –weepy, but kind- that of Cloe, anymore. Cloe had at least provided the slightest bit of comfort, but Kita didn't know where the other girl was, what he had done to her, what he was doing to Kita herself. Kita didn't realize where she was anymore.

She was lost in what was undoubtly his dream, but her greatest nightmare. A hell on earth. This could only be Hell, and she was being punished by HIM, for her sins. And the worst punishment was that she couldn't see anything. Not the slightest bit of security.

Kita started to slip away. The small periods of time between the pain, she lay wherever she was like a zombie, staring into the abyss, trying to think herself into a feelingless ragdoll. And the pain itself made her go insane. She felt it was too much, more than a young human mind could put up with, and she was losing herself.

From time to time she did think she heard Cloe's voice. "Kita? Kita, say something!", but that voice seemed to come from far away. It seemed so unreal, compared to the pain, and the darkness made her doubt everything.

"Is it day already?"she asked.

"I think so,"that voice that could be identified as Cloe's told her.

"Hm-mmm,"Kita nodded and she let herself slip away into a dreamless sleep, which she hoped would last eternally.

*

Another day had passed and the Argonaut-tribe had gathered at dinner. Justine had told about Amber, and the girl of their tribe named Cloe, that had also disappeared. The Mallrats and the Argonauts could help eachother on their search.

"Well, that's something,"Zion sighed hopefully, while trying hard to feel sorry for the girl named Cloe at the same time. "Any of you discovered anything else?"

They all shook their heads one by one. No clues whatsoever. Whoever had taken Kita, did the job well. It almost seemed like they were never going to find her.

*

"What are you doing with me?"Iz asked. Zion looked her in the azure-blue eyes amazed, catching her look of blissful innocence. She had come with him after dinner. Zion had finally noticed Kera's jealous glares. He always had the idea Kera fancied him. Well, he couldn't do anything about the fact that he didn't like her, right? About the fact that he liked Iz. The Iz who was sitting on the edge of his bed, cool and gleaming in the light of the moon that shot through the windowglass. The Iz that looked at him with her knowing girl-eyes that weren't of this world and asked him: "What are you doing with me?"

"Loving you,"he simply said and he pulled her closer, her warm, soft body with the sweet fragrance. She looked at him again, alien eyes lined with black. She really did have alien eyes, and he meant that in the nicest possible way. Something about her was a total mystery; simply not of this earth. He wondered where she was, what she learned, who her parents were, who she was. At the same time he was so delighted not knowing.

He didn't want to unveil the mystery yet. He wanted to keep her immortal for a while.

*

Jax sat in his room and wondered what was going to happen. What would happen tomorrow, the day after that? An endless strain, every day so long, so long it seemed eternal. He didn't know what to do. Did he really want to face another day? It all made him so terribly tired. He just wanted to sleep.

Wasn't much he would miss about this world anyway. Except for Turkish Delight. He really liked Turkish Delight. One of the few things he didn't eat with a vague feeling of nausea.

And Trojan he would miss too, ofcourse. But he would have to face the fact that nobody was going to miss him. His mind kept telling him that, at least. And if nobody was going to miss him… then what was the point of it all, really?


	13. In the beginning again: When Randy met J...

PART 13: IN THE BEGINNING AGAIN

~1~

Justine's head lay on Randy's shoulder, and it was hard for her to understand the feeling of peace it gave her. The simple touch, his voice, it all comforted her so much. And he was the only guy that had ever done that for her. The only specimen of the male species that had called her gorgeous and meant it.

*

_The car slowly pulled up. The girl on the sidewalk wore a short skirt, leaving her long, thin legs bare. She did a lot of work to keeps those legs in shape. She wore a leather, shabby jacket to protect her against the cold at least a little bit. No zipper on the jacket, she had just crossed her thin arms in front of her chest to push the fabric against her body, keeping the warmth near it.   
Her long, straight, brown hair was just hanging over her shoulders freely tonight. Her big dark eyes were lined with black, her full lips were darkred. Her skin was pale and she was breathing out tiny, frostwhite clouds.   
The people would wonder why a girl would wear clothes like that on a cold night, and why a girl her age was out at this hour what so ever.   
Justine looked around with eyes wet because of the cold (or that's what she liked to tell herself), her eyebrows twisted into an insecure frown, wincing a little, as she watched the car drive onto the sidewalk. He had noticed her.   
Carwindow went down and a man that was young, but at least ten years older than she was, said: "Hey, gorgeous. What are you doing out this late, all by yourself?"   
Justine sucked in her breath shivering. "I-I need a ride,"she muttered, eying the neat slabs of the sidewalk.   
"Where to?"the man asked.   
"I don't care, as long as it's far way from here,"Justine said, shivering in the cold.   
"What, mom and dad have been mean to you?"the man asked with a smirk.   
Justine sort of got herself back together again, and her sharp tongue didn't lay frozen in her mouth anymore. "Weren't you ever thought that it's not polite to ask people about their household-issue's? Now are you taking me along or what?"   
"That depends,"the man said with a smirk. 'Filthy asshole,'Justine thought, narrowing her eyes. The man said: "If taxi's, buses and trains aren't for free either, then you can hardly expect-"   
"Yeah, yeah, gotcha. Nothing is for free, yadda yadda. Let me guess, you're one of those 'I'll give you a ride, you give me a ride'-types?"Justine asked.   
The man looked a little baffled, but the disgusting smirk soon crawled back onto his face. "Hop on in,"he said, opening the door to Justine._   
  


*

  
"Juz?"Randy asked.   
Justine looked up with a lazy "hmmm?"   
Randy muttered "Nothing" and stroke her hair. If he was going to ask her what was up, why she was being so silent, she was going to get annoyed again. It seemed so easily for Justine to get annoyed. But he still loved her.   
Justine smiled. She knew. 

*  
  
_Justine was deep in thought. She was looking at the white winterlandscape through the carwindow, without actually seeing it. She wondered if her fosterparents would've already noticed that she disappeared?   
Probably not. She had been there for nearly a year. She usually didn't stay at fosterhomes that long -those poor fosterparents just couldn't put up with Nasty Juzzi, as she was known- and it was funny that the one fosterhome that didn't gave her up right away, was also the most horrible one.   
Justine had a lot of fosterparents. She couldn't remember her real parents, they died in a car-crash when she was two. A fantastic first chapter of a human life. Ofcourse there wasn't any close family that her parents had known of, none of the familyfriends had the time, money, room or energy to take in little Justine, so a fosterhome was the only option.   
She had gone through a lot, getting nastier with every new family. She started to think of it as a fun game: how can I piss my fosterparents off so much they send me away again? The first thing she did when arriving at a new fosterhome, was discovering what her new mommy and daddy found annoying.   
But it didn't work at the farm, not with those two. Her last fosterparents said they "knew children like her". You just had to be tough on them, apparently. She wished they were dead. One of them had gotten sick right before she left. She had been hearing something about a new dangerous disease lately, so you could never be sure. If her fostermom would die, she would only be like: haha!   
"You can put me off here,"Justine said as the car drove through a small town; little houses with snow-covered roofs.   
"Why here? What could you possibly want to do in this hamlet? Besides, it's cold outside. Surely you wouldn't want to get out of the nice, warm car now?"the man asked her.   
Justine turned to him, smiling hatefully. "Yes. Yes, I would as a matter of fact,"she said. She was already about to leave the car, but the man lay a hand on her shoulder.   
"Hey sweetie, ain't you forgetting something...?"   
Justine rolled her eyes furiously. "Fuck off, you fat retarted bastard. And get your hand off me, that cheap cologne of yours is burning my nostrils,"she said brazenly.   
The man pulled her back into the car, shutting the door.   
This angered Justine more than it scared her. She put up a scowl that would've scared the bravest warrior away. "Okay, here's a little deal for ya... you let go of me, and I won't rip your lips off and toss 'em into the snow,"Justine said with a mean smile, narrowing her eyes.   
"You've got too much of an attitude,"he said. He tried to push her against the cardoor, forcing his lips onto hers. With a enraged growl, she kicked him and opened the cardoor. She ran out into the snowlandscape, which formed a contrast with the black night.   
"Hey you! Get back here, you bítch!"he yelled. He got out of the car, and Justine finally got scared, when she noticed that he would actually come after her.   
She whimpered a bit and started to run. "Goddamnit you whore, you promised me-"   
The man was cut short as Justine ran into someone all of the sudden. She fell onto the ground, sinking into the snow. She heard the barking of a dog, and not long after that the sound of a motor running.   
She turned her head, and saw the car leaving. Amazing. "You might not want to stay in the snow. You will get wet. And cold,"a kind, low voice said. Justine rolled her eyes. "Aw, we got a rocketscientist h-"   
She would've said more, but instead she stared at the person she ran into. The guy that saved her from... well, god knows what that guy was about to do with her.   
He was about her age, and tall. He had a kind, handsome face, warm brown eyes and he was smiling at her. A sincere smile. He wore a long, sandcoloured coat and one of those silly, big, fur-lined hats with slaps over his ears, like Russians soldiers wore.   
He wanted to help Justine up, but she didn't need anyone's help -she was going to show him that- and got up by herself. "Hmph. Thanks, I guess,"she muttered reluctantly. Thanking people wasn't her strong side.   
"You're welcome. God, people like that... Are you okay?"   
"Yeah, yeah, fine!" She waved his concern away with an annoyed, impatient handgesture.   
"You're soaked... And aren't you cold in those clothes?"he asked.   
"Well, duh. Do I look like I'm feeling tropical?"she asked rhetorically.   
The boy smiled shyly, and looked at his shoes as if they had suddenly transformed into something very interesting. "Well, er, anyway, I'm Randy,"the boy said.   
"Yeah, yeah. Nice to meet you, I'm Justine, blablabla. But er, we've basically introduced ourselves for nothing, coz this'll be the last time we see eachother,"Justine said exasperated.   
"Oh... Don't you wanna dry up and get some hot cocoa then? My place is right at the end of the street. I was just walking my dog,"Randy said, and all of the sudden a fat labrador, that looked pretty old, came walking towards the pair, panting.   
"Ah, this is Scout, my dog,"Randy said.   
Scout took a sniff of Justine's hand and licked it. Justine shot Randy a very quick smile. "He's cute,"she said.   
"She. It's a bítch,"Randy stated.   
"What?"Justine said slightly confused.   
"Well, that's what you call female dogs, right?"Scott said with a smirk.   
"Oh, right."   
"Yeah, anyways... I better get her inside soon, the cold weather isn't good for the old girl. Well, I guess if you'll go home now, I gotta say goodbye to you. But I guess I'll see you again soon; small town you see,"Randy said.   
"Yeah, except I don't live in this town,"Justine said in a hard voice, just as cold as the weather.   
"Oh. Well er... where do you live then?"Randy asked curiously.   
"Far from here. At least I hope I'm far from it now. Anyway, is it any of your business?"Justine asked.   
"Oh, no, I guess not. But... hm, d-do you wanna come in for a hot drink then?"Randy asked.   
"Yeah,"Justine sighed. "Why not."   
*   
Randy appeared to be an only child, loved and spoiled by his parents, that lived in a nice little house in that cozy little town. Justine envied him so much she nearly turned green. But at least she got her hot drink, and she got to stay the night at Randy's house as well. It wasn't that big, but it was so... homey.   
But not everything was right for Randy, as he told her. His parents were both sick in bed, and they didn't leave their room anymore. Randy was worried to death about the both of them, he said he wouldn't know what to do if he lost them.   
Justine couldn't imagine what it would be like to love your parents, but for some reason she liked this guy, so she tried to comfort him anyway.   
Justine was allowed to stay at the house, and only later did Randy start asking questions about who she really was and where she came from. They had nothhing to do but talking to eachother, as Randy's parents were laying up in bed, getting sicker by the day. And the rest of the adult population of the village wasn't doing to well either.   
And then they finally heard about : the Virus.   
*   
"They're gonna die,"Randy said in a dead voice, fidgeting with the blanket that covered his both parents, deadly sick. Their skin looked like that of thousand year old people, their hair had turned white in one night, their hands had turned to claws, and their eyes were glassy and sickly yellow. And the scariest thing was that the look in those eyes was_ young. _Randy's young parents were trapped in the bodies of misshaped creatures that seemed as old as time.   
"They're gonna die,"Randy said again. Justine looked over at him and saw his eyes were wet. She couldn't argue with what he said, because she wasn't a liar. She didn't know any words of comfort either, so she simply laid her head on his shoulder.   
*   
At the end of the winter, Randy's mother was the first to die. Justine discovered it as she brought them breakfast. She had come to know those people, who had been nice to her in spite of slowly rotting away, and it was quite a shock for her. It stunned her that Randy took this news so calmly.   
But it was when Randy's father died, a few days after that, that Justine noticed Randy had just been too shocked by his mother's death to find any kind of response, and now he broke down. He cried the whole night, like a little child and Justine, once again without words, crawled against him and hoped that would provide him with some comfort. She wasn't always nasty. And this guy was just... different.   
They buried his parents. With the help of some other kids of the village, They had lost parents too, and they now knew what was going to happen to the other adults who were sick at the moment. They were going to be on their own.   
After the funeral, Randy had turned to Justine. Saying he didn't want to stay in this village. Justine understood, she'd rather not stay anywhere where there were people. What if they would get this disease too?   
The worldwide disaster the disease caused was clear to them. They needed to think about the future now. They both came to the conclusion staying near other people wasn't safe. They would have to do like people did in the Middle Ages, when the Plague reigned the world with an iron fist: go to a place where no 'infected people' would come.   
Randy knew just the place: his grandpa's old cabin, deep in the woods. They could stay there. Gather food. Start a new way of life maybe. They could even survive.   
And so they left. It had been the start of the Tribe that would later be known as the Argonauts. Two scared kids in a cabin that met eachother because of a strange coincidence._

*  
  
As Justine flashed back to all of that, she thought where the Argonauts had gone from there. They had come far... but it wasn't clear if that was something to be happy about.


	14. In the beginning again: Scott's tale

PART 13: IN THE BEGINNING AGAIN

~2~

Scott tried to sleep, but how could he possibly? All he kept thinking about was Kita, if she was okay, where she could be… Where could she be? God, what could be happening with her? Scott buried his face in his pillow and groaned. To think about that was a torment. He loved her so much. He adored her from a distance, because he was too shy to just walk up to her and ask her out. Besides, what would girls like Kita find attractive about guys like him?

Scott wanted her here. He wanted things to be easy, he wanted to be able to tell her who he felt about her. Why couldn't things just be easy? Why did he have to be on his own, with a group of people that really didn't care less about him, wondering if there would be enough food tomorrow, if a new tribe with bad intentions would rise, if he could make it through the day.

Sometimes he just felt so devoid of hope and alone. Sometimes he wanted nothing but to have his old life back. Just his old life. His school, his friends, his home, his dad… 

His dad had died in a hospital like this.

*

_The 14-year-old boy with the shaggy brown hair sat on a chair in a sterile, cold, white hallway. He hated this place. It represented death to him. He could hear the coughing and the cries of pain. The whole hospital was full by now. There was no way to handle it anymore, people were lying sick in the hallways.   
The Virus. Scott had finally heard about it on the news, finally he got to find out what was going on. But now he wished he didn't.   
Life for Scott had never really been hard, although he did learned how to do things on his own. He was one of those people that were thrown into a nice place at birth, one of those lucky kids. A nice big house in the suburbs, with a pretty, nicely mowed lawn, and two nice parents that would do anything to make sure there only child would have a nice life.   
Things changed when he was seven, and all of the sudden not so fortunate anymore. He was to young to really follow what happened, all he noticed was that his mom and dad were mean to eachother all of the sudden, and all he knew was that he didn't like it. And then he heard the word 'divorce' and before he could have a say in it, his mom had moved out of the house, all the way to Canada.   
Canada. He already started to worry he would never see her again.   
However, he got to spend the Christmas-holidays at his mom's, and the summerholiday's too. He was really excited, because he got to fly a plane for the first time. And all on his own too, because there was no chance his dad ever wanted to see his mom again. This made Scott kind of sad, but he soon forgot about that when he arrived at his mom's house.   
She had gotten a new, good job over there in Canada and she had bought a really beautiful, big apartment. And a lot of Christmas-presents for him. This made Scott feel kind of uncomfortable, because every time she gave him one of those presents, she had this scary smile on her face he had never seen before.   
And at the end of the vacation the major question came: didn't Scott want to stay with his mom afterall? This confused his seven-year-old brains to no limit, because how was he ever going to pick. But he made his decision in the end: he was going to stay with his dad.   
He wouldn't forget the look that was on his mother's face when he said that. He had the feeling he made her angry and sad… disappointed her. For a few years there was a true battle between his mom and dad, and his mom spoiled him outrageously during every holiday, and when he was about to leave for home, she always asked him if he didn't want to stay with her.   
But Scott didn't like new things, he didn't like change. The divorce had been enough of a shock for him. He was now used to living at his dad's, and only going to his mom's during the vacation. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to completely adjust to a new country, a new town, a new school, make new friends… He made it clear to his mother once and for all that he didn't want to live with her.   
After that, the holiday's with his mom just became less amusing. Every time, she became more and more of a stranger to him. Not even his parent anymore. She never asked if he wanted to live with her again.   
But life at home with his dad wasn't that great anymore either. His dad had given up rivalry with his mom, about who would be the best parent. He had this arrogance over him, the kind of air a person gets when he knows he won a battle.   
His dad had gotten a new job as well. A good one, but he was going to spend more time away from home, so he told Scott. And that's how Scott's absolute hate and fear for being alone began. He didn't want to get his father out of his dream; the man was so excited about his new job. And as he said: it would provide a better way of life for the both of them. Scott didn't want to ruin everything by saying he wasn't happy like this at all, and he doubt it would've mattered.   
Scott became strangers to both his parents. He lived in a nice, big house in a peaceful, beautiful suburb, he went to a good school, got good grades and had friends, and everybody would say that he had every reason to be happy. But Scott was a very warm, affectionate person and if there was one thing missing in his life at that moment it was warmth.   
He only saw his mother a few weeks a year, and he started to dread visiting her, because every time he saw her, she seemed like more of a different person to him. She had gotten married again, to a guy Scott knew nothing about, and he never trusted that man. Scott felt his mother loved her new husband more than him. And he was probably right. He was sensitive when it came to things like that.   
Meanwhile, his dad was never at home. His job kept requesting more time, and Scott was alone the whole time. He hated it, and on every occasion he invited friends to his home. Because his dad was out at night so often, a lot of parties were thrown at Scotts big house, which did make him very popular at school… But he didn't want plain popularity. He wanted something else.   
And then they first heard about a dangerous disease. This disease, which caused rapid aging, was spreading over the whole world quickly. It had already reached Canada, and his mom was one of the first people there to fall prey to it.   
Scott knew what kind of person his mom had been. She was the kind of person that never listened to her body, that kept working even though she had a high fever or something, that didn't care about being sick. But when she finally collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital, it was already too late. She died there within two days.   
It had all happened so fast, and Scott only heard after his mom had already died. That new husband of her… He had just sort of forgotten that there were other familymembers too, and he had only phoned Scott after his mom was already dead.   
It was a total shock ofcourse. One quiet afternoon he was just being called by a guy he hardly knew (but hated with passion what so ever) and it was like: Hi, your mom has just died.   
Ofcourse that bastard couldn't have called a little earlier. Now Scott didn't know until it was too late. If he had gotten a call the moment his mom had been taken to the hospital, then maybe, just maybe he could've arrived in time to say goodbye to her. Now he would never be able to do so.   
Scott tried to imagine what his mom would've looked like, laying dead in her bed, but to his great amazement, he could hardly imagine what she looked like again. It was so long since he had last visited her, and when he did it was in a chilly atmosphere, like they were complete strangers to eachother.   
All pictures of his mom had been cleared from the house by his dad, except for one that Scott had managed to save. He kept that in a special, secure place, because he knew his dad would be angry when he saw it. His dad had never really given him the chance to love his mom again.   
It was a familypicture, the only one that had been spared. In his rage Scotts dad had cut his mom of every picture in the house, burned her face out with cigarettes, things like that. It had scared Scott, and he had quickly gotten this picture and put it in his treasurebox. The picture on which he was just five years old, and his mom and dad were still young and happy together. The versions of them that weren't cold, hateful and bloodless. The likable versions._

*  
  
Scott got his treasurebox from his closet. He opened it –rusty, screeching metal- and looked at what was inside. Little cars. Baseball-cards. A little stuffed puppy with a missing ear. All the type of treasures little boys could possibly gather. And on top of it, the most precious of it all: the picture.   
The picture of him, his mom and his dad. The way they were, the way they always had to be. The great link to the past. 

*  
  
_"You can see him now,"a young nurse said. Her smile was kind enough, but her eyes were deadly tired. No wonder, she had to work hard here. All the adults were starting to fall prey to the virus. She was probably also dealing with the knowledge that she would soon follow. Was she making arrangements for her death?   
Scott wondered when he started thinking things like that about strangers. Such morbid things, that were really very logical questions. Because every adult was dying now, and the smell of death was everywhere. There was no hope left for them, no chance for a cure; the world was going to be passed onto the children.   
And Scott noticed the jealous looks from adults he got when he walked through the hallway. Those looks from the sickly yellow eyes made him shiver. They hated him, because he was healthy and they were sick. Because he was young, and they were growing old so rapidly. Because he would live and they wouldn't. Scott had the feeling that… well, they couldn't kill him… but if they could somehow take his body over, push him out like in a fairytale, they would.   
Scott walked faster, ran into his dads room and slammed the door shut, as if he just escaped from a herd of monsters.   
His dad was laying in bed. His skin was like shriveling parchment, in a very sick coloured, his eyelids were crusty and his hair was snowwhite. Scott whimpered, scared to come closer. His own father had turned into a monster.   
"Scott, is that you?"his father asked. Even his voice sounded like that of a demon; horribly hoarse and nothing like the voice Scott knew. With hesitating steps, shivering, he slowly came closer.   
"Scott, I'm glad you came. Scott, you need to know something. That thing that killed your mother, I'm suffering from it too. The Virus. It kills people, Scott. And nobody has found a cure. And they won't find it in time either. I'm going to die,"his father said.   
Scott just stood there, his face frozen, slowly nodding his head. He looked like a scarecrow moving back and forth in the wind. He couldn't think of a proper response to what he had just heard.   
"Scott, you're on your own now,"his father said.   
Those words made him snap out of his lethargy. On his own. "No,"Scott screamed right away, "I don't wanna be alone!"   
"I'm sorry, Scott. I wish I could be there for you. I wish I could've been there for you more often. But I'm sure you'll make it. You always did. I'm proud of you, you just remember that. Guess I didn't show it often enough… Just don't give up, okay? Try to find some other good kids just like yourself,"his dad said.   
That was the last thing Scott ever heard from his dad, as than his dad went into a coughing-fit, after which he lost consciousness. Scott went nearly hysterical, as the thought of being alone was too much for him. The nurses and doctors quickly removed the screaming boy from the room.   
His father wasn't dead yet. But he never came to from his consciousness. The next morning he had really died, in his sleep. Scott had been waiting in the hospital all that time, until a nurse came to inform him of it. She did this pretty quickly and feelingless, she must've already broken news like that to countless of other children.   
Scott got up, in a daze, and ran from the hospital. He had never ran so hard in his life, and he felt like he was losing it. He was crying, screaming out loud, and he didn't care about the weird looks he got from those people. He didn't care about anything. He was all alone now. Really he didn't want to do anything but go insane.   
Didn't happen, too bad for him. He ran all the way to his house, and as soon as he reached it, he fell down, exhausted. He lay there for half a day, motionless. People that walked by could've thought he was dead. But nobody walked by anymore. If people weren't laying in the hospital, they had locked themselves into their houses, scared of infection.   
Scott got up when he got hungry. By then he had made a plan. He packed all the stuff he would need –warm clothes, a sleepingbag, the treasurebox, and as much food as possible- and left town. He didn't ever want to come back there again. He wanted to forget about it all. Hopefully he would die somewhere in the wild.   
But he didn't die. He walked through the forest, eating only little bits –enough to just stay alive- of the food he brought along. Until he came to a cabin one day. Inhabited by a guy that happened that happened to know something about survival, and his girlfriend. Randy and Justine they were called. They invited him in, cold, exhausted and hungry as he was. He was allowed to stay, and even though it wasn't there name back then, he became a member of the Argonauts._

*  
  
He wasn't really alone anymore, not really. He lived in a tribe now. But did he have anyone special in that tribe? No. He thought about it very often, when he couldn't fall asleep again. When it was dark and quiet –which always soothed him- he could nearly cry and choke because of feeling so lonely.   
He wanted someone. He wanted to know where Kita was.  


	15. In the beginning again: Trojan's blues

PART 13: IN THE BEGINNING AGAIN

~3~   
  
Trojan paced around his room. There had to be something in the air tonight, because he couldn't remember ever feeling this wide awake at this time of night. He stopped in his paces, realizing that this was the thirty-seventh time he circled through his room. Why couldn't he sit still tonight?   
Who was he kidding? He knew why. Too many things, tearing at his brains, to many feelings that were standing straight across eachother, battling eachother. Nothing made sense anymore.   
That was all because of Jax. Why did he worry about the guy so much anyway? Just because of that blood? And if he was really that worried, then why didn't he went into Jax's room this morning, like he had intended to?   
Oh god, this was confusing. He didn't like confusing things. Trojan liked things to be simple and plain. He wanted to be simple and plain, like everyone else. 

*  
  
_"This is the highschool you'll be going to,"the 13-year-old boy was told. "It's one of the best schools in town. Very expensive too, but it's worth it. As long as you get a good education."   
Trojan nodded at his father, not in a position to disagree.   
"It's a boardingschool for boys only,"his mother said with one of those horrible smiles of her. Bored and fake. Her plastic face twisted in a truly scary way. Trojan noted that that was the most disgusting colour of lipstick she had ever worn. Well, everything about her was disgusting really: her stuck-up, bored attitude; her bleached blonde, permed hair (The Poodle, Trojan had called her sometimes); her colourful designer-clothes; her expensive, horribly over-done jewelry and that fake smile that bared all her eyeblinding white teeth.   
"That way you won't get distracted by girls during your study,"mother said in a lame attempt to make a joke. She laughed at her own joke in a stomach-turning way. Trojan wondered if his mother had ever hugged him, or taken real interest in him instead of what he would be when he would grow up.   
He asked himself the same question about his father.   
"Well, we have to leave now,"his father said, inspecting his suit in the mirror. Trojan nodded, they were going to a party. His dad had to, what he called, 'network.' His mother would befriend all the wives of the old, rich men there. They would all eat caviar and drink expensive champagne. Trojan had been to one of those parties once, it had been hard for him to resist the temptation to throw up until his esophagus would burst open.   
It was probably just him, but he always had the feeling his parents didn't fit him, that this 'lifestyle of the nouveau riche' didn't fit him. He developed this funny mental image, about two kids that had to be delivered to their parents, but accidently got mixed up. The mental image had turned into a story, which had turned into Trojans personal truth. You see, it was comforting to know he belonged somewhere else.   
"Goodbye, sweetheart,"his mother said. There was no love in that 'sweetheart.' She merely waved at him in a queen-like way, adjusted her boa and left. His father gave him a simple nod and gone they were.   
Trojan sighed. Oh well, at least now he had the house (and a huge house it was) to himself._

*  
  
Trojan wondered why he thought about his parents after all this time. He never thought about them that often again. He didn't really care. He knew his parents never really cared about the person he was. He figured his mother must've probably gave birth to him with her high heels on, putting on some make-up through contractions, and when the baby was finally born, she might've picked it up for a second (probably wearing hygienic gloves) and then passed him on to a nanny right away.   
He had been nothing but an object to his parents. Some accesoire. All they wanted for him was to be rich and get a good name. He would be a surgeon ofcourse. Nobody asked about Trojans opinion on his this plan. 

*  
  
_"Goodbye dear. Hope you'll enjoy your stay at this school,"his mother said, blinking at the headmaster flirtaciously before she left. Well, Trojan was sure he was not going to enjoy his stay at his school. Not like he had a choice. His parents would spoil him to death, as long as he agreed with everything they said. What every child would've considered heaven, was Trojans hell.   
He hated those rich boardingschools, filled with stuck-up boys (just like me, he thought regretful) and much ado about nothing. Walking through the schoolcorridors, he got the scary feeling that he was supposed to believe the rich were better than the poor, were better from birth. All the splendour in the ridiculously fancy school made him think a full-out attack on everyone that didn't make at least a million dollars a year was planned.   
He was sickened at himself, really. And he was about to get even more sickened._

*  
  
Trojan got a headache as he thought about it again. That school. He wished he had never gone to that place. 

*  
  
_Lessons were boring, teachers talked with a pompous accent that made Trojan sick to his stomach, the boys were obnoxious and had their noses stuck-up too high in the air to notice what was going on around them. They were wearing their sweaters with the sleeves hanging over their shoulders, tied on their chest. That had always made Trojan roll his eyes in disgust.   
Everything here got him disgusted. Even himself.   
He was the down-to-earth one there. The one that wasn't continually talking about his dad's money, the one that didn't come driving up in a huge Mercedes, saying: "I got my driver's license yesterday, and look what my parents bought me." That type of behaviour just wouldn't suit him. He would wear skaterclothes in his spare time instead of Ralph Lauren (skating was his favorite hobby back then as well), he would listen to hip-hop instead of… well, who knows what those guys listened to.   
But, even though his reason tried to battle it, he felt he actually started to like those guys. Or at least one of them. There was this nice guys among them, that went by the name of Quinten. His dad owned a huge company, and he was definitely one of the richest kids at that school, which meant a lot. He was very nice, naïve, with sunlight-coloured hair and blue eyes.   
Quinten didn't need to worry about being an outcast. Here, the amount of money your parents had got you respect. Needless to say, Quinten was very respected.   
He was the one that talked to Trojan, when he was sitting by his own. He was sitting by his own a lot, usually reading or having his huge headphone on, listening to hip-hop-classics, shutting the world out. The world didn't want anything to do with him what so ever, it was too arrogant for that.   
But Quinten wasn't like that, he was nice. He didn't cast 'that new kid' out. He didn't need to fear any repercussions for not doing so, but that wasn't the reason he had decided to talk to Trojan one day. The guy just seemed like he had needed a friend.   
But from day one Quinten was more than just a friend to Trojan. He never felt the way he did when Quinten walked by, talked to him. He was so nice, so good to him, so handsome.   
When Trojans thoughts went that far, he froze all of the sudden. It was like he had turned into an alien. He looked into the mirror and was disgusted by himself. 'So handsome'…? What was wrong with him? That was something girls said about guys, not something guys said about other guys. Was it? Oh god…   
Trojan couldn't believe it, he hated himself for it. As if he wasn't weird enough. He was officially a freak now. What if the others would find out, what if his parents would find out?! Everybody would be sickened at the mere sight of him! He couldn't let that happen.   
The only thing Trojan could do was ignore Quinten as much as possible, and tried to show as much interest in girls as possible. But that was hard, seeing how there were now girls at school at all. Just him and the guys. And why couldn't he think of them like guys, why couldn't he be normal friends with them?   
Quinten was a nice guy but didn't like to be ignored. So one day he asked Trojan what was up with that, and that made Trojan lose it. He had been doing his very best to stay away from Quinten, to push away this feelings he found sickening, and it had stressed him out to no limit. But he couldn't show, ofcourse, couldn't tell anyone. Then they would notice what he was…   
A fight broke out between Quinten and him. He was terribly sorry afterwards, ofcourse, but… at least he didn't have to worry about staying away from Quinten anymore, as Quinten did that for him. The school allowed him to stay, but that only made things worse for Trojan, as now he was truly alone, and he had problems to deal with.   
His parents only solution for his problems was to spoil him more, give him everything he could possibly want. It just didn't make him happy.   
And he was glad when the virus came and end it all. Glad when he could leave the alabaster house of his now dead parents, knowing he never had to go back to that school and never had to be a surgeon, and most important of all, never had to see Quinten again.   
He went somewhere where no one would disturb him. The woods. But eventually he was taken in by three young people who lived in a cabin, and by then, Trojan had been happy about it._

*  
  
Trojan had hoped it would pass, the way he felt about Quinten. But with Jax (god help me, he thought) it was the same thing all over again. He couldn't face that the whole time. He couldn't ignore Jax the whole time, they were both part of a relatively small tribe. How was he going to put up with this? 


	16. In the beginnning again: Iz, beyond her ...

PART 13: IN THE BEGINNING AGAIN

~4~   
  
Iz looked at the girl in the mirror. A crack was splitting her image in half. Iz touched the cold glass in a daze. That girl… was it her? When was the last time she looked in a mirror? She had been avoiding them ever since they came to this place from the, obviously, mirrorless forest.   
Iz was about to visit Zion, and she wanted to look her best, even though she was sure Zion would say something about finding her beautiful no matter what she did to her looks. He seemed like the kind of guy for that. But a girl always wanted to make sure, so now she was standing in front of the mirror, wearing a tiny silk dress Raja helped her made especially for the occasion (Iz suddenly wondered if Raja even knew what exactly the occasion was), her hair in a wild, unrestrained ocean with glitter and golden threads, and she was applying make-up.   
Strange. Kita had always done that for her in the old days.   
Kita… Iz regretted the fact that it never really came to a friendship between the two of them, just acquaintances that chat every now and then, simply because it was a small tribe and they were the only girls. But Kita was a mystery-woman that didn't like to give a lot of herself away, and Iz was a dreaming, free person, that liked to explore the forest and talked to trees and animals now and then. Different interests.   
Nevertheless, Iz did miss Kita. Kita was the closest thing she had ever had to a friend… which didn't mean that much. She never got along well with other people. 

*  
  
_"Lack of social skills,"the pretty young blonde said. "That's your problem, little sis, and if you want to make something of your life, you better straighten up and do something about it."   
Sure, Iz had thought grimly. I'll be just like you._

*  
  
Iz never really thought about her older sister Victoria very often. She never thought about any of her familymembers, or whoever she knew before the virus wiped out civilization. When something that drastic happens, your mind has a way of keeping its sanity: it just stuffs everything bad, or anything that recalls memories of something bad, away… until it rears his head again one day.   
And thinking about Kita had made Iz think about her life before the virus more often. After all, she had known Kita before she became an Argonaut. Very superficially though, they were just in the same class. But still… And now the thought of Kita made her think about her life as it once was. 

*  
  
_"It's a girl!"the nurse exclaimed with a bright smile, holding up the little, fragile newborn. She wore a good scowl and had a few bit of fuzzy, pitchblack hair on her head, standing up straight. The creature cried furiously, shocked by the cold light and all the noise in this world.   
The mother laid back, exhausted. It had been a true struggle to bring this child into the world –she felt more dead than alive- but it had been worth it. Because there she was… her daughter. Another girl. She had a husband which she loved with all her heart, she had little Victoria who was a perfect angel, and now there was this little addition to their family.   
She took the child and looked it in the eyes. The child looked back with a grumpy face, that made the mother laugh. She kissed the little girl and decided what her name would be: "Izabella Antonia." Victoria, little angel with platinum-coloured hair and heavenly blue eyes, and a proud dad, appeared at the bedside.   
The mother got tired very soon, to tired to lift a finger… It was strange, she hadn't felt like this after Victoria's birth. And giving birth to Vicky hadn't been this hard either, nor had it taken so long.   
She soon passed the baby to a nurse, and the child was examined, and the mother as well. The mother sank away in a strange drowsiness, that was pierced through by violent pain from time to time, and she wondered what could possibly be wrong. She remembered Vicky's scared face and voice: "Mommy, don't go!" Her husband holding her hand. A doctor with a worried frown. She never fully came to consciousness again, and never got a good chance to say goodbye to her family. The drowsiness ended in full darkness. Izabella's life had began, that of her mother had ended._   
_There was a funeral, Izabella was taken home, and life just went on like nothing happened.   
The seven-year-old Vicky was a perfect example of how a big sister should be, ofcourse. Despite of her mother's death, she took good care of this new baby. Ofcourse she noticed how hard it was for her father, to lose mommy. And everybody said: "That child, she's so smart and kind and responsible."   
That's what they kept saying about perfect little Vicky. Even when Iz grew up and certainly didn't need her sister's moddycuddling anymore. She always had this scary feeling about her sister. She was like a babysitter. Babysitters do their job merely for the money, or whatever they get for it. That's not how a sister's supposed to act. Maybe Vicky didn't get money, but she did get credit.   
And for credit, Vicky would do anything. Iz really only remembered Vicky by this eerie smile the older girl sometimes gave her. The type of smile that isn't really intended for you, but for someone that's standing right behind you… even though the only thing behind you is a wall.   
To Vicky, Iz wasn't much more than a little doll, or a stairway to praise. Not much more than an object. Not a living, breathing thing that deserves some genuine warmth and love. You can take good care of a little kid, look like a perfect replace-mom, but what's the use of that if there's no actual care involved? That doesn't make you a good parent, that just makes you scary.   
Vicky was scary, at least to Iz. Iz was never jealous of the girl, just freaked out by her. Vicky's perfect skin, her golden hair, her azureblue eyes, her talented hands, her great ambition, her hard work, the smile that never left a face, the way she could succeed at everything and talk in such a nice way that everyone liked her. What a freak.   
Her dad could've given her the time of day. But now, the manwhore would rather forget his wife as soon as possible (at least that's what it always looked like to Iz –even though she didn't feel the slightest bit of love towards this mother that she only knew from pictures, she did respect and cherish the memory of her). Iz tried to ignore every new girlfriend as much as possible, make their life miserable. Vicky, needless to say, welcomed those cheap tarts into their home with open arms, all sweetness.   
Pathetic, really. And it all came down to one fact: no one could really give her what she needed. Her dad was too busy –if it wasn't his girlfriends, it was his job- and her sister, her substitute mom, was an emotionless freak.   
Iz might've looked like a cold one, and Ice Queen, with those glacier-coloured eyes, sickly pale skin and black hair, but really… she liked a bit of warmth. She was originally born a warm, caring, touchy-huggy person. And her family wasn't. They weren't physical people that talked about their emotions, that liked to think of life as a party. They were stoic, and Iz wondered how this could be her family.   
There was only one thing she could think of: her mom had to have been a different person. A warm, loving person that loved to have fun and laugh, that never made a secret of her emotions and that would have a sincerely friendly chat with strangers. The kind of person that could change people's lives.   
And it was true that on every single photograph of her mother, Iz saw a woman with an incredibly warm, open, sincerely kind face. This only made her cherish the memory more, and wish her mom was still her.   
But she wasn't, and her family consisted of stoic, bloodless freaks of nature that seemed to think people only lived to work, work, work, and so Iz's personality started to change. She just lost her warmth, her real nature. The characteristics her mom had copied onto her daughter.   
Her dad finally managed to keep a girlfriend. She was half his age; a bleached blonde beauty with a plastic face and the IQ of a goldfish. To top it of this example of perfection loved horsies and porcelain figurines. Perfect.   
This individual went by the name of Lulu (Lulu! Which parent would ever think about giving their child a name like that), and her dad actually lost his sanity long enough to marry this factotum. And what do you know, she got pregnant. And Iz might've been young, but she soon realized why her dad and Lulu married: the baby was born just a little too soon after the wedding.   
It was a boy, and his name was Brett. The son her father always wanted. Iz was nearly ten. A girl that was extremely wise for her age (mature was a whole different thing), a girl that didn't belong, that didn't try her best at school like good old Vicky did… Vicky had gotten a job at this point. She worked the whole time, and she actually spend some of the money she earned on buuying babyclothes.   
Butt-kisser, Iz had thought hatefully. She couldn't stand the way Vicky had been so terribly nice to that… person, that Lulu. Lulu… the name alone! And weren't they just a perfect little family now. Perfect dad, perfect mom, perfect daughter with good grades that spend the money she earned on baby-clothes, and a cute little baby-boy named Brett.   
And where exactly did she fit in in this picture? Nowhere.   
Her sister had given up on taking care of her. She hoped her 'care' would get Iz to get a socially more positive attitude, to get good grades at school, to finally be nice to her new 'mother' (as if! Iz had thought) and welcome the baby with open arms.   
But this family simply didn't feel like Iz's. Nobody was ever mean to her or something like that, but she felt so alone. Like she was staying over at the house of complete strangers. Nobody paid any real attention to her. Same story at school: no one bullied here, but it wasn't like she had any friends either.   
She was lonely. Cold. And soon she really did become the Ice Queen.   
Because of this the guys at school ignored when she growed up, and was ready for a boyfriend. Those cold eyes scared them away. It wasn't just the colour of them, it was what spoke from them… She beamed out as much warmth as a fridge.   
She got into trouble. She was never ready to listen to anyone. She didn't like the people at school to tell her what to do, she got enough of that at home. "Smile for a change." "Be nice to people." "You should do your homework." "Try to make some good friends." "Why don't you try working at a home, it would certainly teach you some social skills." "It would be useful." "It's for your own good." "If you want a good life, you should really change your attitude."   
Right. So her life would become good the minute she plastered on one of those fake, suburbian smiles, the minute she stopped wearing black, the minute she stopped scowling at everyone that annoyed her, the minute she just started taking every order given to her. The minute she became as fake and plastic as they were. Please, she would be nothing more but an empty shell.   
So, no listening to teachers, and she got into more trouble. Her father, her sister, and the person she was supposed to consider her mother ("But I'll never do that –even though I didn't know you, you'll always be my mom,"Iz promised her mother's picture) shook their heads in disappointment as another teacher said: "It's those eyes of her, those cold eyes with which she looks at me in such an arrogant way."   
That did attract the attention of some other well-known bad girls. Iz liked hanging out with them. She could relate to them a little bit, because they didn't like their homes either. They preferred the streets. Ofcourse this only disappointed her otherwise perfect family even more.   
And then the virus came. There was a major evacuation, and her father, Lulu and little Brett evacuated themselves from the country to god knows where, leaving the daughters to fend for themselves. Iz hoped the virus would chase them down anyway. She was shocked at this thought, a little disgusted really… but she couldn't help feeling the way she did.   
The sisters stayed at home, but Vicky was soon struck down by the virus as well. Iz didn't stay to take care of her. She didn't want to get sick herself. She didn't care about the sister that now lay in bed, screaming the whole time, yelling for the younger one to bring food… telling Iz to remember how well she took care of when she was little.   
Iz remembered, and left, not looking back once. She left food behind for her sister when she did. She probably wouldn't eat it. Vicky, when she ate at all, threw everything back up… besides, she would be dead in a few days. Iz knew that. But she wasn't heartless enough to leave her sister with nothing at all, even though she could really use that food for herself.   
Iz had packed her stuff and was determined to leave town. Maybe she would find a safe place somewhere. As she left, she found a young girl, totally lost and recognized her as an old classmate that came over to play at her house once: Kita. Against habit, Iz asked the girl to come with her. That way they wouldn't be alone. Kita was more than happy to agree, and they left town._

*  
  
Iz had been looking at one of her mother's (her real mother!) pictures while she was thinking about all that. She still wished for her mom to be here, and the first time she felt more than respect and admiration, or a memory she simply cherised. She loved that woman on the pictures. She wished she would've known here. But faith was merciful in a way, because Iz had the feeling that if she would've grown up with her mom, she would've lost it when the virus took her away.   
But she wasn't alone anymore. Finally there was someone around that brought her natural warmth out. Zion. But one thing kept bugging her ofcourse: where in god's name could Kita be?


	17. In the beginning again: Kita, poor littl...

 PART 13: IN THE BEGINNING AGAIN

~5~   
  
"Kita."   
No reply. A dead, blank stare. Cloe started to shiver.   
"Kita,"she said again, shaking her slightly. Kita let her head fall back a little, closed her eyes. Like she just fell asleep.   
"Open your eyes."   
"Leave me alone,"Kita said, without even looking at the other girl.   
"I was worried about you,"Cloe said.   
"Worried? Worried about what? That I might die of fear and agony? Worried that I might be thinking about my own death, which'll probably take place soon, the whole time?"Kita asked her, still keeping her eyes closed.   
"You're scaring me,"Cloe said tearful.   
Kita finally opened her eyes and discovered the girl's silhouette in the dark of the night. "Oh, you should be scared. You can crawl away in corners of the room whenever he comes for me, that's the way things are now. You're just a captive to him now, but soon he'll start to show real interest in you too. Then you'll be his most important pet. Maybe after he killed me. Then he'll enjoy himself with you, and then kill you-"   
"Stop it!"Cloe screamed, and covered her ears with her hands. She bursted into hysterical sobbing, but Kita was too far gone to feel pity or symphaty.   
"You shouldn't do that, you know. Screaming. He doesn't like screaming,"she said and turned onto her side, hoping to get some sleep. Her hope would be in vain ofcourse. She had been trying to fall asleep for half the night; didn't work. If the pain didn't keep her awake, her fear or horrible memories did. When she closed her eyes, she saw his, ice-coloured, burning into her soul.   
She nearly wished for death. Couldn't be worse than this torture, right? But maybe she was already dead. Yeah, maybe she died that night in front of the hospital. When she felt a sharp jolt of pain go through her head like a lightningbolt. Maybe it had been a cerebral haemorrhage. Could be. Maybe it had been just that, or a seizure, and she had dropped dead at that very spot.   
And the tribe had discovered her cold corpse in the early morning, but she didn't notice that, ofcourse. Kita believed in ghosts. She didn't consider that a childish believe, she truly believed in ghosts of all sorts, and voodoo. And she had heard that not all ghosts realize they're dead.   
Maybe she was dead now. Maybe she had died and her soul had been dragged off to hell, where she had to suffer for eternity. She thought that death might give her sweet release, but maybe that would never happen, maybe she was already dead. Maybe she would just have to endure this for the rest of eternity…   
Kita screamed and hugged her body.   
Cloe jumped up right away. "Kita, what's wrong?"she asked. She kneeled down next to the other girl, but got pushed away. As sudden as Kita had started screaming, she calmed down again.   
Cloe shivered again and felt a muscle near her eye twitch involuntarily. She decided to just crawl back into her corner again and try to get some sleep. She was worrying about Kita. The older girl was the only company she had here. Kita had been clear when she first met her, but now it looked like she was going crazy. Cloe curled up, hugged her legs and hoped the other Mallrats would find her soon.   
"Mom… I want my mom…,"Kita whispered into the dark. She could almost feel her mother's soft, warm hand holding her own. "Mommy." A gentle humming and another hand, just as soft and with the same warm fragrance, wiping away her tears.   
"Mom…" 

*  
  
_Lebanon. The pearl of the Middle-East. The capital of the Arabian World. At least it had been before the civil war ruined it. Her mother had told her all about it. After all, she had grown up there.   
"Habibti, have I ever told you about the old country?"asked Aischa.   
Kita shook her head. Ofcourse she heard, but she wanted to hear it again. She could never get enough of it. The woman with the beautiful sand-coloured skin and the black silk hair nodded to her, smiling.   
Her mother told her about the sweet fragrance of the warm, rich earth, of the olive-orchards, the little white houses gleaming in the golden sun like diamonds, the perfect blue Mediterranean Sea, the silk her grandfather's women had made.   
It used to be so beautiful there. But then things started to change, and she had to leave the country, looking for a better future. That was when she met Kita's father. They married and shortly after that, Kita had been born.   
"Ya Helwi. And you were the most beautiful child ever. Your father and the nurses said the exact same thing,"said Aischa, and little Kita, who was already starting to become aware of how pretty she really was, let this compliment run through her mind and add another buildingblock to her confidence.   
It wasn't a lie. She was beautiful. And everybody said she was a spitting image of her mother, both in looks as in personality.   
Kita never saw how anyone couldn't get along with his or her mother, let alone hate the person that brought you into this world. As for Kita, her mother was her dearest friend, the person she loved the most. They got on with eachother really well, and Kita shared all her secrets with her.   
This mostly because she didn't have any real friends to share secrets with. Most girls avoided that girl that was much more beautiful than them (even though they would rather die than admit it), the girl that was a complete mystery, the girl that just seemed to have to look at you to know everything about you. While at the same time, you knew nothing about her.   
It had always been like that, even when she was little. She wasn't arrogant, just confident, mysterious, very smart and a bit strange. The other girls avoided her, she had only been invited to the house of one girl in all her life: that of another outcast, called Izabella. But she hardly knew that girl. She just got to know that this Izabella, who preferred to call herself Iz, took great joy in torturing Barbie-dolls.   
Amongst all the kids in class, Kita couldn't find an equal. There was no one that fascinated her. No one that even interested her. The other girls, simple and only interested in material things, avoided her and she became a paria.   
Later, Kita rather avoided them as well. Strange creatures, they were. She didn't entirely trust them, nearly expected them to go rabid on her and rip her apart. Because everytime she said or did something, they tried to discover the tiniest flaws, enlarge them and bring her down.   
They picked on her. The narrowminded, spineless creatures were just waiting for their chance. Kita promised herself never to have any more friends. Their sparkling, snappy remarks to her behaviour sometimes brought her to tears.   
Then she came home, red-eyed and her mother asked her: "Habibti, qu'est-ce que c'est?" (They usually talked Arabian or French at home, because both Kita and her mother really disliked the cold English language, even though Kita's father tried to bring them to different thoughts). But Kita couldn't tell that, she didn't want her mother to worry about her.   
Her mother should never have to worry. She was Kita's only friend.   
Boys, however, Kita soon noticed, were surprisingly tolerant towards all her mistakes. And the older and more beautiful she got, the more they walked around her like drooling dogs.   
This made the girls hate Kita even more. They hated her beauty, her dad's wealth, and now she was hogging their potential boyfriends too? The slút.   
Kita had as many boyfriends as possible, because she didn't like being alone, or at least: she couldn't stand the hate of others when she was alone. She never understood why they hated her, what had she ever done to them? Ofcourse the boyfriends did help the loneliness, but not so much her reputation.   
But the most horrible event in her life came with the diagnosis.   
"A braintumor?"her father said shocked, looking at the doctor with his funeral-frown in utter disbelief.   
Her mother was the only one that took it pretty well, while she was the sick one.   
Kita fell around her neck, refusing to let her go. "Mom, mom, you can't die! You can't, mommy!"she screamed. Her mother tried to soothe her: "Don't cry, little one. Ofcourse I won't die, I just have to stay in the hospital for a few days. __Remember, te'berini. Je t'aime, ma petite."   
__They tried to remove the braintumor. Kita was allowed to visit her mother right after the surgery. Half of her head had been shaven bald, and there was a little door in her skull. It looked horrible. Kita just wanted to leave as soon as possible; she couldn't stand seeing her mother like this.   
But it was just about to get worse.   
They had tried to, but the doctors couldn't remove the roots of the tumor. This made Kita imagine a dangerous, dark plant in her mother's head, that kept growing when you cut the top of, pushing its thorns into her brains, destroying it. They tried chemo-therapy, but it didn't work. The plant liked its new home, and intented to stay until it had used up all its resources.   
At first Kita merely felt sorry for her mother. Aischa couldn't keep her attention to things she read in magazines, she had headaches the whole time, and her vision started to become worse. Kita knew her mother was dying. She expected it to be horrible, but she didn't expect it to be this horrible.   
Aischa's whole behaviour started to change. First came the little lies she started to tell, and the unlikely stories she seemed to believe herself. Then the whining came. And in the end she started to seem like a vicious, evil child. She was telling lies about everybody, using swearwords (something Kita had never heard her mother do), she started to forget certain things and certain people. And the people she didn't remember, certainly weren't allowed near her, or else she would have a tantrum. She had a lot of tantrums.   
She became more and more of a child. Screaming when she didn't get her way, throwing something to the ground when things didn't go the way she wanted them to go, cursing at people that loved her, wetting her bed. She became a true monster, and to her utter disgust Kita noticed she started to hate her own mother.   
Aischa lost all her hair. Her hair had been her pride, the beautiful ocean of dark silk, and Kita's father bought a wig for her. This made it even more painful for Kita to look at her mother, but also more scary. Because when she wore the wig, you couldn't really tell she was sick anymore. You would nearly think she had been like this the whole time: a bloated, evil fairyprincess.   
In the end, the lying and the swearing stopped. She didn't talk anymore and had gone nearly completely blind. Then one morning the nurse discovered she had been released from her misery. And Kita never had a proper chance to say goodbye to her. The last time she talked to her real mother, was right before the surgery, when her mother had said she loved her. Fear and sadness had suffocated Kita's voice, and she hadn't been able to say anything back.   
After the funeral, Kita needed someone. Anyone. So she started to become close with her father. They had the house to themselves now (except for the fact that there were a few servants to) and they shared their misery. Kita made another friend. She didn't realize she could lose this one just as easily.   
The virus came. Kita had been to summercamp when that happened. Summercamp, of all places. One day the kids were all called home, because an urgent message had reached the summercamp: a deadly virus had broken out. Kita was brought home by a parent of one of the children, only to find out that her dad had gotten infected with the virus and died right before her arrival. Again, no chance to say goodbye.   
Kita walked out of the house, completely dazed, moving around like she was drunk. It couldn't have happened. Couldn't have. She couldn't have lost her father as well… "No!"Kita muttered and her tearful, suffocated voice reminded her of the moments before her mother's surgery. She vowed to herself: never to let anyone get close to her again.   
She was picked up by an independent, strong girl, that didn't seem to care about the death the virus caused and obviously knew where she was going. Kita recognized this girl after some effort: Iz. The Iz that liked to torture Barbies, the girl that had invited her over to her house, a long time ago.   
Kita packed her most precious belongings (a big part of that was her golden jewelry) and tagged along with this girl, who had the idea that they would be safe in the woods. Iz seemed nice. Not like one of the girls Kita used to share a classroom with. A person you could become friends with. But she remembered her vow and kept her distance. She remembered her father and mother._   
  


*

  
"Mom,"Kita muttered. "I want you back. Please, come back!"


	18. In the beginning again: Dart, an empty f...

PART 13: IN THE BEGINNING AGAIN

~6~   
  
Dart had been out all day, since breakfast. Just wandering around the city a little, enjoying the solitude. He figured he needed time to think. About what? Well, everything basically.   
Raja was a problem. He didn't know why he considered her that way, he didn't know why he let a girl get to him, he didn't know why it bothered him. He didn't know why he couldn't resist the temptation she was, and on the other side, he wondered why he couldn't just give in, like Raja said he should.   
She said he was too uptight. But he wasn't, it was just a fact that warriors shouldn't have emotions. And he felt… emotions for that girl. But why exactly wasn't he supposed to have any? Well, answer to that was simple: because it would destroy him. Yes, okay- his mind bothered him again- but why?   
It was getting complicated. And… it was getting dark too. He really should get back to the hospital. The tribe was probably wondering where he went anyway, seeing how he said that he would just go out for a while. Kita already seemed to have vanished of the face of the earth, they had enough cares already. Dart found it strange, coming to the conclusion that the others probably did care about him, despite of his cold, unapproachable behaviour.   
But then again, they were all family. The Argonauts were the only family that Dart had ever known.   
For the first time in ages, he tried to remember his past, but all he ever could find was a big, black void. No memory. He never really cared… 

*  
  
_The earliest thing he could remember was waking up alone in a huge forest, trees towering out above him like natural skyscrapers. He was starving and tired, his clothes were mere shreds, a thick layer of filth and mud covered up his cuts and bruises. His whole body ached and his lips had shriveled because of the thirst. In conclusion, he felt absolutely horrible, but that was nothing compared to the psychological shock.   
He had been all alone. And confused, because his mind had been like an empty computerfile. Where was he? How did he get here? Who was he? The only clue was a beautiful, old sword that lay by his side. He questioned the fact that it was his, it looked pretty expensive.   
But the sword wasn't his major concern, because he felt that he was going to die, really die, if he didn't get something to drink. He got up and his whole body screamed in pain, he barely had the energy for such a simple movement because no food had provided him with calories. In a daze he stumbled through the forest, the trees bouncing up and down in front of his like crazy dancer in a kid's schoolplay.   
He was utterly amazed at that: could trees jump? Well, he hardly had any memory, so you could never be sure. Maybe trees could jump, and he had just forgotten that fact. If he hadn't been so exhausted, hungry and dizzy he would've thought about how ridiculous that was.   
He thought he could drop dead any second, all alone and to be eaten by wolves –or something like that- when he picked up on a noise. The clatter of a creek, that bounced of the trees like a slow, unnatural echo, and caused him even more headache.   
But that didn't matter right now, because it was the sound of water. Water! He stumbled faster, and ended up by a small creek. The water looked fresh and clean enough, but even if had come right out of the sewer, he wouldn't have cared. He fell down, dipped his whole head in the creek and drank. The water made his head a little clearer but it made his hunger more evident, sharper.   
He was going to get up to find some food, but before he could do just that, he collapsed by the side of the river.   
When he regained consciousness, he was in a big cabin all of the sudden. And there were actually people there. An unnaturally beautiful girl that looked Arabian. Another girl, tall and slim, with coalblack hair and ice-eyes. A guy with brown hair that had obviously never seen a comb. And a boy and a girl, both slim and goodlooking, who were clearly a couple of some sort.   
The Arabian beauty gave him so food. He ripped it out of her hands and devoured it, but threw it back up just as fast. "You shouldn't eat that fast, you know. Not if you haven't eaten for quite a while,"she said. He took her advice and ate on, slower, while she took care of his wounds.   
"Thanks,"he said. "Who are you?"   
"Well, I'm Kita, and those guys over there are Randy, Justine, Scott and Izabella,"the Arabian girl said.   
"It's Iz,"the pale, blackhaired girl said annoyed.   
"Right… Iz. Anyway, this cabin belonged to Randy's granddad, and he took Justine to it when the virus broke out. All of us had the smart idea of going to the woods when the virus broke out, and we all sorta stumbled upon this place. It's really big, enough room for all of us. We sort of live of the land now. We don't really know what's going on in the civilized world,"Kita said.   
"Civilized world? And what's the virus? Annd why do you all have weird paint on your face?"he asked.   
Kita gave him a weird look, didn't answer any of his question, just asked: "Who are you?"   
"I'm…" He had expected that the answer would just come, but it didn't. Then he remembered: he couldn't remember anything. Fantastic. So he just decided to just think of a name for himself then, and the first thing that came to his mind was: "Dart."   
Iz was now interested. "He's got amnesia. Heh, what do you know? Anyway, welcome to the group, I guess… Dartmeister,"she said.   
Dart didn't like that nickname from the start. But that's what Iz kept calling him, despite of all the times he yelled at her: "Brainless! Stop calling me that!"   
From that point he was a member of the Argonauts. He never got his memory back, but lost his interest in time. He took up the sword he had found next to him when he wake up alone in the forest, and it felt… natural. The moves he made with it, also felt natural. He came to the discovery that he was a great fighter. So he really wasn't that unfortunate; he may have lost his memory, but not his skills. He started to think of himself as a warrior, a cold, emotionless one. That transformation just happened. But then Raja came along…_

*  
  
Dart looked at the sky. It was almost completely dark now. It was about time he went back to the hospital.   
When he actually arrived there, he was greeted by an overly happy, obviously sugar-high Iz. "Heya Dartmeister!"she greeted him with her loud voice. "Are you still alive?"was Darts only response.   
"Guess what? The shop next door is a hardware-shop, filled with paintbuckets,"Iz said.   
"I'm sure this should excite me to no limit…?"   
"Well, yeah! I'm having a paintball-fight with Zion, Raja, Justine and Randy! Well, without the paintball-guns, we have these,"Iz said and showed him a few balloons filled with paint.   
Dart raised an eyebrow. "Paintballfight?"   
Suddenly there was an explosion of colour and all of the sudden Iz's hair was a bright pink instead of her usual black. Behind her stood a smirking Randy. "I did that with my eyes… closed. Stay tuned, I'm-a do it again."   
Iz threw a balloon at Randy, but missed. Randy chuckled evilly. Iz turned to Dart, saying: "Come on, it's fun, join in!"   
Dart looked at her from underneath low eyebrows. "I'm hoping someday you'll grow out of this… you know, maybe even mature a little… but I doubt it,"Dart said. He had only just finished his sentence, or he was hit by a balloon.   
"Mwahahaha!"Iz laughed. Dart drew his sword and growled maniacally at her. Iz didn't see this coming and made a run for it, screaming. "Come back here! I'm going to slice you up, paint my room with your blood and dance in your entrails,"Dart yelled, while chasing her.   
Justine and Randy looked at the scene, without blinking. "Okey-dokey… now there's something you don't see everyday…,"Randy said slowly, then he shrugged shoulders and continued the game with Justine.


	19. In the beginning again: Kera, rosa turbi...

PART 13: IN THE BEGINNING AGAIN

~7~   
  
Kera gave an uncomfortable groan as the early morning sunlight brightened her face. She turned on another side, away from the sun. Refusing to greet it, like she usually did. Its light felt cold this morning.   
'Things are complicated,'Kera thought all of the sudden. She was a little surprised by that thought; ofcourse things were hard, they always were.   
'No, not always. It's because I changed as a person. Everything used to be so much simpler. I used to take good care of my tribe, maybe better than Zion has… I could've been leader, but I let him become the leader instead. Why? Well, because I fancied him ofcourse, all that time. Or should I say: I was obsessed with him. And I always knew I had a chance, I was just waiting for the right time. But then that bitch Iz had to make her move, and just did it. Effortlessly. Snatched him away from underneath my nose, literally. I hate her.'   
She realised that hate had made her a different person. She had never really been in touch with hate, the hate that stings you, burns you from the inside. The hate that drives people to violence. She used to be a laid-back person, non-judgemental. She hardly ever got angry and she loved easily. Now she had just… changed. All because of Iz. Great, what else could that cheap tart take away from her?   
Kera cried in her pillow. She couldn't remember she had ever let anything get to her this much. Well, except for the death of her father. 

*  
  
_"I'm sorry, darling. Daddy has died. Oh God, it's so terrible,"her mother said and pressed her hand against her mouth, making snorting sounds that were supposed to pass for crying. Kera completely ignored her mother and ran to her father's bedside. "Dad, no!"_

*  
  
Kera gasped, she had been half-dreaming. She felt hot tears run down her cheeks, tasted salt. She tried to remind herself of the fact that she needed to go and make breakfast, but she couldn't do anything to stop the memories from flowing over her. 

*  
  
_He hadn't looked a thing like his daughter. He had thin, blonde hair (at least it used to be blonde, for all Kera could remember it was grey), small blue eyes, he was small and his fat had made him shapeless. Short, chubby fingers and big feet. And you just had to love that man, being as laid-back, good-natured and funny as he was.   
And Kera did. She loved her father. She loved his jokes, his love for fun, his easy-going attitude, his warmth. She never even really noticed her mother until a certain age, and when she did, she couldn't help but feeling disappointed.   
They lived in the suburbs, middle-class family. Or high middle-class really. Her father owned a company, and he did pretty well. He once ended up in the hospital after he had broken his leg, and that's where he met her mother.   
Momsy (as she insisted on being called, and Kera could now honestly admit to herself that she hated the woman) had been a nurse back them, a beautiful blonde with fine manners, but with a lack of money. She was supposed to treat Kera's dad, but she did more than that. There was an age-gap of nearly ten years between them, but that didn't bother Kera's mother. She had noticed his wealth and tolerance (which she thought of as stupidity), and she cared for her patient so well that she could move him from the hospitalbed right to the altar. She had thought everything out for herself.   
Ofcourse she wasn't one to stay around the house. And everyone in the nabourhood knew what she really did at all those 'teaparties with friends.' They all pitied that poor, kind man that had married her. Kera's dad was too good to say anything about his wife's little adventures with 'friends' (of which she thought he knew nothing, but some things he noticed with a pig-like intelligence), but sometimes he took revenge in his own little, clever way. Like when one of those 'friends' called in the morning, and momsy came down in her pink bathrobe with her pink daisy-slippers on… Before her father handed over the phone he would say: "Hello, this is cauliflower speaking."   
And one time he had told Kera: "You better look out, because I just read in the newspaper that the curvy blonde is about to go out of style." Kera hadn't been sure if she understood that, but something about the death-glare her mother gave both her and her father, made her chuckle on the inside.   
But her mother didn't have to fear Kera's dad. She had fattened him up like a price-pig, until he just sat in his chair most of times. The doctor had put him on a diet, and while Kera was around, her mother insisted that he sticked to that diet. But when time Kera had left early after dinner (like she always did), and had to go back into the diningroom to get something. She remembered the doctor's rules: her father was only supposed to have one potatoe with a tiny bit of gravy. She knew those rules were to keep daddy's liver and heart in good shape.   
That night she had entered the livingroom and saw her mother scoop a lot more than just one potatoe on her dad's plate, after which she drowned the food in gravy. She only noticed her daughter when she was finished, and shot her an of those angry glares like only she could.   
Only later had Kera found out for herself why: she had caught her mother red-handed, commiting murder with patience.   
Everything that shocked and hurt Kera in her childhood, was always her mother's fault. Whether directly or indirectly. She once went to the beach when she was twelve, with her mother and this brown-haired man that always came around and her mother made her call 'uncle.' He had calmly pointed out this fact to her: "We've got the same little toe. You're a child of mine."   
Kera had been upset for weeks.   
At some points in her life she wanted nothing rather for her mother to just leave, maybe even die… But fate in its strange ways decided to take her father first. He was one of the first people to fall ill because of the virus.   
He was never brought to the hospital, they kept him at home. And her mother ended the same way she started out with him: as the nurse of a fat patient.   
Kera couldn't stand the side of her father rotting away, and when time she had thought, if there was a way to switch people… or at least their conditions… she would wish for her mother to lay in that bed instead, for her mother to rot away and her dad to be healthy.   
In the end she got at least one part of her wish. Her father died, and only a week after that her mother succumbed to the virus. Kera had been hysterical when her father died, but didn't feel any kind of emotions when her mother did. She tried to tell herself that was because of the fact she was all cried out after her father's death, she had used up all her tears… but deep down she knew the truth.   
She left. She left the village she had grown used to. She didn't know exactly for what reason, maybe she was driven by a deep instinct. Those things that tell you to go west, where there's water. Except she didn't go west, she went into the forest.   
She didn't even had to spend a night under the open sky, with only moss and leaves to provide a bed for her, because soon she was found by a group of kids who had been foraging for food. She had been taken into their tribe… The Argonauts. They had become her new friends, her new family._

*  
  
Kera got up. Treacherous. Her new family was treacherous, like the first. Iz was just like her mother, really. How could she possibly know how to make Zion happy? She was probably only in it for the sex, that little gutter-whore with her horrible ice-eyes. How in god's name could Zion have fallen for her.   
Kera sighed. It was about time she made breakfast.


	20. In the beginning again: Zion, leader's h...

PART 13: IN THE BEGINNING AGAIN

~8~   
  
[Morning, singing its song, shining its colours… morning   
Dawn pushes onto the back of another day   
Peeking through window's, through clouds, through eyes… that's morning   
Colours bring morning, blessed with the heart of day   
Drops of sunlight making their way]   
Zion awoke because of the weak light of the rising sun, filtered by the window. He looked around his room and for a change, he actually liked the white. It made the place seem more serene. He saw that one of the window's was open, just a little bit, and the transparent curtains framing it danced in the morningbreeze. And there was silence.   
To complete the image, there was the girl laying in his arms. Her slender, spotless arms hugging him, her white, elegant hands on his chest, the great amount of wild black hair (still with some traces of candy-pink in it) covering half of her face. He could just see her nose. He really liked that nose, for some strange reason. It was perfect.   
It was strange, that someone could be perfect despite of their flaws. That wasn't possible, right? Well, it didn't matter anyway. Zion had never felt as relaxed and happy as he did now.   
Because of her. The Queen of Snow, far beyond compare. Except you could hardly say she was still a Queen of Snow. More like, the Queen of the Sacred, Safe Place.   
The Sacred, Safe Place. Zion had forgotten about that all those years. It had been so long ago, since he had last seen that picture. It was probably gone now.   
Zion remembered being really bored one day, and he started drawing something simple out of boredom. But he started to like what he was drawing, he started perfectionizing it, attached other pieces of paper to it so it could be something huge. It became a passion.   
The drawing showed you a beautiful group of small islands, the way you would look at it when you were on a boat. High black, brown and white cliffs, attacked by the waves but never giving in. Very small, rocky islands in beautiful shapes, crowned with small, simple houses or a lighthouse. And all the little islands were connected by bridges. One nation. The sea was smokey green, keeping all its secret underneath a layer of liquid glass, impossible to see through. The sky told tales of an evening that didn't bring a romantic dusk, but slight rainy weather (Zion didn't like soppy romantic stuff, and he didn't like pink clouds). All was calm though. No storm approaching. Silence and serenity was what made the group of islands enchanting. A real Sacred, Safe Place. The place where Iz should be crowned queen. The paradise, surrounded by a mysterious haze, where they should live. 

*  
  
_Zion, nine years old, was working on the very beginning of his idealistic landscape. Lots of beautiful rocks and an ocean that didn't remind you of a sundrowned beach that was overflown by the tan-crazy parasites that were called tourists, but of november, of thinking and tears, of an abandoned house where all of the sudden, all the window's are blowb open by the wind. Ofcourse, Zion wasn't able to explain it in such words yet, he just knew what he wanted it to be like.   
He had the idea of a cold sunset, with bleached light of a downing sun, covered half by some cliffs. A sunset in blue and grey.   
His little sister Delia came over to take a look. She had only just learned how to crawl, and now she was unstoppable. And a lot more annoying. Zion sighed when he saw her coming, giggling and showering everything in drool. Why did his parents have to go and have more children? Weren't they happy with him alone?   
The worst thing was, Delia hadn't come on her own. She had a twinbrother too; Michael, Luckily he was not as quick a study as she was, and he hadn't learn to crawl. So it was harder for him to annoy Zion the whole time, and spit in his shoes, or vomit on his pants, or whatever.   
Ziion sighed. Delia sat down besides him, making giggling noises. Zion was happy to note that for a change she didn't stink, even though he was sure that was going to change in no time. But Delia didn't cause any trouble, she just sat there. Not covering him in vomit, not drooling over his painting.   
So for the first time Zion made it clear that he had actually noticed her presence.   
"Look here, Delia,"Zion said to his little sister, and painted at the drawing. "You see this place? When I grow up, I want to live here. I don't really know if there's a place like that yet… I'm going to have to look in travelmagazines, I guess."   
Delia look at the picture and there seem to be a spark of –could it be?- respect and admiration in her big, green eyes. She watched him draw in silence for a few moments, then she got back to her favorite hobby: crawling.   
Zion shrugged his shoulders and went on drawing._

*  
  
Zion kissed Iz, and she smiled in her sleep. He caressed her pale skin, that felt smooth. Like velvet. He hadn't forgotten yet. He hadn't forgotten about the Sacred, Safe Place, and one day, if possible, he would take her to a place like that. And they could be… free there. A type of freedom Zion had never experienced before. And he bet Iz never did either.   
Zion wondered if his parents would be at a place like that now. And his brothers and sisters, wherever they could be… would they be happy? 

*  
  
_Lester and Kathleen had met eachother at highschool. He was eighteen, and she was seventeen. Kathleen didn't have any parents, at least not the type of parents that gave a damn about you… She lived with her grandmother, a very old woman that was suffering from cancer. Lester lived with his mother alone, and his mother was very protective of her only child.   
So she absolutely protested against Lester's relationship with Kathleen. The reason Lester didn't listen to her for a change, was the fact that he was sure that he would never love anyone as much as Kathleen, ever again. The truth. That's what they were always told, and right now Zion could imagine how his father felt when he met his future wife.   
Kathleen got pregnant, and this really made Lester's mother hate her. A cheap tramp, she called the girl, and she wanted nothing to do with her or the baby. She told her son to leave the house, and it may be obvious Zion never got to meet his grandma.   
Lester and Kathleen got married as soon as Kathleen turned eighteen, they both got a job and a tiny appartment ("which is better than nothing at all," they told eachother, optimistic as could be) and soon after that, Zion was born.   
Lester did well, got promoted a few times, and it didn't take long before they could leave their tiny appartment and by a real house. It was about that time Zions parents decided they wanted another child. Or children, and so, the twins were born.   
Zion wanted nothing to do with it at first. He was not intending on helping his parents with the brats either. But slowly… he started to like them. He couldn't help it, just happened. There was something about those kids. It started when Delia showed respect for his drawing (he liked Delia the most; she looked like him). And one night he walked past their room, and saw them laying in their tiny beds. Sweet bunches of babybreath and shy, happy dreams. And for the first time he felt affection for those demonchildren that woke him up with their horrendous howling in the middle of the night, that stinked up the whole house and that vomited in his shoes.   
They became his protegées. His little sidekicks. And they had their uses too, as he noticed. He got them to worship him so much, they would follow any order he gave them. And nobody was allowed to hurt them. Nobody would be stupid enough, most kids in the nabourhood were scared of Zion. He was big for his age, and he did martial arts.   
He was more welcoming of the next kid, which was a boy called Dante. The next one was born three years after that, a girl called Leila. She was a cute little thing, that looked exactly like her mom: eyes with the colour of honey and mahogany hair. A scared, timid, shy one that needed protection. Zion was glad to give it to her. When he could protect somebody, it made him feel good and… wanted. He liked doing it.   
When he was eighteen, a new family moved into the nabourhood. Well, wasn't much of a family… This guy that Zion hated at first sight, and his son. A fourteen-year-old kid. Skinny as a shrimp, deadly pale, with lank, dark hair and enormous, pitchblack eyes.   
A girl from the nabourhood called them 'beetle-eyes.' The girl was a toddler, and didn't know any better, but soon all the older once took over this word. They shut the kid out, thought he was weird. Thought he was a freak.   
Zion didn't really care about the hierarchy of the teenage-world, that was obvious. He was too tough to have to fear any repurcussions. No one would dare get into an argument with him. Even if you picked on him with a gang, you'd be sorry. His mates were real fighters, guys that stood up for eachother. They didn't call themselves a gang, because really they weren't… They liked to compare themselves to the maffia. They could help you if you wanted them to. But you did NOT want to start a fight with them.   
Zion didn't have any reason to fear other people's reactions to his behaviour, but he didn't really care about it either. He always shrugged shoulders and rolled eyes at that annoyingly spineless habit of the so-called popular kids to shut out others, call them nerds and freaks, just to feel better about themselves.   
So he was the only one to talk to Jax, who had been dupped the freak of the nabourhood. One night Zion was going for his late-night-stroll, and Jax was sitting on the sidewalk, holding his hand over his eye. Zion asked him what was the matter, and Jax showed him the darkred ring around his eye, that would surely be a huge bruise tomorrow. Zion asked if he had gotten into a fight. The kid said he didn't want to talk about it, and Zion respected that wish.   
He introduced himself, and the kid told him his name was James, but his friends always called him Jax. He paused after he said this, and then added that he didn't had any friends. Zion decided to call the kid Jax from then on.   
He ran into Jax a few days later. Some guys Zion knew wanted to beat him up. One of them was Tony, a retarted bastard that was always annoying him. He knocked Tony's teeth out. Tony's friends would've only needed to see Zion to turn away scared, but after seeing him hit their leader they ran screaming.   
Zion had someone new to protect and Jax had made his first friend.   
Though, after some time, Jax and his dad left. Or actually, really, Jax left and no one knew where to, and then his dad moved out. All very weird.   
It wasn't long after that that the virus struck. Spreading over the face of the earth like a growing tumour, wiping out all the adults. And Zions mom and dad fell prey too.   
He knew he had to be strong. He knew he was the oldest brother. He kept his brothers and sisters away from his parents as much as possible. He knew the kids wanted to see their mom and dad, but the sight of them rotting away completely… they would've never survived that.   
Rita and Lester didn't suffer long, and died in their sleep. There was a comfort. A small comfort. Zion decided that he was not going to stay in the city one second longer. Anything but that. He would go somewhere else, go on a journey… Whatever, he just knew one thing for sure: staying in the city wasn't an option for him.   
He became friends with tribes, the strange groups that began to form. The more adults died, the more of tribes rose. Zion charmed them, gave them food. Slowly got them to accept his brothers and sisters. No tribe would accept four different kids at once, only if they were really good at something, and Zions brother and sisters didn't really have any talents… at least none that could be used in this new, strange world.   
He had to put them all in different tribes. It was hard for him, but it was the only way. He made sure to put his brothers and sisters in good tribes only. Not with a bunch of crazies. He put them in strong tribes, of which he knew they would have some sort of future… and said goodbye to him.   
He went home for one last time, to pack his things. When he arrived in his deserted nabourhood, he found Jax, wandering around his old house in a confused state. Zion didn't bother to ask questions, didn't know if he wanted to. He just asked Jax if he wanted to come along with him. On a sort of… adventure. Jax agreed.   
Zion packed merely what was really necessary. He left the house of his parents, with in it everything he came to consider as meaningless junk. Including the drawings of islands that had covered the walls of his room._

*  
  
Those drawings. Of the Sacred, Safe Place. Would they still be there? Good chance, because who could possibly find use for some old drawings? Maybe his house had been teared down by the maniacs that once ruled this city. Maybe not. Maybe he could take Iz to his house one day, show her the drawings and suggest that the two of them would go looking for a place like that.   
Later. Now it was time for breakfast. Zion got out of bed, careful not to wake Iz. She deserved to sleep for a little longer. He yawned and took a look at his sleepy head in the mirror, ran his hand through his hair. He should cut it, it was starting to get too long.   
Zions definition of too long were hairs of a quarter of an inch long.   
He wanted to get his shirt, but then he noticed something funny. He took a good look at himself in the mirror. There was a small lump in his neck. He pressed against it; it was feelingless. Strange… What could it be? A big insectbite? But… in the winter?   
Zion shrugged, deciding it was probably nothing, and started putting his clothes on.


	21. In the beginning again: Jax's hell

PART 13: IN THE BEGINNING AGAIN

~9~   
  
[I feel so left alone and so   
Forgotten   
Nobody knows where I am   
No one misses me   
Cold water runs from my eyes and the   
Cold is freezing my last tears   
Like I'm only half in my body   
I can't feel   
I think I'm already half gone   
I can feel it's getting colder and colder and colder   
I can't breathe]   
Jax awoke from his sleep with a gasp, the words of the song in his mind. That song he loved in the days before the Virus. That song that just seemed to be made for him. Jax shook his head slowly. It was pounding in a very annoying way, and his heartrate had gone up for mysterious reasons.   
What had that dream been about? He had been in the middle of it just a minute ago, and now he already started to forget. Jax never cared much for dreams, but it was like this one had an important meaning. It had been about…   
… His life before the Virus.   
Jax eyes grew wide the moments those words flashed through his head. He shook his head, long dark bangs dancing, as if he wanted to shake something from it. A thought. The dream. He had promised himself never to think about that life again, only to concentrate on his new life… for as far as you could call it that. He had been given that dream to forget it.   
Jax got up from his bed, his joints making popping noises. He yawned and looked out of the open window. Morning had teared the dark veil of night of the city, and thrown the daylight on it. A rising sun meant breakfast. At least it did today; it was Kera's turn to make breakfast, and Jax knew she awoke the minute the sky turned lighter.   
Jax stumbled out of his room, still sleepy, through the door that had been opened all night. He didn't like closed doors. They made him feel locked in, especially in a place like this.   
Jax reached the bathroom on the other side of the hallway, still sleepy. He looked in the big mirror above the sink there. He still had that dark ring around his one eye, where Trojan had hit him in the face. Jax looked in the mirror in awe. It looked so strange, and familiar in a way. He had an image in his head… of a kid with dark hair, washing the blood of his face, then looking in the mirror. Figured he would have some big bruises in the morning… what excuse would he use at school tomorrow, when the teachers would ask him about him again?   
The mental image disturbed Jax. Because… he didn't know why. But he figured it out when he kept looking in the mirror, until he thought he could see right through it: the reflection of that other kid, the younger one, looked like his. It wasn't a mental image, it was a memory. 

*  
  
_"You never do as I say,"a loud, sharp voice. Jax didn't like that voice, he didn't like screaming. Because he always knew what would come next. A bang and he hit the floor, sharp jolts of pain going through his face. It nearly felt like his cheekbone was broken. And who knows, maybe it was.   
He felt a similar sharp pain as he was kicked in the stomach. He growled in pain and his nose connected with his knees, as he crawled up in a miserable attempt to give himself some comfort.   
A hand, that had more power in it than he in his whole little, skinny body, grabbed him by the collar and slowly pulled him off the floor. Blood was running from his nose and tears were running from his eyes. It wasn't over yet. His father wouldn't let go that easily.   
All he wanted to go was go to his room, lay in bed…_

*  
  
Jax's dark eyes grew wide. That little movie that just played in his head… The boy that got beat up by his father. There was something wrong about it, very wrong. He didn't want to see it.   
He didn't want to watch his own memories.   
But it was already to late, they were flowing over him. He fell to his knees as he flashed back to his life before the Virus came, the disease that released him from it all. 

*  
  
_After his father's vicious beating for a mistake he couldn't even remember himself, Jax slowly crawled upstairs. His legs felt weak, like they were filled with fluff. They danced and shivered out of control when he made way through the bathroom. They always did that; so annoying.   
Jax shoved a small chair towards the sink and stood on it. He looked at his face in the mirror, red and swollen. There was a cut over his lip, one over his eyebrow, and his nose was bleeding. And everything still hurt like hell. He guessed his whole face would be black and blue tomorrow.   
With a sigh he got out a washingcloth and held it against his nose. He sighed; he had done this before. It had been going on for a few years now. It all started ever since his mom left. One morning she was just gone. Now, his dad hadd been strict before and did hit him occasionly, but Jax could live with that, as there were also good things.   
But that day his mom had just seemed to vanish into thin air, everything changed. His dad seemed to become a different person. He made one single wrong remark, did something in a way that didn't appeal to his dad, and the man would get angry. He got angry a lot these days.   
Then he got this… strange look in his eyes. Blue fire. Jax always wanted to run away in terror when he saw that look, because he never knew what to expect. When that look came, his father… just wasn't his father anymore. He seemed a different person. And Jax's heart would beat in his troath, because lately he had gotten this crazy thought… He thought he had really done it this time, his father would just kill him now. He really thought his father was capable of that: murder. And he started to think that it was what happened to his mother. He had seen him beat her before, and the night after her departure he had a dream of his father slitting his mom's troath, and dumping her body in a river somewhere. It became a truth to him. Only later would he find out the real truth.   
After he cleaned his face ánd cleaned the blood of everything carefully –he didn't want his father to get angry again- he staggered to his room and buried himself underneath his blanket with three things: his flashlight, his stuffed dog and a picture.   
The stuffed dog had been a gift from his mother. It was a big Husky, soft pluche. Jax always wanted a real dog, but there was no way they could have one. His father truly loathed dogs, or pets of all descriptions for that matter. But his mother gave him the stuffed dog one day. Not because it was his birthday. Just a present. Jax never had a 'just because'-present before. He never had many presents anyway.   
Shortly after that, she left.   
Jax had to keep his dog, which had been dubbed Rover, hidden underneath his bed. His dad thought kids his age were too old to play with stuffed animals, and he would probably tear Rover to shreds if he found him. A one-way-trip into the garbage-bin was the best thing that could happen to the puppy.   
The picture had to hidden very well too. Because it was a picture of his mother, the only one left in the house. It was a black-and-white-picture. She looked positively beautiful on it. She was of Italian origin, and she had lovely, dark, straight hair and dark eyes. Everyone said Jax looked like his mother.   
She was wearing a long dress on the picture, and she was sitting on a swing in a beautiful garden. She was wearing a smile like Jax had never seen in real life. He figured this picture was taken before she married his father.   
Jax had nothing else to do on lonely, cold nights, when his whole body was aching, then to just lay underneath his blanket, holding Rover tightly, crying soundlessly –his dad wouldn't like him crying; he hated wusses- and pointing the shine of his flashlight at his mother's picture. Her smile. Her sweet, dark eyes. His mother was a good woman.   
Jax still hoped that someday she would just come to pick him up. In his fantasy, his mother had gone back to her parents. To Mama, the loving matriarch of the family –the kind grandmother Jax had only met twice- and Angelo, as grandpa was always called. And they were making plans for him, to help him escape from the prison that was supposed to be his home. They had to be.   
But they never came.   
He was alone. He wished for his mother, wanted her to come back and hold him, but she never came. She had to be dead, because she couldn't have possibly just forgotten about her only son? Sometimes Jax wished for a sibling too. Maybe, with a brother of sister, he could stand up to his father. He knew he had a twinbrother, but apparently this boy had died shortly after he was born. Mom always became very sad when you spoke of this, and father very angry. It was, as it was called, a 'familysecret.'   
Jax didn't know why.   
Things became worse and worse. Life became a living hell for Jax. He had to do everything around the house, because his father was always to busy. Jax was always on his toes, because if he would do one little thing wrong… It became easier by the day to get his father angry. One little mistake- bang! Another black eye. Jax was nervous the entire time, nearly reached the point of having a breakdown. He didn't know if he could still do anything right at all.   
He began to hate his father. That was new to him. Before his mother left… well, his father could be mean and hit him at times, but still, things weren't that bad. He had liked his father too. Now there was not the slightest bit of love left, and Jax figured it was likewise. Life was a torment, he couldn't wait until he was grown-up and could finally leave that house.   
He started skipping school. He didn't like it there anymore. The kids made fun of him, and he couldn't keep explaining to the teachers why he had so many bruises… The teachers had never seen a kid that fell of the stairs that often. Jax missed a lot of lessons, but he didn't care. This way he had more time to do his choirs around the house. If he finished everything before his dad came home, there would be a smaller chance the man would get angry with him. Or so he thought.   
His dad didn't stick to beating him. Jax found out there were more ways of torment. His father really did miss his mom, or at least what she gave to him.   
He picked up some cheap, bleached blonde girl one time. Wearing a dress that seemed to be made for a nine-year-old, in a colour of pink that hurt your eyes. Twelve-year-old Jax, at that point more commonly known as James, sat on the stairs when they came home.   
He should've went upstairs to his room right when he heard the sound of the door, but didn't. He just sat on those stairs, motionless. His father and the girl, nearly half his age, were both laughing loud when they came home. It was obvious they were completely drunk. Jax knew what that looked like; his dad was drunk a lot.   
Jax was frozen to the stairs, as he saw his dad lead the girl to a couch, taking off her jacket. Neither of them noticed him, so he didn't move. He was scared that, when he did, his father would see him and get angry with him. And that was really the last thing he wanted.   
His father pushed the girl on the couch and tried to take off her dress. She laughed a little, but it was obvious that she wasn't very comfortable. She tried to get up, said something Jax couldn't hear, but his father pushed her back on the couch, ripped at the strings of her small dress.   
"You goddamn whore! You want it, you got it!"was all Jax could hear. A strange, deformed growl. The girl was pushed down and let out a high-pitched yell.   
Jax got up. He didn't want to see her get hurt. The dilemma was: should he help her then, or should he go to his room so he didn't have to see her getting hurt?   
Luckily he didn't have to make that choice, because the girl already helped herself. She bit his father's hand, hard, and threw him off her. She got up with big, confused eyes, a ripped dress and blood on her mouth. Jax backed away a little; she looked quite scary. She casted a confused look at Jax, then ran out of the house. She even forgot her shoes and jacket.   
Jax heard his father scream in utter frustration, and knew now would definitely be a good time to disappear to his room. But it was too late for that, his father had already seen him, and was a lot faster than him.   
Jax was only half across the stairs, before his dad grabbed him and threw him down again. Jax screamed and rolled onto the floor, his whole body aching. He lay on his belly, and didn't feel the need to get up. Every little muscle was hurting, terribly. His father pushed his face into the carpet, Jax heard him growl something about the girl that just left the house, and then he felt a horrible pain tear his body apart.   
He screamed, begged his father to stop, but he didn't. Not until he was done.   
*  
When his father was finally through with him, Jax crawled upstairs slowly, not making a single noise. He reached his room, and didn't bother to turn the light on. He just got Rover and his mom's picture from the hidingplace underneath his bed and sank down against a wall.   
He lay in a corner of his room for hours; motionless, like a corpse. He tried to make his mind as non-active as his body. His face was white as a sheet, his eyes seemed to be made of glass. Nothing would tell you his body was burning with pain.   
First time his father had ever caused him pain like THAT. And that was when the voices were born, crawling through his head, nibbling on his sanity, whispering sibilantly. "Your father's the kind of man that needs someone to stick it into, and now that mommy dearest left and you're the only one available… ah well…" Jax looked up, amazed. Wondering if that voice, that sounded so unlike his, sprung from his own mind.   
It never happened again. The memory of it seemed to leave his father along with that night's alcohol in his body. But Jax couldn't forget; those weird voices wouldn't let him. They weren't kind voices, he knew that right away. They told him horrible things at times, about how disgusting he was, how pathetic and weak. How the world would be better of without him.   
They scared Jax. They turned his head into a big chaos, a whirlwind of bad thoughts, of filth and fury. He didn't like the feel. It got him so frustrated one time, that he screamed and started scratching his arms open in pure rage. He was amazed about the fact that that seemed to soothe the chaos in his head for a little while. Watching the small drops of blood welling up made everything better, and the pain made him real.   
Soon he didn't scratch anymore. He found knives were much more useful. The sharp blade ran through the skin, slicing it open, and the blood would drip out. But it would only help for a short while. When the bleeding stopped, the voices would be waiting for him, and the chaos would take over again.   
[I tried to kill the pain   
But only brought more]   
They moved to another nabourhood, because his father had actually managed to get a job… also the people in the old nabourhood started to ask questions. Jax hated the new nabourhood. People were just as horrible to them as they were before. A young girl had called his eyes 'beetle-eyes'… Well, that became the new joke of the nabourhood.   
The kids were unknowing. They thought of him as weird, and like animals that find a strange creature in their pack, they were hell-bent on destroying him. Only one person didn't… a guy that liked to call himself Zion. Jax doubted that was his real name, but it didn't matter. He also had a name that wasn't real: Jax. His friends could call him by that name. One problem: he didn't have any friends. After he told Zion that, Zion called him Jax. And that was the only light in his miserable life.   
[Am I too lost to be saved?   
Am I too lost?]   
Jax couldn't take it anymore. His arms were covered with scars, looking like battlefields, but it just wasn't enough. It put a temporarily stop to the pain, the torment, the voices, everything. He wanted a permanent stop.   
[My wounds cry for the grave   
My soul cries for deliverance   
Will I be denied Christ?   
My suicide]   
It was the only way out. Even if he had to surrender himself to the unknown. Whatever would happen, it couldn't be worse than this. Did you go to Hell for suicide? Huh, he was already in Hell. There was no God for him anyway. At least not a God that cared.   
He should take the situation into his own hands, once in his life. Put a stop to it for good.   
[I want to die!]   
Just a few quick slashes with his blade. The blade that had been stained with blood. He had done it before… He would just cut the skin at a different place this time, and cut the artery as well. And the outcome would be totally different. He didn't have to worry about insomnia anymore, because he would sleep forever. A few cuts, and he would slowly slip away.   
[I lay dying   
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal]   
But obviously someone, Jax couldn't possibly imagine who, cared enough about him to call an ambulance. He tried to fight them as they stopped the bleeding, tried to explain to them that it was okay. This was what he wanted. But they didn't listen to him, didn't respect his wishes. He just felt the sharp sting of a needle in his arm and everything slowly faded away.   
What followed was just the sleep of sedation, not the sleep of death. He woke up in a completely white surrounding…_

*  
  
…similar to this surrounding… 

*  
  
_… and found himself strapped to a bed. "For your own protection,"he was told. His own smooth move had made him end up in Psycho-Hall. He mentally beat himself. How could he have been so stupid? It was so easy… But no, he couldn't even kill himself properly.   
Nobody cared enough about him to visit him. Well, that he could've expected. The nurses didn't care much either. They didn't have time for the nutcase-patients. And Jax soon discovered why: they spent their time on other patients. Patients that had been struck down by a dangerous virus that was ruling the world outside of the hospital now.   
Jax sort of hoped he would also be killed by the virus… but it didn't happen. Security was minimal, because all the nurses were busy with the people that were dying of this notorious Virus, so it didn't cost Jax a whole heap of trouble to escape from the hospital, dressed in the grey shirt and baggy, flannel pants he used as pyjama's.   
He didn't know why –he really didn't have a clue- but something drove him back to his nabourhood. He was in a state of utter confusion, and couldn't remember much of it all; it might have been some sort of deep instinct. He found his house completely empty, and didn't know what to do anymore. He circled around the house a few times, totally confused. It might've been the heavy drugs they had been keeping him on.   
When he was going for his fifteenth circle, he heard someone call his name. He turned to find Zion, the only person besides his mother that had ever been nice to him. Zion looked confused too, as if he had been robbed of his mission in life… though not as confused as Jax felt.   
Zion asked him if he wanted to go on a journey, an adventure so to say. Jax didn't know why he said 'yes.' An impulse probably. What else was there to do, by the way? So the two left town together._

*  
  
Jax got up, just as confused and zombie-like as he always did when his father had beaten him up. He strolled back to his room and went through his bags. It wasn't hard for him to find what he was after, because he didn't have to keep it hidden anymore. A picture of a beautiful, dark woman on a swing, and a stuffed dog; a Husky.   
Jax crawled in bed with Rover and his mother's picture, and covered himself with his blanket like he had always done when he was a child. He looked at the woman on the picture and hoped she hadn't forgotten about him yet. The thought that she might not have survived the Virus, didn't even cross his head. He needed some hope.


	22. In the beginning again: Raja the eartmot...

PART 13: IN THE BEGINNING AGAIN

~10~

Raja hummed a little, while she was dressing her son for breakfast. She looked at the rose she had found on her pillow yesterday morning. She just had to look at it every three seconds, it was so beautiful. Where could you possibly find such a thing? There certainly weren't any flowershops… You probably had to go through a lot of trouble.

An uncontrollable grin split Raja's face. She wouldn't go as far as deciding for herself who gave her this present. Not until he would finally come to her.

"You do like roses, don't you?"

The memory of those words still fresh in her head, Raja jumped up and down and nearly squealed; then suddenly realized what she was doing and sat down on her bed, smiling serenely. Aaron, holding his stuffed rabbit, was shooting her a big smile. He always shared his mother's mood. And his mom had been very happy and nice lately… he enjoyed it.

Raja picked him up the floor. Aaron struggled, thinking she would carry him to the cafeteria again; he wanted to walk himself. But she just hugged him. "My little man,"she said, "I think things are gonna change for us. For the better."

A change for the better. That would be nice. She had been through enough misery. Maybe things would finally be looking up now.

*

_"This little girl here still needs a name."_

_"Who's she?"_

"Well, no one knows. Her parents abandoned her, poor thing. Honestly, there should be laws against some people having children." The woman was holding a little baby with a few locks of thin, honey-coloured hair. The little one was wrapped in a pink blanket, and the woman was slowly rocking her. The children here at the home called her Mom. Because for those kids, she was the closest thing to a mother.

_"She's adorable. Hm… Rachel Wells, how does that sound?"her collegue asked._

_"Bit ordinary,"Mom said._

_"Well, I'm no name-wizard. I think of ordinary names, if you want non-ordinary names, ask Tolkien or something. Besides, Rachel is nice, isn't it?"_

_"I like the letter R,"Mom said, deep in thought. She tickled the baby's nose. The girl openened her eyes. Brown they were, nearly gold. It was beautiful, Mom had never seen anything like that._

_"Raja." The name just flashed through her head; appearing out of nowhere, like thoughts tend to do. The other woman nodded._

_"Fine then. Your name will be Raja Wells from now on, how do you like that?"Mom asked and tickled the little girl again. "Don't worry, sweetie. Your mom and dad were dumb enough to let you go… but we'll take good care of you."_

_*_

Some people say you can't possibly remember anything of your first few months. But Raja knew better than that. She knew the day she ended up at the children's home, after being put in a trashcan by her careless parents, was a memory instead of just a fantasy.

*

_It wasn't as bad as a lot of people thought. Sure, you didn't have any real parents, but the people there were nice, and took good care of you. Especially the woman called Mom. She was a big woman, with brown hair in a messy bun. Raja imagined that all mom's were like that, and that was sort of a comforting thought, because she liked Mom a lot._

_The rules were strict, but Raja didn't have a problem with that. She never had any problem obeying rules, and as a little girl she couldn't understand why not everybody did it._

_The other kids weren't delinquents or psycho's. Apparently that was exactly what a lot of people thought of children from a home, or so Raja discovered at school. But if that were the truth, she certainly never noticed it. The children of her group were always nice to her, as long as she was nice to them. And she didn't have a problem with treating people in a friendly manner._

_Raja's best friend was her roommate, a feisty redhead with sparkling green eyes that went by the name of Hazel. They matched eachother perfectly, they were known as the Dynamic Duo. Hazel was a bit of a troublecauser at times, and the people at the home were glad that she had the friendly, calm Raja to take her down a peg._

_Mom always promised said that Raja, with the sweet eyes and good character she had, would be the first of the kids to be adopted. Raja was looking forward to that everyday. Even though that place was the only home she ever knew, she was longing for a real place of her own and parents… She wanted parents. She never experienced what people like that could be like, and imagined they would all be like the people working at the home. A nice thought._

_However, Raja was not the first to be adopted by a family, her best friend Hazel was. Two people came by one day and when they caught sight of Hazel, they got this weird misty look in their eyes. They kept on staring. Raja was about to point out to them the fact that this was rude, but the woman began crying and that stopped her._

_The woman suddenly got a picture out of her purse, which showed a very beautiful young girl with goldenred hair and green eyes. Raja thought she looked like a burning angel… and a bit like Hazel, too._

_Ofcourse, the woman had noticed this too. She went on and on about how Hazel looked like the girl on the picture. It turned out that this girl was in fact their daughter, that died when their house burned down. That moment, Raja really got a mental image of a burning angel, and she quickly said a prayer just in case the poor girl was still on fire in the afterlife._

_The couple made it look like they were genuinely interested in what kind of person Hazel was, but that misty look in their eyes told Raja that they merely wanted a replacement for their dead daughter. Raja found this rather scary and unfair towards Hazel… but the couple was pretty wealthy and had a nice house, so as long as Hazel kept looking like the girl that died in the flames, she was ensured of a good life._

_Raja only saw her best friend one more time after she had been adopted by the scary, wealthy couple. Hazel came to visit a few months after she left the home, and she was wearing a horrible dress the tomboy Raja had known would've never worn. She also had a smile that didn't fit her cheeky face; the kind of smiles you see on those six year old Pageant-Queens. She looked like a doll or something. Raja was actually rather happy she never saw Hazel again after that, she didn't want to know how much more her former friend was going to change to fit her new family._

_Despite of what Mom said, it actually took quite some time for Raja to get adopted by a family. The older she became, the more she gave up hope. Raja learned parents wanted younger children, babies if possible. If they couldn't have children themselves, they wanted to leave their print on it as much as possible. The older children at the home were often ignored._

_But shortly after Raja's twelfth birthday, something happened that shook the heavens. Well, at least from her point of view. A couple actually wanted to adopt her. Raja had talked to them and they had seemed… well, okay. She couldn't possibly say they were great, because she was honest –but hey, a family that's merely okay was better than no family at all._

_The woman that wanted to adopt her didn't look like a mother at all (Raja's mental image of a mother had always been a plump woman with messy hair, bright eyes and a patient smile, like Mom). The woman had straight blond hair, cold blue eyes and was tall and skinny. She had a face like she was sucking on a lemon._

_The father was a rather small, potbellied man, that didn't entirely seem to fit the woman… He was wearing a suit and a weird tie, had only one little pluck of dark hair on top of his head, and was talking in a fast and sort of nervous way, like he had hundreds of things to do, or like he was hiding something._

_Like said before, it could've been better, but it was good enough for Raja. She went along with her new parents (what a strange feeling, to sit in the car of total strangers, riding towards a house you've never seen before, a house that's supposed to be your… home) and ended up in a nice two-story in the suburbs. The lawn was so green it hurt your eyes, and unbelievably short. The house had purple carpets everywhere, flower-wallpaper, lace-curtains and pictures of horses. Not entirely Raja's style… but it was doable._

_Her life for the coming years was doable too. Nothing spectacular, rather boring even. Raja never got used to her parents, after two years they were still strangers to her. Her 'mom' was a cold, sour humanbeing (her face fitted her mood), her dad was always in a hurry and was kind of pathetic and dimwitted, or so it seemed._

_She never really formed an opinion about them, until she met Brandon. She met him in the school-library. He had darkblonde hair, blue eyes and a nice tan. He wore a football-sweater. Raja was still too naïve and young to be attracted to anything else than the typical 'hunk.'_

_She fell head over heels, ofcourse, the minute she saw Brandon. She accidently bumped into him; that was how she met him. The minute she saw his face, she went as red as a tomato and wished the earth would open and devour her. She stuttered apologies, thinking that he would hate her for sure… But he just smiled a blinding smile, told her it was alright. And then he told her he was here for his biology-project, which he was having quite some trouble with._

_Raja stomach did a backflip and decided she was lucky after all; she was great at biology! She helped him with his project (basically did everything for him) and he, ofcourse, was very grateful and smiled at her in a dazzling way again. The ground underneath Raja's very feet seemed to have turned into bubblegum…_

_She invited him over for dinner. Brandon couldn't leave the diningtable quickly enough, leaving the vegetables (which looked grey –"Food is NOT supposed to be grey,"Brandon said) half-eaten on his plate. Once they had reached Raja's room, he told her his opinion about her fosterparents. He thought of 'momsy' as a greedy freak with ice in her veins, and of her dad as a geek that shared a close resemblance with a rat._

_Raja couldn't help but laugh at this, and the next thing she knew, for some reason, he was kissing her… Kissing. Raja felt her stomach twirl, it was like she had sprouted wings. She had never been kissed before! And her first kiss had been given to her by Brandon, of all guys!_

_She was still young._

_It didn't happen long after that. The Virus struck, and her parents were amongst the last to fall victim. Her mom had raided all the supermarkets for well-preservable food, and the whole house was locked tight. Nobody was allowed to go out again, and no one was allowed to go in. It just so happened to be that Brandon had been in the house when Raja's fosterfather decided on this course of action. For reasons unknown to humanity (or at least to Raja) Brandon was allowed to stay._

_There was canned food that would keep their stomachs filled for quite some time, and they stayed in their house, away from all people that could be infected. Because of this, Raja's fosterparents survived much longer than other adults. _

_But the blood crawls were it should not go, and poisonous air seeped underneath the doorway, entering supposedly isolated houses, intoxicating the people that thought they were safe. Raja's fosterparents soon fell ill._

_She hardly ever felt love towards the people she had been supposed to consider as family, but still, she was upset about it. Or maybe she was just upset about the fact that she and Brandon could die too. She was shocked when she concluded that this was indeed the case; how could she be so selfish?_

_Brandon felt her confusion and cleverly made use of it. He had been missing the other girls for weeks now, and even under the circumstances he was dying for action. He didn't care about Raja's fosterparents rotting away, and he wasn't scared of dying either; he already knew the Virus only killed adults._

_But that girl didn't, and all she did was moping and being depressed. She was apathic now, she seemed to have lost her free will. So Brandon asked her one night, after having brought up the subject of the Virus, and if they were going to fall prey to it, if she wanted to die as a virgin?_

_A romantic question, and Brandon was pleased to say Brainless was actually thinking about this. He didn't give her much more time to think, carrying her to the bed and placing her on it, then taking off her clothes. Raja mumbled something, said she didn't want it, but Brandon choose to ignore this and kept on going. He knew that she was like all women; when they say 'no', they mean 'yes.' He ignored her yelp of pain and her soundless sobbing when he took her virginity without much respect towards her feelings, and afterwards simply fell asleep._

It took her parents quite a long time to die. Brandon was annoyed by this, Raja could tell. He even went as far as saying, that when they finally died, there would be more food for the people that were still alive. Raja didn't say a word. She realized she had made a mistake about Brandon.

_A few weeks later they died what so ever. Without much ado, Brandom simply burned their bodies in the yard. Raja didn't care. She didn't care about a lot lately. Brandon even joked about eating the bodies –then they would have some fresh food in their stomachs- and Raja didn't respond to this, she just stared ahead of her with glass eyes._

_"Retarted bitch,"Brandon mumbled, rolling his eyes._

_They stayed in the house, safe. Feeding on the huge amount of food that had been bought before the family had isolated itself in the nice little house on the border of the suburbs. Raja nor Brandon had a clue what was really going on outside. They knew it had to be hell; but what kind of hell._

_Their days were the same, over and over again. They just walked around the house, Raja cleaning things from time to time, and they ate the canned food. Strange thing was that, even though they didn't eat much, Raja kept becoming fatter. Brandon asked her about that, but she merely shrugged. He then accused her off stealing food in the morning –probably when she thought he was asleep- and then eating herself sick, so sick that she even vomited at times. Brandon had noticed her being sick in the morning at times._

_But he had no proof, as there was no food missing. Raja's morningsickness passed, but she did keep getting fatter. Brandon was totally stunned by this; also by the fact that Raja became even more depressed. She was crying the whole time now, until Brandon got so fed up with it that he shouted at her or hit her in the face._

_Food was running short, and eventually they had to admit that the situation couldn't last. But they only came to action when every last crum of food was actually gone, and the two of them where just sitting there in an empty basement. Brandon decided that now was the time to leave, see how the situation was outside._

_Raja, who had hardly said a word in months, suddenly stirred and seemed to snap out of her lethargy. She said it wouldn't be safe. Brandon asked her, in a voice dripping with sarcasm, if she might've come up with some brilliant plan? Raja didn't, but she had to tell him something first. For months she had known, but to him she hadn't yet pointed out the fact that she was pregnant. She hadn't wanted him to know yet. She had been wearing enormously baggy sweaters, crossing her arms over her belly, hiding herself from his sight the whole time… but even so, he guessed. And now, the truth was finally out. She was carrying his baby._

_She knew right away why she had been hiding this from him. He got angry at her, couldn't believe her stupidity, and certainly wasn't going to have a brat tagged along too –as if they didn't have enough worries. Brandon was through, or so he said, through with her. And he left the house, leaving Raja. The thundercloud that had been hanging over his face for the past months finally broke open as she started sobbing hysterically. But nobody heard her, no one came to comfort her. So she simply hugged herself._

_*_

_She laid on the dirty basementfloor for quite some time. Untill she nearly starved to death and decided it was enough. This was pathetic. Brandon had been a bastard, but she wasn't going to let him get her down, right? Everything bad that happened, wasn't the fault of the baby personally; it was just an innocent child. And she had to make the choice now, for him or her: living or dying._

_Her choice was to live and she left the house._

_But a decision that seemed so simple was hard to carry out. She first fled the city, because it was obvious right away that the situation between the tall buildings was unbearable. She wouldn't survive for long there._

_She went into the woods, but honestly, life wasn't much better there either. She could only pluck some berries she had seen at the fruitshop in the old days. There was food growing old around here, but Raja didn't know what was poisonous, and she was too scared to take a risk._

_She was ready to give. Ready to decide living was too hard, and that maybe it wasn't meant to be at all… when they came, and she was saved. She had fainted because of the hunger, and when she woke up, she found herself near a campfire that was burning merrily. Someone (her sight was blurry, so she couldn't see who) was holding a bowl to her bursted, dry lips. She noticed there was cold liquid –water!- in it, and started drinking excitely right away, with big gulps. She nearly choked, and a kind, low voice warned her not to drink that much at one time._

_The blurspots in front of her eyes cleared away, and she looked at the face of the person that had offered her the water. He had a handsome, sharply-cournered face, darkgreen eyes and hair closely shaved to his head. Raja's mouth fell open, because he was amazing. She had never been in love with him, didn't even had the slightest crush on him… she had just looked into the eyes of someone who could very well be her guardian angel. The seed of her respect towards Zion was planted that day, and growed deep roots._

_Zion was accompanied by a younger boy, he was the guardian angel of that kid as well. The poor boy, that was just as old as she was, looked miserable. His hair hang down dully, his face was so pale he looked nearly death, his dark, gloomy eyes were deep in their sockets. This boy went by the name of Jax, and it was not amazing that he had to be cared for. He was kind of an inpredictable person, as Raja soon discovered._

After traveling for quite some time, they finally came across a sign of human life. A huge cabin in in the middle of the woods, right near a creek. And there was smoke coming out of the chimney!

_The kids in the tribe looked upon both Raja and Jax with suspicious, slightly anxious gazes, and it took Zion nearly a day to convince them to let them join. It didn't take long before Zion started arranging everything, making the unorderly group of kids into a real tribe. Just about the time he was made leader, Raja had her baby. Everything went surprisingly well, there were no complications. Surprisingly it had been Justine who had taken charge… she always used to watch those delivery-shows on tv._

_Raja knew the baby belonged with her the minute she laid eyes on him. And she called him Aaron. That had no specific meaning, it was just her favorite name. Her favorite name to give to her favorite person._

_*_

Raja, deep in thought, had came to the end of the stairs and suddenly bumped into Dart. She gasped and stuttered an apology, then suddenly came to her senses… "You're back!"she said in such a surprised, enthusiastic voice that it made Dart raise an eyebrow.

Raja slapped herself mentally.

"I mean, you're back,"she said in a more restrained voice.

"Yeah, I am,"he said, and before she could ask questions, he added: "I've just been walking around town. Doing a lot of thinking." And gone he was again.

With a slight smile creeping upon her face, Raja watched him go.


	23. Girls, interrupted

PART 14: GIRLS, INTERRUPTED

Breakfast went considerably well. Kera put the food on the table and was the first to eat from it. She left the moment Raja and Dart entered the cafeteria, so she didn't have to watch him with Iz. God, how she hated that trollop.

At lunch, it was the same story. She prepared the food, and set a plate for everyone (save Dart, who was out to look for Kita and that other girl with some members of that tribe… the Mallrats), was the first to eat and stormed off right after that.

She wasn't even planning on showing up at dinner. She just wanted to lay in her room, and do nothing. Or actually, she did want to do something. She wanted to sleep. She wanted to have Zion. And most of all, she wanted to beat Iz into a pulp.

What did he ever see in her? She wasn't even that pretty, and she was bossy and annoying as hell too… How could a sensible guy like Zion possibly like someone like that; an irresponsible, immature brat with verbal incontinence. Kera hadn't liked her from the moment she laid eyes on her. Iz was never ready to face responsibility, and she always took her unpredictable temper out on other people. At least, that's what Kera thought of her. She didn't see anything good about Kera.

She just knew the girl annoyed her.

Kera thought of herself as a nice, reasonable person. She had always been kind to the members of her tribe. And all she wanted was one thing. Just one thing… And that was Zion. It had been obvious to her, from the minute he arrived. She had tried to shape the place up before, get the kids in the cabin to clean up and collect food and water in time, but they merely told her their parents had bossed them around enough, and that they didn't have to listen to her… a newcomer.

But Zion was a newcomer too. He arrived at the cabin, supporting a very pregnant girl that still looked very much like a child. Behind him stood a shy, darkhaired boy, looking at them with big, frightened eyes; like a toddler on his first day at school.

Zion had been a newcomer too, but he had been able to take control. They just listened to him. He changed the chaos and made the pack of kids that had fled into the forest into a real tribe. When they started traveling, became nomads, he gave them a name too: the Argonauts. 

The Argonauts, that was something that came from a Greek myth, or so Zion had told them. They were a group of travelers, led by a warrior named Jason, that went on a quest to seek the Golden Fleece. Zion said that this tribe, in a way, was looking for a Golden Fleece too… they were looking for a safe place to stay, a future. They were travelers too, so the name 'Argonauts' was appropriate.

Nobody could've agreed more.

Kera helped Zion in every single way she possibly could. He noticed her attitude and intelligence, and made her his co-leader. She had been sure of the fact that he liked her, when he did that. Completely sure. She had just been waiting for her chance, dreaming about a good future, with her and Zion as a happy couple that led a prosperous tribe.

She couldn't believe what a stupid child she had been! While she was dreaming, Iz snatched the guy of her dreams from right underneath her nose. Kera was sure of the fact she would never find someone like Zion again, it wasn't fair…

She fell asleep crying, and when she woke up, dawn had drowned the city in a cold winterlight. The sky was very clear today; a beautiful morning. Kera crawled out of bed growling, remembering she was the one that had to make breakfast again.

She staggered downstairs, still half asleep, to the cafeteria.

Dart quickly passed by to snatch a quick bite to eat, and to inform her of the fact that he and the Mallrat's sheriff would be searching the city today; could she tell the others he left? Kera merely 'hmmp'ed as a sign that she had heard him, and started setting the table. Dart shrugged his shoulders and left.

Raja was the next to enter the cafeteria. She just came in with Dart left, her great mood etched on her glowing face, carrying her baby-boy on one arm. She waved a goodbye to Dart, and he actually –shudder, gasp- didn't ignore her, but said goodbye back.

Raja's face glowed even more as she sat her child in the babyseat and took a seat for herself. Kera rolled her eyes and was stunned at the fact that she hated Raja right now. Because she was so happy. Shiny, happy, with her new boyfriend –urggh.

Kera nearly lost the appetite for breakfast. But she didn't eat anything last night either, and her stomach was growling.

Just then, Iz and Zion came in. Together.

"Great, just what I needed,"muttered Kera and she shoved her plate aside, readying herself to leave the cafeteria.

"What?"Randy, who said next to her, asked.

"Shut up,"Kera growled at him, and Randy backed away with a smirk, holding his hands up high in a mock protection.

"Kera!"

Kera winced at the sound of Iz's loud voice, calling her name.

"You weren't at dinner last night, where were you?"Iz asked.

"I was just upstairs, minding my own business. Why would you care, anyway?"

"Er… I was just asking,"Iz said, a bit indignant, and she took place at the table.

Just that moment, Aaron started crying. Raja tried to soothe him by humming, but Aaron made it clear he wanted his bunny. 

"I'll just get it,"Zion said with a sheepish smile, and he left the cafeteria.

Raja rocked her baby a bit, trying to get the boy to be quiet.

Kera rolled her eyes, "Can't you just shut that brat up?"she asked. Raja glared at her angrily in response. 

"Hey, lay off them! Just because you got a bad mood, doesn't mean we all have to suffer from it,"Iz said with a dark frown.

"Yes, it does,"Kera said, narrowing her eyes at Iz. Iz didn't do anything, she just wanted to finish her breakfast in silence. She didn't know why Kera kept bitching at her lately, but it was beginning to get on her nerves.

"Do… you think Dart will find Kita today?"Randy asked, just to change the subject of the conversation. Everyone sighed as they remembered Kita, and wondered how she would be doing.

"Well, he didn't manage to find her yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that. So I'm guessing: it'll be the same this time,"Kera said viciously. The whole tribe was staring at her, stunned.

"How could you say something like that?"Raja stuttered. Aaron had finally gone quiet, impressed by the silence that had fallen at the table.

"We have to keep hope,"Justine said.

"Oh, yes, that'll help. Let's keep hope, let's stay optimistic, let's always be happy, obviously it helps the situation a lot,"Kera growled at her. Normally Justine would've made a snappy remark at this, but she never heard Kera say things like that, and it was like her tongue had been paralyzed. 

"Well, undoubtly you would know it all. I'm sure you got an educated opinion about everything, seeing how you went to Harvard and all,"Iz said in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Shut up, you retarded slut!"Kera yelled at her. Iz's face froze, and another silence fell, penetrated after a while by Raja's small, fragile voice: "If you call people by names often enough, you'll become those things you say yourself."

"Well, I guess that's why Iz is so brainless. And I don't recall asking for your opinion,"Kera said coldly, which seemed to make Raja shrink a few feet.

"Well, I don't recall the law that says she needs your approval for that. And me, ugly? Did you ever take a look at yourself in the mirror? No, probably not, it would crack if it saw your face. I mean, you're so ugly, you could give the Hunchback of the Notre Dame a heart-attack,"Iz said. She wanted to take care of Kera, leave her with nothing to say at all. She searched her memory for the long list of insults she knew were somewhere down there.

"You're ugly enough to make a clock stand still… a whole shop full of clocks. The only thing more misshaped then your face, is your hair. You're an inspiration for birthcontrol –when people see you, they don't wanna have kids anymore, just to avoid the risk those kids would look like you. They refused you at the Ugliness-contest, because if you joined, the other contestants wouldn't stand a single chance anymore. How do you spell ugly? U… you, you and you! Hey, are you ugly? Yes!"

The flow of words that just came out of Iz's mouth, certainly muted the rest of the tribe, but strangely enough, not Kera. She got up from her seat so fast the chair tipped over, her whole body trembling with rage. She looked Iz right in the eyes. Iz was just sitting at the table, as relaxed as she could possibly be.

"How can you do that?"Kera growled a question that Iz could just understand.

"Calling you ugly? Well, it's the truth. But that's not the real bad thing about you, it's-"

Kera cut her off: "Not that!"

"What are you talking about?"Iz asked, still unconcerned, slowly sipping her tea.

"You know goddamn well what I'm talking about."

"No. No, I don't actually, that's the entire problem."

"Zion." Kera forced the name out of her throat.

Iz raised an eyebrow. "What about Zion?"

"You took him from me,"Kera spat, close to sobbing.

"Is that what this is all about?"Iz asked, amazed. She started chuckling.

"Don't laugh! Why did you do that?"

Iz rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Because I'm a misanthrope, alright? And I didn't take him from you. He's not yours, in case you didn't know."

"He IS mine, bitch,"growled Kera. Iz looked up, still pretty relaxed. She had to control the strong urge to giggle.

"Look… bitch,"Iz repeated the word Kera had used to describe her. "I don't know what the hell your problem is, but just stay away from me, 'kay? So you like Zion, big deal; every girl does. I love him too, what makes you think you have a greater right to him than I do? Besides, HE was the one to kiss ME."

"I liked him first,"Kera said, defeated.

"Wow, what a comeback… I'm speechless,"Iz said, looking slightly annoyed now. "You still don't get it, do you, you retard? Have your brains moved out and are there now flies renting apartments in your head? Do you live in a fantasy-world? Zion. Not. Yours. Get over it."

"You know what I think?"Kera asked, trembling and trying to control her rage and tears.

"Oh, by all means, let us share in your wisdom, Swami!"Iz yelled in a mock over-enthusiastic way, really getting irritated now.

"You are just a filthy whore!"Kera yelled.

"How about a nice little cup of Shut The Fuck Up!"Justine yelled, hoping her voice would calm both down, but she didn't have the talent to stop fights. Both girls ignored her, Iz had already launched herself at Kera. That last comment had been the final straw.

"Oh, catfight,"Randy said, and it was hard for Justine to make out whether he was shocked or excited.

Iz pushed Kera to the ground, but Kera let out a furious growl and kicked the other girl in the guts. "You're gonna regret you did that,"Kera said with a smug look on her face. She was certain of her own fighting-skills; she was, after all, a kickboxing-champion. If that little tramp wanted to fight her, she would teach her a thing or two.

But Iz wasn't to be underestimated either. She had done plenty of street-fighting in her time, and some of her gang-members had thought her martial arts. And we she got angry, she was out of control. She charged at Kera again, determined not to let that meddling, jealous bitch get her down.

Iz was like a wild cat, scratching and biting and pulling hair and kicking as much as she could, but it actually worked. Even Kera, with her kickboxing-skills, couldn't handle the enraged girl, and Iz soon had her forced down.

Just then, the heard a loud, angry voice: "What the hell is going on here."

Iz was stunned. She let Kera go and turned around to see Zion standing in the doorway, taking in the mess that was the cafeteria. Iz only smiled sheepishly; Kera jumped up and ran out of the cafeteria.

Randy could hardly keep himself from laughing. Watching Kera go, he muttered: "You are the Weakest Link. Goodbye." But an extremely angry look from Justine made him shut up for the rest of the day.  

"Iz, that was by far the most stupid thing you've ever done,"Zion said, sparks of rage flying out of his eyes. Iz was nearly impressed. But she was still too angry about Kera to really pay attention to what Zion was saying to her. She couldn't believe that cow had actually managed to hit her.

Iz had always been quite sure of herself, her pride was her real weapon. And the fact that Kera had nearly gained the upper-hand in this morning's fight, had been a severe blow to just that.

"You attacked her!"Zion yelled in a voice that was so enraged, indignant and amazed that it was a few tones higher than usual. Iz could barely control her urge to laugh –she always felt the weird need to laugh when people got angry at her- and replied in a very Iz-like way: "Now, don't overreact. A few friendly, playful punches, okay, but-"

"Shut up!"Zion yelled in her face. Iz's tongue lay frozen in her mouth right away. She was instantly reminded of the night Zion had yelled at her, the night she had gotten so worried about the leadership she would have to take over… the night Zion first kissed her. She wrestled the strong urge to make a snide comment away.

"You can't just do that,"Zion carried on in a more restrained voice.

"She started it,"Iz said with an indignant frown, but in a weak voice.

"See, that's the point, Iz. 'She started it.' Does it matter who started it? We can't have any fights here. To function as a tribe, we have to work together. Okay, so it was Kera's fault too, but you shouldn't have fought her. You can approach things in such a childish way sometimes, Iz… You can be so immature. And sometimes, that's exactly what I like about you…"

Iz's heart skipped a beat and she felt the anger, that had fed on the quite equal emotion of fear, flow out of her mind. She had nothing to fear from Zion. He didn't hate her now. He wouldn't leave her. He said her liked her.

"Are you even listening?"he asked her in a sharp, exasperated voice.

She nodded quickly, feeling her stomach turn a little what so ever.

"Iz, you can't behave like a child all the time. I know we're still young –we're just teenagers- but we're the adults of this world. It's too damn bad, but we just have to behave like that too. Our parents aren't around anymore, we can't pretend we're kids. We have to take care of everything, and settle our fights in a, ya know, mature way,"Zion said, shrugging his shoulders a little.

"You sound like my dad,"Iz muttered, raising an eyebrow.

Zion looked at her with a frozen face for a second. For a second Iz was scared he would get angry at her again, but he started laughing. No sarcastic snort, but a genuine laugh.

"Really? Damn… That's exactly what I don't wanna sound like at my age."

"Well, you said yourself, we're the adults of the new world,"Iz said with a teasing grin.

"Yeah… Well… Can't you and Kera make up again? I mean, I don't know what girls tend to fight about, er, did she steal make-up from you or something?"

It was Iz's turn to laugh until tears rolled over her eyes. She looked at Zion's slightly amazed face, and realized that he really didn't know that Kera was absolutely smitten with him, to a point where it changed her entire personality. Her shoulders relaxed. If he didn't know, her postion was secured. She had nothing to fear from Kera; she could never take the only man Iz trusted herself to. The fight HAD been meaningless.

"So, what do you want me to do? Shake hands and make up?"she asked in her usual, slightly sarcastic tone.

"Exactly!"Zion said enthusiastically. Iz smiled. A good laugh really did that guy some good.

Dart looked around the city, scanning automatically for any strange details. It was something he did naturally, a predator-instinct. He tried to concentrate on weird noises, but the voice of the one that accompanied him kept piercing through the silence.

"That kid ran off before, I don't see what everybody is getting so excited about,"Lex said nonchalantly. A pretty girl walked by and he straightened the collar of his long, leather coat in an extremely cool, casual way.

"You wouldn't happen to have a picture of Slim, Dark and Pretty?"

"Of what?"Dart asked annoyed.

"The girl we're looking for, that tribe-member of yours that went missing. You said she was slim, dark and pretty. Do you have a picture of her? So, you know, it'll be easier for me to track her down,"Lex said in a casual tone.

"But ofcourse,"Dart rolled his eyes at that last sentence. "And no, we do not have a picture of Kita. Now will you finally shut up?!"  
"Or what?"Lex asked carelessly, raising an eyebrow. "You're gonna chop me up with your samurai-sword?"

"You're like Iz,"Dart said, not even looking at him.

"Who's Iz?"

"A strange subspecies that has the unique characteristic to annoy everybody, all the time,"Dart said.  

"Well, I do my best,"Lex said with a grin. "Hey, would you look at that: a bar."

Dart looked at him, his frown so deep his eyebrows were nearly covering his eyes. "We do not have time to drink at a bar. We have more important things to do,"he scolded.

"Yeah, I know that. That's what I'm talking about. Lots of people to question at a bar, you know…?"Lex said in an obvious tone.

Dart sighed and with a feeling that all of this would go terribly wrong, he followed Lex to the bar. 

Lex and Dart entered the bar, a shaded place where pre-virus-music played, waitresses with one millimeter of clothes on them walked around and everybody seemed to be laughing and amusing him- or herself.

"Hey Barkeep, a drink for me and my mate Dart here,"Lex said, sitting down at the bar.

"What?! No! We're on serious business!"Dart growled.

"Yeah, I know. But now that we're here, we might as well. Just one lousy drink, I was getting thirsty. Can't be collapsing of thirst when I'm supposed to be looking for kidnapped girls,"Lex said.

"Yes, that is indeed what you're supposed to be doing,"Dart scolded. The stupidity of this humanbeing…! Had he no sense of responsibility?

"Okay, okay, I'll just drink this one, then I'll get to the questioning,"said Lex and he chased down his drink, which was sure to contain a fair amount of alcohol, down, and started asking the bartender if he knew anything about a pretty, dark girl that had disappeared.

"Lotsa girls come in here,"the barkeeper said.

"Well, she looks like this this,"Dart said and he got a photo out of his pocket. He got it from Kita's room, and it bore the image of her as a young girl, at the side of her father. Dart showed it to the bartender. "She has aged a bit since then. Her hair's longer, and she has grown,"Dart said.

"Hopefully not just in the vertical direction,"Lex said, looking at the picture. "And forgive me if I'm mistaking, but didn't you say that you didn't have a picture of this girl?"

"So, I told a lie,"Dart said uninterested.

The bartender shook his head. "Haven't seen a girl that looked like that. But some of my clients see a lot; they live in the real bad parts of town. If a girl disappeared, they might've seen something." And he got back to cleaning glasses.

In meanwhile, Lex had carefully managed to get the picture out of Darts hand, and he was now looking at it. "So, how much older is she now?"he asked.

Dart ripped the picture out of his hands. "Have you no respect for anything?"he asked angrily.

"Nope. What's your problem anyway?"Lex asked.

"The way you talk about Kita,"he said.

"She your girlfriend?"

"No, it's the way you talk about all women."

"Ah. Well, that's what guys do when they're amongst each other, ya know. But you don't seem to know much about that. I guess 'hanging out' is not your thing. Suppose you don't have a girl either. Er, is there anything fun about your life?"Lex asked.

"Fun is not important,"Dart said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Wait, wait, wait! What did you just say? Fun is important; I wish I could have some more of it. You're a fruitcake, you know that?"Lex said.

"I'm not crazy just because I don't think fun is the most important thing in life! There are more important things: protecting my tribe and ensuring its prosperity, training my fighting-skills… for…"

"For what?"Lex asked, curious now.

"Nothing. Just because,"Dart quickly said and he felt a warm, tingling feeling in his face. That was strange. He had never felt anything like that; and why did it happen when Lex asked him what he was training for? What he was training for… Did he even know that himself?

"So, no girlfriend?"Lex asked, dropping the subject.

"No, no intentions of getting one; and I'm pretty sure you don't have one either,"Dart said uninterested, in a flat voice.

"I do actually. She's amazing,"Lex answered sincerely.

Dart raised an eyebrow, not admitting he was amazed. He knew Lex wasn't lying, because Dart had an eerie sense of knowing when people were lying. "Who'd be stupid enough to hook up with you?"Dart asked.

"Yeah, I always wondered why she went for me. She's perfect,"Lex said.

"Well…,"Dart tried to make some snide comment as always, but couldn't find anything to say. Suddenly, he found himself thinking of Raja for some strange reason. How she crawled in his bed when she was cold, how she never complained and judged, how she sucked her thumb in her sleep, how she appeared in his dream like a Hindu goddess of peace… she was Raja, with all those weird, tricky, funny, sweet things.

"So you do have the hots for someone,"Lex said with something of a victorious smirk.

"Would you be quiet already? And weren't we supposed to question people?"Dart asked and he glared Lex, who had just ordered his second drink, into oblivion.

"Alright, alright,"Lex said, leaving his drink. 

Kita was looking at the ceiling and felt her soul drifting away. Bit by bit. She was already willing to lose it completely. The time in between: the worst thing. The time between two of his 'visits'. Seconds seemed minutes, minutes seemed hours, hours seemed to be eternities. Stretching on forever, and you never knew –you never knew- when you were going to hear his footsteps in the hall again. It was unbearable.

Enough to drive anyone mad. And Kita did feel that she was about to go mad. You'd think it would be better if he'd take a long time before he came back to her, ready to torment her in whatever way his sick, twisted way had thought of. But the longer the waiting… the more insane she seemed to go. Then in the end she nearly begged him to come, because the waiting pushed her to the edge, nearly over it and she couldn't take it anymore.

But when he actually came, she started sobbing and kicking, praying, screaming and crying for him to go away. Her definition of the antichrist.

She had tried talking to him, but it didn't work. You couldn't talk reason into him. He was a psychopath, and considered all others beneath him, little puppets with which he could do whatever he pleased. But also, he seemed to want control, and revenge in a way… It had to had something to do with a darkhaired girl.

Something a darkhaired girl did or said, left such a deep impact on him that he went this far. He had been hurt, but not again. This time he had the control. And Kita couldn't talk him out of giving it up. 

He had hurt Cloe too. Noticed her all of the sudden, in the corner of the dirty, shady room, like he didn't know she had been there before. Kita had already wondered what he brought her here for, when he only seemed to want her. She nearly wanted to scream in his face, direct his attention towards the other girl… it was cruel, but it was the only desperate way she could think of to escape from her personal hell at least a little.

But then he finally did take her away for some time… like he always did with Kita. Cloe had screamed, because he had seen him done this to her cellmate, and she didn't know what would come next. Kita did know, and she watched, wrecked with guilt, because now she felt like she was the one who had brought this on the poor girl.

Cloe had become very withdrawn since then; hardly a comfort. She was the one that needed comforting, as a matter of fact. She didn't eat anymore. In the short time she got to sleep, she just stared into the emptiness. Didn't talk. Some people are not as strong mentally as others.

Kita wasn't able to worry about her, because who could in an environment such as this one? The fact that they were here, was enough to worry about. She had every reason to feel dreadfully sorry for herself, wish someone would just get her out of her misery, pray for release all day… release that never came.

But, she wasn't going to give up. She was not that easily to get down. What had happened to her would've wrecked every young woman –look at what happened to Cloe- but the memory of her mother, the one that had burned in her memory so bright a few nights ago, seemed to have given her some strength. Well, not really strength. Just one last thing, the only thing that was kept locked in Pandora's Box, the only thing that protected her sanity: a small spark of hope. And she would just have to do with that spark, until her release came.

Iz had made up with Kera, more or less. She had been secretly stubborn, until she actually saw Kera. Her eyes cried out, her face pale, her attitude broken and defeated. It was like Randy had said in his attempt to be funny: she was the weakest link. She had waited for her chance, her only chance in life, and missed it.

Usually Iz would've said: oh, too damn bad. But she knew she didn't have to be scared to lose anything. Now there was no need for her to feel insecure or even angry about the threat of Kera taking Zion away from her. Now she could allow herself to feel sorry.

She did feel sorry for Kera. She wondered what it would be like, if Kera was in fact the one Zion loved, and she had him right there in front of him… and like grapes in the Tartarus, drawn away from her just when she wants to reach out. But she would always have to look at someone else happily munching the grapes. A torment.

Kera wasn't angry either. She knew herself defeated too well for that. Instead, she just seemed sort of lost and forlorn. Iz now realized how badly Kera had been in love with Zion. She did make up with her, and they did shake hands.

Iz got this semi-comical mental image in the back of her head when she did; about two girls, mortal enemies, shaking hands with a fake grin and crushing eachother's bones in meantime. But there was nothing funny about that, and there was no bone-crushing involved, only fake grins. And the peaceful future of the tribe was saved once more.

That night Iz lay in bed with Zion, watching his eyes, those green halo's, fall shut slowly. He slipped away into sleep, resting his head against her warm neck like a child. She wondered how she could feel so attached to him, like they had some sort of invisible cord running between them… and wondered what she would do if she would lose him. God, she didn't want to lose him.


	24. Strange world

PART 15: STRANGE WORLD

Dusk dragged its dark veil over the city, closing of the first week the tribe of the Argonauts had spend in the city, this strange world. A lot of things happened in one week, not all good. 

Jax found himself twisting and turning again. The dark closed him in, and he wondered why he couldn't just sleep, like everybody else… He could hear Justine's sleeping sound (a heavy and not very lady-like breathing) through the thin walls in the room next to him, accompanied by Randy's soft snoring.

Why exactly were they granted that privilege? Why didn't they have to be alone in the dark? Why did they had to have someone? It wasn't so much the fact that Jax was scared of the dark, it was just… that strange feeling… it made him so cold, to be all alone in the dark, silent surroundment.

He thought about going to Zion, but he was probably with Iz, and he didn't want to disturb him; not with his pathetic problems. Raja would be understanding, no matter how pathetic his problems were… but he didn't want to deprive her or her son of a good night's sleep. Who was he to disturb people in the middle of the night anyway?

He was nobody.

*

Dawn broke, bringing a new day with it that was, as the old saying went, full of new hopes. But their hopes were easily dashed by the end of the day when Dart came back with the message that they still couldn't find a single trace as Kita.

Iz sighed and got to making dinner; it was her turn tonight. Zion decided to help her, and Iz was hoping for some fun to take her mind of things. No fun, obviously. Zion didn't seem quite himself, looking distant, with a glassy look in his eyes and he didn't laugh at one of her jokes. He just cut the food in a very slow, machine-like way, until Iz, with a slight smile, offered to take it over.

"You want some?"she asked cheerily, offering him a carrot. "We got these from that supermarket. They're basically fresh from the field! Well… they were fresh from the field a month ago, but they canned them and they taste just as great,"Iz babbled on, munching a little herself while she was making dinner.

"Nah, think I'll pass,"Zion said with that weird, glassy look in his eyes and he slumped to the table.

Iz furrowed her brows. "Why not?"she asked.

"Not hungry,"was the simple answer.

"But… you didn't eat anything at lunch either. I mean, how can you not be hungry now? That's just… biologically impossible,"Iz said. She ate her plate empty at lunch and even she was hungry now. Zion didn't eat much at breakfast either…

"What's up with you?"she asked, a little worried.

"Nothing. Just not hungry today,"Zion said, slightly agitated.

"Oooookay,"Iz said, deciding to let the subject rest. She could hardly force-feed him now. She took a strawberry and brought it to her mouth. She was just about to eat, when suddenly her eyes became nearly impossibly wide, she threw the strawberry away and she gave an ear-piercing scream.

Zion jumped up right away and ran to her. "What, what is it?"

Iz's scream faded away and she started trembling. She ran to a drawer, ripped it open and got something disinfectant out. She poured this over her hands, not even bothering to use water, and started rubbing them until the skin turned red.

Zion looked a bit bewildered. "Er, what's wrong?"he asked.

She turned to him, her face twisted in a terrified half-grin. "Fungus! There was fungus on that thing! I touched fungus, I nearly ATE it!"she shrieked, and continued rubbing her hands.

Zion had at least expected a giant monster somewhere, considering her screaming, and he could just barely control the smirk that wanted to twist his face.

"Don't laugh! It's filthy! Fungus is filthy! It rots everything away, everything! I. HATE. It. When. Things. Rot!"she hissed violently, scrubbing all the so-called filth of her hands.

Zion pushed her hands down gently. "I think they're clean now,"she said.

Needless to say a story came. Iz couldn't stand anything that rot. She froze at the sight of a simple fungus, of maggots, and all those other things that represented fungus. She was phobic of it. She had a cat before the virus, which she had found as nothing more but a kitten on the streets. She nursed it back to health, in a way that he father wouldn't notice. He wasn't very fond of cats. When it was strong, big and healthy, she released it outside again. But the cat always kept wandering around the house –which annoyed her father to no limit. Every morning and night she left something to eat and drink out, and when no one noticed her, she met the cat in the yard, hugging it and telling it all her problems. And it was like it listened, and it gave her love and affection. She was called Trixie. But then, the food she left outside for Trixie was left untouched, and she could never find the cat in the yard again for their daily cuddles and chats. It was like the animals had disappeared. But one day, before school, she saw something move underneath a bush in the backyard, and she went to see what it was. It was Trixie, laying there, stinking and half-rotten. The maggots were crawling out of the corpse, making it move, giving it the impression of a living thing. And it was alive in a way… with creatures that feasted on death. She could do nothing, just stand there silently, biting on her fingertips, until her dad came to take her for school and she had been pulled away from the sight hysterically. It had been like her little sister died.

Zion held Iz while she was sobbing over the sweet, understanding sibling that her parents never gave her. Zion was quite amazed, and he realized now that he didn't know much about Iz. She was a person of secrets. He had never knew of her rotting-phobia.

It might've been weird of him, but he nearly thought of it as cute. This was Iz, with all her strange, tricky, sweet and wild things. And he loved her more than anything.

*

Dinner went quite smoothly… the only thing that seemed wrong was that hardly anybody said anything. They all seemed to be in their own worlds.

After dinner, Dart immediately went training. He had cleared out an entire room on the first floor for that purpose. His memory might not be able to bring him back further than the day the Argonauts took him in, but the lethal movements just seemed to flow, as if they were part of an instinct that he would never lose.

He knew the right kicks, the right punches. Pure power in every movement, every muscle concentrated. He was in perfect control of himself. Consumed completely by the movements he maked, so natural they seemed to be turned in some sort of warrior's dance. That's why he didn't notice her watching at first.

"Amazing."

Dart looked up. He saw her standing in the doorway, Raja, dressed in her long, angelwhite sleepinggown, with her brass-coloured hair dangling down her shoulders to her waist. Dart had only a few times seen how beautiful it was when she didn't keep it tied up in the usual bunchies. It was really too bad she only looked like this right before she went to sleep.

"What was that?"she asked him.

"Shaolin-kungfu,"he said, and resumed his practice. But he stopped just as quickly, because he noticed she kept staring at him. The sparkle of her eyes compared to that weird brown colour, made it look like she had a golden gaze.

"Where did you learn it?"she asked. The unavoidable question. Raja was the last to join the tribe, and wasn't around when the Argonauts found him. He wondered how much she knew about him. Did she even know about the amnesia?

"I… don't know,"he said, rather uncomfortable. "I guess I must've learned it during my childhood, but I can't remember anything of that. The Argonauts found me in the woods, not long before you, Zion and Jax joined the tribe. I was suffering from amnesia. But the fighting… it just comes naturally. Like an instinct."

Raja took this in. "Well, it looked fantastic. I don't think I've ever seen a humanbeing move around like that,"she said, clearly impressed.

Dart could just suppress a smile, seeing the admiring glow in her eyes. "Well, it requires great power and flexibility to master the art of shaolin-kungfu,"he said, trying to look impressive. 

Er… what am I doing? He thought suddenly.

Raja nodded. "I would love to learn how to do that. Well, I'm off to bed now. Goodnight,"she said. Dart "hmmp"ed as a sign that he heard her and wanted to continue training, but when he saw her leave…

"Wait! Er, I could teach you some moves, if you are truly interested. Because, this is a dangerous place… and, er, we all need to defend ourselves,"he said, trying to sound as careless as possible.

Raja smiled in a way only she could. "I just might do that,"she said and walked away. "I just might."

One week passed, and still there was no sign of Kita at all. Nor of the Mallrat-girl named Cloe. Some had decided they might as well give up searching. They have combed out the whole city bit by bit, questioned everyone, and they couldn't find a single bit of them.

The tribe was formed of children and teenagers, and those tend to forget easily and get on with their lives quickly. And Kita already started to seep from their memory. But Scott didn't forget. He didn't forget her black-silk hair with the sand-coloured traces, her sincere, unreal smile, her graceful way of walking –like a cheeta- how she could hum and look so at peace with herself, that look of understanding and wisdom of an old priestess in her eyes, her scent and everything. He was so close to her, you'd nearly think they had a relationship. But unfortunately, Kita never came that close to him. And now it looked like it was never going to happen either. Would they have to give up hope? Go on with their lives? The others already started doing that. 

*

Dart was smashing his fists onto the flat surface of the water in the water-butt. It was a kungfu-exercise, to build up strength and endurance, and to make the hands, fragile parts of the body, tougher. It seemed like an easy thing to do –hitting the surface of cold water- but after a few minutes it would become nearly unbearable… for a normal person.

"Doesn't that hurt?"Raja asked with big, excited eyes. She had been watching.

"A warrior must control the pain, instead of letting the pain control him,"Dart simply said.

"Ah,"Raja said in response, and Dart could swear he saw something of a smirk on her face. He wasn't the kind of person that liked it when people were smiling, and he didn't have a clue what they were smiling about, so: "What?"he asked, slightly annoyed.

"Being a warrior… a tough guy that can control pain,"Raja said in a low voice, making her shoulders broader in a mock-gesture, "is that really your only purpose in life. I mean, you always go on about it."

"Ofcourse. I AM a warrior,"Dart said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Well, surely there must be other things you enjoy,"Raja said.

"I don't really enjoy this; it's hard and often painful work. It's just what I'm good at. It's my goal in life, more or less,"Dart stated, his eyes turning glassy.

"Why? Who told you that?"she asked.

"Nobody. It was just… eh, I don't remember. I woke up near the cabin of the Argonauts, one day I found out that I knew everything about martial arts and that the moves came naturally –I just don't know where I learned it- and then I figured I was probably this great warrior before I ended up with this tribe –and I still am now, ofcourse!- so I just decided to… you know, carry on with that."

Raja nodded. "So this is what your life is about, then? But you're already very skilled, why must you spend every possible hour on practise? You're already strong enough to protect our tribe from enemies –if you can't beat them, then the whole tribe together probably won't be able to do it either. It's like you're obsessed. Like something is going to happen and you have to be as powerful as possible when that moment arrives,"she said.

"Where did you get that idea?"he growled, not knowing why Raja's statement annoyed him so much.

Raja shrugged shoulders. "I'm an insightful person."

It was Izzy's turn to cook once more, and this time she had made absolutely sure that there was no food with a spot of fungus on it. Urgh, how she hated cooking. Couldn't Raja and Kera do it all the time? They were better at it anyway. Wouldn't a society function better if everybody did what they were good at? And it may be obvious that Iz was no good at cooking.

Zion came in to the cafeteria, looking a bit pale. Iz furrowed her brows; he certainly didn't look very good lately.

"Hey, baby! Wanna help me cook? I bet even you are better at it than I am… I promise I won't get hysterical this time, there is no rotten food anywhere!"she said cheerily.

Zion sat down at the table, and he nodded his head like he didn't even hear her. "Uh-huh, that's nice,"he muttered.

Iz furrowed her brows again.

Just then, Raja and Dart came into the cafeteria. Raja looked all sweaty and exhausted, Dart looked… normal. "Hey Raj, had a good work-out?"Iz asked.

"Yeah, Dart's been showing me kungfu-moves again. I'm really learning how to defend myself. In no time, I'll be a killing-machine!"she proudly stated.

"Killing-machine?"Iz said, teasing. "Raj, you even cried when Randy smashed a spider! Could you please help me with this by the way, I'll never get this fit for human consumption. God, I'm the lousiest cook in the world. I'm one of those rare people that even know how to let water burn…"

Raja, always willing to help, hurried to save the tribe from Iz's cooking.

After Iz's shout "Dinner's ready!" had echoed all through the hospital (no one could've possibly missed that) the tribe-members started to gather in the cafeteria. All, except for one: Jax.

"Well, he must've heard me calling, so he knows dinner's ready,"Iz stated, "so if he doesn't come down, he's obviously not hungry for one reason or another. Whatever, I'm gonna start eating, I'm hungry!"

"Aren't you gonna get Jax?"Trojan asked.

"No, like I said: if he doesn't come down, he is not hungry. Fine, if he doesn't want to eat, why should we drag him down and make him eat; he's not a little kid you know. Food's scarce anyway, the winter's kicking in, so Jax skipping a meal might actually be a good thing,"Iz said.

What she said was logical, but Trojan still shot her a filthy look. "I'm not hungry either,"he said, shoving his plate away.

"Oh, don't worry,"Iz laughed. "It is edible. Raja helped me cook."

"No, I mean: I'm not hungry,"said Trojan calmly.

"That's okay. You don't have to eat everything,"Raja said.

"Yes, he does!"Iz shrieked in a half-serious, half-mock voice. "I already said food was scarce, and I… well okay, Raja has put a lot of effort in cooking it. So stop being so damn ungrateful and eat up, bitch!"

Iz smirked, and Trojan tried to laugh back. Iz had a weird sense of humour, you just had to come to appreciate… or not. But he was telling the truth, he really felt his hunger disappear –when Jax didn't show up. Weird, how the body works.

"Is it okay, if I take my food to Jax?"he asked in a nearly shy voice.

"Erm… is it okay if, in case Jax's really not hungry, I eat everything on that plate?"Iz asked with a childishly gluttonous smirk.

Trojan laughed. "Deal,"he said.

"Well, there goes another happy customer,"Iz said, shrugging her shoulders, as Trojan left the cafeteria.

*

There was a few shy knocks at the door, forming a short rhythm. Jax turned his head to that door and sighed. They were probably going to get him for food. But he wasn't hungry tonight. The thought of going downstairs made him sick to his stomach. It was like when he and Zion first arrived at the Argonaut-cabin, or like the first few days in the hospital… it seemed to have gotten worse after all those flashbacks of his former 'home.'

"What?"Jax asked agitated.

"Hey, it's me. Trojan. I brought you some food. It was Iz's turn to cook tonight, so you might get food-poisoning… But er, you might wanna take the risk, coz it smells pretty good actually,"the voice on the other side of the door said.

"Come in,"Jax quickly said, his eyebrows arching up slightly. Trojan bringing him food? Trojan bringing him food? That was rather unexpected, to say in the least. But not all too bad.

Trojan came in and placed the plate on Jax's nighttime-drawer. Jax smiled a thanks towards him. 

"You're welcome,"Trojan said, shrugging his shoulders and smirking slightly. He sat down on Jax's bed, totally unexpected as well, and picked up Rover. Jax slapped himself mentally; why did he leave the stuffed puppy there? Trojan was probably going to see him as a pathetic, pitiful child now, a-

"Cool dog,"Trojan said, looking into the fake eyes of the stuffed husky.

Jax's eyebrows nearly hit the ceiling. "Er, yeah… My mom gave it to me, that's sorta… all I have left of her,"Jax quickly said. The words that came out his mouth sounded strange, paralyzed in a way.

"Was your mom a nice person?"Trojan asked, keeping his eyes on the toy-dog in his hands. He nearly seemed shy. But that was impossible; Jax knew Trojan was way to cool and confident to get shy.

"Yeah, very nice. And pretty. Got a picture of her here,"Jax said and he started to rummage through his bag. He didn't know why he was doing this; he had never shown anyone the only picture of his mom that was left. Why did this seem like the perfect occasion?

Jax handed the picture to Trojan, who looked at it. "She looks a lot nicer than my mom. Not all uptight and stuff like that. Yeah, she is pretty. You know, you look like here,"Trojan said and he handed the picture back to Jax.

Jax just had the time to put the picture back in the bag, before he froze because he suddenly realized what Trojan had said. She's pretty… And you look like her… Was that a compliment? Jax wondered about it and then furrowed his brows as he came to the conclusion that it probably wasn't. Too farfetched. Man, was he pathetic or what?

"Yo, earth to Jax,"Trojan said in a playful manner.

"Hm, what?" Jax looked up and was caught right away by the look of Trojan's eyes. He didn't get to see those eyes very often, they were usually covered up by these FBI-agent-sunglasses. That was a shame really, because they were amazing in a nearly unreal way. They weren't grey… they were silver. Jax had always had a thing for special eyes. And these were nearly…

Trojan furrowed his brows in a confused way, and Jax snapped out of it before Trojan could say "earth to Jax" again. "Er, thanks for the dinner,"Jax said. He didn't know what else to say; his mind was blank at the time. Weird.

"No problem,"Trojan said in his custom cool way, shrugged his shoulders and left Jax's room. Jax couldn't help but feeling sorry when he did.

*

Iz had been sleeping comfortably and peacefully next to Zion, when something awoke her all of the sudden. A strange heat made it impossible for her to carry on sleeping; it was like it was the middle of the summer. Half-asleep, Iz nearly wanted to turn on the air-conditioning… like in the old days. But then she noticed Zion's twisting and turning next to her.

Iz raised herself. He was probably having a nightmare or something. She shook his shoulder to awoke him, but pulled back her hand when she noticed how hot his skin was. That heat, it was coming from him. He was burning up with fever.

Iz was wide awake right away. And the first thought that came to her head, throwing a black mist on all her reason, was: what if they had been wrong? What if the Virus hasn't disappeared from the streets of the city yet?! 

*

Iz sat up with a gasp. The light of the dawning sun was caressing her face. Did she actually fall asleep? She felt next to her, but felt no Zion. She remembered how sick he was last night, and how she thought the Virus might've returned. Where was he?   
"Izzy, what's up? You look scared. Nightmare?"she heard a very familiar voice ask.   
Her gaze was drawn to the door-opening. She saw Zion standing there, fully dressed.   
"Wha- Why are you out of bed? You were sick last night!"Iz said.   
Zion shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah… but I feel fine now. Maybe it was just one of those 24-hour-bugs,"he said, obviously in a good mood.   
Iz chuckled, because she didn't know a better response. Zion did indeed look good. She muttered, smirking: "Yeah, or maybe it was my awful cooking…" So it had been nothing but a bug. And to think she had actually suspected the Virus! Iz laughed some more, because she knew no better way to show how relieved she was. Zion didn't look all wrinkly and grey… everything was okay! The Virus, the death-toll, the aftermath, it had just made her paranoid. There couldn't be any more Virus… right?   
"Man, I've never seen you look so serious. Isn't that my job? What's up?"Zion asked.   
"Well, it's… That I thought… The Virus, I thought you had the Virus,"Iz said. Zion started to chuckle.   
"Don't laugh,"Iz muttered, "I was getting scared."   
Zion said down on the bed right next to her. "Don't worry, Izzy. The Virus is gone, all extinct. Like other diseases, it came and went. Like The Black Plague… it killed nearly half of the world's population, and then it just… started to fade one day,"he said.   
"Er, I didn't know who thought you history, but it didn't just fade. There were a lot of outbreaks of the Black Plague in the Middle Ages and during the Renaissance,"Iz said.   
"Well, you know what I mean. There was this huge plague, sweeping over the face of the planet, and then it just sort of died out one moment. And ofcourse, because of bad hygiene it broke out again from time to time. You know, I think that Virus doesn't reproduce because of bad hygiene… You heard the story, of how it escaped from the lab? Those people at the lab got exposed to it, and they infected other people, being in contact with them and all. Well, if we're lucky, the Virus is extinct because all its victims are dead, and they weren't able to infect any other people. So, if they're no more carriers of the Virus left, maybe it's save for us. It doesn't seem like the kind of thing that reproduces at a junkyard or is passed on by rats or something,"Zion said. It all sounded pretty logical. He didn't know if it was the truth ofcourse. Was the Virus gone, or was it still out there?   
"I was just thinking… we're not kids anymore, we're becoming adults. What if the Virus snatches us right now? What if it will never allow us to grow up? So we can never have children and grow old,"Iz muttered.   
"I haven't seen one Virus-victim in the city. Let's just tell ourselves that it is gone, until there is very clear proof of the fact that it isn't. Better that than to worry about things that might not even exist anymore,"Zion said, trying to sound optimistic. But Iz's words had got him thinking, and he got that nasty feeling in his chest again, that made it seem like he was running out of breath… The feeling he usually got when he knew something bad was about to happen. 

*  
  
Raja pointed her stick (the handle of a broom she had found in a cupboard) at Dart in true kungfu-hero-fashion. She was really getting the hang of this! Hey, she never thought fighting could be so cool. Then again, she didn't really expect to use it on anybody; violence was not her thing. It was more the art of the sport that appealed to her, and the assurance that if something bad might happen, she would be able to defend herself.   
"Say Dart, can't I borrow your sword during practice for a change?"Raja asked cheerily. Dart looked at her like she just suggested to create a machine that would make the moon collide with the earth.   
"But… that's my special sword,"he said indignantly, swinging the beautiful, antique sword around. He had this since he first woke up with no memory. His first and most treasured possession. His only link to the past.   
Raja shrugged shoulders. "It was just a question. Hey! You know, I went to this city with a cousin of mine once, and we came past this cool store, with Asian clothes and herbs and figurines and furniture… and swords!"she said, in full-out enthusiasm.   
"Er, what's your point?"Dart asked.   
"I think I'd still be able to find that shop. If the store hasn't been raided yet, maybe we could look for a sword for me." She sighed at Darts weird expression. "You know, walk around town, having a bit of fun –you do know the meaning of the word fun, don't ya?"   
"Yeah, I do!"said Dart, and he looked like he was about to explain the word 'fun' exactly as it was explained in the dictionary, so Raja quickly said: "Well then, let's go! We could check out some shops, maybe a café; it'll be nice!", as if they were going sight-seeing. Hm, sightseeing… not such a bad idea, Raja thought.   
"What about Aaron?"Dart said.   
"Well, he'll come to, obviously,"Raja said and she ran off to grab her coat.   
Dart just stood there in his trainingroom, blinking as if he didn't quite get what just happened.

*

"Oh… Ah!" Raja flashed from one side of the store to another, picking up everything, feeling it and even smelling it. Incense, perfume, figurines, mirrors, drawers, diaries, fabrics, wind-screens, musicmakers, porcelain, bowls, lanterns, beds, clothes; all in Chinese or Japanese style. And it was all pretty much untouched. The kids obviously didn't care much for Asian novelties. Raja did however; she was like a little child let loose in a candy-shop. Dart watched in amazement, as she picked up every item and admired it.

Meanwhile, Aaron was on the floor, playing with a toy he found somewhere in the shop.

Raja suddenly gasped and Dart could tell by the look on her face that she was awe-struck. He wondered what sort of seemingly insignificant thing she had laid her eyes on this time… and he nearly smiled.

Raja flashed towards the clothes-section and took a dress, that had been on display. It was a Shanghai-dress, of fine, silverwhite silk, with long sleeves, a turtleneck, a skirt that reached the ground, sapphire-blue lining and Chinese embroidery.

"Hey, just my size!"Raja said excited, checking the tag. She held the dress to her body, imagining what she would look like, wearing it. "I'll be taking this with me! This dress looks beautiful enough to get married in…"

Dart started to get the feeling he was on a girly shopping-spree, and no matter how amusing it was to see Raja twirling around in all-out excitement, he interrupted her: "But I thought we we're going to look for a sword."

Raja grinned sheepishly as she remembered what she came her for in the first place. She got distracted so easily. "Swords: second floor,"she said, and lead the way.

There was indeed a fair amount of authentic Japanese and Chinese swords, captivated behind glass, on the first floor. Dart was pretty amazed himself. If he didn't already have his own, to which he had growned used and relied upon, he would've picked on for himself.

Raja eyes flashed past the glass cubicles in which the swords were on display. Then, with a pleased nod, she enthusiastically and without second thought, grabbed an iron hat-rack and smashed the glass. Dart, who hadn't been paying attention to her, jumped on, but Aaron seemed undone by his mother's loud behaviour.

Raja, in meantime, had grabbed the sword and freed it from sheath. Glistening in the light that fell through the windows, flexible and slightly curved; like the swords the shaolin-monks use. "Cool,"Raja said, and slashed through the air with it.

Dart stepped back a few foot to avoid getting cut in two by Raja in all her excitement. "Yeah, er… well, now that we're done with our pointless mission, could we return to the hospital?"he asked.

Raja looked at him with a disappointed frown, like a child interrupted in her play. "Yeah, I guess,"she said. She put the sword back into the decorated sheath, and looked at it proudly once more. In the old days you had to pay a lot for this… when you thought about it, this strange new world wasn't all that bad.

She held her son by the hand and they made to go downstairs again.

Once they were back on the streets, Raja stopped to take another good look at her treasures: her sword and her dress. And she paid nothing for it. That made her feel a little guilty all of the sudden. Sure, the shop didn't belong to anyone, but…

"Raja, we gotta go,"Dart said clearly.

Raja nodded in agreement and fastened her pace to walk next to him. "You know, I wanna thank you. It was very nice of you to take me to the city. I mean, it's not like you had to or anything. Most people don't listen to my weird idea's. So, thanks,"she said with a bright smile decorating her fine features.

Dart slowed down. "You're welcome,"he said, not knowing what else to say.

Raja chuckled. "Ha, I knew that really you were a nice person,"she said. Her voice had a velvet, moist ring to it… Honey and milk are under thy tongue. Dart slowed down even more, nearly standing still. He couldn't help but staring at her the whole time.

Raja looked at him the big, glittering eyes that were a perfectly clear mirror of her soul. She had nothing evil to hide behind those golden halo's that resembled those of an eagle –except a much gentler version of this bird. Her honey-coloured hair was freed from its usual bun, and the slight breeze made it bounce and wave like the ocean shattered in sunlight-diamonds on one fine day. Sunchild. 

She brushed her hair back and chewed on her moist lips, as if she was looking at something limitlessly fascinating. She was, really. She was looking at Dart. He moved closer to her, nearly from instinct, oblivious to the surrounding. She moved her face closer towards his-

And then Aaron let out an excited shriek and suddenly a big, dark dog ran into Raja. She gave a yelp an was nearly ran down, but Dart quickly caught her and helped her back to her feet. The big dog that had disturbed the moment, black with brown patches and probably some half-breed rottweiler, jumped around excitedly. Aaron clapped his hands and giggled at the sight of this funny animal. He hadn't that often seen dogs before, but The Argonauts weren't scared of animals; they shared the woods with them. 

In spite of its impressive size, the half-rottweiler didn't really look dangerous… more like a big, cute dummy. He was still bouncing around, making circles around Raja and Dart, chasing his tail and giving Aaron a lick in the face. Aaron crowed with a big grin, and gave the dog a big hug. The animal barked, looking so happy he could just blow up, and showered Aaron in dog-drool.

"A name-tag,"Raja said, pointing to the dog's collar. She knelt down and read the tag. The dog went utterly nuts when he noticed someone else was paying attention to him, and started licking the painted flower of Raja's cheek.

"His… oh wait, it's a she… Her name is Yentle,"Raja said. She seemed to have forgotten about Dart now, and scratched the animal behind its ears, talking about how thin it looked and saying stuff like: "Poor thing, I bet you don't have a home?"

Dart sighed in exasperation, and shot the dog an incredibly filthy look; the dog just looked at him undone with big, brown, innocent eyes, her tongue hanging out of her mouth, covering everything in drool.

"Oh, aren't you a cutie? Yes, you are!"Raja cooed. The dog rolled onto its back and allowed Raja to scratch her belly.

"Hello, still standing here…,"Dart muttered indignantly.

Aaron gave the dog –obviously his new bbest friend- a big hug and the dog did not protest. It was enjoying all the attention, clearly. "He should take him back to the hospital!"Raja said all of the sudden.

"What?! That mangy mutt? No way, he can't afford to feed a dog,"Dart said.

"Oh! But, but it could do something in return! Like… guard the place,"Raja said.

The dog started chasing his tail again and Dart scoffed. "That idiot?"

"Come on, please?"she asked, nearly in tears over the idea of that stupid animal spending his life on the street. Dart rolled his eyes and groaned. "For me?"she asked in a little voice.

That did the trick.

Dart muttered something.

"What?"Raja said.

"Yeah, yeah… Okay."

"Thanks, you're amazing,"she cried out and kissed him on the cheek, then hopping off with Aaron and their new furry pal.

Dart touched his cheek, a bit disorientated for a moment. He saw Raja, Dart and their new watchdog Yentle running and making enough noise to attract every single gang in town. Careless, pure and untouched; a dangerous way to stand in life.

"Great,"Dart muttered, before following them back to the hospital. 

*

Get out. Get out, get out, get out, get out. She knew nothing, her mind was blank, all she knew was the pain. Him, He That Stands On The Other Side Of The Door. Footsteps in the hallway, and the devil –le diable; Dieu, je vous en supplie d'avoir pitié avec moi… !- would come to hurt her again.

She knew nothing, but one thing… she had to get out, or she would die. She saw it, a ring in the darkness. A ring of light. Maybe her only hope, everything else she could've possibly relied on seemed to have fallen away. It was the light she needed. It was just one chance she needed. Je prie pour une chance.

*

'A dog?'Iz asked, raising an eyebrow, while she looked at the creature that was slobbering all over her pants. Yentle looked at her with big, happy eyes, unaware of the fact that she might've done something wrong, and started licking her hands.

"Ugh, dogdrool,"Iz grunted, and she wiped her hand on the dog's fur. The dog jumped up and barked happily, thinking Iz was going to scratch her back. She pressed her body against Iz's legs and barked happily.

Iz patted the dog on a the back a few time, a look of slight exasperation on her face.

"She's as sweet as can be. She just followed us back home; I think she wants to live with us! Poor thing must've been abandoned by her owners. She listens pretty well. She could guard the place, you know!"Raja said.

"Er, yes…,"Iz said. "Well, fine then. I must be crazy, wasting precious food on a slobbering mutt that's not even in the possession of a brain." The dog obviously took this as a compliment, because he started jumping around happily again.

"Speaking of food, dinner's ready,"Iz said.

"Oh fab, I'm starving!"Raja said and she, Dart and Aaron followed Iz to the cafeteria, where the rest of the tribe had already gathered and dinner had been served. Yentle followed them, taking a sniff and nearly going crazy when she recognized that smell as the smell of: food!!

"Everybody… we now are obviously in the possession of a dog,"Iz announced, as she walked into the cafeteria. The dog was greeted with much excitement by the other Argonauts, especially by Randy who "loved dogs, I've always had been surrounded by them" and Justine, who thought the demi-rottweiler looked "pretty goddamn awesome."

Awesome enough to scare anyone with bad intentions away, Iz thought.

The minute she took place next to Zion, every thought about food was forgotten. She knew something was wrong. She could felt the heat beaming of him, and when she turned her head slowly in fearful anticipation, she saw sweat trickling down his brow, and that glassy look had returned to his eyes.

"You okay?"she said, while she felt her hart sinking to her feet. Because she already knew he wasn't okay.

At first it seemed like he didn't even hear her. Then he shoved his plate away and muttered something about not being hungry. Iz bit her lip. Zion got up from the table. "I'm gonna got back to my room,"he muttered.

Iz shot up from her seat, just when Zion collapsed to the ground.

"Oh God!"Justine said and she got up too.

"Zion!"Iz yelled and she fall down on her knees, next to the limp, unconscious Zion. She screamed his name, tried to get him back up… He thought he could hear her voice, like she was speaking to him through the fog, from a hundred feet. Her face was seen through the fog too, blurred and it didn't contrast the surroundment.

He tried to smile at her, because the anxious sparkle in her gaze burned right through his eyes, and the mist that had downed on it. But before he could say anything to here, the whole cafeteria seemed to disappear and he slid away into a black void.


	25. Stagger

PART 16: STAGGER

"Brazil… Lalalala,"Randy sang, while he was decorating the walls of his room with an art-web of colourful graffiti. He also plastered posters on the wall he found in a shop yesterday, showing anime- and cartooncharacters, rappers that were now all dead,  scenes from action- and scifi-movies and the phrase 'Parental Advisory'. Soda- and beercans, all found on the street, towered up in pillars that nearly reached the roof. The bulletinboard that had already hung in the room when the group arrived at the hospital was covered with pictures of rock- and hiphop-stars, sexy actresses of the old days, self-made anime-characters and quotes. In a corner of the room lay wooden boards, nails and a hammer, the beginning of an indoor skating-ramp. All Randy's stuff was scattered in myriads over the floor.

Justine grunted as she entered the room, careful not to step on anything or trip over something. "Randy! Your room's a total pigsty!"she complained.

"No it's not, it's paradise,"Randy stated with a big grin.

"Clean it up for a change."

"I don't have to listen to you! I've become buddhistic, and realized our path in life is for ourselves to choose. You must respect my new-found religion."

"Stupid sea-barnacle,"Justine muttered exasperated.

"I'll do it after I've finished my ramp, okay? It's more practical that way. Don't worry, Juz, I'll clean it up. Eventually. But er… did you just come from Iz?"he asked.

Justine nodded slowly.

"So, how's Zion?"he asked.

Justine sighed. "Not any better, that's for sure. His fever hasn't dropped and he hasn't come out of bed, just like yesterday. Hasn't eaten anything yet. Just like yesterday,"she said, and sat down on Randy's unmade bed.

"Damn. Well, I'm sure everything will be okay in the end,"he said with a clear face.

Justine rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue. "How can you possibly be so happy and careless at a time like this?"she asked.

"That's where positive thinking comes into play,"Randy said cheery. "I always say: stay as positive as possible, that can only do good."

Justine rolled her eyes again. "I always say: stay as negative as possible, then whatever happens in the end can only be better than what you expected at first,"she said.

"Well, there's a philosophy too,"Randy chuckled and left his graffiti to sit next to her on the bed.

Justine dropped back and let her head rest. She closed her eyes for some time, looking deep in thought. "I hate this place. I never thought I'd say this, but it's even worse without the adults around. If this would be the world as it was four years ago, then Zion could just go to a doctor, and we'd know what's wrong with him. Sort of ironic: we're staying at a hospital, and still…" Deep sigh, coming from her toes. "You know, I sorta miss the old world. Not my family or my house, or anything. Not school. But, ya know, the structure. I'm a rebel, but I too need a little goddamn structure. Here you just don't know what to expect. And I miss… shopping for clothes with my friends. I miss careless Sunday's. And I miss tv."

"I miss tv too,"Randy mused. "I watched every show: sci-fi- and action-series, horror, sitcoms… I never missed and episode of Friends, Buffy and Angel. I watched all the anime's and even the cartoons. Damn, I loved cartoons –especially Spongebob Squarepants. "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea…'" I even watched all those documentaries on Discovery Channel. Ever wonder how I came to know all those useless facts? Discovery Channel! The only thing I didn't watch was the news. Hated that goddamn show. Maybe that's why I stayed in the dark about the Virus so long,"Randy said.

"I miss cars. I hate walking. And I miss bananas and other fresh fruit, and Coca Cola and ice cream…"

"I miss my dog. Well, at least we have Yentle now. And I miss my old room, and my gran's strawberry-cake."

"I miss my life,"a soft voice said. The teens looked up to see Raja standing in the door-opening, holding her young son. "But talking about doesn't help much, I guess."

"Well, it does actually,"Randy said. "It's important that we don't forget what our lives used to be like. It's nice phantasizing about it. It'll help you escape from reality. And boy, do we need to escape from reality. What do you miss, Raja?"

Raja entered the room, nearly tripping over Randy's skateboard and sat down on the bed. "I miss Hazel, an old friend as mine. She was the best friend I ever had, and I never realized what happened to her. And I miss… school,"she said.

"No way! Get out of here,"Justine said.

"Well, I do miss school. I liked it. It's too bad Aaron will probably never got to a good school,"Raja said with a look of disappointment.

"You could teach him. You'd probably be an excellent teacher. Besides, you never know –by the time Aaron is ready to go to school, the kids have decided it's finally about time to grow up and start building a better society. We could even start that change, or at least help with it,"Randy said.

"School, man,"Justine said. "School sucked. This world's logic is a web of opinions that are supposed to pass for facts, and school is the best example of that. They force their own way of life and thinking, their own ideals on to you. I still have the ability to think for myself… mainly because I've hardly ever been to school, so my brains didn't rot away coz of all the bullshit they used to stuff in our heads. All the things they thought kids there… how nearly invisible creatures reproduce a-sexually at the bottom of the ocean. Who gives a fuck?! It's not like I'll ever go there anyway. And all those weird terms in English class… a presuperlative infinounverb… or whatever. Math's the worst –I side with Izzy on that one- it's a religion. I mean, come on, a+b=c?! How can you possibly multiply letters? Those aren't facts, you have to believe in it. Like everything, really. There are no facts until every last person on earth believes in it. So basically, considering all the different beliefs on this planet, there are no facts at all."

"Wow… Jus, that was really deep,"Randy said impressed.

"Are we gonna have a philosophical discussion?"Raja asked.

"Nah, I vote we don't,"Justine said, chuckling. "How's about we just go for a walk. I could do with some fresh air."

"Yay, an opportunity to impress someone with my skateboard-skills,"Randy said and grabbed his skateboard, on which he started racing through the hallway. "Banzai!"he shouted, as he attempted to skate down the stairs. The girls didn't see what happened after that, all they picked up was a lot of noise, followed by a muttered "ow…"

"You know what I miss too?"Justine asked. "That tv-show Jackass."

*

Iz sat at Zion's bedside, wanting a change in his state so desperately, she nearly started to think she could imagine things that might not be there. The room started bouncing before here, and she knew she had a serious lack of sleep the past two nights. But she didn't care; how could she sleep when Zion was sick and she didn't know what was up with him?

It wasn't the Virus, she had figured that much out. He didn't have all the symptoms of the Virus. But that didn't stop her from worrying, because there were still plenty of dangerous diseases out there. Their numbers might have increased, plagues that hadn't showed up for ages might rear their ugly heads now, due to the lack of medicin and hygiene. It was all possible. Scarlet Fever, TB, Typhoid, Cholera, Spanish Influenza, Jaundice… the Black Plague. Hell, even that was probably possible!

The world had never been this confusing, chaotic and dangerous before. Murphy's law dictates that whatever goes right, must go wrong at some horrible point…? Yeah, it would be the end of sheer logic if that old Rule Of Life would ever change. As always, God could be far more generous when it came to handing out misery rather than happiness.

Iz flashed back to something she thought when she was younger. She figured God had to be a sado-masochist; liking to watch people suffer. Or a very cruel scientist maybe, who cares no more about his test-subjects –the people on the ant-farm called earth- then any scientist would care about a bunch of lab-rats.

If life was a game, would God cheat all the time? Wasn't it possible for the pawns to cheat themselves?  

*

Scott looked out of the window. It was kind of hard to believe they had been in the city for nearly three weeks, and how much had happened in that time. He said it before; the city spells trouble. First Kita got kidnapped, then fights started breaking out, Kera hardly spoke after the 'incident' and now Zion was sick. And nobody knew what was wrong with him. While they were in the hospital. Irony. 

Outside, everything looked grey. Autumn was dying fast now, the cold breeze had already taken the green of every tree, froze the ground, and painted the sky colourless. There was no denying the fact that winter was now approaching. They had been building up a stock of food, for as far as that were possible, to last them the whole winter in this miserable place. 

Well, it was beyond doubt that that food would easily last them the entire winter. Zion was so sick he could hardly eat anything, Kera liked to stay in her room all day and only came down to get dinner when she felt like it (which wasn't all that often) and Jax didn't come down for dinner very often either… because he was Jax. Yep, the way things were going they didn't have to worry about starving –at least not the ones who wanted to eat.

Scott was astonished at the fact how cruel and cynical he had become lately. It wasn't his style. But everybody seemed to change her. Kera had become jealous and vicious, Zion wasn't as good a leader as he once was (before he got sick, that was), Dart seemed out of focus the entire time, Iz was now a zombie that only wanted to stay by Zion's side, the tribe was starting to fall apart; everyone had gone nuts!

There was something in the air here.

Scott looked down and saw Randy skateboarding his way onto the street, closely followed by Justine and Raja, who carried Aaron around. Aaron was apparently wearing three sweaters and two coats or something, because he looked like a Michelin-man. Scott was surprised they had actually chosen to go out, despite of the chilly air. Oh well, at least some of them were still having fun.

Scott left the cold world behind the glass and sat down on the edge of his bed. He wondered if anybody still knew he was there. It wasn't a selfish question, brought forth by a mind that wallowed in self-pity, he honestly wondered if they had completely forgotten about him. He didn't have a big mouth, wasn't one to cause fights and leave a print on the tribe's daily life, and he felt like he had gone unnoticed for the past days. Back in the woods you didn't have to start a catfight, stop eating or fall ill to get some form of attention.

He didn't pitied himself or complain when he seriously thought about the fact that if he would just stay here, the tribe might eventually ask themselves, after months: "Say, what happened to that kid… What's his name?" And they'd go his room and find nothing but his skeleton. It was nearly funny, slapstick-like. But the situation wasn't exactly something to laugh about.

*

"Where's Iz?"Raja asked at dinner.

"Not eating,"Justine answered. "She insisted on staying with Zion."

"Oh. And Kera?"

"She said she wasn't hungry. She's not hungry a lot lately."

"Jax?"

"Not in his room. Don't have a clue where he could be."

"Trojan?"

"Couldn't find him either."

Raja looked around the table and saw only Dart, Randy, Justine –who was now setting the table- and… wait a second.

"Where's Scott?"Raja now asked.

Justine rolled her eyes. "He's not here either? Oh well, all the more food for us."

"Justine!"Raja said in a motherly, lecturing voice.

"What? I did call him, okay? I may not have Izzy's voice, but I can be pretty sure of the fact he heard it. If he didn't, he probably isn't around. Now, if all of them don't want to eat, that's their own stupid choice,"Justine said, falling back to her custom, nasty way.

Randy frowned, Aaron for once wasn't giggling and Raja felt as if she was suffocating –darkness in her lungs, spreading like a cancer- and nearly felt the need to turn dinner herself, when she finally noticed what the deal was. Things were falling apart. Confusion and fear took over.

What in God's name was going on with this tribe? What was happening?

*

Jax had come to recognize that knock on the door. He had only heard it a few times before, but it was etched in his memory. It meant Trojan was standing on the other side. Jax honestly didn't know why that meant so much to him –it had never even really gone through his head to ask himself why- he just knew that for some reason, he liked the feeling he got when Trojan would walk to his room especially, out of free will. It made him feel… important. Special. Good. And that only happened when it was Trojan.

"You don't need any food?"said the dark, slender silhouette in the doorway.

"Not really hungry,"Jax said, seemingly careless. "Why aren't you at dinner?"

"Not really hungry either,"Trojan said in the same voice, his face bearing a slight smirk. He entered the small, poorly lit room, moving slowly and uncertainly swigging a bit, as if not entirely sure what to do in this place. He stopped in his paces, two feet away from Jax's bed, and looked at the dark-haired boy.

Jax was once again completely amazed by the colour of Trojan's eyes. It was so weird, that a humanbeing's eyes could really be silver. Jax was sure of the fact that he had never seen it before. He looked at the moon-coloured orbs like he would've looked at a snow-white raven that would've suddenly came flying into his room through the window.

"How can you possibly not be hungry if you didn't eat all day?"Trojan asked, amazement twisting his brows in a funny way. Jax shrugged his shoulders. He knew his stomach felt empty; he just had the nauseous feeling he would never be able to get a hot meal down his throat.

Trojan decided to let that subject rest. He was not a 20 Questions-person. If someone didn't answer a question clearly, it was obvious that someone didn't really feel like talking about the matter, and Trojan respected that. So, he brought the 'conversation' onto another subject.

"You know, it can be pretty boring here, when there's no work today. Especially in the evenings. In the old world we had tv, radio, computers and all stuff to pass the boring nights. It makes you wonder how the people killed time when they didn't have that electronic stuff yet…? I guess they would drink, or dance, or tell stories, or have shadow-plays, or sing and make music or something. Or maybe some talented guy would juggle or have a magic-performance. Maybe we oughta do something like that too, coz –I know we've got bigger worries- it'll be a good way to pass time, and there's no better way to chase worries away than to have a little fun… Oh, wait, I know something fun! I found this room today, that has a guitar, and a piano, and drums, and more of that stuff in it. I have no idea what it used to be, maybe it was a room where the patients could have a little fun, or maybe they gave music-therapy there…?

Why is he telling me all of this? Jax wondered, fascinated.

"Are you bored?"Trojan asked Jax all of the sudden.

"Er, I don't know… I guess,"Jax said. Yeah, sitting in his room the whole time without any company or a nice book or a tv-show to pass time and take his mind of things would've been boring, if he hadn't had the inner voice and the daydreams (that was to say; day-nightmares) to bother him.

"Well, then… Well, then…,"Trojan muttered and he furrowed his brow, like he would've done if he was trying real hard to remember something. Except that wasn't the case now. "We could organize our own fun night, it would be cool, ya know, and then we wouldn't be bored, and I can play the guitar, and I could teach you too."Trojan said all of this incredibly fast and Jax needed some time to process it all.

"Er… okay,"he stuttered eventually.

*

Free… The figure in the silent, cold night sauntered through the dark, uncertain on small and bare feet, that were numb because of the frost. It was that ring of light that had provided freedom, a gateway to the safe world where redbrown squirrels are acrobats in century-old oak-trees. Only one safe way to walk from that other world –darkness- to this one. Light, clear my way, keep my enemy at bay.

Now all that needed to be done… Home. Home was all that had to be found.

*

Kera lay on her bed, cold and motionless, as if she was laying in her coffin. That's what it felt like for her. She felt so dead, empty and numb… she got the feeling she would have to be buried. 

But underneath that grey fog in her head, that gave her eyes the scary blank stare, fire raged and scorched her soul. Zion. He was sick, withering from some disease they knew nothing about –stupid kids they were- and she couldn't get close to him, wouldn't be able to say her goodbye's if he really would die. Iz was a protective shield, near him all the time; holding his hand and stroking his hair, begging for him to wake up.

Kera had given up on the foolish rivalry with Iz. It was utterly pointless, as she could never win, and she never stood a chance anyway. All she ever wanted was Zion, she waited ages for it, but in the end she had to face that some things just weren't meant to be. That it had been childish and naïve to dream away about something she could never gave.

That's why she wasn't jealous of Iz anymore. Kera had only been jealous before if another person was in the possession of something that she could maybe, possibly, some day, have herself. But Iz was victorious, beyond a shadow of a doubt.

And now she was laying in her room, pathetic, not feeling the hunger she was supposed to feel, knowing that she was this close to him, but she could never truly reach him. She could see him, but not touch him, feel his presence near her, feel his skin against hers at night… like Iz could. Iz was his Queen, and she never would be.

And the infamous darkhaired Ice Princess was by his side even now, bearing her protective shield, holding Zion while he might be dying. Kera could get this close, but she could never get close enough. The only thing she wanted in life, wasn't meant for her.

*

Trojan played a few accords on the guitar. A smile broke through the bad weather on Jax's face. He couldn't believe there was still actually something fun about the world. All the fights, the tribe falling apart, and then Zion –the only one that had protected him- falling ill… not to mention all his personal issues… it had made live everything but fun for him.

And to forget all your cares for a second, due to a music-tune, was a true blessing. He had never been more grateful to Trojan, who was now playing Elvis's "A Little Less Conversation" –a very speedy version of the song- on the guitar.

Jax lingered towards the piano and laid a small, pale hand on its dark wood. He had always thought piano's were cool. The sound they brought forth could be serene at one moment, sad at the other, and then happy… it could even be mad. But always utterly musical.

"I can play that too,"Trojan suddenly said, putting the guitar away. Jax looked at him in nearly childish amazement as Trojan took his place behind the piano, coughed and cracked his fingers in a very official and professional way, and started playing the first part of Beethoven's Moonshine Sonata.

Jax's mouth slowly fell open as he took in the tones that were brought forth by Trojan's co-operation with the amazing instrument. He could be sure of the fact that he had never heard something that beautiful before.

Jax pulled up another chair and sat behind the piano as well, to be able to watch in full admiration. Trojan stopped playing slowly and turned his head to look at Jax, who was now sitting so close to him. 

"That was good,"Jax said, the look in his eyes more  open than it had ever been. "Where did you learn that?"

"Er… my parents made me take piano-lessons,"Trojan muttered in a feeble, uncertain voice, grinning sheepishly.

Jax smiled as he looked at the keys, black and white ivory, before him. He pressed one down and with immense pleasure, listened to the sound it brought forth. He knew nothing about piano's and never took a lesson in his life, but he had an ear for music.

He just had to try out some keys to know which he could best combine; thus creating a strange, yet melodical tune.

Trojan watched as Jax took over the piano. His fingers pressing the keys in an elegant way, with such enthusiasm it was nearly childlike, he created a flowing melody, that was never the same and never repeated itself, sounding so strange yet beautiful, it seemed like something from a different country.

Hardly thinking about what he was doing, Trojan pressed a kiss against Jax's cheek. Jax's fingers fell numb right away and only then did Trojan realize what he did. Jax turned his head slowly to look at him, nothing but amazement in his eyes. Trojan's face heated and he felt his eyes burn, wishing the earth would open up and devour him right now. More than that… he felt disgusted with himself. He felt his insides twist and memories came flooding back. He wasn't normal…

He got up so fast, his chair tipped over, and ran out of the room, closing the door with a bang. Jax watched him go, with big eyes that didn't give away anything. He watched the shut door for three minutes, then turned back to the piano. He brought his hand to a key, placing his own fingertip over Trojan's fingerprint. Then he slowly got up and staggered back to his room.

*  

Iz pressed herself against Zion, while he was lying in his bed, his body burning with fever and his mind drifted away by a fog, to far gone to hear her. What if he would never hear her again?

She felt tears stain her cheeks, buried her wet nose in his chest, and held onto him desperately with a deformed sob, as if she could hold onto his very soul, preventing it to leave his body.

Things had been so good for the past couple of weeks, better than ever. She couldn't remember ever being so happy. She needed nothing but a few hours with Zion to know she wanted him for the rest of her life. And when it turned out that might not happen, she didn't even have a hand in it. Her first and worst love.

"No,"she sobbed, holding him tightly. 

"Iz…?"he whispered.

*

It was still early in the morning, the sun had hardly rose yet. It hadn't lit up the sky yet, let alone warm the land. But Scott was already up, and wide awake. He hadn't closed his eyes all night, and had been given the time to make a decision.

He wasn't going to stay. The tribe was falling apart. And he wasn't going to stay just to see their leader die of sickness, and to see arguments shred a once-close group apart. He didn't want to stick around for that, he'd rather just have a memory of how great it once was. How things were all Garden-of-Eden-style, back in the forest. And ofcourse, he didn't want to stay with the tribe if it lost Kita. Her special touch, her grace, her enchanting aura and beauty. If she wasn't there, then what was the point really?

So he made his decision. He had thought about it good and hard, and had come to the conclusion. He had packed his bags –what a joke; there wasn't much to pack- and was now good and ready to leave. Even though he knew the tribe wouldn't miss him (they barely noticed him) he didn't want to leave with them watching. So he had got up early in the morning.

He left his room and made to go downstairs. With every step he took, memories started flowing back. This was the tribe he had been living with for nearly three years. He had been part of it, since it just consisted of two scared kids named Randy and Justine, living in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. 

He had come to know the two of them, an indestructible unit, and had gone out to collect food with them. He was there when Randy's old dog, the only thing that had reminded the guy of home, died and had to be buried. He had been there when Trojan arrived, starving, cold and bitter, wearing sunglasses in the middle of the winter.

He had been the first to see Iz, as she came striding up to the house, looking desperately for a place to stay. And she was followed by another girl, an old friend of her… and that had been the first time he had laid eyes on Kita. He could remember what it had been like. The way she walked, her moist lips, the sad, wise look in her beautiful eyes, her black hair with the caramel highlights moving like a flag in the cold, harsh autumnwind. He couldn't remember ever seeing something that beautiful, be it plant, nature, animal or human. Kita. Just the sound of her name.

Scott had been there when the two girls adjusted to the group, and hadn't taken his eyes of Kita since, adoring her for a distance. He had been there when they found Dart –him and Justine had gone out to fetch water- collapsed, beaten and bruised by the creek. They had dragged him back to the cabin together and found out he suffered from amnesia, and Kita had nursed him. And Scott would've given everything to just change places with the stranger for five minutes.

He had been there when Kera arrived, a stronger, much more vibrant version of the heart-broken girl that was now refusing food. He had seen her well-meant, yet futile attempts to create some order. 

Then Zion came, a pregnant girl that was not much more than a child on one side, and a timid boy on the other. His protégées Raja and Jax. He had seen Zion shape the group of dysfunctional kids into a real tribe, he had seen how Jax, who was first to scared to talk to anyone, slowly started to fit in into the group, and he had been there when Raja went through labor and got a healthy baby-boy after a lot of effort.

He had been there the whole time. Supporting the tribe in his own, subtle way. All those memories…

He shook his head when he had reached the bottom of the stairs. "That's right,"he said to himself. "They're nothing but memories. And it's far better you remember the tribe by that, the strong group you loved in spite of all their flaws, then watch the downfall of it all." And with those words, he left the hospital.

Or so he thought. The minute he stepped out of the hospital, looking at the frostwhite wintersky, he tripped over something and landed hard on the pavement. "Goddamnit!"he yelled out. He got up and turned his head to look at the thing he tripped over, ready to break it into pieces… But then he saw. He saw what 'it' was and his mouth fell open.

He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe his eyes.


	26. La femme d'argent

PART 17: LA FEMME D'ARGENT

There was a gentle knocking audible. "Hmmm, go away,"Iz muttered in her sleep. She crawled up like a cat against the side of a sleeping Zion. However, the knocking persisted. Iz growled and slowly got up. She shook the sleep out of her head slowly, then all of the sudden realized that that knocking sound came from the door.

"Oh, er, come in,"she quickly said.

The door was opened slowly and soundlessly, and Iz could already guess who was standing behind it. And indeed, Raja was standing in the door-opening, her face bearing a sweet smile, her eyes showing no sign of sleepiness.

"What are you doing here so early?"Iz asked amazed and looked at the sky, that was hardly lit up by the sun yet, through the window.

"Well, I just woke up early, and decided: well, I might already start making breakfast. It's good to see that you're sleeping again,"Raja said with a pleased smile. "You were so worried about Zion, I was starting to get more concerned about you. How is he, by the way?"

Doing the complete opposite of what Raja expected, Iz smiled brightly.

"Raj, I… I honestly think he's getting better. He spoke to me last night; he recognized me! And I think his fever has gone down too!"Iz said, excitement making her face gleam.

Raja looked past her, at Zion, who was now sleeping quite peacefully. "Yeah, he does look better,"she said. That was the truth, although it might not mean anything. The eye of the storm? Raja had gotten some weird suspicions about Zion's conditions lately. But those were later concerns.

"Hey, I brought you something to eat, by the way."

"Oh thanks, I'm just starving!"Iz called out and grabbed the plate from her. Raja watched in utter amazement as Iz stuffed the food into her mouth, in a totally unlady-like manner. Well, not surprising; the girl hardly ate anything yesterday.

"Oh,"Iz suddenly said, putting the plate down and turning pale. She held her hand to her mouth and swigged on her feet a bit.

"Izzy, are you okay?"Raja asked.

Iz couldn't answer, but just rushed out of the room, towards the bathroom. She fell to her knees in front of a toilet and threw her breakfast back up. Raja sighed. She should've warned her not to eat so fast, is she hadn't eaten anything in some time.

"Are you okay, Izzy?"she called out to the bathroom. In meanwhile, she lay her hand on Zion's forehead –his temperature had really gone down- and pulled the blanket over him properly again.

"I'm…" Iz wanted to say something, but didn't get the chance. Raja heard her spit out the last of her stomach's contains. "You should eat a little slower,"Raja said in her motherly tone, when Iz came back from the bathroom, teary-eyed and wiping her mouth.

Iz nodded and took a few careful, slow bites… only to put the plate away again. She said she felt too nauseous to eat. "I'm think I'll probably start vomiting again later,"she said with a suffocated voice, and instead took the food to Zion.

The tribe's leader was starting to wake up, and the look in his eyes was much more clearer. Iz sat on his bedside, smiling brightly in spite of the fact that she still needed to vomit. Oh, but who cares, she would take the risk of puking all over Zion right now. He looked so much better; she couldn't believe it.

"Iz, hey… Goodmorning,"he said in a hoarse voice. Iz hugged him in full-out excitement. "You're gonna be better!"she yelled in his ear. It made Zion's head spin and he quickly covered his ears, though he grinned along with her.

"Here, Raja brought you food. Eat,"she said, shoving the plate of food she had refused towards Zion.

"I'm not that hungry, actually…,"Zion said.

"I command you to eat!"Iz said, not taking 'no' for an answer. Zion was not one to take other's orders, but Iz was a different case. She kissed him and turned her head to Raja, smiling bright enough to light up the entire hospital.

Raja smiled back, though her smile missed something. Not from the heart. She would've been happy if Zion would've really been better, but she had such a strange, horrible feeling… She had noticed something Iz had obviously missed. It could be nothing, ofcourse, but what if it wasn't?

Raja shook her head and left the room, leaving Iz and Zion to their breakfast. She wouldn't say anything; not yet. Who knew, it might mean nothing.

*

The minute Scott stepped out of the hospital, looking at the frostwhite wintersky, he tripped over something and landed hard on the pavement. "Goddamnit!"he yelled out. He got up and turned his head to look at the thing he tripped over, ready to break it into pieces… But then he saw. He saw what 'it' was and his mouth fell open.

He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe his eyes.

There was a girl laying on the cold slabs. Her skin sand-coloured, but with the dirty, yellow-ish tingue that proved she hadn't seen the sunlight for some time. Her arms and legs were covered in bruises. She was laying with her face down to the sidewalk, her long, black hair greasy and filthy because it hadn't been washed for days. Thin body for lack of good food. A blue, glittery dress that was torn to shreds. Bare, filthy feet that were nearly frozen.

She had been missing for three weeks. Could it be?

Scott was scared to move, afraid that it would all be a mirage and that if he would get up, it would fade away. He felt something cut off his airways, swallowing became hard and his hands started to tremble. He vision went blurry as he just looked at her, not able to believe what his eyes showed him. In a world like this, his brain learned to accept nothing too wonderful. And this was his most beautiful experience ever.

Finally he made the trembling of his body stop and gathered the strength to get up. He sank down next to the girl, stretching a hand out. He touched her slightly, to see if she was actually real, then pulled his hand away as if she was on fire. But actually, he was the one that was on fire.

"Kita,"he said, in a suffocated voice. He picked her off the floor, as gently as he possibly could, and held her in a way he had never dared before. The early winter-air had made her so very cold… I'll warm you.

For a second he was afraid she was dead –that would be too much to handle- but then she opened her eyes. He had never looked at those eyes so closely, and he felt like he had to back away from it a little, because it was like he dived right into it. She could kill with that gaze and he would drown in her eyes, but he didn't really care. That would be the most wonderful way to die, if anything.

And then another unexpected thing happened. Her lips started to tremble, and slowly turned into a small smile. God, he could live and die for that smile alone. After that she lost consciousness again.

Scott pressed the girl against his body, holding her tightly for a while, oblivious to the chilly air. Until he finally got up and carried her back into the hospital. He treated himself to a few minutes with her –just being with her, alone, holding her- and then: "Guys, come quickly, you'll never believe this!!"

*

"I still can't believe it,"Randy said, eating his dinner while standing at Kita's bedside, spilling crums all over the girl. Not that she would notice, she was deep asleep. "Has she woken up already?"

"Nah, just stirred a little,"Scott said, wiping the hair off her damp forehead. He had been too busy for food, all day. He had sat by Kita's side, waiting until she would wake up. It would probably happen soon. He didn't want to wake her just yet. Let her sleep, let her come to. Whatever happened to her, it must've been bad.

Scott winced while looking at the large bruises on her arms and legs, her dry lips, the unhealthy colour of her face, the skin that was so tightly wrapped around her bones, the filthy, shredded remains of her dress.

God… what happened to her? No; who did this to her? Scott clenched his fists and felt the rage shoot through him like lightning when he thought about the disgusting creature that could've hurt someone as beautiful as Kita. He would kill him. It. Whoever it was. Nobody would hurt Kita, and get away with it.

"The poor girl,"Raja said, looking down at Kita. "I'll go make some food, for when she wakes up… If anything, it's good to have her back. Although I can't help but wondering who could've done this to her."

Whoever it is, he won't have a long life, Scott thought.

Raja left the room, and eventually, so did Randy, leaving Kita covered in crums. With an annoyed sigh, Scott wiped the crums of her and suddenly froze. In all those years of silent adoration… he had never been this close to her. He had never touched her. Now… he was taking care of her. He had even held her in his arms this morning.

His Kita. His angel, his Arabian Princess. So close, he could hear her breathing gently. He could feel her warmth. He caressed her cheek softly. She was still the same. And she needed his help now, more than ever.

Scott knelt at the side of the bed and took her hand. He then lay his head down on the pillow, carefully; close to hers, feeling her hair. He shut his eyes and soon, he was asleep.

*

Jax paced his room. He was walking circle after circle around his bed, just like he had circled his house a long time ago. He was thinking. Not about the event of the day; the fact that Kita had returned. He hardly even noticed that. Okay, it was a good thing that Kita had returned, but he had other things on his mind.

Trojan kissed him. Trojan kissed him. It was strange, and entirely unexpected. Jax was still so amazed about it, he could hardly believe it. He had looked for Trojan in the hospital, but couldn't find him. Jax eventually figured Trojan was probably in his room, but he didn't dare enter that. He hadn't had enough nerve for that. His plan was to, sort of, run in to Trojan, coming in to his room was a whole other thing.

Trojan had enough courage to come in to Jax's room… asking if he wanted to play the guitar and have a fun night and such… bringing him food… Making Jax feel wanted, making him feel like he was worth more when the voices said. And the voices usually retreated to the background, hardly audible, when Trojan was there. He made everything better.

Well, at least he did. No things were back to usual. The voices were crawling out of their dark hidingplaces again and began to whisper again. "It's because he came to the conclusion he doesn't like you after all. That's why he's avoiding you,"said one.

Jax fell down on his bed. This thing called life was so confusing and twisted in such weird ways at time… sometimes he wished he never had to go through the trouble of figuring it out again. It made him so tired.

*

Trojan had been avoiding Jax, but not for reasons Jax could think of. He just couldn't face Jax again. It was the most embarrassing thing… no, it was beyond embarrassing, it was sickening. He couldn't ever look at Jax again. Best if he didn't ever had to look at anybody else again. He just hoped no one would get to know about it.

They would finally find out what a distorted freak he really was.

*

Iz woke up, waves of nausea flooding over her. She gulped, trying to hold in last night's dinner, but feeling she would not succeed. She rolled out of bed and ran-staggered to the toilet across the hallway. She retched and threw up every last bit of food in her stomach.

She slid back against the wall, panting, exhausted and still slightly sick. She sat there for a while… It was still dark, but a minuscule touch of light told her morning was approaching. She was a girl that liked to sleep in, and considered this a good night's rest wasted.

What was up with here? This was the second time. She wasn't getting sick, like Zion, was she? Fear grasped her heart icily. Zion nearly hadn't made it. If she would get the same disease, from being with him all the time while he was sick, she might not be so lucky.

Or maybe she had something else… One of those other dangerous diseases she had mentioned in her mind, when Zion was still ill and everybody wondered what could be wrong with him. Oh God…

Iz sank further away against the cold tiles of the bathroom-wall. It would start with throwing up, but soon she would get a fever, her skin would start to shrivel, she would start to bleed and rot away. Slowly or fast, depended on it. And then she would die an awful, painful death. She didn't want to die, god, she was scared!

Her mother had died in pain, trying to bring new life into the world. Her kitten died, stuck underneath a shrub, covered by maggots and ants that feasted of death. Her sister had died, her eyes sinking away into their sockets, fat melting away, skin curling and cracking… she could go the same way.

Iz was close to hyperventilating. She wasn't the person to quickly get upset, but she hadn't been sick a single day in her life, and this was the worst possible sign for her. And her recent experience with Death, nearly looking it in the face when it tried to rip Zion away from her, had made her more nervous. She was more edgy about everything lately.

Iz buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

*

It happened early in the morning. Scott, sleeping lightly and rather uncomfortable as well, woke up immediately when he felt something moving next to him. It was Kita, and she was trying to pull back the hair he had rested his head on.

Scott shot up right away and apologized to her in a not very smooth, stuttering manner. He slapped himself around the head mentally. "I mean, er, I'm sorry, it wasn't my attention to sleep her, on your hair, er, on your bed, I mean, next to your bed…"

He cringed at himself and bit his lip, deciding it was probably better if he didn't say anything anymore.

Kita just pulled up her long, wavy hair and let the strands slip through her fingers slowly, with a shy that seemed almost shy. A shy that would've fit a ten-year-old girl. She looked at him from underneath big, dark eyelashes, bearing that nervous, yet in a way cheeky grin.

"Are you okay? Do you want anything to drink, eat, er, another pillow?"Scott asked, grinning all his teeth bare. She was smiling! That was something. And after everything that must've happened to her. And… she granted _him_ her smile.

Kita looked around, still obviously not very concerned, but slightly puzzled. She had the look of a kid that was doing his best to solve a fun riddle. Taking in every bit of the room through big, sparkling, amazed eyes.

"Je suis à l'hopital… n'est-il pas vrai ? Pourquoi? Je suis malade? Et… qui est tu?''she said in an amazed tone. Scott frowned. What in God's name was she talking about? Wait, wait, wait… He recognized those words. He heard them before at… school! It was French! But why was she talking French?

"Qui est tu?"Kita asked again, the amazed glitter not leaving her eyes.

"Kita, talk normal. I-I don't understand this,"Scott said, but Kita just shook her head in utter confusion. She was doing some very convincing action (although Scott couldn't figure why she would be playing games right now) or she really didn't understand what he was saying either.

Wait, I should know this, Scott told himself. I took French lessons at school for nearly three years, for God's sake. She's saying: "Qui est tu?'', which means… "Qui est tu?'' … Who are you?

*

Scott's diary 

**_Day one since Kita returned_**_: She obviously has no memory of life after the Virus. She doesn't know any of the other tribemembers, but is always very enthusiastic about meeting them. Especially Jax, the one short time he came down. She kept following him around, until Jax got a tad freaked and took off again. He hasn't come down since. I don't know whether that's because of Kita or something else. There seems to be something going on between Jax and Trojan. They seem to be trying to stay as far away from eachother as possible. Weird. Maybe Trojan's been calling Jax names again. Anyway, I was talking about Kita. She didn't seem very disappointed when Jax left though, she immediately found something else to do. It's so weird; how can she be so happy and active and cheery and unconcerned. I just know something bad has happened to her. She doesn't recognize the tribe, but she does obviously recognize her family. I took her to her room, and she immediately picked up a picture of her as a little girl with her parents. She pointed at it, at the miniature version of herself and her mom and dad captured on Polaroid, and started telling a whole tale in French. When she saw I didn't understand, she pointed at the little Kita on the photo and then at herself. Then she pointed at her father, saying very slowly: "Mon père." She pointed at her mom and said, just as slowly and clearly: "Ma mere." I actually managed to find a French dictionary and looked it up. "My dad, and my mom,"she said. So she does recognize them, and knows who she is herself. So it's not really amnesia… It's like the events warped her back to the girl she was before the virus. Her mom looks sort of exotic. Maybe they spoke French at Kita's home, before the virus, and is that the reason she's only babbling French now. I followed her around with the dictionary. She recognized some things from her room, other she didn't –the stuff she already had when she first came to the cabin, the things she had gotten when she was a little girl, she picked up and told me about vividly. Far too quick for me to translate. Do French people always talk that quick?_

**_Day two_**_: I woke up early, and went to look for her. She was in her room, checking out all that gold jewelry. I always figured Kita came from a rich family, or that her family came from a country where they just love to wear as much gold as possible, no matter how little money they have. She was holding a necklace in front of her, letting it slip through those elegant fingers and slowly said: "J'ai un beau collection d'or. __Je suis la femme d'argent, n'est-ce pas?" 'La femme d'argent…' __I looked it up. It wasn't so much as the meaning, 'the woman that has the money', which sounded awfully cold and sharp in English, it was the way she said it. That warm, velvet, slightly moist tone of her, the way she plays with the graceful French language, letting it roll over her tongue… __'La femme d'argent.' __She could never know how much I love her._

**_Day three_**_: Still la femme d'argent. The French mini-lady, cheery and graceful, that walks around like a stranger that's more than welcome. Do we still know Kita? She doesn't know us, that much is obvious. Although she always is delighted when I come to look for her. She knows me now. And in a world where she knows no one else, I guess I'm the most reliable thing. That makes me feel… I can't explain that. She makes me burn, when she pronounces my name, honey dripping of the tones she forms mostly in her throat, soft as silk, slipping through her full, wet lips. "Scott,"she says, and smiles. I said it before, but I'll say it as many times as I want: I'll live and die for that smile. __She asked me today: "Où est mon père et ma mere? " __I didn't know what she was talking about, but she's not stupid. Look it up in your book, she gestured. She still refuses or doesn't know how to speak English. I feigned ignorance. She seemed disappointed. I hope she doesn't bring the question up again. I don't want to tell her what happened to her parents. She's been through enough._

**_Day four_**_: My French is improving. If Kita's English is too, she's definitely not showing it._

**_Day five_**_: Pas de changement._

**_Day six_**_: Idem_

**_Day seven_**_: Dito_

**_Jour huit_**_: Kita says I'm good when it comes to languages. I pick up quickly. I ask here if the same goes for her? All of the sudden she bursts into tears. I don't know what I said that was, I just know I hate to see her cry, so I comfort her. But when I try to touch her, she pushes me away as if my hands are made of fire. She yells at me to leave me the hell alone, and the expression she has on her face scares me and makes me sad at the same time. I hate seeing her like this. I try hard. I'm just wondering if I'll succeed at bringing the old Kita back, even if it is just a little bit._

**_Day nine_**_: I wonder how long has gone by since Jax and Trojan have managed to not see eachother in anyway. Every time Trojan heard Jax coming, he leaves. Some people are just weird, I guess. Zion is not feeling very well again. He's tired a lot lately. I'm really wondering what's wrong with him. Maybe he's just one of those people that doesn't have much resistance against the winter. In whatever way I cursed him when we handled the search for Kita the wrong way; I take it back. He is, after all, our leader and a good guy. He hasn't really gotten sick, like he did a few weeks back, but I just got the nasty feeling it can happen any day. Iz is acting weird too. She's with Zion the entire time, clinging to him like gum. That's nothing strange, but she gets very moody when she for some reason is separated from him. She doesn't show up at breakfast anymore either, but makes up for that by eating large amounts at lunch and dinner. Randy has finished building his ramp and I'm listening to him skateboarding around his room, knocking over his towers of cans and falling and cursing the entire time. Raja and Dart are still training every day. I've watched them today. Dart's an absolute master, and man, is Raja getting good. Maybe I should ask Dart to train me as well. But he doesn't seem to want any other presence when he's training with Raja. It's the only time of day he's getting close to her, the rest of the time he's always busy. Or should I say: he's always busy when he's being watched. But training with Raja… I would nearly say there's some sort of energy, electricity (erotic activity? Hehehe) between them. Only when they know (or think) they're not being watched. They would most likely kill them if they knew I was looking. Kita still refuses to let me into her room. What did I do? _

**_Day ten_**_: Had breakfast. It tasted like nothing. I couldn't keep my head to the ground. Kept thinking about Kita, alone in her room, miserable and scared. Had that look that was in her eyes when she pushed me out of her room burned into my soul. It's strange, but I can feel her. __La femme d'argent. __It's an exceptionally cold day, and the sky is full of that silent, frostwhite electricity, that tells you it's about to snow. I could do with a bit of snow. Anyway, I'm gonna check on Kita now. See if she lets me into her room._

_*_

Scott let the pencil float above the page of his diary. He never had one, but suddenly felt the need to start writing when Kita returned. For some reason. He just needed to tell someone, be able to talk about it in all excitement without being interrupted.

He shut the diary and put it on his drawer. There was no point in postponing it, he said he was going to check on Kita. But… something just stopped him. He didn't want to be send away again. He didn't want to see that look in her eyes again, her eyes pools of black poison from a polluted source deep inside of her.

Oh, shut up. Stop being such a wuss.

He got up, and went to her room.

*

"Zion? Baby?"Iz' voice was like the echo of a ghost in the silent room, a Mecca of tranquility. She gently shook Zions shoulder. He just groaned and turned on his other side.

"It's daytime. Raja has breakfast ready,"Iz said in a little voice.

"I'm not hungry. Just leave me alone, I'm… so tired,"Zion groaned, not even taking the trouble of looking at her. Iz bit her lip until she had the metallic taste of blood in her mouth. This is how it had been lately. "I'm not hungry. I'm just tired. Let me sleep."

He was tired the whole time. Things that were easy for him when he was still living in the woods, now cost him a lot of effort. Every day he woke up, feeling he hadn't slept in a week. All he wanted to do was lay in bed, and he didn't want to eat. He completely lost his appetite. He had gotten skinnier lately. Paler too, although Iz kept telling herself that was just because it was getting colder.

But overall, he just didn't look good and Iz was getting worried. She knew extreme fatigue was a sign of anaemia. Apart from that, she didn't know much about diseases, but she knew something was terribly wrong. She didn't have the power or resources to find out exactly what was wrong, or what to do about it. It was hell.

She felt pretty bad herself. She felt sick the entire day, usually threw up in the morning, and she was feeling tired herself. She felt it was easier for her to get annoyed to, and she snapped at the other tribe-members for seemingly no reason at all. It was all terribly confusing; something that didn't really help her mood. She just hoped things would be okay again soon. She had gotten a lot of weird thoughts about what could be wrong, or not exactly wrong with her. But she told herself it couldn't be. Not now. At a time like this, that would only be another worry.

*

Trojan was just minding his own business, when all of the sudden, he found himself faced with Jax in the hallway. It was quite a surprise; Jax usually only left his room when it was time to eat, and sometimes he didn't even do that. Jax looked more tired and skinny then when Trojan had last seen him… Which had been quite a while ago. He was astonished at how good he had gotten at avoiding someone that lived in the same building.

Trojan felt his whole face turn red just by seeing Jax standing there. Jax was motionless, standing like a statue, but his dead, matte eyes lived up when he saw Trojan. He was looking at the other boy in a weird, focused way, that made Trojan turn an ever deeper shade of red, made him grit his teeth and again, wish the earth would just open up and devour them… even though he was on the third floor.

Trojan just turned around and made to go back to his own room, telling himself this was nothing to worry about. It was just Jax, for crying out fucking loud. Yeah, Jax was the weirdo; he gave everybody the creeps. But he, Trojan, was as normal as could be. Nothing to worry about. Just go back to your own room.

Trojan stopped in his track all of the sudden, and the shadow-sound of his own footsteps that he had heard, stopped as well. Trojan turned around and saw that Jax was still standing as close by as before. For a second Trojan was confused; how was that possible, he walked away, didn't he…?

Jax was standing at the end of the hallway, as motionless as could be, face expressionless and black eyes focused on Trojan. If the whole situation hadn't made Trojans stomach do backflips and given him the creeps, then this certainly did.

He turned around again slowly and started moving again. Just ignore him, just ignore the weirdo, then he'll go away. You have nothing to do with him.

Trojan once again heard another pair of footsteps and stopped. He turned around and saw Jax was still standing about fifteen feet away from him, like before. He was standing just as silent again, not saying a word but looking intensely at Trojan. For Trojan it wasn't funny at all; it was like something from a horror-movie.

"What do you think you're doing?"Trojan asked, trying to hide the shiver in his voice. Was he actually… scared of Jax? Yes. He could hardly believe it, but he was.

No answer came from Jax. He just looked, face expressionless. Trojan was unpleasantly reminded of a movie he saw when he was seven, 'The Shining.' There was this scene; a boy was riding down the hallway of a hotel on his tricycle, then all of the sudden he saw identical twin-sisters standing at the end of the hallway. The girls just stared him, motionless and with expressionless faces, and kept coming closer. They didn't move their lips, but  you could hear their voices ringing: "Will you play with us forever and ever…"

Trojan rolled his eyes. What a bunch of bullshit. This was just Jax, okay, not a ghost or anything. Just some stupid kid that thought it might be funny to follow other people around.

With that thought, Trojan's nerve came back, and with that,  anger came as well.

"Look, I got nothing –or barely nothing- against you, but you best quit stalking me. Or I'll kick you're ass, 'kay? Beat it,"Trojan said as calmly as possible, and he started walking again.

He heard the shadow-footsteps, the barely audible sound of wintersocks on tiles. Goddamnit, wouldn't you know it. Trojan clenched his feet and grit his teeth. That does it. He turned around and screamed at Jax: "Get the fuck away from me!"

The loud sound startled Jax, and Trojan was pleased to see an expression of fear –any kind of expression- slip over the darkhaired boy's face, before he might a run for it.

Trojan was standing alone in the hallway, feeling victoriously. There. Didn't he take care of that properly? Look how fast that twat went running back to his room again. Shows him, for following people around.

Pleased with himself, but still annoyed, and somewhere deep down, confused and regretful, Trojan walked on.

*

Scott entered Kita's room and found her asleep on the floor, her long hair spread around her like a black waterfall. She looked so peaceful in her sleep. "Kita?"Scott asked.

She was obviously sleeping vey lightly, because she woke up right away, looking at him without anger, but with a sparkle in her eyes. Her lips curled into a smile, and Scott breathed a sigh of relief. For whatever reason she was angry at him yesterday, it was clearly over now.

"Scott,"Kita greeted him cheerily.

"Bonjour,"Scott said to her.  

Her face broke into a smile and eyes shimmered. She liked the fact that he was using the language she spoke. Scott still hadn't figured out whether that was because it made her feel comfortable or because he made the foreign words she rolled over her tongue so melodiously sound ridiculous.

Enthusiastic as a child, Kita got onto her feet and walked to him, eyes wide with excitement. She immediately started telling him some sort of tale in French, and Scott realized he had forgotten his French dictionary.

He wanted to get it – "Une momente, s'il vous plait" and Kita's face fell- when all of the sudden something drew his attention. He looked through the window, a square of filthy white, and saw little flakes twirling down, acrobats in the sky, covering the city in white.

It was snow! The first snow of the winter. Scott got excited; it was always nice to run outside in your warm clothes, face the first snow, even though you'd always come to the conclusion there wasn't enough to make a snowman yet. Snow wasn't just something little kids liked; it meant fun for everyone.

"Kita, regarde,"Scott said and he pointed at the world outside the hospital, that was slowly turning into a winter-landscape. It was… what's snow in French again? Or going outside? Damn, I gotta find that dictionary, Scott thought.

Kita gave him a big grin and started putting on the big, black un-Kita boots she only used when the tribe was traveling. She put on her thick waistcoat with black faux-fur collar and wrist-cuffs, the one she had made for the winter, right before she… disappeared.

"Kita… what are you doing? I mean, qu'esse… je oui… crap,"Scott said, frustrated.

"It's snowing, let's go outside,"Kita said in full-out excitement. And in English.

"Kita, you're talking English."

Kita looked a little stunned when Scott said that, as if she hadn't realized it herself. She frowned a bit. "I had a dream last night,"she said, treating every English word carefully now, as if she was exploring a field in which landmines might be buried. "My father was in it. My father was talking English to me –and I could understand it. It felt so strange, understanding a language… I only remembered talking French and Arabian with my mother. But then that dream… and I was talking to him too, in English,"she said.

She looked up at Scott, eyes filled with earnesty. "And then, when I learned to understand him and found out I could talk to him… that I really knew your language all along, but just forgot about it… I remember that now, at the end of the dream my father went away, and I was yelling for him to come back, but he didn't. Then I woke up, and I was laying in my bed, in the middle of the night. It was strange; it had felt so real. Like my father had really gone away. Where are they, Scott? Where are my mom and dad?"

Scott was still stunned by the fact Kita's dream had triggered something in her memory again and that she was now able to speak English again, that the question nearly came as a shock to him. He looked outside, at the snow that was promising a day of cold fun and at Kita, small in her furry coat, at her eyes that could spark up with happiness again if you just said the right thing.

"They're… they're on vacation,"Scott said. He was a horrible liar, and Kita seemed to be able to see right through people. But maybe all she wanted to accept was an answer like that, because she bought it right away. She merely asked: "Where to?"

He just said the very first thing that came to his mind: "Lebanon."

Direct hit, it was like it was meant to be. Kita's eyes sparked again. "Lebanon, that's where my mother originally came from, did you know that? It must be warm over there right now. Not like here. Oh well, snow can be fun too. Come on, let's go outside,"Kita said and she ran onto the corridor, dark hair bouncing on her back.

She believed the lie. God, and what a lie he told her. Her parents weren't on vacation… they were dead, as dead as can be. But he just hadn't been able to tell her that, she was just putting on her coat, longing to have some fun in the snow. A fine day. He couldn't ruin it for her, he wanted to be able to give it that much.

So he told her that gruesomely big lie. Not exactly the most fantastic solution, because sooner or later –most likely sooner than later- she would ask when her parents would finally come back from vacation; and he'd have to cough up the truth. She would be devastated, not only because she had to go through that pain she'd forgotten about all over, but also because he lied to her in such an awful way. She would hate him.

Scott tried to get it out of his head, tried not to worry. He wanted to have a fun-filled day, just like Kita, _with_ Kita. He took a deep breath, pushing away the feeling that made him think there were bricks flattening his lungs, then followed Kita into a world of frostwhite.


	27. Bedtime stories

PART 18: BEDTIME STORIES 

_Look at them, toying and dancing and messing around like young kittens outside. That little girl four stories down, twirling around in the snowflakes, wrapping her fur stole around her, shivering pleasantly in the wintercold. Making a snowball and throwing it at the guy that follows her as if she was the Queen. And I thought people didn't like it when you followed them._

_Or maybe that's not true. Maybe Trojan just doesn't like it. Or maybe it's all about me; maybe there's something wrong with me. Yeah, that must be it… It's always my fault, how could I be stupid enough to think something else?_

_They're chasing eachother around, happy creatures, shadows in the snow. I can almost hear their laughter up here. Like the bells of Christmas. It would fit the weather. They're probably going to give eachother's presents soon, huddle up underneath the Christmas-tree… Those sort of happy things a family would do._

_Oh look, it's getting dark and colder. He puts an arm around her, protecting her against the icy breeze. They gaze at the stars, that look so much clearer in that frost-sky. The sky tells them it's time for the season of celebration and love, a season they can enjoy._

_You can enjoy everything when you're perfect, like they are. The overwhelming love is just sparkling of the whole picture. Put it on a damn Christmas-card and put 'Season's Greetings' above it. Would they notice if I jump out of this window, hit the ground with a dull thud? The thin layer of snow won't break your fall when you're flying from four stories high. Would they notice when my blood tints the pure snow crimson, or would they just continue laughing, singing and chasing eachother? Most likely. My death wouldn't be weird ruining your mood for._

_Scott and Kita; why are they so happy? Why do they seem so perfect in every way? Why does every other member of this tribe? Why does Trojan seem more perfect than everybody, so much that I just have to follow him to look at him…_

_Stop it. Get him out of your mind. Don't you get it; don't you see? He hates you, he doesn't even want to see you for one minute, that's why he shouted at you. And he has a good right too… You're just a nuisance. What happened today, definitely proved that. Are you happy now?_

_Trojan hates you, he does. For some reason you got the weird idea in your idea just because you'd do anything for him, just because he attracts you like a magnet, it would be the same story vice versa? Not. A. Chance. You're a freak, Trojan's a cool kid: doesn't match. Never will. Get it?_

_But what do I have to do then? I want Trojan. I think… I think I really love him. I wouldn't know, I wouldn't really know what's it like; I don't know if I've ever really love him before. I just feel this thing about him, and I know it feels nice._

_But the feeling isn't mutual. He hates you, like everyone. I guess that obviously robs you of a purpose in life. Not that you ever really had one… Now they're just going to leave you alone in this room, with your demons and everything, leave you to draw sharp lines of red acid over your arms –just like you're doing now with your only friend in  the world, that nice little scalpel. Leave you alone with your thoughts, your vision, the voices in your head, the monsters underneath your bed. Leave you in hell._

Little boy, you can only pray you'll starve to death quickly. Unless you'd really want to take matters in your own hands, ofcourse.

Jax let the voices flow over him, not even trying to resist anymore. What was the use anyway? Trojan didn't care. For a split second, Jax thought –the music they made together, the food Trojan brought to him, the kiss… But no. Eventually, Trojan just got too sick of Jax. All over. Finito.

Jax let out a shuddering sigh and brought the blade to the scar-covered skin of his arm again, hoping to take away at least some of the pain.

*

Kita got hit by a snowball. She gasped and shot Scott a fake evil glare. "I am going to get you for that one!"she shrieked, and picked up as much snow as she could, forming a giant snowball to throw at him. But the snowball collapsed before she could even throw it, and she bursted into laughing about it.

Scott laughed along with her. It warmed his heart to see that Kita could have such enthusiasm in doing something, to see her have such fun… She only deserved to be happy.

Kita fell into his arms, exhausted, cold, but still laughing, making Scott fall over and land in the snow. Kita looked  up at the sky. "It's dark already. We should really go back inside, before we get pneumonia,"she stated.

Scott nodded, but didn't get up. The snow made his clothes wet and froze his skin, but he could hardly even feel it. He looked at her, her dark eyes sparkling with the promise of laughter, her skin gleaming, her cheeks red because of the excitement and the cold. She looked like a diva from the '20's; her broad fur stole draped gracefully around her shoulders, hiding her and making her look impressive at the same time. Her head partially covered by an elegant hat of black velvet, black-brass curls dangling underneath it. Her smile lighted her face. Enchanted by that sweet, miraculous creature.

He didn't know where in God's name he got the nerve, but he did what he wanted to do since he first saw her: he kissed her. She pulled back a little surprised, and Scott was scared he had done something wrong. But then the Northern Light returned to her eyes, she said: "Ah, screw pneumonia", and kissed him back.

*

"Iz, I love you. God, I love you,"he gasped, holding her against him, one hand going through her silky nightcoloured-hair, the other hand caressing her soft, pale skin, following the lines of her body.

She closed her eyes, lips curling into a smile, and nodded. She knew that. She knew it all, and she loved him too. She never knew she could feel such affection towards someone. Maybe it was the fact that she had never really loved before, seeing as no one pleasant enough was available. But somehow, deep down inside, she knew this was special. And that wasn't the only thing she felt.

Zion seemed completely better now; energetic, his old self, making up for the good nights they missed out on. But she had seen this before. It had gone like this a few times now, up and down… And it was making her so goddamned insecure, sometime she just wished she was dead, rather than facing up to it. It was too much, she couldn't have the thought she was going to lose Zion over and over again, while his condition stayed whimsical and unpredictable, going over its obvious ups and downs. She couldn't enjoy things to their fullest anymore, she was always flat and on her toes now, and she figured she'd go insane soon if she didn't get to know what was up.

And there was that other problem…

*

It wasn't until the next day, afternoon, that she could talk to someone about it. She went to the most logical person to talk with. The mother of the tribe, the angel, the one that was always ready to listen to your problems… Raja.

Iz didn't even have to do anything for it; Raja came to her. The blonde had just trained with Dart and Iz found herself wondering, once again, why Raja enjoyed spending so much time with Dart. Hanging out with Kungfu-guy wouldn't exactly be Iz's favourite pass-time.

Iz was sitting by herself in the café, when Raja came in to get a drink. She only needed one look at Iz to stop in her tracks, her carebear-sense tingling.

"Hey, what's up with you? You look so glum,"Raja said, and already took place at the table, because she could feel a story coming up.

"It's Zion,"Iz said in a monotone voice that didn't suit her.

"Zion?"Raja asked. She tried to push all feelings away and feign ignorance. "What's up with him?"

"You're kidding, right?"Iz asked. "You know as well as I do that he's sick."

"He seemed fine this morning,"Raja mumbled, trying to avoid Iz' gaze.

"Maybe. But he's not fine, you know that, Raja. He keeps getting sick. Keeps getting fevers, he's tired the whole time, won't eat and so on. And sometimes he's doing well, but it can change in a second. In just one second, I've seen it. And it makes me so insecure and scared. I don't wanna lose him. And it's so goddamn unfair that I just… I don't know what's wrong with him. I don't know if he'll be alright. I don't know when he will fall ill again. It's this fucking insecurity, I can't stand it, Raj,"Iz said, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

"It's okay, Iz,"Raja said, laying a warm hand on Iz' shoulder.

"No, it's not okay. It's not okay, damn it! Everything's wrong… I hate this world, I hate everything; why does this have to happen to me?! I just can't stand it,"Iz said as it finally came to an explosion; tears were leaking down her face.

Raja gently pulled her into a hug. Would she have the heart to tell Iz about her suspicions? That being in a hospital helped indeed when there was a sick person in your midst, because even if there were no doctors there were still medical books? That she kept all of Zion's symptoms in mind and checked every book for a disease that matched it, and that the final outcome was something that would make Iz say: "If that's what's wrong with him, I would've preferred being insecure." Besides… Raja could still be wrong. She wasn't a doctor, she just read all of those medical books.

"It's more than that,"Iz said, words interrupted by loud sobs. Raja looked at her, questioning. "I don't know for sure… Or actually… I'm late,"Iz said.

"Late as in…?"Raja asked.

Iz nodded. "I've been sick in the mornings too."

"You're… pregnant?"

"I think so,"Iz said in a small voice. "What am I going to do? As if the fact that Zion is sick, isn't enough. A baby… I –God, why can't I know what's wrong with him?"

Raja didn't say a word.

"Don't you know anything?"Iz asked Raja sharply all of the sudden.

Raja looked up. "Why? What do you mean?"

"Well, you're the one that has been checking those medical books ever since we got here, you must know [I]something[/I] by now. And the way you're acting, I can tell you're keeping something from me."

"I don't-"

"You're a sorry liar, Raja. You know, don't you? For God's sake, just tell me!"

Raja looked away. "I don't think you'd like the answer."

Iz sat on the edge of her seat, not moving a muscle. Her eyes were big, dark and frightened, abandoned by every trace of hope after Raja's last remark. She stared Raja in the face. The blonde girl looked down, trying to avoid that horrible look, already set on forlorn, ready for the answer.

"Tell me,"Iz demands.

"Iz, you have to know that I don't know this for sure, okay? I just went through a bunch of medical books and found a disease that fitted the symptoms the most, but there are plenty of other illnesses that show such symptoms,"Raja babbled away, trying to avoid answering Iz's question.

"Just say it, before I'll rip your head off,"Iz growled, tension and anxiety making her muscles tremble. Raja looks deep into the glacier-blue pools of Iz's eyes, devoid of the always evident sparkle. She wished people wouldn't put that much faith in here. She was about to tell something that would break Iz, and she didn't even know she was right. If only she was a doctor… She had want to become a doctor, before the virus hit, and she had the grades for it. If only… if only the world wasn't the way it was. But there was no changing it. We are alone, Raja thought, and we are not in control.

"Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma,"she just spat it out. "That's the disease that has-"

"Oh… God…,"Iz interrupted her with a barely audible, terrified whimper. "T-that's a –I heard about it; it's a form of cancer! That's what it is; isn't it?"

"Yes,"Raja admitted, looking at her shoes, that suddenly became very interesting.

"But cancer is… you need operations for that, you need chemo-therapy! We, we can't do that! We don't have… oh God, Raja, we can't do anything!" Iz ended her sentence in a high-pitched wail, as her face fell and her eyes seemed to break like mirrors, dripping salt onto her cheeks.

"No! No!!"she cried out, desperation taking over. "Raja, that's not fair – it is NOT fair!! We won't be able to do anything! I can't… oh my God, he's gonna die, he's gonna die, he's gonna die, he's gonna die,"Iz sobbed in an endless mantra.

Raja grabbed her firmly by the shoulders. "Iz, listen to me: I'm not sure, okay? I'm not a damn doctor, I don't have all the answers! I might just as well be wrong… Everything might just be fine,"Raja said. Her voice shivered, and she swallowed something. How could she convince Iz if she didn't even believe herself?

"You're lying, you're lying!"Iz yelled hysterically. "You're lying! It's not gonna be fine! Everything's so goddamn awful and wrong, and nothing's gonna be fine…,"Iz sobbed. Her life, Raja was ruining it with her simple, toneless words. All she wanted was security, all she wanted was to be loved, accepted… All she wanted was someone… someone like Zion. She had finally gotten what she really wanted in life, someone beyond compare, but life was about to give it its heart-wrenching, ironic twist again –so bitter it would make you throw up. They couldn't take that one thing away from her. Not that ONE person she loved. She shared a core with him; if he died, wouldn't she die herself…? Although that would be for the better; how could she live without Zion know that she truly got to know him. She'd do everything, go through hell and back, withstand every fucking torture, and even sacrifice this baby in her belly –a thing that would now be pink, shapeless and brainless; something she never asked for, and the current situation didn't allow her to feel any love, or whatever towards it. All that mattered at this point was Zion; her Zion. Let me have this one thing…

A train of pearls, cabin by cabin, shot from her eyes, across her cheeks. They formed little dark dots on her skirt, which she looked at with blurry gaze. Raja pulled the lost girl towards her, the Iz that seemed so tough, but was, on the inside, as vulnerable as porcelain… that's what she looked now, a porcelain doll; skin unnaturally pale and nearly transparent, eyes dead… she'd break if you drop her, so careful careful.

Raja pulled Iz into a tight hug and let the darkhaired girl cry out her misery.

*

Kita's room. Even in a place like this, she managed to have style. In the few days she actually lived here, she managed to turn her room into quite the little paradise, filled with warm, kind and light colours. The heart of it all.

Scott stood in front of the bed, facing her. No matter how long he would live, he would be sure of the fact that he would never forget that face, those eyes. The way her lips curled into a gorgeous smile. Her way of moving, elegant like a panther. Her warm motions, her bright aura. Her intelligent, gentle look. Even when you look beyond what is normally found attractive, you'd still find beauty. She was the most beautiful thing in the world, standing there in the moonlight that fell through the window. Wearing only her long, white skirt, the upper half of her body covered by her long, flowing hair.

She didn't let go of his gaze. Persistent to make the contact she wanted. The silence seemed unnatural, yet right. Isn't it the greatest thing when you're together and a silence falls, yet you still feel comfortable?

"So… what do you want?"Scott asked in all honesty, nearly dreading to break that magical silence.

She shrugged –all of her movements mystic and elegant- and said: "I don't know. What do you want?"

"Are you kidding?"he whispered. "I want you. From the moment I first saw you." 

Closer she moved, he could feel her warm, fragrant breath on his skin. She was… indescribable. He gently, carefully cupped her face in his hands, afraid to make a single mistake. The tiniest flaw could ruin it all. He brought his face closer to hers, felt the heat and smoothness of her skin, her soft and full lips, and kissed her. 

She was the most beautiful thing in the world.

"You make me feel so different,"she said, slowly and sensually forming those words. Her voice nearly made the English language alien. "I feel safer around you. I feel scared around the others. I don't know why… normal things seem to frighten me."

Scott nodded, without words, being mesmerized completely by her words. Everything flashed by like a movie, a most extraordinary one. Everything went in slow-motion, sensual and enlightened; for him to enjoy the moment even more.

"Do my parents even know who you are?"Kita asked, curious all of the sudden.

"Parents?"Scott mumbled, not completely willing to free his mind from the spell.

"My parents. Do they know who you are? They might not appreciate it if, you know… When are they coming back from their vacation anyway. I mean, they've been away so long. Ever since I came her. They must come back sometime."

Scott opened his mind, but no sound came out. He tried to get his mind working again, tried to let it come up with an escape-plan… But it was no use. He was trapped. The truth had to come out sometime.

"Kita… I have a confession to make. I can easily understand if you hate me after this,"Scott said, looking at the floor, trying to avoid her dark eyes under frowned brows.

"I lied to you about something… pretty big. Your parents, they're… I'm so sorry Kita, but your parents died, both of them, a few years ago. I guess you still can't remember that. I, I wanted to tell you, but it seemed so-"

"Oh no,"Kita stuttered. 'My parents, they're –they're dead? They can't be. It doesn't feel like… how could that be? It's like I just saw them a few days ago." Tears starting to stream down her face. Her mind wouldn't accept yet, but her eyes would.

"The amnesia. I am so sorry Kita, I honestly didn't know what to do for the best. You were so happy and didn't remember anything, and… it seemed so harsh to break it to you yet. After everything you've been through,"Scott said.

"Everything I've been through,"Kita sat bitter, and she slumped down against the side of her bed. "Everything I've been through? I don't even remember it! I don't remember any of those people that call themselves my tribe, I don't know how I met them. I don't know anything about the past years; god, I didn't even know my parents died. How can I not remember a thing like that?! I hate what's happening to me, you know that? I think I'm going crazy at times. It's like there's this big black hole in my mind, and I just can't take it anymore. Everything is so unclear and grey. When I just woke up, I couldn't help being happy, but I also couldn't help the feeling I shouldn't be… I get scared or angry for no reason at times, or I feel horrible when nothing's wrong, normal noises scare the life out of me; I hardly know who I am anymore, Scott. Do you know how frustrating that can be, how insecure that can make me? Now this… I just didn't even know, I didn't have a single damn clue my parents were…," Kita swallowed a sob away and paused a while, trying to regain her composure, before continuing. "What do I know? I feel like I'm a stranger here. But… at least I have you. I'm glad you've helped me. I never got to say thanks for that. I…," Kita didn't finish her sentence, she just shook her head, as silent tears drew a path down her cheeks. 

She crawled into bed and lay down, looking at him with begging eyes. Scott crawled into bed next to her and she hugged him tightly. "Please don't go away. You always make me happy. You always make me feel… better." 

*

God help me, Jax thought. 

The snake swirled down from the ceilinglamp, dancing in the air elegantly, and hissing at him. Jax squeezed his eyes shut and counted to three, hoping that it would've gone away when he opened his eyes. Hoping… hoping as hard as he could.

The nightmares, the terrible nightmares. But could you call dreams you had while being awake nightmares? Jax didn't know, and he didn't care, all he knew was that he resented it, and feared it. That it drove him over the edge, that the fear nearly made his mind explode. That he'd rather just be dead.

Trojan made those nightmares go away real quick. But there was no Trojan now, no savior. He was alone.

*  
  
Raja laid a warm, comforting hand on Iz's shoulder, but it was shrugged off.   
"Just leave me alone now, Raj,"Iz said coldly.   
Raja sighed and got up from her seat. She slowly left the cafeteria, casting one last look at Iz when she reached the doorway. The black-haired girl was just sitting there, skin unnaturally pale, sweat-beads on her forehead, still like a statue, and her eyes as matte and dead as her lover would soon be.   
Raja winced at the sight of it and send a little mental prayer at the God that had never seemed to be willing to help her or any member of this tribe before. Please, let me be wrong. Please, let Zion be alright. He has to be alright. For everybody's sake, but especially for that of Iz, the girl that loves him so much it makes me sad… and that little baby she carries inside of her. Zion's child.   
Raja turned around and made her way to her room, drained of all energy and emotion after this evening, and desperate to get some sleep. Sleep that would heal body and soul, and make her forget about all. She left Iz on her own.   
All alone in the death-quiet cafeteria, that was just lit by some candles, left with none but her own thoughts. They nagged at her, intent on nibbling her sanity away, drowning all her happiness. She wished that she could put a stop to her thoughts every now and then. She wished that she didn't just hear Raja's words… Why did she have to push the girl for the answer? Raja had been right, she would've been happier not knowing it. In the end, insecurity was better than this; impending doom, living with the thought that he was going to die for sure.   
Because, what was there to do? In the old world, cancer could be healed. They had surgeons that could remove tumors, they had chemo-therapy that killed all cancer-cells, they had bone-marrow-transplantations… none of that here. The Virus came and ruined it all. They had been thrown back into the Second Middle Ages, with possibly no chance to a Second Renaissance.   
It was so strange. At one side, Iz hated the adults because their meddling with nature had caused the current situation. But their meddling with nature had also provided them with at least some sort of a cure against cancer, that was now gone. Good and bad goes together. There was no pollution now, but they had to bend to nature's every will.   
Iz got up and went through some cabinets. She wanted nothing more than to fall into a daze right now. She that searches, finds: a bottle of white wine. Someone found it while foraging once, but because of the lack of parties it was still nearly full. She took a few big gulps of it. It didn´t taste nice. It tasted the same like when she was kid, and escaped from her sister´s annoyingly watchful eye to take her first zip of wine. When she was a child… and everything was so uncomplicated.   
Iz left the cafeteria, leaving the bottle of wine on the counter. She staggered down the hallway to the first-floor-bathroom. She wanted to be sure no one would disturb her. As if in a trance, her gaze set on eternity, she locked the door to the big bathroom. She slumped down against the wall of cold, grey tiles and sobbed into her hands. 

*  
  
Raja, unlike Iz, had nothing against sobbing in places where everyone could hear and see her. She didn't care anymore. Everything was screwed up now, the last thing she was worried about was if anyone would see her cry like a baby.   
"Raja?"   
Raja looked up quickly at hearing that all-familiar voice, surprised that anyone would still be up now. She saw Dart, standing on the other side of the hallway, looking quite amazed. Aaron was standing next to him, looking sleepy, and very cute in his blue pyama-jumpsuit.   
"You're er, kid was wondering where you were. He wouldn't stop walking after me until I promised him we would look for you…," Dart paused for a few seconds before asking the question: "Why were you crying?"   
Raja wiped her tears away quickly, smudging the flower painted on her cheek. She sighed. Should she tell him. Ah, why not…? If she was right, and she probably was, then the whole tribe would learn about it soon.   
"I was… er… just talked to Iz, downstairs. You know how Zion keeps getting sick? Well, I've been reading all those medical books since I got here… Figured I'd look up the symptoms and see what disease fitted it best. Turns out, non-Hodgkin Lymphoma…"   
Dart tilted his head a little and frowned. "Isn't that…?"   
"A form of cancer, yeah,"Raja said, looking at the floor. The tiles before her started to go blurry again, and she knew the tears were dripping down her cheeks. She hated this. She hated the fact that she just had to look for an answer.   
Realization dawned in Dart's eyes and his face fell. "But there's no cure for that… He'll die for sure!"Dart said.   
"Yeah well, why do you think I'm weeping here?"Raja said coldly, laughing without a trace of humor. Dart looked at the ground, nearly seeming embarrassed. Aaron looked around in confusion. He didn't understand what was going on very well, he was just a little boy. He would have to make his mom clear up later.   
"Man, I…" Dart didn't finish his sentence, not knowing very well what to say. He wasn't exactly an expert when it came to situations like this. He came closer to Raja, stretching out a hand, and pausing before placing it on her shoulder carefully. He didn't want to see her cry. She just didn't deserve to be this sad.   
"Dart, it's so terrible!"she called out and without warning, just dived into his arms. Dart stood there for a second, feeling awkward with the girl crying out on his shoulder. But eventually, he wrapped his arms around her slowly, hugging her, hoping that it would comfort her. 

*  
  
Jax flee out of the dark room. He could barely see straight anymore, but that might've been caused by different things than lack of sleep- "No!"Jax said out loud, to himself. "I just need to sleep, then everything will be okay." How long since he had last slept? Days without even a quick nap... And with the insomnia those strangs things came...   
Visions. He liked to call them visions, but he knew they weren't. Verment, maggots crawling out of the head of a doll, the walls of his room decorated with wallpaper of thousands of crawling spiders, snakes on the stairs. Filth. Nightmares while being awake. And he figured, if he had nightmares while he was awake, he would find rest in his sleep. A safe sanctuary. Reversed world He needed to sleep. Jax stumbled through the corridor. He was so damn tired. He couldn't remember ever being so... He could hardly even think. His mind was a grey chaos, where nothing seemed to stay in place. The sweet bliss of sleep would help. Would take it all away. And if he couldn't fall asleep himself, he just had to find something that would help him. He knew... He knew where the medication was.   
He had just been too scared of going out to get it. But now he was scared of what would happen if he didn't get it. Sleep threw some sort of protective blanket over you. When you were awake you were vulnerable, your mind was open, they could get you. A snake slinged down from the ceiling with an antagonistic hiss, it's slippery skin gliding against that of Jax. Jax uttered a smothered scream.   
In blind panic, trying to get away from the monsters and god knows what that had come after him, he flee into a room. He breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed where he was. Medication. Here. He opened cabinets, nearly ripped off the little doors, unsteady hands went through the collection of bottles. He seemed to instinctively know what he was looking for.   
A few white bottles, light beacons in the black night. Jax took them and strolled downstairs, to the cafeteria. He thought like a child. Gross, he never swallowed pills without anything to drink ofcourse... Would there be hot cocoa? Jax reached the cafeteria, and grabbed hold onto the first thing that seemed to contain liquid. Oddly-shaped, glass bottle, nearly full. Whatever.   
Jax opened one of the bottles, struggling with the child's lock at first. Then, on the edge of despair (because he could hear the hissing in the night, and felt like losing himself more than he ever had). he spilled whatever the white bottle contained into his gullet, and took a few big pulls of whatever was in that oddly-shaped, cold, glass bottle to wash the pills away with.   
Hm... didn't taste nice. Sort of sour and with this weird taste Jax couldn't really define, and he didn't feel like going through the trouble either. He downed whatever was left in that bottle, feeling it could never be enough to let him sleep -what could be enough?- and used the bitter, colourless liquid to help swallow it down again.   
At this point he already started to feel a bit dizzy, but he didn't care. Good, it was working, now he just needed more. He opened the other white bottle (once again struggling with that damn child's lock) and swallowed the pills in it, in little groups, washing all down with a few good swigs from that glass bottle. Which, Jax concluded, didn't even tasted that bad.   
Good. Bottles empty. Oh, glass bottle too, nearly. Well, who cares, it probably wasn't that important, right? Jax became to dizzy to care about that, or even to think about what the word 'care' meant. Everything seemed funny and simple all of the sudden. A fantastic, velvet-drowsy haze took his mind over. God, finally, sleep... Jax stretched his arms, ready to physically embrace some sweet dreams.   
His sight faded away, and he fell down against the counter. He slipped away into unconsciousness with a delighted smile on his face. Nothing. But. Peace. And. Rest. Finally.


	28. Precious blood

PART 19: PRECIOUS BLOOD 

_One day, it will happen_

_One day, it will all come true_

_One day, when you're ready_

_One day, when you're up to it_

_The atmosphere will get lighter_

_And two suns ready to shine just for you_

_I can feel it_

_One day, it will happen_

_One day, it will all make sense_

_One day, you will blossom_

_One day, when you're ready_

_An aeroplane will curve gracefully_

_Around the volcano with the eruption that never lets you down_

_I can feel it_

_And the beautifullest fireworks_

_Are burning in the sky just for you_

_I can feel it_

_One day, one day_

One day, one day… Could this be that day? He could see his mother standing next to his bed, dark hair framing her pale face with the kind, gentle features. A light of love sparkling in her eyes; the only one who had ever loved him. Jax still believed that she was the only one ever to love him.

And oh, she had sang for him. Beautiful songs, with that melodic voice of her, following a tune that slowly went over waves on a calm day of spring, shooting under the glass-like watersurface like a playful dolphin at one moment, when his mom would sing sparkling songs with a cheekily wrinkled nose, bouncing like a dog, when she sang happy songs to him, and flying like a bird, when she sang serene, slow songs, filled with words he couldn't understand.

She always promised him the same. Filled the air around his bed with music, made a protective web of threads of the finest silk, and while singing like an angel, promising him that one day it would happen, one day everything would be fine… one day he would feel happy.

He waited so long, even after she left, taking her songs with her, crushing the protective web. He never knew where she left to. He couldn't imagine that she would just leave him alone, for strange reasons it was better to think that she was dead. The fact that his mother had died would be easier to handle than the fact that his own mother betrayed him, whispering promises in his ears and kissing him on his forehead before he went to sleep. It seemed fitting in a way too. Jax could just imagine here, singing in the heavenly choir of angels. She had the voice for it.

And he could imagine her watching over him. 

In all his misery… he would still have his mom, a silent guide, someone watching down on him from heaven.

Until that mere thought just wasn't enough anymore. He just didn't want to be alone anymore, he didn't want to have to face it anymore. He wanted to be free and careless, like he used to be in his dreams. The childish dreams he had before the filth and poison crawled in, nestled in his head and took over, re-arranging his psyche so that his sleep would be haunted by nightmares. No more nightmares, please. Just peaceful, deep sleep dreaming.

He remembered vaguely that he had gotten out of bed, finally fed up with this. If he wasn't awake, dying for some sleep, he was having a nightmare. If he wasn't alone, tormented by his own demons and 'visions', he was with the others, which wasn't much better because it was a crowded chaos. What he needed, really needed, was an escape. Some sort of hatch to crawl out of this life, dimension, universe, or whatever it was, and suddenly feel the sun hit your face, tumble onto the fresh, green grass and noticed, filled with amazement, you have ended up in a much better place.

Did he really stumble out of his room, going through all medicincabinets in a daze, after which he made his way down to the cafeteria? He could hardly remember that… He did remember he ate something, with this nasty drink, whatever it was. But all of this was a silent, foggy memory in the back of his head. And what did it matter anyway? That strange world was over now. No more need to think about it.

He had fallen asleep. Felt himself slowly floating away into a dim land where there were no demons, no pain. He was in a forest, that was decorated with blossoms galore, and a slight snow was falling down onto the paved path. And out of the mist came his mother, looking just like the day before she disappeared, save the black eye. She was looking beautiful, her face serene and clean, her eyes sparkling, dressed in a white robe. She sat down against a tree and stretched out his arms to him.

"Jumi,"she called him. It was her special nickname for him, as she thought the name James to be cold and strange. She had called him this, even though dad had hated it.

Jax got tears in his eyes, as he tried to understand. He was here, with his mom. Everything was going to be okay now. He had joined her in that dream, that dream that lasts forever, the one they can never wake you from.

He stretched out his hand to her, trying to touch her fingers, but the most horrifying thing happened all of the sudden. The forest was stretched out, and the tree his mother was leaning on, slowly moved away from him over a dark, flat heath. He tried to grab her hand, screaming her name, but further away she went.

Jax shook his head in horror, and made to go after her, when all of a sudden someone grabbed his shoulders and pulled him away.

Jax was in other shock, as the surroundment seemed to flash a few times, like a Gameboy when the battery runs out, then faded away into a weird light. Sounds hit him from every direction, startling him, screaming and making his ears pop.

What in God's name was going on.

"Oh God, oh God,"a voice said. It sounded like a whisper and a scream at the same time, it seemed to be speaking in slow-motion, it was both thick and light as a feather… if mist could talk, it would sound like that. But where would a voice like that come from? Where did it take his mother to? 

"What do we do?"

"Well, I don't know; why are you asking me?!"

"You should know! You're the one…"

What were these enigmatic voices, bickering, consistently increasing and decreasing in volume? Why were they so chaotic and distorted, what was this strange, rushed argument about? Were they the ones that altered the surroundment? Why did they do that him; what did he do to them? He didn't even know them? And why did they take his mother from him?! He wanted her back… Where was she?

Those strange hands that held on to his shoulders, wouldn't let go. They kept pulling him away from his perfect dreamworld, robbing him off every chance to go after his mother. They were pulling him back to… the real world. Oh no, how could they wake him up?

"What do we do?!"

"Well, I don't…"

"Raja!"

"Er, er –salt water! Salt water will make him throw up!"

The voices mingled into eachother, forming a strange quilt of chaos, fluttering, angry birds. An order was given and Jax heard footsteps echo. He tried to make his sight and his head clear up. Also he tried to make away from those hands that kept him from going back into that dream… but he simply wasn't strong enough.

The echo of the footsteps came back and something cold was pressed against his lips, accompanied by a high voice saying: "Drink it. Drink it, Jax!"

Jax turned his head, unwilling to do anything for these weird, cruel beings. All he wanted was to go back… back to sleep. So nice and peaceful and perfect.

"This is all my fault,"one of the voices said.

"Knock it off and do something useful instead!"

The voices were still arguing, still pressing that cold thing against his lips. Someone held his head and opened his mouth, and whatever was in that cold thing was poured into his mouth.

Jax winced at the terrible taste, trying to force it from his mouth. He felt something sour coming from his stomach, cluttering up his throat. He tried to hold it back, but couldn't. He spit out his last meal –for as far as you could call a cocktail of sleepingpills, paracetamol and alcohol a meal.

Someone turned his head, and Jax had an unpleasant flashback, bouncing around in the back of his mind. He was laying on a stretcher, fighting and trashing, while a strange white light on the ceiling was blinding him. From the corners of his eyes he could see people in white running around, holding on to him, doing who knew what with all sorts of weird devices. "Put him in restraints. Give him 5 milligrams of valium…" Distorted echo's, leaning against the back of his skull.

The glass was brought to his mouth again and he didn't even try to resist; the salt fluid went into his throat and once again he threw up. He started to break into tears, confused and scared.

"What are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know anything else! Don't worry, sweetie, it's okay,"one of the voices said in a kind voice, as calm as the situation allowed her to be. A nice, cool hand on his damp forehead.

No, Jax thought, it's not okay. It won't be okay, because you ruined it. I didn't ask you to bring me back… I never asked… for anything… Exhausted, both mentally and physical, Jax drifted back into a dreamless state of unconsciousness.

*

Raja placed a hand on his forehead, wiping the wet strands of black hair away, and the tears that were drying up on his face. She bit her lip, angry at herself. She couldn't believe he had actually gone that far. Trying to kill himself. She didn't know how much had been left in the pack of paracetamol, the bottle of sleepingpills, not to mention the winebottle, but put together it was undoubtly a pretty lethal cocktail.

I should've paid more attention to him, Raja told herself. We're supposed to be a tribe, taking care of eachother… This could've been prevented.

She wasn't the only one feeling guilty. There was Zion, ofcourse. He was supposed to be sort of a big brother, to Jax, although he had been sick lately, ofcourse… Then there was Trojan, who had shouted out in all the commotion that it was all his fault. Raja didn't have a clue why.

She kneeled by the side of the boy, ruffling his hair slowly. She could only hope everything would turn out okay.

*

Jax awoke to the sound of a dog barking. The sound circled around him like a thick fog, entered his ears and bounced, echo-ing, through his skull, leaving his temples throbbing. Jax groaned. He never had such headache before in his life, his stomach hurt, and he had a strong, sour-salty taste in his mouth, that left him nauseous.

In conclusion: he felt awful.

Luckily, there was a faint dizziness, the feeling as if he was floating, to ease that pain and discomfort a bit. His mind was clouded, foggy. He could hardly remember anything, and it was hard for him to open his eyes. Then again, why should he…? He was just fine here, laying in his bed, an overwhelming white shimmering through his eyelids.

Wait a second? White? Bed? Something wasn't right with that, but what…?

Now Jax had to work really hard to get his mind out of that damp, thick fog, that made it almost impossible for him to think. There had been something he had set out to do. If he could just remember… he felt lost, not was it. But not pleasant, like the floating state he was in right now, more of a not-a-single-person-on-this-planet-likes-me-or-gives-a-damn-about-me-way. He wanted to do something. Kill the pain on the inside, maybe by causing pain on the outside.

He had felt so… utterly lost and desperate, like nothing could ever be set straight again. All he wanted was to be like a child again, simple and easy, like he was when he was a baby, wrapped in a warm, fuzzy blanket, held by his mom. His mom… he had wanted to go back to her, and leave this rampant chaos, this bizarre world he felt like a stranger in.

He took extreme measures… Yes, yes, he remembered it all now, he was looking for a way to sleep, to sleep forever, to just fall into a pleasant dream, never to be awaken again. That's what he wanted.

So did he succeed? Who knows… If only he could remember. If only that dog would stop barking in such an annoying way, causing his head to hurt and his brains to spin around. If only he could open his eyes; but the light was so bright.

"Hush, Yentle,"an all too familiar voice said sharply, and the dog shut its mouth right away. What a relief. 

"I can't believe he actually did this,"a high voice said… a voice that was also familiar in a way. "We should've paid better attention to him. We let him down, now look what happened."

"You have no reason to blame yourself, Raja. If anyone's to blame-"

"Look, this whole 'it's my fault'-thing won't do anybody good, and it won't help Jax either. We had so much troubles, we started to forget that we were a tribe. A tribe; like brothers and sisters, people that are always there for eachother. We have to get back to that again. Forget the past. We're gonna change things."

Jax heard the dog pant by his side. Well, that wasn't much better than the barking. The warm, stinking breath made him want to throw up even more. "Could someone… get that dog away from me,"he mumbled, word tumbling into eachother, making the sentence unclear.

"He's awake,"someone whispered.

"Would the rest of you just get out of the room, I doubt he needs visitors now, okay. Yentle, come on, go with Dart and Aaron,"a honey-like voice said. Jax felt something wet on his face and realized it had to be the dog's tongue, but after that, the animal finally took off. 

Some of the voices he had heard faded away, echoing slightly.

What in the world was going on? Where was he? 

Jax decided it was finally time to open his eyes. He blinked a few times against the harsh light of day, falling through the window, reflecting a hundred times because of the white walls and ceiling. He saw two faces, his dizzy mind made it seem like they were floating around him like angry hornets.

"Jumi,"Jax whispered in a hoarse voice, using his mother's nickname for him, as if itt was a magic word that would be able to protect him against the weird turn of events.

Things started to clear up in front of his eyes. Walls and ceiling were separated, the floating feeling stopped, and three faces became one: that of a baby-faced girl with golden eyes and strands of tired honey-hair falling down her face. Her lips moved and the sound seemed to come in slow-motion: "How are you feeling, Jax?"

Jax all of the sudden snapped from his dreamy state, his mind was ripped out of the clouds that eased the pain. He realized perfectly well where he was.

"No, no, no, no,"he repeated over and over again.

"Don't worry, honey, it's okay,"the sweet voice –Raja, he realized- said, and a hand was placed on his skinny shoulder. He hit it of. He didn't want them here. Because it would mean that he was still in the same place, the waking place, where everything was cold, harsh and painful. That place where he didn't want to be. He wanted to go back to his clouds, his fields of mist, his warm, fuzzy feeling. He wanted to return to his dream.

They ruined it for him. They woke him up. Why? Why did they do that? Was it merely to hurt him or something? Were these beings really that cruel? He had finally made up his mind, and then they had pulled him back. It wasn't fair.

"Jax, sweetie…"

"Leave me alone!"he shouted in a voice he hoped would be powerful, but just sounded hoarse and feeble to him. He felt his cheeks being stained, wet and burning. He hated everything here, everything. Everything… but one. One wish that could never be fulfilled, one thing he could never have. He couldn't hate that person… but that person hated him.

Raja bit on her knuckles, clearly shocked, and her eyes turned glassy and wet. She was trembling a bit, and Jax would've normally felt sorry for her… Nut not now. He wasn't in the mood for sorry. They did this to him. Ruined it all.

Let them know what it's like to suffer.

Raja slowly turned her head to someone else, that Jax hadn't noticed at first. On the other side of the small hospital-room, Zion stood. Jax hadn't seen him for a while, and broke of the flow of angry, twisting, poisonous thoughts to twist his head and be a little amazed.

Zion didn't look like… well, like that person Jax remembered. That cool kid, strong enough to take on everyone in the nabourhood. He looked pale, his eyes were matte and laid deep in their dark sockets, he had an aura of overwhelming tiredness over him, he looked a lot skinnier, pretty pitiful actually, in that grey T-shirt and boxers he always slept in and still was in, in spite of the fact that it was in the middle of the day.

Jax turned his head and saw Raja was in nightwear too. She wasn't skinny too. Pale too, but Jax could see the difference between the colour of shock and the sickly colour Zion's skin had taken on.

Zion nodded to Raja and she left the room, looking back a few times. She locked the door slowly and carefully, like she thought a single noise would shatter the entire room.

Jax slowly turned his head to Zion, the person that was supposed to be his big brother, the only one that had ever stood up for him. The person that now, frankly, looked like a stranger. Bizarre, how things could change. How everything turned bad in the end.

There was a moment of piercing silence, that seemed to make it hard for Jax to breathe, as if someone was placing rocks on his chest, before Zion spoke: "You look bad."

Jax frowned at this simple phrase. The situation made it seem nearly child-like. And for some strange reason, that made Jax feel a little better. Not much though. He sighed and said: "You look bad too."

"I feel bad,"Zion said in full honesty, masking whatever was going on in his mind with one of his typical smirks.

"So do I,"Jax whispered. He squinted, tried to stop his tears. It was no use however, they had a will of their own. Stupid tears.

Zion lowered his head, looking at his feet. He seemed to smile to himself. "That's shared misery then,"he said, slowly and softly.

There was silence once again. Jax felt, once again, the invisible person, placing one rock after another on his chest. And he had enough of it. He had finally had enough of it; for once in his life, he would say whatever the fuck was on his mind.

"You know, I never asked for you to bring me back or anything. The things I did, I did them for a reason!"Jax spoke, harsh all of the sudden, his eyes blacker than ever. "I just wanted to sleep."

"Sleep?"Zion said, raising an eyebrow. "If you wanted to sleep, you would've taken the recommended dosage on that bottle of sleepingpills. You would've died if we wouldn't have done anything."

"I can't read, remember? Not that it would've remember, because what would've been the fucking use of the recommended dosage. I would sleep for a few hours, then I would be pulled back into the real world, I would be made to suffer again, face it all, and spend all the time thinking about how great it was to sleep… to feel nothing, really. So sleep, death; what's the difference? As long as it would last forever. But I guess I can't have that anymore, now can I?"

Zion looked hurt in a way, nearly like a kid. "We were trying to help you…"

"I didn't ask for help, did I? I finally decided to just help myself! You couldn't have possibly helped me, no matter what you did. Don't you get it? I wanted to die, for real. That would've been my salvation, my eternal sleep… You don't know what it's like to be me, Zion."

Zion shrugged his shoulders, looking at the floor. "Enlighten me then,"he said.

"This world is different to me than it is to you. Maybe some people are just not meant to live on this planet, have you ever thought about that? Has that ever occurred to you? Maybe I was just not meant to live on this fucking planet. It's torment for me. I would think I'm already dead and send on to hell. Would you like to live in hell, Zion? Don't think so either. I can't explain it to someone… that just… wouldn't know what I'm talking about anyway. Someone that has never experienced what it's like. And I don't feel like explaining it either. Life just sucks for me, to sum it up, can you understand that? I feel all… empty and cold and dead, and I don't know where this hurt on the inside, and that other, even more awful feeling comes from,"Jax said.

Zion nodded slowly.

"No, you don't understand,"Jax said sighing. "You're happy. You have Iz to fill up the dead space in you. And that's… well, really, that's all I want too. Someone that can fill up the dead space, replace it with something warm, someone that understands me. I don't have anyone like that. No one understands me. You might be nice enough, you might try to understand me; it wouldn't make any difference. I want something like… what you and Iz have. What Randy and Justine have. No more dead space. An other half. Someone to share a core with… so I wouldn't feel so goddamn empty and alone and lost. That's the thing I want most. And if I can't have that, I'll just have to go for the second best thing, right? And I did that. But then you ruined it for me."

A long silence fell. Zion didn't say anything, it was nearly like he was afraid to. Shily, he looked at his bare feet.

Jax came to himself. He never did this. Never said what was on his mind, what he wanted, why he did the things he did. It was embarrassing and hard on one side, but now that he'd gone through it… everything felt less heavy. Didn't mean, ofcourse, that his loneliness and emptiness disappeared as well. No, that would've been nice. He only felt those sharper, because he now truly realized what he longed for. Comfort, warmth and security. Like everyone seemed to have, except for him. He was lost.

"Sorry,"Jax said slowly. "I guess you don't know what to say now and all. You were never one with words."

Zion smirked to himself again.

"Or emotions. But it is the truth. I guess… I'm sorry. Undoubtly, you as a leader would want to change something about the situation, about a disfunctioning tribemember; you would try to save everyone. But, you know… like I said, maybe some people are just mistakes. Not meant to live on this planet. Not meant to have anything. Mistakes."

Zion looked up slowly. "You're not a mistake, Jax. You're a good person. You're like my little brother, and I don't want to lose you, dammit. I'm not trying to save you because I'd try to save everyone, but because I like you as a person. You. Jax. And you're not a mistake. What would it take for you to believe me?"

Jax shrugged his shoulders, left careless. He said what he had to say, so did Zion, now all he wanted was to go back to that blissful state of mind, that eternal sleep. He know Zion was just saying stuff. He would get over it. He had Iz. He had a good, complete life.

Jax was sure of the fact he would never have those things.

*

Raja was standing in the kitchen, working hard to cook something for Jax. Something that was nice, but something he wouldn't throw up right away either. Just cook for Jax, forget that look on his face, forget what he said. He will feel better soon, it's just a thing, he will feel better soon.

Raja's mind was doing overtime, jumbled, trying to keep out all the bad thoughts. She felt like she was in that story by Jerome Bixby, It's a Good Life. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, keep out all the bad things… It's gonna be okay, nobody in this tribe is lost, nobody is going to die, not Zion, not Jax, not…

Dead. All dead. All going to die. And there will be nothing you can do, but just sit and watch, and sooth the one's that mourn.

No! That's not how it will be, it will be okay, everything will be okay, it's good, it's all good, it's a good life that's more horrible than anything I've ever managed and oh god I can't do this anymore I don't know what to do anymore!!

Raja took the porcelain bowl, hurled it across the cafeteria and saw it shatter into a thousand pieces against the wall. She screamed out, as loud as possible, for any goddamn person to hear: _"Fuuuuuuuuuck!!"_

She sank down to the floor, her knees hitting the hard, cold floor, and she clenched her fists, pushing them against her legs. She wished she could cy. She wished for everything in the world that she could just cry, and hope that with the tears all concerns would be washed away, but it was impossible. She was all cried out. For good. She had become cold, shocked, scared and saddened so much her nerves were pushed to the very end, until they just caught fire… and when they had cooled down, they were cold steel… never able to cry again. Just live with the torment and be the strong element that holds everything up, makes everyone happy, until you wished on the inside that you would just be struck by lightning… but you keep smiling.

The door flew open. Dart in the opening. "Raja, I heard… I thought…" he looked around a bit amazed, saw the remains of the porcelain bowl and the food on the wall and floor, and on the other side of the cafeteria, the girl looking at him with furious, cold, golden eyes.

"Oh,"Dart said slowly and toneless, not knowing what else to say. "Y-you alright?"

"I'm fine, thank you very much,"Raja said to gritted teeth. "I just have to get something to clean this mess up."

She walked to the door-opening, but Dart blocked it for her. "I could get the cleaning-stuff, we could, ya know, do that together,"he offered.

Raja's frown disappeared, in fact, her eyebrows nearly hit the ceiling. Dart offering to help her cleaning? The world had gone insane. If it hadn't been already… But it was a sweet offer. He was more diverse than she had initially thought

"So… yeah,"Dart said, and he already turned around, but Raja grabbed his arm, tugging his sleeve. She looked at him with big halo's of gold, no expression, and that weird feeling downed on Dart. That weird feeling only she could give him. Like she knew something he didn't, like she wanted something he couldn't understand, like she was an angelic guide that was trying to make him see the solution to a problem.

Fuck cleaning, Dart thought. He shoved all thoughts and all feelings that held him back aside, and did what he had intended to do from the start: he kissed her. Dart heard a gasp and quickly pulled back, afraid that he had done something wrong, this one time he had acted on his emotions…

But he could just see her smiling at him, in that angelic, enlightening way only she knew how. Her smile was… brilliant. Raja pulled him to her and kissed him back. He held on to her tight, afraid to let her go, this Buddhist Angel. Because if he did, everything could go back to normal, he could be thrown back into the cold. He let her warm him, melt all ice away, all fear of weakness. 

He fell into the saintly trance caused by her inner light, let her immense beauty and magical sensitivity surround her. _Lightly restore my blisses, go nowhere_… He lost all care about the fact that it was considered a weakness… not loving her would be a sin, and he wasn't going to let go of this chance, not anymore. He had not allowed himself to feel sorry when he turned her down, drove her away the first few times, but he couldn't lose her again. Not again. He would not give up this chance.

The broken porcelain bowl lay shattered around the cafeteria, completely forgotten.

*

_Through the warmest cord of care, your love was sent to me_

_I'm not sure what to do with it, or where to put it_

_I'm so close to tears, and so close to simply calling you up_

_And simply suggesting_

_We go to that hidden place…_

_Now I've been slightly shy, but I can smell a pinch of hope_

_To almost have allowed once fingers to stroke_

_The fingers I was given to touch with_

_But careful, careful_

_There lies my passion hidden, there lies my love_

_I'll hide it under a blanket_

_Lull it to sleep_

_I'll keep it in a hidden place…_

_He's the beautifullest, fragilest, still strong_

_Dark and divine_

_And the littleness of his movements hides himself_

_He invents a charm that makes him invisible_

_Hides in the air_

_Can I hide there too?_

_Seek solice, sancturary_

_In that hidden place_…

Hidden. 

All along his love for Jax had been hidden, even to Trojan himself. He had been denying the truth so badly, that he couldn't see the obvious: he loved Jax. Everything about him: his childlike innocence, his shyness, his delicate nature, his dark hair, the fact that he'd rather hurt himself than someone else… all there is to love about a person.

He just wanted to seem normal, the kid that his person wanted, the person everyone would like. No freak. Not the thing the other boys at the school he used to go to considered it to be.

But things had come to an explosion, and now he just couldn't do anything but being honest, admitting the facts to himself: he loved Jax. He didn't know how it was possible, all he knew was that that was the way he felt, and obviously nothing was going to change about that.

He would have to accept it. Accept who he was. He couldn't hide for himself, and for Jax, forever. _Be yourself_… A line from a song, from the old days perhaps? Always remember to be yourself… even if you're different, it couldn't matter less… it's always other's opinions on the lowest, your own feelings on the highest shelf… lose this point of view, only then you'll find happiness. 

Had he ever been happy over the years, hiding his true self? He couldn't remember ever feeling happy. Just empty, like nothing could please him.

Jax had tried to commit suicide. Maybe if he would've admitted to himself, been himself sooner, been there for Jax, all of this wouldn't have happened? Probably. So it was all his fault, then.

He knew Jax liked him. The darkhaired boy had continued to follow him, smile at him, even after everything that happened. But he, Trojan, had punched him in the face, shouted at him, told him to get lost, left him in utter confusion.

All his fault.

And he had to set things straight, before it would turn out to be too late.

*

Iz woke up in the middle of the day, wondering what the hell had happened. Her whole body was cold and stiff, and she felt awful. She soon noticed that she was in fact in a bathroom, sitting on the cold tiles that had an unpleasantly green colour, taking shelter underneath a porcelain sink. What was she doing here?

Oh yeah, she remembered. Raja had told here everything. She had pushed the girl for it, and now that the truth was out, she would've rather had it had gone left unsaid. What's done is done… is done and done…

And you just leave it alone and don't regret it.

Iz looked up, slightly amazed, wondering where that voice came from. It sounded so unlike her own… unlike any voice she had ever heard. And it didn't connect with her feeling, because how could she not regret what happened; the only man she loved was about to die.

"Not yet."

There was that voice again…

"He is not going to die yet. In fact, he might not even die at all. But he will for sure if you give up hope. You can't do that. You have to stay strong, even if it's just for him… and this baby. His baby, the one you're carrying inside of you. Yes, he might die, but would it do him any good if you spend the coming months only looking towards that one moment, sulking and grieving about something that hasn't happened yet? Right now you have to be strong. Bad things have been happening lately. Very bad things. The tribe needs help, all the help it can get. And you can do your share. I can see the strength inside of you, Izabella. You've always ran away from troubles, shook them off, gave them out of your hands… But sweetie, you've grown up now. You're not a child anymore, and you have to handle problems yourself. You can do that."

Iz frowned. This wasn't her own inner voice. This was something else. Something she could hardly understand. That voice… she could be sure of the fact she never heard it before, yet it sounded so familiar. It was on the tip of her tongue. Iz thought hard, trying to form a face with that motherly, knowing voice. She could see wild, dark hair, beautiful eyes, a structure of face unlike her own… a woman she only knew from pictures.

"Mom…?"Iz stuttered.

She looked up to see that beautiful woman from the photographs, right in front of her. She kneeled down and grabbed her daughter's cold, sweaty hand. Her mother's hand were so warm, they took away the pain. But how could this be, her mother died, way before the Virus even. A dream? Or a fantasy…?

"Sweetie, I've never really died; you kept the memory of me alive, remember? I've always been by your side, supporting you, watching over you. That's what mothers are for, right? I'm so sorry I couldn't be around when you were little, but I watched you grow up, and every single day you made me proud. There is great strength inside you, child, power you don't even know of. You can help pull this tribe together. You can take care of this baby. And I know how much you love Zion, and that love won't fade away. Nothing will get in between of that, if you just expand your mind. Even _if_ he dies, you will still be together, like I'm with you. I've always supported you when you had it hard. And now I'm helping you to get it back together. Don't fear death, Iz. I know you're scared to be alone, but if you look beyond, there is no loneliness. You've fallen, and now you must get up. Do what you have to do. And help this tribe get it back together. I see great things for you, Iz. I know you'll continue to make me proud."

"Mom,"Iz stretched her hand out towards the older copy of herself, trying to touch her, but it faded away. "Mom…"

*

Iz sat up with a gasp, her eyes wide open. She looked around: green tiles, small windows, porcelain sinks; she was still in the bathroom. What the hell just happened? Was she dreaming? It was all… just a dream?

Iz sighed and got back on her feet again. She looked at herself in the dirty mirror above the sink. What a mess she was. She tried to organize her hair a little with her hand, wiped the eyeliner away that was smudged around her eyes. Better.

She looked deep into the dark eyes that stared back at her from the glass. Strength… there's strength inside of you. 

Iz could still hear the words ringing through her head. She had always ran away from her problems, sank into depression when something went wrong, gave up and decided that you might as well lay on the ground forever after you've fallen down. But what was the use of that?

That was something children did. And she was not a child anymore. She had grown up, and it was time to take on the responsibilities that belonged with growing up. 

*

Iz slowly entered the room she now shared with Zion. It was cold and white, the frosty air was blown in through an open window. As if a person in a video that was played in slo-mo, Iz shuffled to the window and closed it. She couldn't allow the room to become cold, or colder than it already was. She had to think about people's health here. Her own health… she had to stay in fit shape for that baby, that little bit that was no more than a tadpole in her belly now, but had its own heartbeat. She could no longer rely on others, be someone else's child. She would have to take responsibility, as she would soon have a child of herself. That tiny creature, growing inside of her, warm and cozy. Soon it would grow its own little arms and legs, its own fingers, little nose and lips and toes… A copy of herself, or of Zion maybe. Zion…

The room seemed even colder without his presence. If you took away the fun they had here, you would just see it for what it was: a small hospitalroom, decorated years ago by someone with no sense of atmosphere, devoid of the things that made a place feel like home.

Iz set down on the bed. She heard the springs of the bed make a groaning noise, perhaps like a person that had breathed out his or her last breath in this bed, ages ago… after that there was a piercing silence, and she let it overwhelm her.

She picked up one of Zion's shirt, that was laying carelessly on the untidy bed. Zion nor her were great fans of cleaning.  She smiled a bit and shivered as hit by lightning, because of how… normal it seemed. She held the shirt against her chest tightly but gently, and let the scent sooth her. She felt the fabric the shirt was made of… fingers of smooth mastery, fingers that nicked candy from the store… back then they were chubbier and smaller… fingers that went through the fur of Trixie, her cat; fingers that went through files at school to change grades or get rid of bad notions, fingers that obeyed her mind's command to cheat on test, fingers that felt the dewy smoothness of the petals of wild roses, when they were still living in the woods, fingers that stroked Zion's chest… Something that seemed so natural, could very well soon be a memory. Then she'd only have fabric of clothes which she'd touch intensely like a blind person, to remind her more accurate of what things used to be like…

Live for the moment, she reminded herself, and she put the shirt down with a bit of a sad smile. She looked at it as it lay on the bit, a bit crumpled and with a dirty spot (tomato-sauce?) on it, and she could just cry at the sight of it.

"What are you doing?"

Iz looked up shocked, disturbed in her reflections, to notice Kera standing in the door-opening, still dressed in her white, linen nightgown. That was kind of a surprise, seeing as it was in the middle of the day, and Kera was the person that always woke up early and hated laying in bed or walking around in your PJ's for too long. Then again, Kera _had_ changed lately.

But there was something else that concerned her a bit; that glassy look in people's eyes, the unnaturally pale complexion of her face, the powerlessness of her voice. That's what people are like when they've just seen something shocking, something so bad that they'd rather just shake their head and go off to sit in a corner silently.

"I was just…,"Iz contemplated explaining it to her, but came to the conclusion that she just didn't feel like it. Too tired now. "Where's Zion? Where are the others, for that matter; it's so terribly silent."

Kera's eyebrows nearly hit the ceiling. "You mean, you don't know? You didn't even notice anything?"

"Noticed what?"Iz muttered a question and her heart already felt like it started freezing, because oh god, what if Zion already, what if…

"Jax tried to kill himself. Chased a bottle of sleepingpills away."

That was such an unexpected answer, that for a few seconds, Iz's face just froze (she realized later this would've looked very funny) and she didn't know what to say.

"Er… what?"

"He tried to commit suicide. Sleepingpills, paracetomal, booze, he just swallowed it all. Good thing Raja was around, who knows what else might've happened,"Kera said, shaking her head and looking in the distance.

Iz was so confused about her own emotions for a second, that she thought her brain would just shut down any second. She wasn't able to fully take in the words Kera had just uttered. So Zion was okay… Oh, thank God, thank God! But Jax was…

"Oh… Dear God,"Iz finally said, not knowing anything else to say. "But… but is he okay?"

"As well as circumstances would allow him to be. He'll make it. Like I said, it was a good thing Raja was around, she knew what to do,"Kera said.

Yeah, Raja, Iz thought. Raja knows what to do, Raja knows the answer…

"Are you okay?"Kera said, speaking in a loud voice to penetrate Iz's lethargy.

Iz looked up, amazed. She was silent for a while, just taking her time to look into Kera's eyes… fascinating herself with the true compassion she found there. Kera actually cared about how she was doing? But…

"I thought you hated me,"she said weakly.

"How's that?"Kera said, speaking with a voice in which it was hard to discover a certain, clear emotion. Iz's jaw dropped. Unbelievable.

"But, we cat-fought and all. You called me a slut, and a bitch, and then you went into depression and all, because I took Zion from you!"

"Oh, that,"Kera said, and her eyes got that distant look again. "That… I've thought about that long enough; I'm over it. It was just a vicinity-infatuation. You didn't steal anything, he just loves you. It was about time I realized that. I guess Justine is right: he isn't the only guy on the planet… in contrast to what I've believed the past couple of years. We have to grow up, right?"

Iz nodded slowly, looking at the floor and frowning, as the words Kera said rolled through her head… a nearly eerie repeat of what her mother said in that dream. Kera was about to walk on again, when Iz said: "I saw my mom."

Kera stopped and turned around slowly, with big eyes. "What?"she asked.

"In a dream,"Iz said, still not facing Kera.

"Oh." Kera's eyebrows dropped immediately.

"Have you ever had those dreams that seem so real, that you can't tell the difference between life and dreaming anymore? It was one of those dreams. I saw my mother, and she looked exactly like on the pictures. She told me things I needed to know. Do you ever dream about your mother?"

"Not really,"Kera said. She looked down and her eyes, as well as her cheeks, seemed to be glowing with shame. "I hated my mother, to be honest. I feel horrible saying it, but I nearly felt happy when she died."

"Oh,"Iz said. She stared ahead with those weird eyes… nearly like she was still dreaming… and it was like she didn't even hear what Kera said. The brownhaired girl balanced on one feet, feeling quite uncomfortably. "So, yeah… I have to go again,"she said.

"You could've been leader, right? If Zion would leave… the tribe's already a mess. You could help organizing them, right?"Iz said with a flat, monotous voice.

"Erm… right,"Kera said, feeling more uncomfortable by the moment. "Well, I have to go now, there are a lot of things to be done." And she walked away, leaving Iz again.

*

A silence had fallen in the room. Jax was rather happy with it. He rejoiced in silence, and didn't know why other people always hated it that much. Why they always had to break the spell by talking out loud right away, the minute someone fell silent.

Zion was still sitting on his chair in the corner, looking down, making weird figures with his hands. Jax couldn't resist the urge to smile a bit, sadly. That was the Zion he knew again. Whenever emotions were involved, things got tricky for him. When he opened his mouth, no words would come out, until the situation confused him so much that he just slowly walked back into a corner. Like now.

Knock on the door, slow and nearly shy.

Zion looked up amazed. "Who is it?"

Jax's eyes grew large when he saw it was Trojan opening the door. He stood there in the door-opening, sort of lost, like he was captured in the frame of a dark portrait.

"What is it?"Zion said.

"I like to speak to Jax,"Trojan said. "In private."

Zion looked from Trojan to Jax, nearly looking relieved because he wouldn't have to face that awkward silence anymore… so he shrugged shoulders and left the room, closing the door gently behind him, just like Raja had done.

Trojan looked Jax straight in the eyes, more sincere and open in his attitude than he had ever been. "Why did you do that?"Trojan asked.

Ofcourse Jax knew right away what Trojan was talking about. But the power he had felt when Zion was around, the power to just say whatever he felt, was now gone. Trojan's silver look made him feel weak in the knees, so just said: "Several reasons."

Trojan looked at him blankly for a second, then obviously decided to drop this subject, which made Jax breathe a sigh of relief. Trojan started pacing the room, every now and  then opening his mouth. But whenever he was about to say something, he just stood there, with his mouth open, like a fish on the dry. Then he closed his mouth and started pacing again.

It was hard for Jax not to chuckle, as this, in a way, looked funny. But it fascinated him as well, because it obviously meant Trojan had something important to say to him. Something you couldn't just spit out, but something you had to think about first, carefully construct. Jax's interest was caught.

"The thing is…,"Trojan started. "Fuck this is hard,"he muttered, and he started pacing again, every now and then casting a nervous glance in Jax's direction. Just ask me, Trojan thought. Ask me if I love you. But Jax kept quiet, his sparking dark eyes fixed on Trojan.

Goddamnit, screw this, I'll just say it. I don't care, I'll just say, I'll have to say it or I won't survive. "I love you." There. He said it. "I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you, that time I hit you, and I probably confused you… I was confused myself, you see. It was all about you. I didn't. Everything I did, strangely enough, was because I liked you. A whole lot. But I didn't want to know myself, but now… I just can't do it anymore. I had to say something. I'm sorry if I'm scaring you, but I have to know. I have to know if there's even a single, slight possibility you'll ever feel about me the same way. If not, I'll just leave, coz this whole thing is just getting too hard on me."

Jax felt like the world disappeared for a second. Everything went black in front of his eyes. He didn't know if that was a side-effect of the sleeping-pills… When his dizziness faded away, he looked at Trojan, who stood there, arms hanging down his side in a lost, insecure way, his face set on anxious expectation.

Jax smiled, felt his hands shaking. "Would you… sit next to me?"

With big eyes, Trojan pulled the chair Zion had sat on to Jax's bedside and sat down on it. Jax slowly moved forwards and kissed him, choosing not to answer in words. He moved back again shily, but with a smile. He wasn't alone anymore.


	29. The vengeance apple, part I: Miss Kita r...

PART 20: THE VENGEANCE APPLE

Dart groaned and rolled around as the cold winter-daylight flowed through the window and hit his face. "Is it morning already?"he thought or said. He closed his eyes, hiding himself from the harsh light of day, ruining the velvet smoothness, tenderness and peace of the night.

He saw the girl lying next to him, sunlight making her eyelids glow and brightening the face framed by long, loose hair, making her look like some sort of madonna. Dart looked at Raja in full awe. She was… spectacular. How come he didn't notice it before? How could he have been so unfair, well, so shitty to her?

Well, never mind. She was with him now, and that was all that mattered. His girl, the one that enlightened him. She wouldn't go away, or take advantage of his moments of weakness. Would she?

*

Zion yawned at the arrival of a new day, not feeling very rested after yesterday's events at all. He was very worried about Jax, hardly able to close his eyes tonight. Trojan had promised to keep an eye on Jax during the night… but even with that thought in the back of his head it was hard for Zion to go to sleep. He wandered in a No man's land, somewhere between slumber and waking, grey and motionless.

Then, when the sky started to light up, he figured it was no use and just got out of bed. He shivered when he felt the cold air in the room. There was no doubt about it; the winter had begun. Zion would've really taken delight in some electrical heating… there was nothing wrong with this natural life, as long as it was summer, that is.

He opened his eyes, wiping the sleep from them, and felt next to him, expecting to feel Iz's lush curves, but there was nothing there. Zion looked amazed, a bit sleepy, at the empty space next to him. Had she already left bed? Or hadn't she been here at all?

Zion gasped when he remembered he hardly saw Iz yesterday. His mind was completely focused on yesterday's terrible events, trying to save Jax from himself. How could he have completely forgotten about Iz; surely she too was suffering from all of this.

Zion shook his head as to get the sleep out of it, and got out of bed, shivering as his feet touched the linoleum floor that seemed nearly frozen. "I-iiiiz,"Zion hummed in a playful tone, not even knowing why. Maybe because the sound of her name just comforted him. Such a simple word, such a pleasure to say. He still couldn't believe it, how they had gotten together. He could still remember that stupid fight. What was about again? Something about Kita… But all worked out, with Kita as well as Zion and Iz. More… more than that, it didn't just work out, he found his… soulmate? Man, that sounded corny. But it was definitely true, if anyone was his soulmate, it was Iz. He had never felt this close to anyone, not even his parents or siblings. He wouldn't know what to do if he would lose her. Sometimes when he woke up, he just felt so light when he felt her next to him, and he wished he could stay with her like that forever, just laying around, always in touch with her, away from the dangers and the responsibilities of the normal world. He just didn't want to get up anymore. Just stay with her, feel her curled up against his chest, feeling as if they were both in a protective cocoon. Being with Iz made him believe that it was all possible; love, a better world, maybe even a God. He believed in their unity, he believed in her love and devotion. And he just couldn't believe how happy he was.

With all of this in the back in his head, he left his room with a smile, completely ignoring the cold. He knew terrible things had being on, and god, as the leader of the tribe he should have been taking care of those matters… he should feel guilty about feeling this good right now… but he couldn't help it. He wanted to find her, make breakfast for her, make her happy too. Make her forget her cares, because she didn't deserve to be sad.

Walking over the hallway, he saw Aaron playing with a toy-car. The kid had never seen any cars drive, ofcourse, and he had gotten the wrong impression about them, as he made the car skip up and down and made horse-noises with it.

Zion saw Raja jump from her room, light as a fairy. She nearly skipped down the hallway, similar to a schoolgirl, and her hair, that should've been in pigtails, bounced up and down. She picked her son of the ground and held him high above her. "Wanna go make some breakfast, my little man?"she asked playfully.

"Me hungry!"Aaron said in all-out-excitement.

Zion smiled when he saw that little scene and thought: Well, at least I'm not the only one who can't resist being happy.

The next door he passed was that of Jax's room. This is where his heart sank into his shoes again, remembering what took place yesterday. He hoped Trojan had made Jax feel at least a little less bad… It really surprised him that Trojan had wanted to watch Jax for the night, as Trojan didn't seem the kind of person for those things.

Zion was about to knock on the door to see how Jax was doing today, but that same door was already opened and Jax came out. If Zion would've been a cartoon-character, his jaw would've fallen to the ground and his eyes would've hit the ceiling when he saw Jax's face. The change was so obvious. Everything about Jax seemed lighter all of the sudden. He nearly seemed happy. A smile was about to break through on his face, and it was a sincere smile, not a faked one.

"Goodmorning Zion. What's up?"Jax said. It was a miracle he spoke like this what so ever, and his tone seemed so different… it had lost that monotonous, slightly doomy, 'who still gives a fuck'-ring. Zion shook his head, hardly able to believe this radical change. 

"Hey… Jax. You're looking better,"Zion said, not really knowing what else to say. 

"I feel better,"Jax said. Zion was unpleasantly reminded of the conversation he and Jax had yesterday, which was nearly a clone of this one, just in the negative way. Jax yawned and stretched. "A little tired though,"he said. "I've been up for… well, all night basically. Not because I couldn't sleep, but… because I didn't want to sleep. That's something new, isn't it?"

"Why… didn't you want to sleep?"Zion asked, still a bit confused and searching for the proper things to say.

Jax looked at him intensely, with serious eyes. "I've spend all night talking. To Trojan. And that took all night. I never expected I'd have so much to say. I didn't want to at  first, but Trojan convinced me that it was better to talk, and he told me stuff about his past too. And… I guess he's right. It is better to talk. I was just never able to really talk to someone the way I wanted too. Not to those shrinks. And well, to be honest, not even to you. I was so convinced no one would understand me, or would think of me as a freak, that I nearly forgot how to talk. But Trojan understands. I told him everything."

"What you told me yesterday?"Zion asked.

Jax looked away, pondering. "Among other things. More than that. Like I just said, everything. And he understands. I was scared at first, but not anymore. He doesn't think of me as a freak. Not. At all…"

Zion felt a bit dazed. "I don't understand,"he said.

Jax smiled kindly. "You will. I'll tell you when I'll feel like it. But right now, I'm very hungry, so I'll go see what Raja is making for breakfast,"Jax said, and gone he was again. Zion shook his head. That was plain… unbelievable. What did Trojan say… what did Jax tell Trojan… to accomplish such a change? It could nearly be called a miracle.

"Better. I feel much better." Jax's words ringed through Zion's head and the leader breathed a sigh of relief. Better. Everything was going to go better now. Something told him that. Deep down inside…

Suddenly, he picked up on a strange sound. Sounded like someone was… throwing up? Zion went to check it ou, and saw Iz coming out of the bedroom, pale and teary-eyed.

"Izzy? Are you okay? I heard…,"he began, but he was quickly interrupted.

"I'm fine. How's Jax?"Iz asked.

"Listen, Izzy, I'm terribly sorry, but yesterday so many bad things were-"

"Erm, I just… asked how Jax was doing,"Iz said. She looked at him with big, clear eyes. Zion realized there had been nothing vicious in her voice when she asked about Jax, it had not been directed at him as an insult for not spending any time on her yesterday.

"Well, er… Jax is… Fine. Jax is doing fine. Surprisingly good even, he seems a lot… er, happier,"Zion said in a soft voice. "But I asked you how you were doing."

"I already told you, I'm fine,"Iz said, still a bit shaky.

"You don't look fine. And I heard you throwing up. Iz, lately something has been going on with you. I'm worried about you, you know? I want to know what's up,"Zion said, and his tone told her 'no backing out.'

Iz looked up at him with big, dark eyes, losing herself in her gaze, letting her mind become a chaos. Maybe then she wouldn't have to come up with an answer… She didn't want to come up with an answer. What would she tell him? Oh dear God, he looks so happy, how could I just… 

"Zion…,"she started, her voice broken and insecure.

Zion's eyebrows raised slightly, his expression urged her to keep talking.

"I have to tell you something. This is a pretty big thing, and it might be tough for you to accept, but… I don't know how to say it, except for… No. I'll just say it: I'm pregnant,"Iz said. Was that what she had meant to say…? Her mind didn't provide her with an answer to that question, just jumbled letters flashing through her head: I… am nature's puppet.

Zion just stared at her with open mouth. His eyes were unnaturally big, looking like they were about to pop out of his head. He looked nearly comical like that, frozen in amazement. "That… I… You're pregnant?"he managed to get out.

She bit her lip and smiled. "Yep."

"You sure?"

She nodded.

Zion looked like he didn't know what response would be most fitting, but he had to think of something before his mind would explode. He scratched his eyebrow, then all of the sudden yelled inarticulately and pulled Iz into a hug that made her feet disconnect with the ground.

"Oh my God… Oh my God… Oh my God… Oh my God,"Zion said. He opened his mouth again, gasping as he tried to think of a better phrase than 'Oh my God.'

"That's unbelievable. Izzy! Izzy! T-that means… I'm gonna be a dad. I mean, that means… Oh fuck, I've never been a dad before, I've never even done any babysitting, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do,"Zion said. He walked a few nervous, very small circles before freezing and looking at her. A huge grin made his face split.

"Wait… I gotta go and tell this to the others,"Zion said. He raced through the hallway and went down the staircase in two big jumps. He nearly ran the door down, entering the cafeteria, where half of the tribe was already assembled.

"Hey, guess what?"Zion said, nearly bouncing off the walls. The tribemembers looked at eachother. It wasn't often they saw Zion excited –this was the first time they witnessed something like this, actually- and they figured this had to be somewhat pretty good.

"My girlfriend is pregnant!" Zion nearly screamed the words out.

In the silence that fell you could have heard a needle drop. The tribemembers looked at eachother with eyes as big as baseballs, mouths hanging open. Randy looked at Zion, blinking. "Dude. Your inflatable doll can't get pregnant. Just… let the air out."

"Cunt off, I am not like you, I don't have an inflatable doll,"Zion said, rolling his eyes. "I am talking about Izzy."

"Oh God, Iz is pregnant?"Justine asked in a high squealy voice that hardly seemed to suit her. "Oh, I don't believe this. Wow, I never pictured her as a mommy. Oh, this is so cool, where gonna have another baby here. Hey, Aaron would have a playmate."

Justine smiled at Raja, who just laughed like she had a bad tooth-ache. Nobody was telling her anything new, just rubbing those facts in her face, shattering last night's happiness. Yeah, Iz was pregnant. But, and the darkhaired girl had obviously forgot to mention the other fact, Zion would never see his son or daughter grown up… Chances were he wouldn't even be around anymore when the child would be born.

*

Breakfast was completed in quite a hurry. Everybody was too excited to eat, after news like that. A baby! And it was Iz of all people who was pregnant. Half of the tribe went to check up on Iz after breakfast (something she undoubtly didn't need, but that was a whole different story), others had important business to attend to, and eventually it was just Scott and Kita staying behind. It was their turn to do the dishes. It was done pretty quickly, laughter and kissing in between.

Scott put the last clean plate in the cabinet and threw his towel down carelessly.

"So, what do you want to do now? It's a beautiful day, we could do a bit of Christmas-shopping,"Scott said with a playful smile.

"Christmas? Here?"Kita asked, eyebrows twisted.

"Why not? We could cut down some tree from the park and put it here in the cafeteria… It would look quite nice against that boring wall, I bet. And I'm sure the Christmas-decorations are the last things the kids took when they plundered,"Scott said.

"You are nuts,"Kita said, taking an apple from a platter.

"It would be nice to have a little party. It would help us feel our unity, as a tribe, and stuff like that."

"I think the tribe is doing quite well. Jax looked a lot better,"Kita said, and took a bite from her apple. "Ah, last fruit of the winter. Soon we'll have to rely on canned goods and stuff like that again…"

Scott looked at her, serious now. "How are you doing?"he asked.

Kita furrowed her brow; as usual, not in the mood for talking. "Don't ruin the moment now, Scott,"she said, annoyed.

"I just want to know. You had another nightmare last night…"

"And?"

"And… I just want to know if you're okay?"

"Look, I don't remember, okay? I don't remember anything of the damned time I spent with whatever sick fuck that took me away. And maybe it's for the best. Now shut up about it,"Kita said and she turned her back to him. Suddenly, the scene changed. The colour and light seemed to drip of the walls, and everything seemed to go dark. Voices she heard, dark and muffled… One of a girl, scared and broken, the other one of a man, low and threatening, another one… her own?

Kita gasped. This place… This place, I remember this place! Oh God…

The man came to her, a shadow leaning over her. She tried to crawl away, but hit the wall with her back. He grabbed her wrists, so hard that they would be covered in bruises in the morning. Oh, god, go away… He caused her pain, fear, and left her for dead… No, no, that last thing was wrong. He had come to her with a knife, standing in that doorway, his dark silhouette framed by light… and she could see the knife shining… And she had gathered all her strength, bravery and willpower, made a run to him, and bashed him down… And she ran and ran and ran and ran… Until she finally reached the strange, tall building that somehow seemed most like home, ready to collapse on the cold ground.

"Kita…,"Scott said, insecure, and his fingers brushed her arm.

"Don't touch me,"she shrieked, and backed away with tears in her eyes. The apple dropped from her hand and rolled over the floor. She sank down against the wall, her whole body shivering.

"What's wrong? Baby, what's wrong?"Scott asked, panicking.

"I remember!"Kita said, her voice breaking as she started to sob. "I remember where I was, I remember who took me, I remember what he did to me! I remember it, I remember it… Oh god,"Kita groaned, tears streaking her face.

"It's alright, sweetie, you're safe now, it's okay. It's okay, don't worry. J-just tell me what you want, okay?"Scott said, his voice shivering. He was doing his best… he was never really good with these kind of situations, but he was really worried about Kita.

"I want…,"Kita whispered, her voice hoarse.

"…?"

"Revenge,"Kita said harshly, her eyes shooting fire. She get up, clenched fists trembling, and Scott followed her out of the cafeteria.

The apple that had fallen from her hand, came to a stop in a shadowy corner of the cafeteria. There it lay, forgotten, and there it would slowly rot and wither away.

*

Summer or winter. For you, I can be both. Warmth or frost. Sun or snow. Right now I am Sun, the cold ashes and coal of my eyes ignited for and by you. Light in the black pools, I see everything in a brighter shade all of the sudden. The world isn't cold, it just sparkles because of the frost. The skies have cleared up.

"I'm cold,"the boy said. Who are you? You're like a book you simply have to read in one night, because you can't wait to unveal the mystery. Gorgeous… I'd loved to unveal your mystery, treat emotions as carefully as the thin, ever-fragile paper. But leave parts covered my mist… because I would only love you more because of it. Is that even possible? _How do I love thee? Let me count the ways_. Words spark back to memory, a schoolplay, words that are meaningless until…

"I'm not,"the other says, playing with a strand of black, his face, fragile and coloured like porcelain, revealed, adorned by a nearly childish smile. Innocence floats of his face, forming such a great contrast with the world outside it would make you cry. He is oblivious to the cold stream invading the poorly-isolated room.

"Ofcourse not,"the one with the silver eyes says, reaching over slowly… Why can't live be a movie? Why can't you fast-forward the things that are bad, or play the things you love over and over again? I would play this into eternity, until it would be hardly much more than a soothing, velvet echo. He touches the hand of the boy with nightcoloured hair, and indeed, he doesn't feel the cold that's tormenting his own hands. He makes connection with both, silently persuading the other one to let him share in that heat.

Pale hands. Thin, slightly crooked fingers, spread and tapping elegantly, to a tune only he knows. He would like to bite those fingers, that rosey flesh with the little stars. Would he go that far? 'People won't understand that',a voice not unlike that of his mother says. 'They'll think you're angry or mean, while you're only trying to be nice.'

Little star. Star-eyes, star-hands. Tiny bumps where the fingers connect with the rest of the hand. Four stars on each hand.

"I don't have those,"he says. "Pretty."

He waits for the other one's modesty; your hands look nicer. Luckily, no such comment comes. The blackhaired boy is silent, closes his eyes with a serene smile. Then disconnect hands and says: "Yeah. My hands were… my mother's pride."

Silver eyes rest on the little star, a pillow is rearranged; get comfortable. An enthusiastic request; tell me about your mother. Jax smiles, happy to answer to it, and tells about his mother, the way she looked like _madre Dio_ in her white robe, the sincerity of her smile, all her little songs. A beautiful elf-princess, the Titiana of a little house in the middle of the city, frail and in the possession of endless black silk for hair. Not blessed with any Oberon, suppressed by the lord of the house, until black silk just went colourless, and she only had two options left: escape or die. Jax remembered precious moments: laying in bed, his mother's warm hand against his face, listening carefully as her beautiful voice lifted a simple lullaby out of its averageness. He devoured the stories about her youth, her parents, the Old Country. She proudly said all roads lead to Rome- the ancient city, once the crown of an empire, where she was born. Later she moved back to Siena, where her parents originally came from. Her name had everything to do with the roots of her parents. Catharina had been, in the Middle Ages and nowadays still, Siena's most beloved saint. Catherina of modern days was Jax's own favourite saint, a Madonna with an angelic smile; his mother. He talked Italian with her (even though his father hated it), listened to her rants about horrendous discoveries –pineapple pizza's, for one- lovingly. And then she just vanished, without a trace. He couldn't believe Mama would leave him like that. He figured she would come back to him someday; she wouldn't leave him with that man he had to call his father… but she never returned. In the end, all hope lost, Jax figured that because of Catherina's beautiful voice, God had wanted her to sing in His heavenly choir. And so, He called her to Him.

"Your mother sounds like a great person. Unlike mine. She was a bitch. Enough said. I hated both of them, cold and stuck-up, bloodless freaks. Though I did feel bad when they died… But not because I missed them. Because I didn't. What do you think, doesn't that make me sick. Doesn't it make _you_ sick…?"

"No,"Jax said, shaking his head to put an emphasis on that one words. Big eyes, halo's of night, with a sphere of daylight in them. Oozing innocence and naivety. God, is there any way for me to love you more?

Trojan smiled, thanks. Jax smiled at the simple word, feeling a warmth he only felt around his mother, melting away the glacier inside of him that had grown ever since her disappearance. "You didn't reject me. You don't hate me. I don't make you sick. What could you possibly do bad enough to make me hate you? You accepted me… and it still feels strange. Nice though. I don't feel so empty anymore. You dared me to express my feelings to you. For that… _grazie_."

"You should teach me Italian some time, it sounds like a great language."

Jax nodded, feeling so light on the inside, he'd think he could easily float away. He holds on to the bed carefully, smiling as broadly as possible. "I would love to." To exchange those words again… to exchange experiences, to feel alive, to forgive, to love, is divine. This couldn't possibly pass… Please God, don't let it be too good to be true.

"You have a nice voice. In only heard it once, that time you were playing the guitar?"Jax asked and wrinkles his nose, not in disgust, but of pure joy. Trojan nods slowly, and Jax lays down against him, curling up like a puppy.

"Then sing something for me,"he demanded, leaving no room for objection.

Trojan was silent for a second and looked a bit amazed, but smiled and gave in eventually. The words ringed through the room, some sort of heavenly echo that lifted his conscience. The only thing that kept him in contact what the earth, were the simple, light words, that touched him so deeply he could cry. "_Little star_…", vibrating tones healing the soul, while touching Jax's hands and letting fingers smoothly run through the raven hair. A bright star. My star.

*

"Kita! Kita!"Scott yelled, running down one of the various hallways. There were so many of them, the problem was that they all looked alike. God, it was like a damn maze here, and he couldn't find her… Scott bit his lip and his vision blurred, as he thought of Kita, and that look of pure horror and pain she had on her face… Whatever she remembered, it must've been awful beyond compare.

Scott tasted blood –he had bit his lip too hard. But he was oblivious to that, all that mattered to him was Kita. She had looked so frail and helpless, so scared and tormented, when she sat in her corner… Her eyes glazed over as if she saw things he couldn't say, and she probably _did_. Felt and heard things he couldn't see. Things from that horrible time, that grey area in time, the two weeks she had spend away from her tribe, God knows where. 

Scott had never felt a stronger love for her. His compassion for her was so big, that he shivered at the thought of what might have happened to her. The image was burned in his mind; the girl he loved, crying in a corner, terrified. He could hardly stand it, and the idea that she was alone while being in a state of mind like that, made him call out her name again. Where did she run off to? Ten seconds ago she had still been in his sight.

Where was she?

His mind had just brought forth that question, or she shot into eyesight, so suddenly it made Scott gasp. She stood in front of him, her muscles trembling with pure fury, and her eyes were filled with an all-consuming fire. And… she was a knife.

She seemed like a woman possessed, and the hate in her eyes would've send everybody run screaming. She looked down at him, from under heavy eyebrows, her eyes dark water, polluted pools. A breach had occurred, rage flowed like water pouring from a spigot, and Kita was obviously going after the poisonous source.

She looked very determined, and even calm in a way, like people are when they're going mad. Scott was, to say in the least, slightly taken aback why her gaze that shot fire, and staggered back a little. "Kita…,"he said shocked.

Her dark eyes trailed over the hallway and rested on him. She looked at him viciously, her mouth a thin line, and she was eerily quiet.

"Kita… what… what the hell are you doing?"Scott asked in a voice that wasn't much more than a whisper. Silence at first. Then: "I'm going to… pay someone a visit." She carved air with her knife. Such hate in her eyes… What could've happened to her, what horrible thing, for her to become so angry? Scott hardly dared wonder.

"Kita, sweety, listen to me. I know you're angry…,"he started, but it was vain. She snapped at him. "No, you don't!"she yelled. "You don't know anything! You… don't… know… shit!" Tears welled up in her eyes.

"I was trapped there. I was fucking trapped in this hole, in the dark, with that… that… I thought I was going to die, I knew for sure! And the things he did to me, I can't… It was so _fucking awful_…! I never… Just, don't tell me you know, because you don't know anything; you don't know what it was like!! I was stuck there, I hardly knew anything but pain, I was scared all the time! Scared of him, scared I would lose myself, it was goddamn torture! And you could never imagine…" Her voice broke, jumbled words, and tears streaked her cheeks.

Scott felt all feeling disappear from his body. He was standing uncertain on his feet. Now, how could he possibly know what it was like, what she went through? What could he do to help her? But God, he wanted to help her so bad, she looked so forlorn, so sad, so filled with hate… Tormented. And he didn't know what she had been through, but he was empathic enough to become weak in the knees, feeling the total devastation that radiated off her. Her eyes would kill him. He had to do something, something, anything, as long as he could make things right again, take away her pain… Beautiful Kita, you don't deserve to be in pain.

Scott looked up at her, shaking his head slowly, dumbfounded. His head felt like it was stuffed with cottonballs. "Kita, baby, ofcourse I don't know, but I care. And all I want to do is just… help you."

She looked him straight in the eye. "Good."

*

Zion continued to grin at her. "And if it's a girl, we could call her Kathleen, that was my mother's name; I love that name! Or something from Lord of the Rings, I read that book ten times when I was a teenager. We could call her Galadriel, that's easily cut short to Gala. Or Arwen! You know Lord of the Rings? Arwen was this Elfen-princess, she was darkhaired and beautiful, and I could just picture a daughter of you looking like that; yeah, an exact copy of you,"Zion went on and on, the smile never leaving his face, his eyes sparkling as if he was a toddler released in a candystore… it was hard for Iz to hold back her tears. She, sitting opposite of him, did her very best to smile back, but she felt her heart pound heavily and painfully, and with every throb, she felt her eyes got wetter. Soon he would notice it, and then she would have to tell him what was wrong. She couldn't lie to him, she could never lie to him. But _how_ could she possibly tell him what was wrong, shatter his happiness? It would be inhuman. But then again, keeping this thing as a secret… even more inhuman?

She didn't know what to do, and it was driving her crazy. If only she felt nothing, it would've been so easy for her, but know she couldn't make an objective choice. She had never felt such emotion weighing her down, making every limb feel so heavy, her eyes wet and her chest like it was being crushed… Every morning she woke up, wishing she didn't, because there was the chance she would look at Zion, and see the features she loved frozen in time. She would go insane if she was faced with his death, she knew it for sure. She would go insane and maybe that would be better, because she didn't know what to do with those feelings… How she wished to be emotionless at a time like this, an ice-queen, a robot, like she once was. But those days were over; Zion changed her for the best and the worst. She was going to pay back her happiness with a greater sadness than she ever knew, she would be frozen, broken beyond repair. He made her want to feel like glass. Frail she became. Wished she was still cold metal, like once, something that wouldn't break when life tried to shatter it.

'I could just picture a daughter of you looking like that; yeah, an exact copy of you,'Zion had said. Or an exact copy of you, Zion, Iz whispered in her head, words dry and carrying the last precious bit of comfort last for her. Her last hope, she thought, as she laid a pale hand on her belly.

"And if it's a boy… Er, well, then… you can think of the name! How's that?"he asked childishly enthusiastic, expecting to see his mood reflected in her. But she just sat there, looking out of the window with dead eyes, legs pressed together and hands folded on her lap, vision of a creature from the mist.

"If it's the boy, I'd call him… Zion,"she whispered without thought, her eyes focused on the snow-covered world outside. Her voice broke, she couldn't help it, she was only made of glass… The slightest crystal tear dropped to the ground in silence.

"Izzy, what's wrong?"Zion asked, sitting down next to her.

Iz looked him straight in the face, lost in the green eyes that, in spite of his arisen concern for her, still shimmered with happiness. Make a choice… Make a choice… One thing or the other, and whatever you choose, it'll all be fucked in the end anyway. There is no escape. We are not in control.

Iz opened her mouth and was hardly able to utter more than a broken groan at first, but found her voice back. An eerie silence took over her mind, a mist grabbed her heart and made it shrink as she plastered on a smile and said: "There is nothing wrong with me, I just can't believe we're having a child. It's so strange…" Bitch. Liar. Look at you, with your serene smile. What will you do when he collapses, say it's just a bug. The bubble will burst eventually, oh yes girly, no one can keep a surade like this up.

Zion's smile, if it were possible, grew even bigger. "You've got nothing to worry about, Izzy. I'll take care of you and this baby. I know I haven't been around for you a lot lately, what with all the troubles in the tribe, and my health causing problems. But it's known that as soon as the frost melts, it all gets better. I mean, that has even got to be a saying, right? The tribe will be a lot happier once we get back to our beloved wilderness again. I can smell it already. The trees, the fresh flowers, the pure soil, the wild scent… You liked it too, didn't you?"

"Y-yes…"

"I'm so sorry we had to leave. It only cost us a whole lot of trouble, but if we stayed there, we would've probably frozen to death, y'know. That would be a pity too."

Please, Iz thought, please stop talking to me like that. Please don't look so hopeful and happy…

"We'll be back soon, though,"Zion went on, his happiness making him oblivious to anything bad going on. "Back to our hippy-lifestyle and all, and our child will be born… You know, I liked the name Kathleen better. Like my mom was called. Or Zion, yeah, it could be a boy though, but I'm really hoping for a girl, what about you?"

"It doesn't matter to me…,"Iz said in a toneless voice, her eyes glazed over, looking like her soul had left her body.

"Hm, you're right, it's our kid and I'll love it anyway, what does it matter if it's a boy or a girl. Heh, you know, don't give your Fearless Leader any weird looks, but I'm actually pretty good with kids, if I say so myself. I came from a big family… Hm, didn't I already told you about that once? About my younger brothers and sisters? I really wonder what they are doing now, I miss them… But knowing them, they're doing okay; they're survivors, I thought them that. And I'll teach this baby everything it needs to know too, I'll make sure it will grow up happy and feel loved." Zion giggled, looking a tad manic. "I can't believe it, Izzy." A tight hug. "We're going to be parents. Hey, you know what an occasion like this needs? A party. And a nice meal! I mean, it's in the middle of the winter, so we're not exactly talking cornea-copia-situation here, but I'm sure we'll manage to do okay. How about it; a party? It will bring this tribe closer together, it needs a bit of teamspirit and cheering up. Yeah. Yeah? Okay! Iz, it'll be good for us, it'll be sweet… I'll make sure. It only gets better from now on." Zion got up and left, probably to prepare that feast he was talking about.

Iz shivered and inhaled sharply. No. She'd rather be dead, if it meant not having to go through this. Float down the Styx, emotionless and grey… What was this fucked-up thing called love –something she never had to deal with before- and why did it have to tear her apart like this? What was she doing her? Why did whoever spins and cuts the threads up there, had to make me fall in love with you and then play this sick joke; taking you away from me again?

A groan turned into a sob and she buried her face in her hands.


	30. The vengeance apple, part II: On the pro...

PART 20:THE VENGEANCE APPLE 

"Raja?"

No response.

"Raja?"

Again, no response. Dart poked her as gently as possible. The girl's eyelids fluttered, but she simply groaned and turned on her other side.

"Raja?"he asked again.

Finally, there was some sort of answer. "What?"she said in a sleepy, hoarse voice.

"Do you know what time it is?"he asked.

Raja sat up, shook the sleep out of her head and rubbed it out of her eyes. She gave him a funny look. "You woke me up… just to ask me that?"she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, er… yeah,"Dart said.

Raja looked around, still a bit dazed. The sleep was slowly seeping out of her head. "Oh, I don't know… Er… I went to get breakfast and let you sleep, and then I came back and just fell asleep again." She opened her mouth in a wide yawn.

"No way, I slept through breakfast?!"Dart said, a disappointed look on his face.

"Yes. A once-in-a-lifetime-event; you didn't get up before sunrise… Then again, that wouldn't really be possible, seeing as we didn't fall asleep before sunrise,"Raja said casually, stretching her arms and laying back, running her fingers through her hair, so it would be spread across the pillow.

Dart looked at her and found himself grinning slightly, recalling last night's events.

Raja didn't look happy though. "You probably should be happy you didn't show up at breakfast; it sucked,"she said, and turned her back to him again. Dart frowned. Well, this was something special. He was finally in a good mood, then she depressed him with the bad mood she usually never asked.

Dart lay down slowly, looking at the ceiling. "What's wrong?"he asked slowly, even though he knew he probably shouldn't ask.

The shaking of Raja's body and some stifled sniff informed him of the fact that Raja was crying. "It's Zion,"she said, shaking her head.

Dart, being one of the few people to know about Zion's condition, sat up straight in bed right away. "W-what, what's wrong with Zion?"he asked, fearing the worst.

Raja turned to look at him. She wasn't one of those women that cried in an attractive way; her eyes were red and swollen, and Dart felt a sting of pity and love for that honey-haired girl.

"Everyone was just so happy it didn't seem right. It's… Iz is pregnant."

Dart's eyebrows nearly hit the ceiling. Now this provided him with a seriously deranged mental image. Iz… pregnant? Iz… a mommy? The thought of the bitchy, immature yet independent girl carrying a baby around, nearly made him choke with laughter. But the fun was quickly killed and his face dropped when Dart realized why Raja was sad.

"Oh…,"was all he managed to say.

Raja shook her head again, the only thing she could do in her position, and let her tears stain the white sheet into a depressing grey. "You should've seen Zion at breakfast, he was _so_ happy. He was going on and on about what name the baby should have, and how great it would be… I bet he pictures one little happy family. Iz told him about the pregnancy, but not about his condition. Zion doesn't realize he won't see this child grow up, Dart, he might not even be around anymore when it'll be born."

Dart felt something in his troath. Strange feel. He didn't recall ever having that before… "Are you sure it's that bad?"he asked in a careful voice.

"Yes,"Raja said definite, as if judging someone to death-penalty. "I am."

*

Zion entered the cafeteria, where he could only discover two people at the moment: Justine and Randy. Randy was sleeping with his head on the table, Justine was doing a half-assed job washing the dishes, leaving specks of filth on every plate. She was cut off from the world outside, listening to her favourite metal-band through her discman, for which she probably stole the few batteries they had. Zion would've said something about it… but, he was feeling far too good and optimistic and cheery for that at the moment.

Well, these two were the only ones that could help him with the party-feastmeal-thing. Iz shouldn't have to do anything ofcourse, Kita, Scott and Kera were nowhere to be found, Zion didn't want to bother Jax, or Trojan who constantly seemed to be emerged in deep conversations with him (Zion was just happy someone finally managed to get through to Jax) and Dart and Raja… well, frankly speaking, Zion could only imagine one thing those two were doing right now: boinking. Which was probably good, because Raja had seemed so down lately, and Dart, well, that guy desperately needed to get laid. So, he didn't want to disturb them either. Which left him with only two tribemembers that could help him: Randy and Justine. Oh, joy…

Zion took a few steps closer to Randy, who had a look of bliss on his face and snored softly. "Say, Rand…"Zion said. Zion closed in, standing next to Randy, and brought his face close to Randy's ear. "Rand, wake up…,"he said in a whisperish tone. 

"You're quite welcome, Miss Lopez… Oh yeah, that tasty whipped cream… No Jen, the black dress, the black one… Yeah, yeah, yea-heah,"Randy muttered inarticulately in his sleep, his grin becoming broader. Zion raised an eyebrow at being given an idea of Randy's dreams. He shuddered a bit, then screamed in the boy's ear: "RANDY!!"

Randy gave a yelp, his chair toppled over and he fell on the floor, looking dead.

"Well… that was unexpected…,"Zion said.

Randy got up with a fiercesome growl, rubbing the back of his head that had hit the floor hard. Justine finally turned her attention to the world around her and put her discman away, preferring to watch this scene with an amused smile.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, man? Are you trying to kill me!?"Randy yelled and stomped Zion in the chest, using all the power in his skinny arms. Zion twisted his eyebrows and looked down on Randy, who was a head and a half smaller and three times skinnier than Zion. "Eh…,"Randy said with a sheepish smile, and he wiped the dust of Zion's shirt. "I was just… kidding about all that."

"Whatever,"Zion said, rolling his eyes. "Look, I got a favor to ask of you two."

"What do you want?"Justine asked.

"A party!"Zion said.

"Erm, why?"Randy asked. Zion slammed Randy against the shoulder in a friendly manner, which nearly made Randy slump down.

"Does one need a cause for a celebration?"he asked.

"Not in my book,"Justine said with a grin.

"Well, a party then. It'll bring the tribe closer together again, it needs that. The two of you could get some music and…"

"Booze?"Randy cheerfully asked. Justine rolled her eyes.

"A party ain't a party if there's not something to drink. Or food. There has to be a meal to go, a feastmeal."

"Eh, Fearless Leader, there's not much food,"Randy said.

"Well, if I say there will be a party… there will be a party. So serve yourself for all I care."

"And… get everyone food-poisoning?"Justine remarked with a devilish grin.

"Ahem! I can't imagine I'd be that bad, and besides, who did you guys want to eat first when you were about to resort to cannibalism, back in the woods?"Randy asked, crossing his arms across his chest with a smug look on his face.

"So it's okay for us to eat you?"Zion asked.

"Hm? No!"Randy yelled. Justine laughed evily. 

"Whatever, can you guys get some stuff for a party?"Zion said.

Justine shrugged her shoulders and smiled her trademark 'whatever'-grin. "I can get you pretty much anything. A month and a half is enough for me to get to know my way around a city. I'll get you food, music, erm… hehe, new batteries, some champagne… I could probably even get you coke!"

"Let's pass on the last thing,"Zion said, rolling his eyes.

"We have accepted the mission, Fearless Leader,"Justine said. "Come on, Rand, let's go."

"Oh… now?"Randy groaned. "But it's coooold outside."

"Randy! Mission! Now!"Justine said and left the cafeteria with firm steps. Randy groaned one more time, then followed her. 

*

"_Mounted guards… Mounted guards… When will you come by again? If it's not because of an accident, maybe for me then? Mounted guards… Woohoo… Oh, mounted guards… How I love you… Mounted guards… and… and, er, my favourite colour's blue! Mounted guards, oh, mounted guards! Come by, please don't dote… and just shit all over the road… I've waited so long… when will those mounted guards finally come along? Oh mounted guards, I've tried_-" 

"Will you shut the fuck up?!"Justine hurled a shout to the singing Randy, her breath forming furiously cold clouds in the air.

"I was only singing…,"Randy said in a shy tone, looking at the ground.

"Randy, sweetie, your singing is suicide-inducing."

Randy sighed and looked up. "Hm? That Scott and Kita?"

Justine looked around, "Where? I don't see anyone."

Randy frowned. "I could swear I saw them,"he said.

*

Scott was chasing after Kita, panting and trying to ignore the stinging in his sides. His feet kept getting stuck in the deep snow, whereas Kita strode over it as Jesus walking on water. "Kita, honey, please wait…,"Scott said. Kita ignored him completely, she just walked on with firm steps, knife clutched in her hand.

"Ki, just hold on a sec, come on… Where are you going?"

Kita stood still and looked ahead, seemingly oblivious to Scott, the snow-covered world around here. She held her knife up and let her finger slip against the blade. The silver glitter of the knife… She gasped as her environment seemed to change.

_Quick, fast, look here, look there. Sparks of light in the darkness, never a good sign. A silver glitter, a shadow in the doorway… A knife_.

Kita held her head, hardly able to believe what she saw. She walked on, not really concentrating on what happened. The surroundment faded into something new, and trusting upon some sort of deeper instinct, a memory thought long lost, she walked on, as if in a trance.

"Kita…,"Scott whispered.

Kita knew where she was going.

_Forced down, a man, her torturer. The knife a golden sparkle in the darkness of her isolation-chamber. A scream from a female… Her own scream? Using her last bit of strength_…

Kita gasped as the flashbacks became more clear. She knew she was coming close to a certain place, deep down she knew it, and the closer she came to it, the more started to come back to her.

_Yelling to grant herself power, Kita pushed the man of her. A growl was heard, but Kita paid no attention to it. Limping, dazed, starved and bloodied, she ran out of her prison as fast as she can. She went through a maze… And ran right into the frosty, star-strewn night, to the place she considered to be home. There she collapsed, and when she woke up, all knowledge of what took place the last weeks had been cancelled from her memory_.

No… not completely cancelled. The horrors had simply been suppressed, but now it was all coming back to her, so clear it brought tears to her eyes. She didn't even feel the cold anymore, the pain in her legs, she was driven by something… something she wouldn't have been able to explain if she tried.

Scott tried hard to keep up with her, confused and dazed, wondering what in fuck's name was going on really. Were they actually doing this? Scott's mind was a whirlwind, all he could do was run after Kita, while she led the way. She nearly drove the blizzard away, he could feel the blazing hate radiate off her, a searing fire that would burn all. It dragged him along, and he finally got a little insight in how people could transmit their hate to others, creating armies… His fists clenched, he wanted to kill. Nobody that had hurt his girl, would get away with it.

The big steps she was taking to get through the snow, accompanied with the speed she was moving with, nearly made it seem like Kita was skipping instead of running. _Boys and girls come out to play_… 'Oh yes,' Kita thought, looking at the blade shimmer in her hand. 'We're gonna play a little game. One of us will enjoy it a lot, the other one is going to end up wishing he were never born.'

Feet moving light yet firmly through the virgin-white snow, suddenly came to an abrupt stop. A shadow against the wintergrey air that was filled with elecricity. A house, brownish black, two stories high, doors and windows blocked with old, moldy planks and duct-tape, shards of plastic floating around window-sills in the blizzard.

Scott came stagger-running up, and paused as he finally reached Kita, who was staring at the house, her eyes glazed over. Scott was panting, his breath searing in his troath, and he rested his hands on his knees. Then he suddenly noticed the change in Kita and he looked up. That house. He didn't even had to ask Kita, he already knew it. She looked at it without blinking, her eyes black as coal, scarily determined.

"W-what do we do now?"Scott asked, slightly scared and still not sure of anything.

"We enter,"Kita said in a monotonous voice and she approached the entrance of the house. It had stopped snowing and no other living thing was to be seen, the whole surroundment was drenched in an icy silence. And in the center of this scene, was the house, cutting out a part of the sky, dark and ominous, like some sort of haunted mansion. Scott looked at it and figured he must have looked like he was in trance. The house forced some sort of terrified respect of you. It somehow seemed like the perfect place, the setting for a cruel play.

Kita reached for the doorknob, and saw a strange, slightly transparent shadow of the door, being thrown open. A ghost-version of herself ran through the dooropening, through herself, into a cold night. Kita slowly shook her head to rid it of the confusing flashback.

She turned the doorknob, cold iron, slowly and the door opened without trouble. It brought forth a creaking sound, like the last moan of an old dying man… and the way to the panther's den lay open. Kita felt her stomach sink to her feet, looking at the dark hallway that stretched out behind the dooropening. The walls a burgundy red, a blood-colour to her, filled with pain, screams… of all the girls that were kept here, the girls that were tortured here and eventually… murdered here. 

Names flashed through her memory… Ayanda, Sarah… Names she heard her kidnapper utter, whispers in the dark, confusing her… names from his past; the human pets he had kept. She thought about the names, said a quick prayer for the dead girls and moved on, Scott right behind her. 

The darkness closed them in quickly, as they stumbled through the hallway. A stench filled the air, burning their nostrils. "Dear God, it smells like a pigsty here…,"Scott said –the first thing he uttered apart from Kita's name since they left the hospital to go on this deranged quest- and he covered his mouth with his hand.

Kita, in her head, didn't quite compare the smell that had poisoned the air in the house to that of a pigsty. This reminded her of another, very unpleasant scent, something she had smelled only once before… but it had left an inerasable impression on her.

The answer dawned at her, darkening her mind and squeezing her heart. She smelled it before, when she found her mom lying dead in her hospital-bed on day, her brains rotten half-away because of that colourless, fungus-like thing that had infested her head. It was what she smelled when after days, she had finally gathered the courage to go to the room where her dad laid sick in bed… She hadn't heard a sound for some time, but she had been to frightened to check. And when she opened the door, she nearly fainted, not only because of the horrendous sight, but mostly because of the stench. It was Kita smelled when she flee the city she was born in, the city that had already been invaded by the dreaded Virus.

It was the smell of death. A nearly sweet smell that made you want to fall to your knees and puke your guts out. And this house was drowning in it.

"God,"Scott mumbled, hand still clasped in front of his mouth. Kita coughed, finding it to become hard to breathe. She was fearing the worst… no, correct that, she didn't even know what to fear anymore, her mind jumbled into the most random things, while that smell kept burning her nostrils and staining her mind.  

That fateful Eve… when the trees stank of sunset and camphor 

Kita moved along, keeping her hand connecting to the wall, scared to lose this material reliance in the darkness. She was moving around like a woman robbed of sight. Eventually she felt the wall disappear. Disappear? No wait, that had to be a… dooropening. Kita took a turn to the left and nearly gagged. The stench was at its strongest here. Who could possibly live here? A monster. Only a monster could. And Kita was now tracking down that monster, intend to rid the world of it.

A square in the darkness that was a little lighter than the inky black surroundment, indicated a window with the black plastic of waste-bags and duct-tape in front of it, blocking out all sunlight. A vampiristic decoration seemed to fit this house where that horrible smell reigned supreme.

Kita had enough of it. She walked to the window with firm steps, not breathing because she feared the smell would send the contains of her stomach racing up. She started ripping the black plastic away from the window, shards of light through dark, until enough light flowed in to clear up the entire room.

There was nothing special about it. Well, unless you were against any form of furnishing and decoration. The room was completely empty, devoid of all things that turn a house into a home. Just white walls and ceiling with paint chipping, and a floor of slightly moldy planks of pale wood. And, ofcourse, that stench that bounced of the walls like crazy.

And… hey! Kita squinted. What was that? Kita slumped down on the floor and inspected a plank with a hole in it; a plank that was slightly loose. Dazed and in a state of focused trance, Kita pulled the plank away, surprised at how easy that was. What she discovered was a dirt bottom two feet underneath the wooden floor. Kita shook her head, knowing as if depending on some unknown instinct that that plank was loose for a reason… And she pulled it up for a reason. 

She stretched a hand out to the sand. The floor was nearly like a false bottom in a jewelry-case… To hide… To hide what? Little hand with elegant fingers, shivering, as she was about to touch the sand and unveil… something. She knew there had to be something to unveil.

She bit her lip and swallowed something. Her heart was pounding for some reason, adrenaline racing to veins, fear and expectation mastering her… She swiped some of the sand away, letting her fingers go through it. _I spy, with my little eye, something… white_. Kita's heart skipped a beat. White. Something hard. The secret in the sand. She could see a glint of it, she could feel when she stretched her arm underneath the other planks. But she couldn't catch it.

Kita growled, both veins and heart about to explode, and Scott watched as she started breaking planks away. She was surprised at how easy it was, like someone had done this countless of times before. The moment she laid eyes on it, she yelped and dropped the plank she was holding, which bounced away with a loud _toink_! She fell down, shivering, and by then, Scott had noticed it too.

Something that at first appeared like a dirty-white ball, half buried in the sand. But then you saw those holes… those holes in which there had been organs to perceive the world, a hole which had been covered by the nose, and a macabre grin, that had supposed to be covered by lips. Doughy, white, and puffy parts of skin that were still left and tried to give the skull a pale, stomach-turning impression of humanhood. The holes, robbed of human life, stared up at the ceiling with the chipping paint, and the horrible, dirty grin seemed to say: "Oh, it's not that bad, being killed by a psychopath, after spending days in this world that so closely resembles hell, is not that bad, having your eyes ripped out of your sockets and die, cut off from light, family and friends; it's not that bad…"

Kita shook her head, not knowing what else to do. Silent tears were escaping her eyes. One of the girls… One of the girls whose name was uttered by HIM in the dark, and she had probably been 'put to rest' here years ago. There were cracks in the skull, heart-wrenching signs of what suffering the nameless young woman had undergone.

Her hands were trembling even more than before, she looked up and the moist white of her eyes met Scott's shocked gaze. He was just sitting there, staring, his mouth hanging wide open. 

Kita suddenly went into a flurry of activity and started breaking more planks away, uttering a groaned sob everything she ripped more of the lock on the secrets, the veil. Away, and eventually, Scott started to help here. Until they revealed what had to be a grave for the bodies of six girls, their life cut short. A small bassin underneath the wooden floor, sand at the bottom, bones sticking out. You only had to dug, and more of the disgusting secrets were revealed. They hadn't been buried carefully.

Bones and skulls, most still with pieces of skin on them… hair… clothes. The lifeless girls were in various stages of decomposition. The… 'freshest one' was still slightly recognizable. Her eyes had been turned into silver, half-rotten balls, her hair had gone pretty much colourless, her mouth was opened in a scream of horror, and bones were shining through the skin. She was the one that caused the most stench.

Kita looked at the girl, lost for all words. The eyes, nearly rotten away… White where the skin was pale… Hair a colourless mess, frail, rope-like structure… Her hands folded in front of her skinny chest spasmodic… And that mouth, opened in an eternal scream of which you could almost hear the echo. A creature, no older than fourteen, folded up here with the other girls, locked in darkness, soul ripped out of body. No friends or family around, just pain, a brutal torture. While somewhere out there, there was probably someone, waiting for this nameless young girl to come home. Someone that hadn't given up hope of the return of that girl… all those girls yet. Ignorant of the fact that they lay here, mutilated corpses, eyes bulging.

Kita stretched out and grabbed a hand full of sand and threw it, gently and carefully, over the face of the girl, locked in her cry. She brought both hands to her face and buried it in them, covering her eyes that poured salt fluid, covering her mouth and nose to stifle her sobs.

Scott got up, dazed, dizzy and close to vomiting. The world spun around him for a few seconds, after having looked at this scene, something that seemed to come straight out of a horrormovie, so intensely for the past couple of minutes. He slumped down next to Kita, still shaking and took her in his arms. He buried his face in her hair. He could, for a second, smell her pleasant fragrance, but it went lost in this death-hole, consumed like a drop of water in a raging fire. He laid his hands on her back carefully and let her wet his T-shirt with her hot tears –he didn't mind, he was close to crying himself.

It was a sudden noise that made the two snap out of this shadow of a funeral, and made them look up. Stumbling… coming from the second floor. It echoed to downstairs, and it was like something you see in horrormovies; the main-character sits at home alone, and hears people walking in the attic. The ominous feel spreads through your body and you hold your breath, because whatever it is, you know it can never be something good.

Kita and Scott slowly turned to look at eachother. The stumbling slowly died away, but was quickly followed by a smothered scream. That of a young girl. Kita casted one glance at the dead girls laying in their mass-grave, felt weeks worth of pain sear through her body, and hesitated no longer.

She grabbed her knife, clasping it firmly, and left the room, her eyes shooting fire and her mouth a determined thin line –the look she had had on her face when she had just left the hospital. Scott jumped up, cast a look at the skeletons at well, but thought something entirely different than Kita; he was only interested in her well-being. "Kita, no, wait,"he yelled after her.

But even an army couldn't have stopped the young woman. Hair flowing behind her like a black shadow, she entered the hallway and made her way to the staircase. Toink. Toink. Toink. Angry steps, in the rhythm of a war-tune, echoing through the hallway as Kita made her way to the second floor… to the source of the sound. Scott went after her, biting his lip untill he taste blood in his mouth. No, no, this isn't good. Kita, wait… It's death, it's…

One last definite toink and Kita came to a stop. She now found herself on the corridor of the second floor. It was dark here, a realm of shadows. That's where he hid, sucking the life of his victims… He was really just like a vampire. Kita grinned widely and nearly felt like she was going to go insane. 'Call me Kita the Vampire Slayer,'she thought.

Not even aware of what she was doing, Kita raised her knife higher, defending herself against this nameless danger, carving the darkness. Unwillingly, she felt fear take over again. The darker it got, the more frightened she got. More flashbacks, the pain she suffered… The 'pleasant dinner'. Being locked up in the pit of doom. Tied up with barbed wire. The pain, god, the pain. Her body violated and mutilated, naked and helpless in the darkness, and light was no relief, it only meant HE was paying another visit.

Pay… I will make you pay. No. no, I'm not afraid anymore. I'm no longer afraid, fuck it! So come out wherever you are, you bastard. Show your face. Show your face, you goddamn sick coward. This isn't over until I end it myself.

"Kita,"she heard Scott hiss, a guideline in the dark. But she wasn't responding to him, she had a mission. Did she hear something? Yes, she did… She took small steps, robbed of sight in this overwhelming darkness, her knife raised and ready for anything.

A sound. Lighthouse in the darkness. Treat it as if you're blind, rely on your ears alone, not your eyes. Reject only your fears and ignorance… and you may survive.

That sound again. A nearly humming sound, like that a bee brought forth. No, not exactly like that of a bee… this was higher, and it sounded so… oh my god, it sounded so scared and desperate and she knew that sound! It was the sound she had brought forth when she had been laying on a bed, gagged. When she forced to look into his light eyes and hear him hiss: "Sssssh. Musn't scream. It musn't scream."

She stretched her hand out… brave, because it felt like she was disconnecting part of her body, letting it go into the big, dark unknown, not knowing what would happen. She felt… something slip past her fingers. Is it… wood? She let her fingertips explore. Wood. Walk on, now, go on. Little steps. It's just darkness, you're not a kid.

Kids are afraid for monstrosities that can't be found in the dark. I am afraid of one that is most certainly hiding in the dark.

A clinging sound as the ring around her thumb hit something. Fingertips explored, made rounds around this unknown object… another doorknob? Yes, it had to be. Kita cupped it in her hand and started to turn it slowly, as if doing anything hasty would ruin it all… maybe give her away.

"Kita,"that was Scott's voice again. She didn't honour him with a response. Not now. She could feel bile rising up, and she just knew it ws the right room. Her hands burned, her eyes went large, her heart was pounding so much she feared it might explode. She _knew_ this was the room.

She heard a click and pushed slowly. A squeaking noise, an ominous, ghostly echo, as she slowly pulled the door open. Still afraid of doing anything fast. She revealed it. Her room 101. Hell. Cracks between the planks that were nailed in front of the only window let a scarce amount of light in. Just enough to find your way around.

Kita saw an unknown, shady form cowering in the corner. Thin and afraid. Kita frowned; a girl. She… she knew that girl. It was…

"Kita!"Scott called again, and that was the last thing Kita heard from him. There was a cracking sound, the one you would get when you snapped a board. There was a heavy thud and all fell silent. Kita turned around. She was standing in the twilight and looking into the purest night. "Scott?"she called. This time it was his turn to deprive her of a response, or any sign of the fact that he was still there.

Did he get tired of it and left? No, Scott wouldn't do that to her… would he?

She looked around, her heart pounding like crazy, pumping adrenalin through her veins until her eyes bulged eyes and her whole body was shaking. She heard a whimper and turned to the girl again, of whom she suddenly remembered the name: Cloe. Her face was dirty, with some clean streaks caused by tears. She had duct-tape in front of her mouth, her hands were tied in front of her chest, the skin of her wrists raw and bloody because of the harsh rope, her clothes were shreds and her hair a greasy mess. She smelled of piss, neglection and dirt, and looked, plainly, pathetic.

Kita took the duct-tape of the girl's mouth and the first thing she whimpered was: "Kita." Kita's eyebrows twisted, amazed someone would remember her name in a place like this. Suddenly there was a dull thud, about as loud as a whisper, but it was enough to catch Kita's attention; the fear had got her on her toes. With a gasp she turned around.

"Scott?" It wasn't Scott. It wasn't Scott. She knew that. Oh God. She just knew that. She sat here, helpless and alone, in the shadows where the monsters took their refuge. A caressing of her hair, an icecold finger down her back. Kita screamed and turned around, only to look into antarctic eyes. Her attacker, her tormentor, the man that had locked her in here and had tortured her, a completely helpless girl laying in the darkness, expecting to be forgotten by the ones that cared, expecting to die any moment…

Her attacker jumped on here… if Kita had thought about her actions, things might have very well not turned out the way they did, but with the anger and fear racing through her body, she grabbed her knife and with all of her strength, pushed it forward. A glistening of metal, one last flashback, and there was a startled gasp. Something warm, a fluid of some sort, dripped on Kita's hands.

Kita was sitting on her knees, shivering and with her eyes shut tight, feeling a weight press on the blade. She finally gathered the courage to open her eyes, and saw what she had done: the sharp knife had went into the attacker's body, and the warm stuff that was now dripping onto her fingers was blood. Thick and dark, indicating that she had probably hit the liver. Her attacker gasped again, his eyes bulging and his mouth hanging open. So many emotions she saw… death-struggle, fear, anger, horror, just plain amazement… Frozen in a scream, like that girl they had found downstairs.

Kita uttered a small whimper, as amazed as he looked. Hands shivering, she slowly let her bloodied hands release the knife, causing the dying man to fall back on the dirty floor, knife still in his belly, bleeding towards the same end he had caused those girls.

Cloe groaned. Kita assumed she was trying to scream, but her hoarse troath couldn't bring forth any proper noise. Kita let a soft hand go over the girl's face, though mixing blood with filth and dust on the young features, it calmed the girl. "Sssssh, it's all okay now. It's over now,"Kita said. She was talking to Cloe as much as she was talking to herself. It was over now. She had ended the nightmare.

Kita picked up on a low groan and her gaze shot to a corner of the room. Her eyes had gotten adjusted to the lack of light, and she could now see Scott laying there. He was slowly getting up, rubbing his head, and suddenly Kita knew why Scott hadn't said anything, and what that strange sound was she had hurt.

"Scott!"She rushed to his side, helping him sit up. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, my head's just spinning a bit…,"he said. He smiled at her with eyes. "Are you?"

She nodded. Scott's gaze travelled around the room, he noticed Cloe, and he also saw the kidnapper, knife driven deep in his stomach, bleeding his life out on the floor where so many of his victims had bled before. He was breathing weakly, gurgling. He pressed his hands against his stomach, trying to hold back the dark blood, but it was useless. He was going to die.

"Is he… Did you…?"Scott asked amazed.

Kita didn't use many words. She just nodded to the blade, that had nearly disappeared into the flesh… the blade she had been carrying along. Scott shook his head, wondering where Kita had gotten the power to do that. He could hardly imagine her hate.

Kita, in meantime, was busy with other matters. She untied Cloe's hands and helped the girl up. She threw her own coat around the skinny shoulders of what had once been her cellmate. Cloe's eyes wandered through the man that had kidnapped her.

"There's no way in hell he'll survive,"Kita said without much ado, her eyes cold. "Let's just get out of here." 

*

And so they did. They left the House of Horrors for what it was, and made their way through the city, ploughing through the snow, but underneath a sun that was considerably warmer, a heaven that seemed clearer. It was nearly symbolic.

They delivered Cloe back to her home, the Mall, where she was received by her friends, and Scott and Kita were thanked about a thousand times. Kita wasn't feeling up to receiving any grace though. She was exhausted, and she had killed for the first time in her life… all she wanted was to go home and forget this day. They made their way back to the hospital, and the sky became dark and star-strewn as they did so.

When they found themselves back a their home, there was actually a party going on. Randy was the one to welcome them, "Where the hell have you been all day? Come on, guys, join the party, it's awesome!"he said, while downing a glass of wine… probably one of many.

Kita slowly shook her head, dazed and tired. "No, I don't think so. Right now all I wanna do is… sleep. For a long time,"she said, and she took Scott upstairs with her.

*

That didn't stop the party from going on ofcourse. Randy was showing of his skateboarding-skills, Justine was her showing off her breakdancing-moves to one of her favourite pre-virus-tracks. And Zion and Iz were the center of attention ofcourse, Iz being the future mommy that didn't look all too happy ("Hormones?"Randy had suggested, which resulted in him getting smacked by Jus), Zion babbling on and on about the baby, little Kathleen or Zion.

The more he seemed to talk, the more Iz's heart seemed to shrink. Every word was a blow to her head, and all she could do was distance her soul from what was going on. She felt full ready to jump out of a window. _Stop it_, she thought. _Stop it, stop it now, or I will go insane, I swear. I don't know what I will do, just STOP – TALKING – LIKE – THAT._

"Kathleen was my mother's name; I'm sorta hoping for a girl…"

_Stop it_.

"I really like babies…"

_For fuck's sake, stop it_!

"I really wonder what the baby will look like, if he or she is any luck, the kid will take after Iz in looks. Well, I guess we'll just have to wait until it gets born, which is still like seven months away; damn, that's long. I can't wait to see my…"

_StopstopitstopitstopitstopitSTOPIIIIIIT_!!!!

"You will never get to see the baby, Zion!!"Iz screamed out at the top of her lungs.

It was as if someone had cut off the sound. The whole room fell silent. Randy stood on top of the table, on his skateboard, looking down at Iz with big eyes. Raja was standing on the other side of the room, shaking her head. But Iz didn't see that, ofcourse. And once the dam had bursted, there was no way of stopping the waterflow.

"You won't see the baby grow up, Zion! You are sick, didn't you notice that? You've got cancer, Raja found out. You've got cancer, Zion, and you're dying,"she said in a weak voice, broken with the sobs to come.

Kera brought a shivering hand to her mouth, Randy dropped his wine-glass. "Oh god,"Raja said, closing her eyes.

Zion looked at Iz. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but decided against it after all. She could discover nothing in his eyes. Eventually, the man she loved just turned around and left the room. Iz fell to her knees, silent tears blurring her vision. The secret was out. She felt like dirt.

*

Afterwards ofcourse, there was no speaking of a party anymore. Raja explained the whole thing to them, how she had, with all the symptoms of Zion's disease in the back of her head, went through those medical encyclopedia's in the doctor's office, and eventually found a disease that fit with the symptoms. Every day, she was getting more and more certain of the fact that her 'diagnosis' was the right one.

The atmosphere in the room was broken. When Kera eventually started sobbing, Iz had enough of it. She left the room, ignoring Raja's cry-out to her, and just strolled through the hospital for some time. Alone in the darkness, no need to put on a light. She walked past the Psychiatric Ward, and grinned a little, miserably. She remembered her first day here so clearly. That immature girl… had that really been her? That young discoverer, looking for fun and adventure… always been oblivious to the adult world, and when the Virus came, it merely freed her.

She had such fun… pretending she was a nutcase, acting like that girl from The Exorcist, bouncing up and down a bed with restraints attached to them. Looking back at that, it seemed like those things had taken place in an alien universe, a universe painted with entirely different colours. One that had been drowning in the sun. She remembered the funny look Rand had given her when he opened the door and found her in one of her nutcase-acting-sessions, grinning and saying it's time for dinner.

She remembered their first dinner in this place, a feastmeal, like the one they had this night, but everyone's spirits were light back then, and they all rejoyced in the fact that they were able to find such a good home for the winter. They had been wrong. So wrong, it wasn't even funny anymore.

That different universe. Coloured in the rainbow of a white light through a prism. And this universe. Covered in shadow. Young, silly Iz, acting and make sniding comments, laying flat-out underneath a tree in the summer, watching the cherryblossom surf on the wind, that young, careless girl. This Iz. A stranger in her own body.

Iz gave a hardly audible gasp as she noticed someone sitting against a wall. Zion?

"What are you doing?"she said in a monotonous voice, not knowing what else to say. She slowly knelt down next to him.

"Don't know. Trying to get some peace and quiet. Time alone. Time to think. You?" He uttered these words without looking at her. "Same,"Iz said, and she rested against the wall next to him, looking into nothing.

"You were kidding me. You had to be,"Zion said in a strange, forlorn voice, that didn't seem to fit him. Iz merely looked down, and that was answer enough. Zion scoffed and shook his head. "I can't be… That's just… I'll never see my baby, and I, and I'm still young, dammit, I'm not supposed to die yet! Iz, I don't wanna die, I really don't!"

Iz turned her head to look at him, saw his eyes were wet. She slowly stretched out her arms and pulled him into a hug, cradling his head against her chest. "Ssssh,"she said. "I'm here for you. I'll always be."


	31. Eloquence of the blade

PART 21: ELOQUENCE OF THE BLADE

What I need… what I need most in this goddamn world..

All I want is another chance. One more chance. It can't end like this. All was going well, all was perfect. I had Iz, Iz was pregnant, the Tribe was finally starting to do better. It was like I was in my own personal heaven, surrounded by a haze of bliss. Like in that song… is it so hard to believe we're in heaven? I guess it just comes to show that whatever goes right, must go wrong at some horrible point in life. Didn't that use to be my philosophy? Always be careful, always be on your toes, because before you know it, things will be fucked up greatly, and all you love shall be taken away. I got so happy, that I started to think all bad things left this world. Not this world… this is where the restless, evil spirits dwell.

"You will never see your baby. You are sick, Zion, you are dying!" Iz's words kept ringing through Zion's head, like some distorted echo. Those horrible words, uttered at the party that was now already a few weeks back in history. It had all gone downhill since then. Zion pondered recent events while wandering around in the white winter-world, snowflakes jumping up and down, fragile dancers in the wind. Dusted.

He needed some time for himself. The hospital had become unbearable. Zion clutched his coat tighter around him, feeling himself to be more vulnerable to the cold than he had ever been. He didn't care though. Even if there would've been a hurricane at this moment, he would've left the hospital, because the atmosphere there was just unbearable today. The silence, the quick glances, the fact that even Randy just seemed to be completely oblivious to the great passing opportunities to make some sort of sarcastic remark. The cold- no, correct that, the wall of ice that has formed between Zion and the other members of the tribe.

He didn't want anyone to come close to him, not anymore, not now. Especially not Iz, even though, needless to say, she was the one that tried harder than anyone else. She had chosen to tell him about her pregnancy before mentioning that little fact that he was dying. She had offered to go with him if he wanted to walk outside, concern radiating off her face as always, but Zion didn't feel like being around her today. He needed time to be alone.

The downside of being alone was that it started to make him think. And thinking while being in the situation he was in, was something he couldn't afford to do, because it drove him insane. He was going to die. Not when he would be all old and grey, but soon. He would probably have less than a year or something. There was that possibility that he would die tomorrow. Hell, he could die anytime. Jesus Christ, how could other terminally ill people put up with that? He would go crazy soon… And maybe that would be his sweet release, because he couldn't put up with these thoughts any longer. They nearly made him fall to his knees, screaming in terror.

I could die any time… I could die any time…

He lingered on, hardly knowing where he was going. He bit his lip, until he could taste the metal-like bitterness of blood. It was too much. He nearly felt like getting a gun and taking care of it himself, instead of putting up with this any longer. He could just fall down on this spot and freeze to dead. Just take care of it right away. His body was already about to give up, so why wouldn't he? Why suffer any longer, huh? He had always been in control, so if he was sure to die soon, he wanted to have a hand in it himself.

Zion slumped down against the wall of some grey building, into the snow. He could feel the cold cut right through his clothes and skin and freeze his bones, but he didn't care. For the first time in ages, he allowed himself to think about his parents. He didn't know where those thoughts came from, but he let them be. His parents. How they used to be. How his father played basketball with him and helped him with his homework. How his mother kissed him goodnight when he was little and took care of him when he was sick. How she made sandwiches with crunchy peanut-butter and banana. Her special sandwiches; Zion had loved them. His younger brothers and sisters had loved them too, only because they adored everything he liked. They followed in his footsteps, little shadows of himself, copying his moves and idolizing him as if he were a moviestar, worshipping him as if he were a god. Zion thought about how they lived together, in their house in the suburbs. He thought about his friends and school, his old life. How he grew repulsively attached to it all, and when it crashed in front of hhis very eyes, when the Virus came and ruined it all… It was nearly too much for him to bear. He had made a promise to himself: never to grow so attached to anything or anybody again, to stand alone, to always be ready for that point in history when things would go horribly wrong… But then Iz had came into his life, and he just couldn't help but losing that sharp edge. Now he was back to that feeling… knowing things were broken beyond repair and that no matter how hard you tried, it would never be right again.

"Hey, you!" A clear voice like a silver bell cut through the cold air. 

Zion looked up. Just leave me alone. He squinted a little when he discovered a silhouette in the slowly falling snow. A fresh, pale face with high cheekbones, of which two almond-shaped, grayish-green eyes were the gaze-catchers. A long, elegant, pale neck. Long, slightly curly, brown-blonde hair that fell down over a fur-trimmed, leather waistcoat.

Zion bit his lip. He had seen that person before! He had a feeling that resembled a déjà vu, yet different… and stronger. He knew that girl, he was sure of it. If she would only come closer, so he could see her face clearer.. Then surely he could find a connection in his mind, a memory to match the face.

"I _know_ you,"he said in a soft voice. The person he was faced with, frowned a little, in a way that made Zion smile. She was still as cute as ever, but prettier and more mature now, and… But when had he last seen her, who was she, why did he feel such a strong affection for her?

"I… don't know you, I think. I was just going to tell you, you shouldn't sit in the snow like that, or you will freeze. It's gonna be one cold winter –it already is. Are you homeless? If you stay out any longer, you might die,"the girl said.

Zion snorted, ignoring the fact that he seemed to know this girl only to say: "I am dead already."

She frowned once more, and Zion's affection grew stronger. The way she twisted her eyebrows, the way her nose wrinkled, was so familiar it made his heart sink. Why couldn't he come up with her name?

"Well… I didn't know the dead could talk. Unless you're some sort of vampire. You do look pale enough to be one,"she joked. "I'm serious though. It's dangerous to be outside with this kind of weather.  You already look horrible…  Come on, you should come with me. I'm staying at a pretty nice place; well isolated, plenty of food. You can stay for the night and have a hot meal there. I'm the co-leader of my tribe, so they'll let you in if I tell them to."

She looked like a pretty powerful young woman. About fifteen years old. There was cleverness and wit in those grey-green eyes, those eyes that he had seen before. They were etched in his memory, in that place where the history of bliss was kept. She had been a great part of his life, the life he once had. No… Could it really be? She had changed so much…

"Delia,"Zion whispered the name of his younger sister.

She gasped a little in shock, and Zion's face warmed. It was her. He knew it for sure.

"H-how do you know my name?"she asked. She obviously didn't recognize him. He couldn't blame her, it had been three years since they had last seen each other. He had left her as a little kid, now he was looking at a young woman. She had changed a lot since then, but then again, so had he. No wonder she didn't know who he was.

"Don't you recognize me, Dee? It's me, your big bro… Zion,"he said. Although he had thought he would never be able to smile again, a grin slowly unfolded on his face as he saw her reaction. It had always been beautiful to watch the great change in Delia's expression when she was truly amazed. Her eyes would grow wide and sparkle, her mouth would open slightly. And this time, tears started to well up up in the corners of those grey-green eyes as well.

"Zion…? It's… But how?" She obviously wasn't able to decide what to say, so she just jumped on him, hugging him so tight he could hear the crunching of his ribs. "Zion, I can't believe it, I can't believe it, I haven't seen you for such a long time, I thought you were dead!"she spoke, words jumbling into each other. Zion winced at those last words.

"Oh, I can't believe it. You sure changed a lot. Hm, you don't look good. You're a lot… paler and thinner than you used to be. Have you been sick lately?"she asked in all innocence. Zion looked away at first, nearly scared by Delia's enthusiasm, and he could feel her gaze on him, heavy. Then he looked up again, starting right into her eyes. "I have a lot to tell you,"he said slowly.

She nodded. "I have a lot to tell you too. But we can't do that here. Come on, get up, I'll take you to my tribe. We've got a lot of catching up to do."

Dart grumbled a little while drying the wet plates and utensils Raja handed to him. This was stupid. He hated household-jobs. He wasn't meant for it, he was supposed to be fighting, looking out for enemies and wielding his sword… But of course he didn't say any of that. This was hardly the time to complain about such trivial matters.

Raja suddenly stopped washing the dishes, she just stood there frozen, with her hands in the soapy water. She looked ahead with a focused frown, as if she could see something Dart couldn't. She looked rather concerned.

"What's up?" Did he even need to ask?

"I have had this strange feeling all day… that something bad is coming,"Raja said and she shuddered a little. "Well, yeah, me too, and we can all be sure of what it is,"Dart said grimly, his mind on completely different things than Raja's was.

He was undoubtly referring to Zion, and all events after the 'Party of Doom'. Zion had been sort of silent, lost in thought… he was actually doing better than you'd expect from someone that had been told he didn't have a long time left to live. But the news of Zion's coming death had smashed a hole into the union that was the tribe, and his silence had only caused the borders of this hole to rot, fungus to spread, until everything just grew worse and worse.

Zion didn't say a word to the other tribe-members, and they couldn't reach him, not even Iz, that had seemed his other half for the past three months. For unknown reasons –although he didn't seem angry at her for keeping the secret from him for so long- he didn't want her to get too close anymore either. He probably figured there was no use, it would make this thing harder for the both of them. Compared to how intimate Zion and Iz's relation had been in the past, it was like there was a block of ice between them nowadays.

The tribe lived their lives, did their usual things, ate and cleaned the hospital, there were no troubles and there was hardly any complaining, which was a true miracle. But nobody noticed it. The hospital was mostly silent these days. Even Randy didn't do his usual 24-hours-a-day-blabbing-about-stupid-things, which was a true miracle.

Raja slowly looked up and stared deep in his eyes. "Yes, I know. But still, there is something… different about this. It was a dream that I saw. I don't remember much of it, I just saw blood and pain and you were somehow involved. You were in danger, I think,"she said feverishly.

Dart pushed the strands of dark-blonde hair that had managed to escape from the messy bun on her head back. "Raja. It was just a dream,"he said.

Raja merely shrugged his hand away. "You of all people should realize that sometimes, dreams aren't just dreams,"she said, biting her lip.

"Well, of course not, dreams always have a meaning. Our subconscious is trying to tell us something through symbols… tell us that we're working to hard, or that we haven't dealt with our grief properly yet, or that we don't pay enough attention to someone… but I would hardly think that dreams, I don't know, predict the future or something? Is that what you were talking about?"

She bit her lip again and squinted, still not looking at him. "I know it sounds stupid, but I just have a bad feeling. You wouldn't take any unnecessary risks, would you?"

Dart sighed in mock-frustration. "But Raja, I was planning to set myself on fire and paraglide of a tall object today!"he said. She looked at him with a clueless face for a second, then a smile split her face and she stomped him against the chest.

The animals slowly looked up as the pleasantly peaceful night was torn by a roaring sound they hadn't heard for years. The smell of gasoline and burnt rubber was hanging in the air tonight. The roaring sound approached, as the motorcycle came racing over the asphalt road that hadn't been used in years, spewing out blue-grey smoke.

Like a lightning in black, red and silver, it flashed over the road. The biker zig-zagged carelessly from right to left, as if he were drunk. There was a great chance he was, of course. The biker was wearing black jeans, huge black boots, a black shirt, a black leather jacket, and the thick hair of which the tips were gelled into spikes, was also painted black. Why? As the biker would say himself, it matched the colour of his soul.

Blood-red goggles covered his dark eyes. His skin was slightly tanned, and a big grin bared white teeth. He was humming the Death March to himself, while racing through the formerly peaceful landscape. Luck was with him this night; he saw a rabbit cross the road. It was as white as the snow that crowned the trees and its little pink nose went up and down. The biker hated the colour white. And he really hated bunnies.

"I can easily take that one out,"he said. He leaned a little bit to the right, and saw the rabbit frozen in his headlight for a second. Then he felt a hump underneath his wheels, indicating the fact that the formerly three-dimensional animal would now be two-dimensional.

"I fucking hate animals,"he said. He all of the sudden remembered that someone once said talking to yourself is a sign of madness… He grinned, and continued humming the Death March. They were right. Heh, they usually are.

In the far distance the biker saw huge black shapes piled together, reaching the clouds. Shadows of their former selfs, devoid of light. It was strange, seeing the city without the lights that made it seem like a huge, grey Christmas-tree. The biker hadn't been here for about three years. Not since that little incident. While thinking about that, he felt that strange, throbbing feeling in the scar that crossed his cheekbone again. He had been feeling it for years no, reminding him of unfinished business. Reminding him… that there was still something, or rather someone, he had to take care off. And if his sources had been right, he was now closer to doing that than he had ever been.

"I had a dream last night,"he prophesized to himself. "And in that dream I saw myself, standing on top of a mountain. And everyone else how dared climb up to 'share' the mountaintop with me, I threw off. That especially goes for one certain asshole."

The biker grinned to himself once more, reminding the pleasant images his dream had provided him with, throwing people of mountaintops and stuff… seeing them become smaller and smaller as they fell, until they went _splutch!_ at the bottom. Best dream he had in ages. Especially because it ended with him killing someone he was supposed to have killed years ago. He was absolutely positive of the fact that it had been as symbolic, foreshadowing dream. He loved being him so much at the moment.

The black silhouettes drew closer, and before he knew it, he was surrounded by them, those tall buildings he remembered from his childhood. _Memories_… He sighed and came to a stop with his bike. People had been looking at him in absolute awe, which he enjoyed of course.

He got of his bike and a small fire lit up in the night. He brought his Zippo-lighter to the cigarette, and inhaled. He let the smoke escape slowly again, trying to form little circles of it, something he once again didn't fully succeed at. Fuck it, he thought, shrugging his shoulders

He looked around, seeing people stare at him. Most looked uncertain, scared, amazed… He liked that look in their eyes. The fear, the insecurity. "Oh yeah, boys and girls, The Big Bad Wolf is back in town, and ready for the kill,"the biker also known as Hexus said. "But first… I'm a get something to drink.

"So…,"Delia said in the kind, laid-back voice that was so familiar to Zion, while she handed him some hot chocolate.

"So…,"Zion imitated Delia's voice, while looking around the place that Delia's tribe had made into their home. It was a big, three-story house in the quieter part of town, and something told Zion it used to be a small children's home once. He seemed to recognize the place. It was spacious, well-isolated, and decorated nicely, in short: a perfect living-space for a smaller tribe, like Delia's was. At this moment, they were sitting in the living-room, decorated in vibrant colours that made you think of those days at the beginning of the summer, when you seemed to drown in that golden light and every colour in nature turned a shade brighter. When strong, sweet scents were hanging in the air, you could smell the fresh grass, the rich soil, jasmine and honeysuckle. 

Zion had to admit that this little place looked a lot nicer and cozier than that cold hospital he lived in… Or was it just the atmosphere that had driven all the heat away? Did it used to be a pleasant place to stay? It seemed so long ago, and it hurt his head to try and remember it… tired him. Who cared anyway, it was all over now.

"Are you okay?"Delia asked. Zion noticed she had gotten a more motherly, responsible, caring tone in her face since he went away. She was probably doing a fabulous co-leader.

"Yeah,"Zion said, a bit distant. "Yeah, I'm fine. So, you're co-leader, huh? I knew you would do well. But, this isn't the tribe I left you with. Where is this whole tribe of you anyway; I don't see anybody.

A warm smile slowly appeared on Delia's face, and she started sipping her tea. "You're right, this isn't the tribe you left me with. But I was just a kid when you left me, and like you set out to discover your life, so did I. I felt captivated –not quite at home- and I went looking. That's how I came across this small tribe. They had been left alone the whole time, there was hardly anyone who knew about them. I helped them out. Their leader was very grateful to me, and more…,"she said, and that warm smile that spread across her face again, showed Zion exactly what she meant. He cocked his head to one side a little, trying to imagine his little sister with a… boyfriend.

"What's he like?"he asked.

Delia's eyes went sparkly, indicating the fact that she still had something of a child in her, as she started talking about her guy: "Oh, he's great! I think you would approve of him. He's smart, responsible, funny, well-organized, caring, fair, a great leader. A great romantic too. He always brings me breakfast in bed, with roses. Fake roses of course, but hey, it's the gesture that matters! He treats me like a queen. I don't think I'll ever be able to find another guy who would love me as much… you have no idea how great that makes me feel. His name is Tom. He and some other tribe-members have gone food-foraging. It's not like we have it bad or anything, but the winter's tough. This house has a big garden, and we grow some fruit and vegetables in it in the summer, as much as possible, and every left-over gets conserved for the winter, so we don't die of lack of Vitamin C. But we're running a little low now. There are some other tribe-members at home, just the littlest kids and one of the older girls to take care of them."

"You're not a big tribe, I guess?"Zion stated more than asked.

"Not at all. We're hardly even a tribe, more like a group of friends. You know, we don't even have a name yet." She chuckled a little. "You know, if you're feeling up to it… We can't seem to think of any appropriate name, so maybe you can? You were always so good with names,"Delia said, and her eyes glazed over a little when she spoke out those last words.

"I'm not feeling like thinking up names now, Dee…,"he said, looking at his feet. He was feeling tired all of the sudden, it was like a fuzzy blanket was covering his mind, making it hard for him to focus his eyes or think.

"Oh. Well, okay. So anyway, I've told about what happened to me, how about you? Did you manage to find a tribe? You're not alone, are you? If you are, our tribe could always take you in…,"Delia offered before Zion actually got time to speak.

"No, I have a tribe. They're called the Argonauts."

"See, now that's a nice name. After that myth about Jason and the Argonauts, the travelers in search of The Golden Fleece?"Delia asked.

"Yeah… Yeah, that's it, that's why I compared us to when I named us. We're travelers, looking for our own Golden Fleece. Good to see you remembered something from school, I'm starting to forget the most of it. Well, anyway, our tribe isn't very big either. We live in that hospital a few blocks away; there's plenty of space there. There may in fact be too much space…" What did he mean by that? "We usually travel around nature, but because of the winter we thought it would be better if we would come to city. That means, I thought it would be better if we came to the city. You probably already guessed I'm the leader?"Zion asked.

Delia chuckled. "You always hated being second best to anyone."

"Right. Well, here we are, in the city,"Zion said, with no change in tone or sign of excitement. It was hard for Delia to make up her mind; she could feel immense tension, sensitive as she was, and felt like Zion regretted his decision… but she wasn't sure. She wasn't really sure about her brother anymore tout court. He seemed like a whole different person. Now of course they hadn't seen each other for a few years… but the change, in both appearance and personality was so grave, nearly bizarre, and definitely not for the better.

"So, whatever happened to that Goth-kid you used to hang out with… Jax?"Delia asked, deciding to change the subject quickly.

"He went with me when I left the city. We both joined the Argonaut-tribe."

"Oh. S' he doing okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. I haven't really talked much to him lately, well… I haven't talked a lot to anyone lately. But, er, he has finally found the right one, or so he says."

"Yeah? Is it a nice girl?"

"Boy."

"A boy, really? Never knew that he was into that."

The conversation just didn't get on a roll properly, which made Delia shiver, sensitive as she was. There had never been anybody who could have a better conversation with than her big brother. This person sitting in her living-room… was like a total stranger.

"Well, whatever floats your boat; as long as he's happy. So er, what about you, do you have a special someone?"Delia asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence. A strange sensation, silences between the two of them had never been uncomfortable. It just meant they were both thinking about something. Now it just felt different, like everything did.

"Someone, yeah. She's pregnant,"Zion said, his face not clearing up.

"Well, that's er, that's good, right? I'm sure you'll make an excellent dad,"she said.

He chuckled in a way that made her shiver. "No I won't,"he said. "I won't make any kind of dad. I probably won't even get to see the kid. By then I'll probably be dead already."

Jax lay against Trojan, comfortable and warm despite of the cold night outside. Trojan was dozing off, Jax could feel it by the way his chest moved slowly and rhythmically. He himself was not able to sleep though. Dark eyes stared up at the ceiling, that the night had coloured un unpleasant shade of grey, which was even worse than the white. Jax's eyes followed the myriads of small cracks over it, like vines from some sort of shadow-plant, growing and growing… until he was nearly hypnotized by it.

That ceiling could fall down right now, his mind calmly stated. 'True,'Jax admitted, talking to his mind as if it were a whole different person. A person for him alone to see or hear. 'Yes, it could.' Jax didn't feel scared, he was strangely calm… Which made him feel like he should be scared even more, but he didn't feel a thing. No logical things. It was like he was slowly falling into dark-grey quicksand… Very slowly, to the tones of a lullaby… Jax quickly huddled up against Trojan, curled up like a baby, and put his hands against his head.

He didn't like that feeling. He didn't. Rather just be scared, sad, or angry, but not that strange feeling, that numb, grey swamp. Just don't think about anything, just try to fall asleep. Just don't think about anything…

But once again, he couldn't help not to. He kept thinking about his Zion. His carer, who was like a big brother to him. The big brother he never had, and was soon going to die- they all knew that. Jax wondered what it would be like, not having control over your own death, but waiting until it slowly dragged you out of your body, while you were screaming because you didn't want to go, you weren't ready, you were too young…

Jax whimpered and huddled up to Trojan closer, making himself as small as possible. Trojan groaned a little, but continued sleeping. Jax got a vision of himself, that seemed so real yet surreal… soundless and clear… it made him wonder if he was already asleep. He saw a younger version of himself at a birthday-party, and Zion was there too, his face hardly anything more but a skull, dead eyes and a macabre grin, with pieces of rotting skin hanging from it… fungus growing in what was left of his hair.

Suddenly, the door was thrown open and Jax sat up with a gasp. Trojan awoke right away, jumping out of bed and looking around in panic. Where's the fire?

What appeared in the door-opening was Iz's silhouette. Slender except for the bump at the bottom of her belly, home to that little creature that would now start to grow rapidly and take up more and more space. That little creature that would probably never get to see his or her dad. "Geez Iz, way to give a guy a heart-attack,"Trojan said slightly annoyed, but he quickly fell silent when he saw Iz's expression.

"Has anyone of you seen Zion?"she asked. The both of them hadn't, not since he had gone out on that walk of him. The problem was, no one else did either. Zion hadn't come back from his walk at all.

The biker dressed in darkness, or Hexus as no one was allowed to call him, had finally managed to spot a bar. Desperate for a drink, he just walked in, assuming this would be the only bar he would manage to find tonight. He stopped whistling the minute he had walked in and thought: 'Oh Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, what am I doing here? I wish I never walked into this shithole. I've seen a lot of shitty bars, but this must be the shittiest bar in the history of shitty bars.'

His face twisted in displeasure, he looked around the dank, dark building, that wasn't much more than a shed, only lit by a few candles which' grey-blue, disease-causing smoke whirled slowly just underneath the roof of the shed. A few round tables were spread across this room, with a vast layer of dust (with some strange-coloured liquids blended in to it) on them. And one wall was decorated with the face of none other then… Robert deNiro.

Behind the counter there were two people, a guy with a fat face and Bambi-eyes, strange curly hair coming out of his ears, and big sweat-stains under his armpits. And there was a girl with lank, brown-blonde hair, completely clad in black leather and cut-up remains of a netter pantyhose. She would've been moderately pretty if it hadn't been for the uninterested scowl she was wearing. This interesting pair was serving drinks in dirty glasses to the repulsive mass of unhappy, inbred-proletarians that were hanging around in this friendly-looking place.

Hexus sighed, once again realizing how much he hated it here… Oh well, it was better than nothing and as long as he would get some damn alcohol into his system, it was all good.

Hexus tried to make his way into the bar, even though it took at least 40% of the good mood he had gotten in when he drove over a white bunny, but he was quickly pushed back by a tall man. This guy was slightly shorter than Hexus (but then again, Hexus was pretty tall, so this didn't mean much), but he was more impressive in terms of broadness. He had thrown a long leather coat of his steroid-muscles and wore shades. He was obviously the bouncer of this club. Hexus sighed at the mere look of this guy. Who was _he_ trying to impersonate?

"Sorry, man. Nothing to trade equals no entry,"the bouncer said.

Hexus sighed once again, annoyed at this small obstacle that blocked the path to the bliss and full numbing of lots and lots of alcohol. "But I hate trading,"Hexus said. "Okay, so really I don't have anything to trade, but I really need my drink, so I say we skip the trading-part, 'kay?"

"Okay, haha, that's a good one… Seriously though, nothing's for free,"the bouncer said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "And if you got nothing of value on you, then I really don't see the point of letting you in."

Hexus just chuckled, slowly and aggravated. It would've send chills down everyone's spine, and the unfortunate man who had taken on the job of throwing shady characters out of the bar, realized what he was in for too late. He just saw a silver flash, and within a second, the pointy end of Hexus' sword was against the vulnerable skin of his throat.

"Yes, but we're talking about everyone else here… And I'm not _everyone else_, I'm better than _everyone else_. So, once again, I say we skip the trading-part… if it's all the same to you?"Hexus said in a mock-friendly voice, turning his blade a little. A dot of crimson welled up against pale flesh.

The bouncer shivered and staggered back, away from the sharp edge of the blade. "Like I said, Sir… Welcome to our bar,"he said in a slightly shaky voice.

"Thank you!"Hexus said with the cheery voice of a gameshow-hostess and a huge smile on his face, and he made his way into the bar, leaving the bouncer stunned and rubbing his throat. Hexus slumped down on a barstool, next to a young, shabby-looking guy with a bit of a fat-belt around the waist and a baseball-cap on his chin-length, ash-brown hair. This fine example of the male species was nourishing a beer and kept throwing admiring glances in the direction of the barmaid with the taste in SM-clothing.

"Hey man, how's it going?"Hexus said to the guy. "What are you called?"

The young man slowly turned his head in Hexus' direction and looked at him with very mild interest. "Michael,"he said, then went on eying the barmaid.

"Right on. So er… check this. A gerbil walks into a bar and says: 'My boss is an asshole.' Get it; asshooole… Gerb-oool…? Heh, whatever. I'm used to being the only one with a sense of humour,"Hexus said and rested his head on his chin. 

He had made the head of every female turn the minute he had walked in, and right now, one was walking over to him. She had very blonde hair and was wearing an outfit that was so pink it hurt the eyes. She leaned against him and asked: "Hey baby, you wanna have a drink with me?"

Hexus looked her up and down before saying: "Sorry, no can do I'm afraid. I've suddenly become liquid-intolerant, I'm married, I'm infected with seven unknown diseases and I'm clinically dead."

The girl looked at him with an indignant scowl. "'Sorry, no' would've been enough…,"she said, gritting her teeth. Hexus swopped her out of the way and mumbled to himself: "Where have all the girls that aren't hideously deformed gone?" 

Hexus watched the two barkeeps pour drinks for a little longer, but eventually told himself that it was taking too long (patience had never been one of his virtues), so he clicked his fingers.

Amazingly, one of the barkeeps, the male with the sweat-stains and Bambi-eyes, responded to it. "Is there anything I can help you with?"he asked Hexus, in a surprisingly friendly fashion.

"Yeah, I desperately need a beer and make it quick,"Hexus said, rubbing his throbbing temples. The barkeeper turned around to get the drink, but then froze, and slowly turned back to face Hexus again. "Say… your face looks quite familiar. Don't I know you or something? Are you some sort of… celebrity?"he asked.

Hexus' look said: "What the hell are you talking about?" Which made quite a difference with the words his mouth brought forth: "Leave me alone, you potential homosexual. I'm in pain, and the only thing that'll help is alcohol. You're a barkeeper; your only job is to provide people with a glass with something in it, not to bother your customers with annoying questions about whether they're celebrities or not,"Hexus snarled.

For the first time, the barkeep looked a little less friendly. "You are being extremely inpolite, sir,"he said, in a civilized manner that didn't seem to fit this bar at all.

"Well of course! Or do you think I'm the kind of person that can stay polite in an environment like this?"Hexus asked.

"What's wrong with this environment?"the barkeep said, pouting.

"Er, do you need a list? If it hadn't been for the fact that I desperately needed alcohol, I wouldn't have even thought twice about stepping into this crudhole,"Hexus said coolly.

The male barkeep looked at him in shock, tears nearly welling up in the corners of his big, brown eyes. Then he ran off through a door in back of the bar. The girl in leather and net looked after the sensitive barkeeper, only slightly interested, then shrugged her shoulders and continued with her job.

"That guy is not meant for this business,"Hexus said to his fellow-drinker, Michael with the baseball-cap. The latter didn't listen though, he was still too occupied with looking at the barmaid.

"Hey, over here, barmädchen! Yeah, you, baby. Would you be so kind as to transport your sexy self to this place and give me a beer; that would be really kind,"Hexus said, smiling at her. The barmaid turned her head. Normally she wouldn't have tolerated talk like that from the uncivilized man-folk in this bar, and she was about to give him an ear-full, until she noticed Hexus' impressive dark looks, and muscular arms and torso underneath that biker-jacket… She got him a beer and actually granted him a smile while handing it over, offering him a look down her low cleavage.

"Ahh, thanks, sweety,"Hexus said, and he watched her behind move attractively in her tight, leather skirt as she walked over to another customer. Hexus ripped his gaze loose of his body (while imagining what it would be like to have her in bed) and found himself faced with the jealous look of Michael.  

"Very kind indeed; you're not as big a bitch as this guy here says you are,"he called after her, just for good fun. He turned to his fellow-drinker with a playful chuckle. "I know you didn't really call her a bitch, I just though it would be funny. Hehe."

Hexus raised his bottle and brought it to his dry mouth, but Michael slapped it out of his hand without a word. Hexus watched the bottle smash against the floor and the liquid seep into the cracks between the dirty tiles. He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Well, howdy-do…! Barmaid, I do believe my fat friend over here has graciously agreed to pick up the tab for this evening. I'll have some absinthe,"he said. He smiled as the glass was slid over the bar in his direction, and said to his newfound 'friend': "It's gonna cost you, pal. I can really pack 'em away. Get it, pack 'em away…? That's another joke, you know… Heh, stupid fucker." He chased the drink down his throat in one go. "Alright, barkeep, keep 'em coming, this guy over here is buying."

Michael slowly turned his head to face him. "Did you just call me a stupid fucker?"he asked in a dangerous tone. Hexus looked at him, feigned amazement written all over his face. He grabbed the glass of absinthe that was slid in his direction and downed it all before answering.

"Heavens no! Dumb-ass… I would never taint such a wonderful relationship by casting aspersions using profanities; hell no! Shithead,"Hexus mumbled to himself.

"You know, I may not have a really high IQ…,"Michael said in a threatening, low voice.

"I'd say somewhere around 65, yup,"Hexus said.

"But I do believe I know when someone is making fun of me!"Michael growled, putting up a clenched fist.

Hexus was unimpressed. "You know, I don't know what crawled up your ass and died… I know it wasn't me, coz I'm sitting here, get it? Get it, I'm sitting here! Hehe… Oh, I crack myself up. Come on, barkeep, keep 'em coming!" 

Michael was beginning to lose his patience and replied in a crude fashion: "Eat shit and die, you bastard."

"Hey, that one wasn't funny, you know, a lot of my people went that way!"Hexus said, wearing a scowl that meant thunderstorm. 

Poor Michael was more confused than ever; "People?"

"If you weren't buying my drinks, I'd be kicking your ass right now!"Hexus said, jumping up from his barstool, his eyes spitting fire. Michael looked at him amazed, and didn't know anything else to say then: "Er… I didn't mean it…"

"Ah, just shut up and drink, ya fffffat retarded racist. Just leave me alone, just leave me alone, you jerk!"Hexus cried out.

"What is your goddamn problem?!"Michael yelled, afraid he would go clinically insane if he'd have to sit next to this weirdo any longer.

"You don't know how shitty it is being me! Every time I turn around, there's another asshole, that's what it's like. I love you man, can't you see that, I love you!"Hexus spoke out loud, covering his face with his hands. Michael leaned back a little, eyes wide. "You're just a sissy,"he said.

Hexus suddenly let his hands fall down his side and his eyes became cold. He slowly turned to Michael, his features frozen. "Oh, is that right? Well, that's right, but this sissy could still kick your ass with ease,"Hexus spoke calmly. Figuring it was time to stir things up in this dusty shed a little, he pulled his sword out in a flash of a second and saw Michael's eyes bulge. Blood dripped onto the filthy floor, blending with it, forming a completely new matter. Hexus pulled his sword back, the silver covered with scarlet. He grinned. It made him so… ecstatic seeing that. That glow of blood on metal was very beautiful, even from an estethic point of view.

Michael gasped and held his hands through his impaled stomach, the thick liquid of life dripping through. He would never drink another beer. With a satisfied grin, Hexus pushed him off his barstool, so that he bumped into the guy next to him, who had been oblivious to this whole scene.

"Whoa!"the other man said when being hit by Michael, and hit the drinker next to him, slamming the man's shot of tequila onto the floor. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "But I didn't do anything, it was-" "You idiot, you spilled my drink, and I have nothing else to trade! You're paying a new one for me!" "What? No way! I said it wasn't my fault!" "You're paying or else…" "Or else what?"

Hexus nourished his drink in peace, while a full-blown fight broke out between the two men. They bumped into other tables, and it was less than a minute later before everyone present in the bar was involved in the fight, punching and kicking each other for no clear reason, bottles being smashed against the walls, more blood being spilled on the dirty floor. The barmaid screamed while she was carried through the bar.

Hexux just looked ahead and poured himself a new drink. He was the only one in the bar still sitting on his chair. Dull, moist thuds were heard when a fist or foot came in contact with a frail body-part, the high rinkling noise of breaking glasses echoed through the shed, the barmaid was still screaming, and so was everyone else in the bar. Hexus was enjoying a free concert.

His mood changed when someone bumped into him. The boy was half-unconscious and was obviously missing a tooth or two, because blood was dripping through between his lips. "Hmmr,"Hexus mumbled, pushing the boy back into the fighting mob again. He saw that some of the kid's blood had dripped onto his jacket and he wiped it off with an annoyed sigh.

He wanted to down the contains of the glass he had just poured himself, when he noticed something horrible. A red liquid, floating on the alcoholic substance. There was blood in his drink. There was _blood_ in _his_ drink. Hexus' eyes shot fire, his eyebrows lowered dangerously and he grit his teeth. He smashed the ruined drink against the wall, drew his sword, and walked onto the fighting mob with big, determined steps.

It took him less than five minutes to turn the bar into a violence-free zone again. Pissed off because of the loss of his drink, he hacked around, not caring who or what he would hit, and left the bar with thick, dark blood dripping of the walls, and people laying on the ground, battered, bloodied and moaning in pain, or battered, bloodied and not making any noise.

Hexus was ready to leave this bar now. Though he paused in the door-opening, turning his head slightly to look at the bloody scene he had caused, something that would've been stomach-turning for anyone but him. "Duh, people… I fucking hate people. This shit-hole would be so much more tolerable in everyone were dead… So what am I standing here, wasting time for?!" And with those words, he left, leaving a path of destruction as he always did.

He liked it. No, correct that. He loved it. He loved to see the blood spill. That beautiful colour, the way it could drip down slowly, or just squirt out of a wound as if you had just struck oil. That vividness, the way it shined. The perfect thickness. The way your skin looked younger if you dipped it in this very essence of life. And, impossibly red.   
He had to see it. He tried it with himself. He tried it with animals, yes, but it was different. It couldn't give you that same sublime feeling... of seeing the blood of another human being flow. It was like it heightened all of your senses, for a short moment it rocked your world, your heart would beat in your chest like crazy, like you were in love for the first time. And in a way, that was true. You would lick your lips, you could _nearly taste_ the delight. Really. He did taste it sometimes. Bittersweet. It represented this entire life perfectly in its simple, yet brilliant construction of matter.   
He would love to bath in blood some day. Isn't that what Elizabeth Bathory did? Killed a bunch of young girls, then bathed in their blood, as to stay young forever. Now that would be something; for him it would be centuries of fucking, partying and killing –joy! He already knew he would never get bored with that. Just like he didn't get bored with the blood. Yeah, he knew what some people thought of him, but they were wrong, because really, he hated vampires. He thought them to be the least scary, the sissies of the monster-realm. Fuck, even witches outdid them. No seriously, witches were scary... his ex was one. So, he tied her to a tree and burned her. Hehe.   
He didn't see what this had to do with anything. But his mind would tumble into strange thoughts like this all the time. It was never quiet or peaceful in his head, there was always a swarm of little busy bees buzzing about. Quite annoying at times, because he didn't always like bees. Sort of depended on the season.   
He imagined a lot. Because he liked that. He would like to create his own world someday, and in that world, he would be God. He would do a fuck of a lot better than the God of this world. Because, come on, hadn't anybody else ever considered the possibility that the other gods said about 'our God': "Aw, let's just give him this tiny planet called Earth, it's in the middle of nowhere and mostly water anyway, how much damage can he cause?"   
He could do it. No, not God, he himself. Just move up, higher and higher, and throw God off His throne, letting Him land somewhere in Kazachstan or another crappy country. Would suit Him right. And he, Hexus, would take over God's place, and make sure the low-lives down there would never forget to worship him. Yeah. It was all possible. In his world it was. And it was getting increasingly hard to separate his world from this one. Which one was this one again? They were both vivid enough to be 'real.' He just came to the conclusion that in that case, maybe it didn't matter, and both worlds were one. Yeah. He would be the ruler of both worlds, and everyone would listen to him. That's what people do in a world that belongs to you, a world you created, right? The people would listen to him. He was their ruler. Their Lord Hexus. Heh... had a nice ring to it.   
  
_I would die for you, I would die for you   
I've been dying just to feel you by my side   
To know you're mine_   
My life is mine to give. I'd give it for you. Only for you. It's different now. I never used to attach any value to life, as it was. It was all numb and dull to me, ten shades of grey. One of those movies in which it was always raining. Not the clear and refreshing rain, but the cold, dull, drizzly rain. It's different... with you. I haven't found anything yet, capable of explaining what you are. It doesn't matter.   
_I will cry for you, I will cry for you   
I will wash away your pain with all my tears   
And drown your fears   
I will pray for you, I will pray for you   
I will sell my soul for something pure and true   
Someone like you_   
I lost my soul. But do I even know what it is, what that means. Maybe you had it all along, like one of those forest-creatures in the old legends, and the closer I got you, the more I gathered back of it. Sounds strange... yet logical. Everything strange sounds logical, coincidence makes sense, only with you. Look at how you're laying there... On the bed, bathing in the early sunlight, your face turned to me, soft, your eyes closed, hair draped over face and bed. I'd go as far as saying angelic... should I risk that?   
_See your face every place that I walk in   
Hear your voice every time that I'm talking   
You will believe me, and I will never be ignored   
I will burn for you, feel pain for you   
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart   
And tear it apart   
I would lie for you, beg and steal for you   
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see   
You're just like me_   
Everything. Everything. That would be my promise to you: everything. Or at least one good thing. Could that be the same? You would make it logical. We'll someday just get out of this shit-hole, and I'll take you... well, I don't know where exactly, but I'll make it a far better place. Everything seems strangely lost these days... but I don't think that will last. I got you, don't I? Raja. It means Hope, doesn't it?   
Dart kept caressing Raja's face and the loose, silky strands of her hair, until she slowly opened her eyes with a smile. Awaken, Angel of Light. He was going to say good morning to her, but she was first: "Marry me."   
It was early. Dart needed to process this. "Aren't I supposed to ask that...?"   
Raja sat up in bed now, fully awake. "Aw, that's crap. Marry me. I want you to marry me; please don't make me take 'no' for an answer?"she said, strangely enthusiastic, then pouted in that way only she knew how. Dart blinked owlishly. Was she... serious? Or was this one of her jokes? Either way... why so early in the morning?   
"Erm, not that I don't want to, but how would we... organize something like that... here?"he asked her. That was the only thing he could come up with. She smiled at him and come closer, leaning against him in all her softness as a kitten. "This isn't the time or the place... is probably what you're thinking,"she whispered.   
"Er, no. Actually, what I was thinking was... I don't... really know what I'm thinking. My brains, this morning, I guess... are arriving or work a little late. Erm, let me rerun facts, you want us, you and me, to get married?"he asked her.   
She looked disappointed like a child, biting her lip.   
"Once again, n-not like I don't want to! I just don't see... Who will do that ceremony, and where could we get... and how... and... a-nd that's the most unusual wedding-proposal I ever heard, I must say. I mean, not that I heard any others. Well, maybe on tv, in the old days, but I don't remember the old days, so I wouldn't know exactly,"Dart muttered. He slapped himself mentally; in the past five minutes he had said more stupid things than he did in all his life... or at least, the last three years of his life that he actually remembered.   
"Aw, that doesn't matter! I mean, we could do this any way we want. We could have it her, and have, well, anyone lead the ceremony. It doesn't matter, we can have a wedding in any way we want these days. Hehe, you should see your face right now. No, actually, I am serious. I didn't mean to startle you this early in the morning... but well, that's me. I thought that's part of why you liked me?"smiling smugly and immaturely in a way that was so unlike herself, it was just funny.   
"Y-yeah. I like you. A lot." Stupid comments-galore this morning... She asked to get married. Heh. That... was something new. Okay, process it slowly now. Calm, asshole. Raja wants us to get married. Married. Married. Goddamn you, brain, why won't you work with me today?! Okay, so, married? That's fast, we've only known each other for two years, and only 15% of that did we spent as a couple, more or less. Is that taking into account the, ya know, casual sex? And... and... and...   
He looked at her. How she sat there on the bed, her small elegant hands folded on her crossed legs. Her hair draped over her cornflower-blue pyjama with kitty-print. Her small bare feet, of which she always wiggled the toes as soon as she started to get cold. Her smile. Her unchangeably sweet golden eyes. How warm and serene her face looked in the morning-light.   
He smiled back at her.   
  
In the building opposite of the hospital, on the other side of the asphalt border, an incoherent humming was heard. The sound seemed to echo on forever in the empty, trashed building. Many of its windows were broken and there was graffiti over all the walls. The kids made an effort of breaking absolutely everything here. For a reason. Even in these times, there was only one building that would get trashed this badly: the police-station.   
He would've never even thought of stepping into a place like this... if it hadn't have had such an excellent view on the hospital. Finding him hadn't been too hard. You'd remember someone like that walking by. He just asked all around the city for a while, after his party in the bar He didn't even have to torture a single person for answers. Kind of a pity, actually.   
The last one he had questioned, was this little girl. He had found her adorable. And wondered what it would be like to see the look in those doe-eyes when she would die. The girl was chalking all over a wall, repulsively cute and colourful. He just had to ask, and she had answered. Yeah, a few months ago that guy had came to their place quite frequently, asking about some woman that got lost. The little girl said her tribe had lost someone too, so they had worked together to find them. His name was Dart, the girl had said. Bingo, it was clear then. She told about the hospital, on which street it could be found, even pointed the right direction out to him. Kids were easily fooled. All he had to do was say he was a friend of Dart's. Yeah, in a way that was true...   
And now Hexus was here, at the police-station. Standing at a broken window, binoculars extending the range of his dark eyes. He could look right into that room on the first floor; the curtains were open and the windows were clear. Had to be a cleaning-freak there. Hexus figured who when he saw Dart wasn't laying in his bed alone. Heavens, no. Yup, it was actually true, there was a girl with him. And what a pretty little thing she was. And what passionate glances they exchanged. Hey, she was about to take off her tank-top...!   
But then, a little boy entered the room, along with a big, drooling dog. Both pests jumped on the bed, making the girl pull her top straight again. Hexus hated kids. He hated animals. He also hated unreliable women, but that was a whole different story. Everybody in that room was now laughing soundlessly, even Dart, though it was obviously hard for him to remove his custom scowl. Hexus quickly lowered the binoculars, before he was going to throw up.   
He ticked against the remains of the shattered window with a long, thin finger. He looked over to the hospital again. The girl... the kid... the dog. The three years that had passed, not to mention. Hexus let a finger run over the scar on his face. Three years, sure, but _he_ still remembered perfectly. "Well well well,"he muttered, "isn't this nice?" He twisted his thumb and index-finger in the form of a gun and pointed at the hospital. "... Bang."   
  
Iz lay alone. For seventeen years... she had felt alone, even when surrounded by people. But she had grown used to it, maybe even started to appreciate it in the end. But this loneliness wasn't the same numb one as before. This one was sub-antarctically cold, stinging, reaching into the bottoms of her very soul. It turned everything into ice there.   
He hadn't come home. He left and he hadn't come back. Not yesterday. Not tonight. And not this morning either. Morning...? Yes, Iz noted when she looked out of the window, the sun was already starting to come up. It was so obvious now. Where could he have gone on a cold winter-night, in a city filled with enemies? Where would he want to go in the first place? Iz was entirely certain of the fact he wouldn't come back. And not without reason.   
After those weeks of icy silence, her bending to his every whim... he preferred the streets over her company after all. He walked out on her and their baby. Hadn't told her where he was going. He obviously didn't owe that to her. Iz had to think hard. After all this, where they still connected? She thought she could feel something, on her part. She _thought_. She had felt nothing from him. Not anymore. Did he hate her? She was sure she could've felt it at times, when she pretended to sleep and he was awake- most likely he had been awake all night. Did he hate her because she got to live, because she wasn't in pain, and that didn't go for him? Because she was pregnant with his child, a child he might not get to see? Did he actually think she did it to upset him? Maybe he just wanted to be left alone, maybe he didn't want anybody because no one would understand anyway. Maybe all of those things.   
The change was clear. Iz had put up with it, and cared for him. He had been scared and sad, and that was the cause of everything. But now, Iz was alone. Most likely, she would stay alone for a long time, because who could compare to him? To... the way he used to be at least. The way he was; it sounded like such a strange way of saying something. How he was before he knew he was sick, and how he became after the night Iz told him, during that dreadful party. They were two different Zions. She had to say this to herself. Because that cold person that obviously hated her, wasn't the Zion she knew. She couldn't stand the cold. It made her freeze over as well, shriveling her emotionally. Her family was made of ice, but with Zion she thought she could... She had been wrong. She should've known that from the start. It's always wrong to be too nice, to allow yourself to get close to someone. Always. The old Iz would've known that. Maybe it was time for the new Iz to realize it again.   
  
Raja and Dart had made their way into the cafe, where the whole tribe, minus Iz and Zion, had already been gathered. Kera had made breakfast. Bread she had made herself, and hot chocolate with marshmallow's... did that even fit with breakfast? Oh well, who cared, as long as it helped against the chilly draft. Raja and Dart were now sitting down at the table, and Raja had held a speech –the only way to describe it- of nearly five minutes (and it looked like she hadn't taken any breaths between the words, because she was about to collapse when she finished... though that could've been the emotion), and they were greeted by cheers and smiles, Randy's being the broadest.   
"Aw, sweet! You're really serious? No joking? Ghiiiii... I love a good wedding! It just makes me want to... throw rice! Though I've always wondered; if we throw rice at weddings, would the Asians throw hamburgers?"Randy asked.   
His question was greeted by silence. Justine groaned.   
"You know... even considering everything I ever heard from you... that is the most retarded question ever,"Dart stated.   
"No, it's not. Hey, you know, I could've been married by now as well. To Hilde,"Randy said.   
"Who's Hilde?"Raja asked out of pure curiosity. She shouldn't have.   
"The girl that would've been my girlfriend, if she'd just given me one more chance. But she failed to see that I didn't squash her cat on purpose,"Randy said with a dreamy look in his face. Justine elbowed him. "Who's this Hilde-girl? You never told me about her! Did she look any better than me? You haven't done anything improper while fantasizing about her since you met me, have you? Have you?! I can tell by your look, you're fantasizing right now!"Justine growled.   
Randy's gaze returned to normal again, for as far as this were possible. "Chill out, Juzzie, you are me one and only bitch." SLAP. "I mean, girlfriend, my one and only girlfriend! Man, you have hard hands... Ahem. But anyway, a wedding! That calls for a celebration! Raja and Dart are going to get married, will get married, here comes the bride, lalala... This is actually the first time I'll be at a wedding!"   
"Who said we're going to invite you?"Dart mumbled.   
Randy ignored this and continued ranting. "I mean... Ghaaa! Okay Dart, stay calm, stay calm!"he yelled.   
"I already was...,"Dart said in, indeed, a very calm manner.   
"Hey, come on... I mean, it's the first Argonaut-wedding we've had since... Well, the first Argonaut-wedding ever! Be a little enthusiastic here, won't you? I mean, I'm going insane! Isn't anyone else going insane?"   
"I already was,"Jax imitated Dart, shrugging. Trojan chuckled and dropped an arm around Jax's shoulder.   
"Well, I see you are all having a good time." Heads turned at hearing the cold sneer. A silhouette in the door-opening, long flowing dark hair, ice-cold eyes lined with a great, violent amount of black. Black clothes. Iz? The kindness and softness had disappeared from her facial features. It was like someone had gone half a year back into time, and brought the Iz from back then into the present.   
The only thing that made it clear they were dealing with the present, mature, socially improved version, was her belly, that was starting to get rounder every day. Her skimpy outfit, not too fit for wintertime or a mom-to-be, bared this. "Er, hi Iz. Want some bread?"Randy asked her.   
She slowly turned her head in his direction. He had no choice but to look down right away. She didn't glare at him, that wasn't it. In fact, there was nothing in her eyes. Just glaciers in miniature.   
"Even though I'm sure the most normal thing to do in times like this, is to joke around and have weddings, I have an important announcement. Hereby, I'm taking over the leadership of this tribe,"she spoke.   
This provoked a chaos of shocked voice, not one sounding pleasantly surprised.   
"Shut up,"Iz said. She didn't speak very loud, but she didn't have to. It was her tone that sounded dangerous, _truly_ dangerous, and drew attention. Everything about her was surprisingly icy. Now the tribe-members were confused. This didn't seem to be Old Iz or New Iz. This seemed to be a new person. Who?   
"But Zion is the leader... right?"Raja asked, insecure because of the look in Iz's eyes.   
"Zion IS the leader. What are you playing at, Iz?!"Kera asked, infuriated.   
Iz didn't say anything right away, slowly turning her head in the direction of Kera first, staring the other girl down. "Zion said himself that leadership would be passed on to me, if he wasn't around to take care of the tribe anymore. So, when he's gone, I'm the leader. I guess this would officially make me leader for quite some time, as Zion is most likely not coming back. I suspect no one could survive a night like that one the streets,"Iz spoke, looking fairly uninterested in the whole ordeal.   
The tribe was slam-jawed. "How could you say something like that? I mean, he... maybe he didn't come back, but that doesn't mean he's dead! Zion wouldn't be so stupid as to stay out on a winter-night. He would've found shelter somewhere,"Kera said.   
"There was a shelter for him here. Obviously, he grew tired of us. He would've died within a year anyway, so I can be quite sure he wasn't too worried about staying out in the cold. In fact, in his condition...,"Iz shrugged, leaving the rest up to the imagination of the others. "So, that means I am now leader."   
"How could you talk about Zion like that? Why are you doing this, Izza?"Kera asked, her voice gentler this time for some reason.   
"Why? Do you need a reason...?"Iz scoffed. "I mean, I was there for him the whole time, while he was sick. I never walked out on him, did I? I could have. Could've found someone else just as easily, as soon as he started to shut me out and he became a burden. But no, I chose to take care of someone who's slowly turning into a corpse. He only pushed me away for this. He hardly said a word to me, for oooooh... weeks? He didn't even want to fight, even though I was here, even though I'm pregnant. He chose to die on the streets over being with me. Wow, was I getting that annoying? Although it might just be you too..."   
"He's dying! It has to be terribly hard on him; you wouldn't understand. And would you stop talking about him in the past tense? Iz, for the love of God... at least, be humane,"Kera said.   
Iz snapped her head in Kera's direction. "Humane? Oh yes, let's do that, good and fun, it will get us anything our hearts desire. Right? Being humane never made you happy or got you what you want, Kera. And look where it brought me. The old Iz wouldn't have cared. The old Iz would've never allowed herself to get close to someone, be nice, grow on people or whatever... fall in love. The old Iz thought of such concepts as vomit-worthy."   
"The old Iz was a bitch,"Kera mumbled underneath her breath.   
Iz's sharp ears picked up on this, but she wasn't angered. On the contrary. "Thank you, Kera, so nice of you to tell me that,"she said with a slight smile that lacked humour. There wasn't the slightest hint of sarcasm in her voice. "I am your leader now. Zion's dead. Those are the facts. Deal with them,"she said, and without speaking another word, she left the cafe. She never wanted people to see her cry. This time was no different.   
  
He could see her face through the mist. He wanted to reach out to her, but he was just unable to. She seemed in reach of his hands, walking just ahead of him, but every time he tried, she appeared to be a lot further than he had thought. She was crying. He felt an overwhelming sadness he could hardly pour into words, the kind you get when you lose something that's terribly dear to you. And a despair that promised suffering. Not just for himself, but for them. He ran after her, his heart beating in his throat. The sky was a dark bluish grey. Yet it was hot. So terribly hot...   
  
In the real world, Delia watched her brother as he slept and dreamt. About bad things. It was a despicably easy guess. She bit her lip every time she saw his face twist in pain, and heard the name that accompanied this: "Izzy?" She could do nothing but sing and wipe the sweat of his brow. He had gotten terribly sick. He had just been about to leave; he didn't want to get his tribe worried. Ha. It would have to be a fairly careless tribe if they didn't mind one of their ill members just going out on a cold day, alone.   
He had collapsed. At the door-opening. His hand had rested against that door-post, that she had painted Tuscan rouge. Tom and the others of her tribe had returned just about the same time... she had to explain a lot to Tom, but only got to it later, first worrying about Zion. Now she rested against her lover's chest as he stroked her hair. "I don't know,"she said. "He's been like this for quite some time. I don't know if he'll make it."


End file.
